The Nine Understandings
To become built from within using an underpinning that will hold and not collapse under pressure is a daunting task at any point during your life. Let alone during the time of your life that you are attempting "enlightenment". The belief and teachings that I have heard from other people that develops such an understanding and/or structure, (depending on how you think, visually, literally or imaginatively) is a little misleading to me. They always make it sound so easy, however, it takes years of self-sacrifice, deep meditation, spiritual understanding and of course the "Will" to make the choice to achieve such a magnanimous act, to even begin to want to try such a way of thinking (let alone the ability to conceive the concept of the infra-structure itself). I become over-whelmed and I haven't even started.
So, instead of reading all of the stuff out there presently and after reading "Dialogue with Death" a few years back I decided to write my own path, by mapping myself as the origin of my focus.
First move;
I have been practicing every day to not think "I", but rather think "You". I grew-up with people that thought nothing of you and only spoke of themselves. My mother used to read the bible with her congregants and where it said "God", she would stop and tell them to say her name instead. Strange as it is, I guess it would be the workings of a "Malignant Narcissist". Anyway, I thought by putting you first, then it would be a positive, as oppose to a negative action in my life. What I grew-up to understand was sadly very unhappy results. I found that by doing this in your every day life people just take advantage of you and take everything, leaving you empty, void of energy and asking yourself "what is the point of life, if I cannot do good for others?". Well, long story short, I became exactly what I was trained to be I guess, "Narcissistic Energy".
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