I believe my mother and step-father purposely did these terrible things in an effort to cover up how they originally met. It seems that nobody is honest about how my step-father slithered into our lives. Somehow his kids feel that my mother and their father had some romantic affair and met on the up and up. In reality it was very, very different. I was thinking about it today and remembering how repulsed I was when he went from being the babysitter to being my step-father.
They had had a lurid affair behind the back of my father. The congregation was aware that my step-father and mother were spending much to much time together. In fact, they were very much against the divorce, telling me recently that they were against the affair from the start. My step-father moved into my world after my mother had started her church, so it was not a very Christian thing to do with my mother being the Pastor.
I feel as if all of the abuse I suffered at his hands, with the approval of my mother was done so that I could not tell of how they had been sleeping together before my father had even left the house. I remember my step-father, the hired help, he would come into the house and my mother and he would just go up to the master bedroom and fuck all day. It wasn't like this was the first time that this had happened. It did prove to be the last time that it happened. I wonder if he beat me the way he did because I knew the inside story so to speak. I was the only child not in school.
It is so ridiculous because all the money that they have now, came before my step-father was even in the picture. In fact, I remember one of the congregational members said to my mother that her money was meant to go to me and not to his children. This was supposed to have happened because of the trauma I had suffered prior to his appearance in the family. I did not have a very good childhood and she wanted her money to be put towards me to protect me from anything bad happening to me later in my life. It was a very generous thing to have done for me, I was very grateful.
Nothing ever worked out for me, it all was for not in the end. However it is frustrating to know that later in life this persons Will was changed again by my mother and step-father. She was apparently bullied into it when she was older and could not defend herself like I had seen her do as a child.
My life has been so difficult to live. No matter what I do to move on from all of what has happened, my mother and step-father have crippled me with what they have done and continue to do. When is enough, enough with these people. Wouldn't it be sad if they did all of this destruction to me as an adult to cover-up the sex and the money transactions that I witnessed. I mean who would really want the pastors of their church to be adultery's and con artists. Could their paranoia of the truth being told have caused them to wipe out my life five years? Do you think covering up the lurid affair they had while he was meant to have just been the British Nanny would have caused them to destroy me yet again? I was just wondering about all of this today.
It is said that a Malignant Narcissist will go after her adult child's children to further destroy her daughter. It happened to me five years ago. People have done more to cover-up their sorted past, so I guess I am fortunate to be alive. I know that I have been very careful with myself because of all of their threats when I was a child, I still have nightmares of my step-father killing me and my children. Wouldn't it be sad if they planned all of the beatings in a hope that I would just remember a miserable life (the one that the kind person I spoke of was trying to help me out with) and not to remember how they would fuck all day behind the locked bedroom door, giggling while my father was at work and my siblings were at school. Can you imagine what kind of people would ruin a girls life further just to protect their reputation with the public?
I can, I am, the scape goat daughter.
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