Why Do You Fear What Is Different And Near??

Dreams are based in the reality of your emotion.

Real? They are,

when caught up in the midst of the Nightmare.

You fight to Win!

You fight to wake-up!

You die to win your fear back from such horrors in the night.

Or, at least I know, "I do."

What is real? What is not? Sleep or Wake?

The same emotional ladder carries the height of your emotional state.

So; Who's to say? Not I.

Look into the past; The UPANISHADS,

they will bring you light: From the B.C. Era, right?

I say, "Hello" to the Full Moon,

before I lay my head down to sleep.

I ask for my "Secret Love" to hold me tight and not let go.

God forbid, I lost myself in an active dream of fright; Reality!

You really never, "Know."

My plan for this life delivered me a shock.

I thought that my Family would snub their nose, "It is true."

Not delve themselves into my past,

to see what I remembered last.

The "Fear" that they do feed upon,

is so much more than "Lust."

As if they wish to be exposed,

so, they can just scream; Innocence for them.

Why? "They tear my life apart."

Sport? Or, is it doubt?

The worry that I will write all about:

Their whims; Their ways; Their past.

The guilt they wear; My Family that is,

shows up in every day.

I suppose, it's finally good,

to "Tell" the life that's lead this way.

I never told, the Horrors that bore:

A Criminal; Got life!

To be discreet, was not so grand,

I just can't understand.

My Mother, my Step-Father, my Father and Congregants;

least of all the Church.

God the Priest! Anton's reverse,

for Satan seemed to be,

the topic of each Ministry

and threatened me each day.

You are a "Sinner," I did protest,

"possessed you are with them;" they jest.

"Who?" replied with zest.

Spirits, Demons, fill yourself,

they said with hateful eyes.

An exorcism did persist, that's when I realized.

My silence could not be broken,

regardless of how I'm beat.

"I don't speak to idiots, and, idiots you are to me,"

I shouted in my own relief.

Big brother, Ed, he did pass out;

Oldest sister, Tam, just ran.

They were left with only me,

and stared I did at them.

I mustered, "I hailed" Boo, I said.

"She's accepted DEATH," of course, a blurt.

It's where I live, "Don't you," a sin?

"No," they yelped, EXORCISM must stand,

and out the Demons now.

I say not, you missed a lot,

Spirits, I do see.

Praising God, Hallelujahs rang; "Yawning," that was me.

I'm bored to death with YOU.

Ed's passed out and Tam's about,

a mile or so from here.

But, since you ask, I'll tout and blast,

"Spirits, good luck in here."

"I'm preying," I said,

but not for you, "Each Man is for himself."

By the way, I may not stay,

'cause I am just a kid.

Do you Fear? What you See?

Or, what you think you Smell?

If I were you, I'd run so quick, but where to hide, "They'll see!"
and visit you with, "Peek-A-Boo."

Until I grow and speak.

Until that time,
they'll wish the best, for this kid, you know.

Because you've sold, for her, her Soul:
"Divine, it's knot for you."

A strange way to go; "You know!"

Sadly, years have passed and tears
have filled my eyes, until:

I poured with this and I must still resist,
'cause it just seems people say,
"I don't believe you," or/and they'll say, "No Way!" to scream.

"You're making all this Up!!"

"They're worst lives, yet" and I do know,
"Put this all behind you."

I often stare into their minds,
to see what anchors hate.

I've asked,
 "Where is this Life? I'd like to meet."

All they do,
 is to protest,
stand on their feet
 and walk away.

I thought so hard and tried to bar,
that reason was not in this.

It came to me while Bluntie sings,
"Oh Beautiful, fuck this."

I must, I have to understand,
it's in my genes to do.

I'll go crazy, haunting you, if I can't do this,
at least, I try; "I do!"

Human Beings are troubling,
my Life has proved to me.

That understanding can be had, but, not for everything.

So thought I did and ponder, I blinked,
came up with this for me: A First.

I understand that I may not,
frustration builds its plea.

So; What I did, was say so loud,
I shocked myself as well.

"I understand that this, I am, not able to understand at all."

And now I know that my understanding for now:
Is, to understand, that not understanding, is my understanding!

Relief, I felt. A breath, I took.
Anxiety, it did leave.
Just like the impossible is to me,
the possible waiting to be.