When Do You Attain Justice For Being Raped and Suffocated As a Child? Now Sounds Good.

I SCREAM

The Cult!!  The Occult!!

It does not matter,

I was raped and this I hate,

left at night like I was bait.

My Mother did protest,

on this day I said what's best,

Tam danced around the bed as Ed,

stood in the arms and then she said,

"You made this up, it's in your head, you dirty girl"

Do you remember?

Of Course you do, 

why wouldn't you.

Our Mother embracing both of you,

as I stared back, I just felt.....

I stood across that room,

do you recall I did not ball?

I did not fall, just leaned against that fucking wall?

Do you remember how I made you stop,

doing what you said you're not?

You would come into my bed,

Tam just rolled over and turned her head,

and then I finally said,

"I know where the knives are now and I now know, You sleep TOO."

Are you feeling DREAD??

Leaping off I stared at you,

hatred must just eat you through,

as I breath and OUT all you,

no longer can you go that DAY or TWO,

before you mount me once again,

in the basement you'd begin,

 to suffocate me so I would die,

to ensure the secrecy of this Lie.

Do you remember way back then?

Put a hand over my mouth,

pinched my nose, I flung about,

moved your weight, I could not shout,

your Eyes did speak,

my Death you'd shout.

You tried so many times to kill me,

take my breath away from me,

aren't you ill from these memories?

Don't you remember this sin upon me?

all at 815.

I think back to the day I stood,

looked at you and laughed,

"You're stupid, I've been holding my breath, you know, breathing shallowly!"

That's why I live, that's why I survive,

I'd walk upstairs and right on by,

as you would look at me and wonder,

how I came back, it made you thunder.

FUCK-YOU

Do you remember your Anger too?

What could I say, with eyes that way,

psychotic stares had gone that day,

you waited too long to walk away,

just leaving me dead

it's why I fled.

Today I scream to whom shall see,

"LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO ME"

 I don't hate you for that would be,

just to easy I rage you see,

'cause what you did was wrong for me.

Do you remember what you did to Me?

I do.

Do you remember Tam and You?

You almost fucked, I guess it's true,

'cause you both confessed independently.

I wish you had,

albeit bad,

and left me out of what's so sad.

You would come into my room,

climb on top and then assume,

that somehow the sheets made this O.K.,

as you fucked me away. 

I still sway.

Don't worry yourself though,

Mom still supports you and yours,

so as you remember and I forget,

the way you felt inside myself,

I answer, not being stealth,

all of you are so unwell.

*F.Y.I.

I could not figure out how to get my brother to stop what he was doing to me at night. He would appear from nowhere, waking me from a dead sleep. I had no real chance to fight him off.  At least during the day I was awake and could see this nightmare coming at me.  I could run, I could hide, I could fight before they were able to overtake me by sheer numbers.  The only way that I knew or I guess figured out to get the boys to stop raping me, was to either get the thing (their dick) not to work or just to cut it off.  It was the second thing that I had told my brother I would do if he didn't stop attacking me at night.  It was this statement that caused him such horror.  It takes some time to realize but I did, he sleeps too.

I told him that he had a problem and that I was going to take care of it for him, "I'll just cut it off" and then we won't have to worry about it anymore, I never worried again about him, that was The End for him.