I'm Building A Way

I used to fight this 'Given Life,'

but then these Flashbacks hit!!

Reminding me in 'Full-View,'

of what was, in all that's been.

For so long I thought I would not survive,

the Treachery of the time,

so much to suffer through the first time,

and now to re-live it again,

I wonder?

It does seem so unfair,

to see the Scenes from way back there,

however in this plight,

I accept what was, as a fight.

I seek the reason for my mind's movement,

to repeat the days that made me seethe,

sometimes I vomit from the constant,

my nerves are rattled by what I battled.

I Learn!!

A purchased life to use for strife,

to be taken for things not nice,

I press my Self to be patient with my Mind's record of Show.

Within the discomfort that these Memories bring,

I tend to believe that they're healing me.

It never occurred to me,
that I would re-live this tragedy,
I thought mistakenly,
that I could put it all behind me.

With deliberate actions,
I rehearsed.

Again and again I packed away all that had been,
I placed each day, matched each offense,
and put in place of mind an enormous fence.

Not to forget but attempt to mend,
a paint store so to speak,
separated out by color each horror.

Due to what would be considered fate I suppose,
my stored paints exploded in my minds thoughts,
once again I was faced with what was so very grim.

I now believe that it is best to speak at least for me,
if for nothing else than to learn why my mind is on repeat.

With a little luck and this Google Blog,
of which I am extremely grateful,
maybe healing through the Full-View of such gloom,
will finally bring an end so I may know a new begin,
without towing all that's been.