Freshly Killed

I have been told the strangest things in the past few weeks.  Told that I should not mind being alone since I have been alone my entire life.  Told that I should not mind being used since I was born a slave and meant to be in service for my entirety.  I stared at the person as they said these things to me.  My response was, "so you knew this?" They responded, yes.

For whomever chooses to read these words today, I would like to say that it is not okay to be left alone.  It is not okay to never have a friend.  It is not okay to be ostracized.  It is not okay that the phone never rings. It is not okay have been excluded.  It is not okay to be used.  It is not okay to be forced into an isolated existence.  It is not okay to have been told these things.

Knowing that I have tried so hard to understand my life, to be graceful with my words, to not be angry because this all seems so absurd.  Knowing that what has been said is not only hurtful but extremely rude, I say that what comes next will be exactly what it should be.

The reason for any happening eludes us most of the time.  However I have heard said, that all of the doors will continue to be slammed shut until the right door can be opened.  I must admit that it would be lovely should a friend decide to come into my life.  At the same time I ask myself, who can you trust if trust has been so obliterated in your life that trust has become the enemy.  How will you know if a person is genuine ever again.  How do you receive someone at face value without questioning their motives.  Being told these disturbing facts in the past few weeks seems purposeful in a precise attack to cause fear that will keep me from trying to do anything at all.

Should you have suffered a life of turmoil I am so sorry 'cause it never gets better.  No matter the approach that you decide, you are in a constant fight for your life, just trying to avoid what people say to you as they wish to dig that knife in a bit deeper.  Strangers are scary but at least you know that it will be a new knife.