O.K.

.

Thanksgiving Dinner Five Years Ago.

This was the last Thanksgiving Dinner where all my children were together with me.  I was taking the picture so I could not be in it.  Since this time, my children and I have never been together in the same place at the same time again. Until I received these emails from the eldest, Becky, I only had a clue to her feelings about me, not the full blown truth! This is the last photo of all of Five of us together.  I am happy to be blessed with a photograph, I will always remember her in good health and fit to go out to live life on her own.

Back at you, Kid!

I know that what is believed is not at all true,

For it shows only the falsehood within side of you.
The relief I believe to only be mine,

is found when asked "Please Stop, I am fine."

Announcing so proudly that, "You are not mine."

To accept reason in "Why I don't speak to you,"

is to know that the robbery is from someone like you.

A choice to disown what is naturally yours,

is a way to discard, be purposeful and cause a permanent scar.

The place to reduce the being that you are,

is to join with the force of your friends,

they're not far.

To contact or to presume is such a disgrace,

you follow the path of what has no grace.

Your "Matter of fact" spelling out your declare,

the lies that you tell are so obvious, I stare.

What you have said, "Nothing good can come of,"

is a greater discovery of what you don't love.

The knife you used, so dull and to late,

to even realize that you can't relate

I willingly plead to only the ones,

that were left behind and could be more hurt than I.

For blindness is yours and it is not for me.

My older brother has more "Class" than you do to me.

With words of such random appeal to whom,

my mother could explain to you, "What is a womb."

I may say what I please and I may not hold my tongue,

for only in verse, "I suggest that you run."

I have written my note,

I will not hold, I do not nurse,

 what communicates with wrote.

A ridiculous note, from whom is much worse.

A family torn up because of your curse.

My eldest has said in email on,

"I know longer speak to you,'

Four Years she's been gone;

Her words exact but not very long.

To utter such things, so quick or so fast,

she took my dog, Apollo, she had him gassed.

I am happy to say I do not speak for you,

to say you're to much and I will not touch

.

Is difficult, unnecessary, and actually cruel,

to do the things that you think are so cool.

Not to me, why be a fool, my life is mine for the taking,

but I always thought your was more in the making,

it better for you, your siblings are true. 

Your desire of such a disgusting require,

incorporating my life into yours is such a strange desire or an odder require.

My life is my own, I am nearly half grown,

you should sing all your lies to your choir for all the reaction you needed; "Oh my."

It's a better way to say, "I have emancipated myself today."

I learned of love when my Son was born, for that is my truth.

I enhanced my life to know I had one more,

and Lauren herself is dear to me and both of them due.

For attention, and spoiling for what they've been through,

I can't hardly wait to make money to take,

them to the places that dreams do come true: A World Review!

Do not feel the need to apologize at all,

be sucked in by all these lies, that are told to you in strange disguise.

I have Severe P.T.S.D and I know that Dissociation Disorder plagues me.

You are the Oldest and obviously most wise.

For to say in one sentence, "I'm sorry this hurts,"

you're unfortunately parking yourself with a birth,

right into the land of what you are worth.

I disperse with pleasure the release of your letter,

for one was not good enough,

a second did feather, so quick, I did swallow,

choked hard on my sorrow and barely could see very next 'morrow.

Your acceptance declared so clearly, it's square,

To announce with such pride, I felt like I died!

"Accept my feelings and move on," you declared in a song.

"Do not contact me or ask of my where about, you're wrong."

To continue your...

I'm not sure what it was,

but to end it after four years with no words and no love,

by saying, "I would appreciate it. Thank you."

It's best.

I clear my throat and answer no note,

that was written by Becky, my oldest daughter, for this is what she wrote.

A promise is broken but heal I will,

for in the middle is bothered by still.

My love for my son, my youngest daughter it's clear.

I cross my fingers and I hope that they survive all this fear.

Her first email, her second email follows rather quickly.  I never wrote back, nor do I plan too.  I will respect her wishes, I just wish she had told me this four and a half years ago, so that I did not wait so anxiously at or for the doorbell to ring with her on the other side saying, "Hi Mom, I missed you."

Subject:
Please Stop


From: Rebecca Dyas


Sent: Thu 11/10/11 1-1:L6 PM


To: Blackjet@live.com


please do not contact me, my work, or anyone of my friends or their work.I do not want to speak with you or see you and nothing good can come of what you are doing right now. Please stop. I am fine.Thank you.


Becky

Second email


Subject:

Why I Don't Speak To You


From: Rebecca Dyas

Sent: Fri 11/11/11 L2:39 AM
To: blackjet@live.com (blackjet@live.com)


I no longer speak to you because you and your past are too much for me to
incorporate into my 1ife. I spent many, many years trying to help you through
your past and I no longer can. I choose to live in the present. I'm sorry
this hurts you but unfortunately you cannot change who you are and I have
accepted this. f hope that you can accept my feelings and move on. Please
stop trying to contact me or anyone else about me. I would appreciate it.



Thank you.
Becky

A World Engagement, I will Merry you All, 'till Death do us Part!!

Close your eyes not your minds.

Open not to what you know but to what you can't.

The further you pass from reality of what is,

the farther you go from the belief that you will need to see the inevitable.

Faith alone will not absolve you of your sins.  The "Sin Board" keeps all the tracks of each and every one of your personal infractions.  There is no God that presents or defends your life in this after-World you speak of so readily. There is no opportunity to throw yourself on the mercy of the court, asking for repentance of your sins, either or whether those sins have been committed here on Earth or there in the below, or Hell as you know.

The measure of your account on your own personal "Sin Board" is why I worry for Mankind and why I know that without question, with certainty, there is much trouble for Humanity to be had after death.

This is not a "Hit or Miss," date.  Your date with Death and your arrival into the Hereafter will be kept upon the time of its call.  There is nothing that you can do to alter or protect yourself from this extremely hard core fact of which I speak so frankly of. 

There are no bright lights, no tunnels to decide to walk through, that would be just the beginning of a death in this life explaining your forward motion towards what will be in actuality. The people you propose come to walk to your aid, your relatives that speak with no delight of this place are guiding you into a blinding light, don't be a fool.

These people, whom are dead, should cause you horror not comfort anymore, for my advice is to not speak to the dead at anytime during or after your life.  It is the sufferers of "Near Death Experiences" that tout of walking into the light, but take note that they are back here and did not accomplish such a feat there. 

A word to the wise, a word of caution, a word of my observance, I am being only considerate and am trying to be not only attuned but to show compassion for the idea that we all may not be from here: Here being the same place. I say this plainly to you and yours, in the case that a relative, friend, acquaintance, parent or any other entity should try to walk you into or try to walk you into the light; Do Not Go!

You are being encouraged and sometimes it sounds forced to walk into something called "The Light" directly after you have just experienced your death.  It seems an awful lot of decisions to be made so quickly, especially while you are still trying to digest what has just happened in what you thought was life.  The problem is or the way that i see it, "Aren't you still alive?"  I do not like the hurried approach that I hear of people speak of after their Near Death Experiences, I get very uncomfortable with all the pushing.

In my experience as a child, I did not see a light, let alone a tunnel to be sucked into the vortex of, while waiting for my decision on whether of not I was dead. In fact, no one person showed for me until the Demons came to comfort my crying soul. I find comfort in Demons and Spirits as long as I do not see them in full light, for in full light they are terrifying to me.  However, the choice was easy from that point forward, I would rather be with any Demon or Spirit, even Satan himself, than to take the hand of a dead person trying to lead me into a tunnel saying "Walk into the light", I  will never walk into what is blinding and I cannot see where or what I am walking into, that is Hell to me.

For in death, I found Life and in this confusion nature has insisted that the truth of my story be told.  This is my story and this is my life. I did not have one or two of these experiences with what you fear, but I have had a lifetime with whom I have grown to love.  The ones who cared, when all of you turned your back and feared when you looked upon my face. I will support and stay with what I know, rather than to acknowledge that there are now dead men and women walking this Earth with no Soul, no Heart and no care to the Welfare of anyone but themselves.

James Blunt, my Darkest Lord, you have stolen me from the start; I swoon to Knight!

I growl to know the taste,

although, I halt to "No" the vow,

a show, a sin, I swoon for the zoom of lightning strikes to know!

From the depths of where I cannot stand,

I fall to see you are know Man.

I'm damned. Betwixt I am.

My being has been touched,

in imaginative thought,

 I rut, I furrow for a sexual plural.

I am struck by a sense of morality or is it mortality?

Each time I think on this Man,

a man that sings in the verse of a picture,

I hear and whoa! I halt myself to "No."

"Stop!", I say, I do cry,

not in tears, in loudness of, "Oh My!".

He complicates me with deviousness and sensuality,

I sigh to know from far below.

Feel between... the lie,

to know the desire comes from deep inside.

Moving in on such a sin,

I say, "Knot Too."

For in this simple, I complicate you, true?

Seduction demands a Man to press upon,

to work towards a Heavenly Degree,

but it is the Devil in me which grounds the Man I see!!

To be more thought and never bought,

to see a design towards what is hot,

you will be burnt into my mind,

the state you are, the very same kind.

I shall be the One of few who says to you,

"Yes Sir, No Sir, Three bags full Sir."

Surreal is the deal,

 you strike when you wheel,

 the mind of another and it is not hard, it's real.

I mine so deep,

it hardens, from thought to desire, I leap.

Incomplete.

Not for me 'cause,

I trade up for simple sexual desire.

In a place that is not welcoming,

you must come to know release.

From Me? Know.

So, sweetly do I say,

"Oh Lord, dear Man, I watched your show, your band."

And in the end, Mr. James Blunt you are,

with such excitement, un-repressed and un-scarred,

on stage or in a car,

it is the Denims, it is the boots, the t-shirts are mean,

but you are the loot and you do declare,

"I'll be your Man!"

In excellence, I accept,

in greed of what I am lusting after.

I congratulate myself in sin and press towards you,

what you do, to declare War on Sensuality too!

As you stand, My Piano Man.

Arms outstretched is your plan,

acceptance of, is my command.

At the end of what you've done,

I will not wake, nor will I run!

I ride the Wave of what you've made,

my mind is complimenting in equal time

of what is so fine.

You on Stage.

I dream in reality and live in liberty,

to excite myself without delight,

but to achieve such heights,

I do; Just by what I like.

You dear Sir,

would be so tight,

I just might,

but prowess in such a Knight.

Mistakes the days for points of view,

instead of times to look for you.

I drink it in and gladly sin,

to know that to the avail of myself I am true.

Happily for you.

Raise the board,

for wanting more,

will come from "My Lord."

Deep from far, far from Me,

I fall back, I swoon for thee.

Reality catches myself in tune,

to finish what never starts,

with Concerts in the Park

that you delivered from the heart.

Appeasing, don't you think,

My dear Bluntie,

please blink.

 Never forget to be

who you are or what you chose,

for you will always have me.

Set Zero,

I never lose.

P.S. Why would you remember this? Why I kept it I will never know, but the passion still does flow when it comes to questions from others about you and what you do. I cannot help myself, it is what bothers me, as if I know you or you know me, it is in what is said that raises these verses from within.

Billy thought I deleted it all. Tell him or whomever runs your site of late, that I have not broken the rules to join and post, ever since I was kicked off by him after arguing over a Goose, and of course there must have been a Gander to fight over.

James Blunt music description from me to a person on his site; my name; set_zero;

Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 6:22 pm Post subject:
________________________________________

You seem to be asking a question that has been asked before but not answered. If this is true than I shall tell you the truth and nothing but the truth because I am no one at all and this music is played for everyone.

Understanding that the music you are hearing is the invitation to ALL and covers the genre of Time, in order to encompass the complexity of not just music but the actual soul itself, then you can begin to understand that this is not new my friend but the oldest of the most ancient tunes ever to be recorded in time. This is truly amazing!!

You are actually hearing the music of time calling all the religions of this earth and all the universe together, truly unheard of in any verse, anywhere. You are standing on an earth that is the most fortunate, most incredible, most well versed place ever to exist in this free state of mind.

His music is his own, coming from a source within himself, it is new, it is old, it is original, it is composition, it is artistic, it is a quantum ballet of the magnetic force that he actually is.

You should be truly knowing that this does not exist, this is played by no other than the man that he is, just like Mozart, just like Leonardo, just like ever other man in history that was before there time, this man is in his time and I am here to speak to you and absolutely everyone else on this earth and so is he.

We don't know one another, he and I, I am not sure why I feel that I can explain things that are truly not known but time is funny that way and so is the way this world does things.

No Bravery, it's true!

No one ever sees what is in front of them,

instead they turn a blind eye as to ignore.

The day will come when we will WAR!

Take back our innocence for sake of what makes sense.

Adults at times when children whine,

not for attention but from the pain of what they've never done.

You could be so good, never have those tears roll down your cheeks,

and yet they still beat, and beat you till your whipped in such a way,

that you will stand, as I did to him, my step-father on one given day.

Beat me till I cry,

beat me till I'm blue,

beat me till I'm black,

beat me till I'm all of that.

That will be the day you see, I look into your eyes,

the fear in me will turn to rage, and the anger will have won.

As a child, age of Four, he beat with his belt and more,

I don't know what I did but if I should die from this,

then know that fighting is not resist, for that is for the boys in bliss.

I am a girl, I cannot grow, for at this age, I did say "NO."

So past the point of no return, I'll never grow,

 to only turn upon my own,

so I can feel, justified in what you deal.

Pain and torture are not yours, a step-father's chores,

for in this body, in which I live, the memories come and show to me,

that what's for you will come from me, at the end of a belt, you'll be,

kept my prisons of your mind, for that is where I found my kind.

They will come from far below, but as I grow in confidence,

I will know that ponds are Seas and Oceans flow with ships and he's.

What will be is not so far, pay back from what public schools do; They scar!

Called from home you're green cards done, for this is not your place to rot.

As you age, and as she drops, you will be in quite the spot.

Run to England, I will tell, everyone of this in Hell.

They'll choose me because I see,

I am unique and I don't need,

anything that's more to do,

with hurting children just to rue.

These are your sins, our bravery is lost,

in replace you have the cost,

of one sweet girl who never lost,

but stands so still with stripes from 'till.

I cannot hate for that will bait,

the inner rage that needs a cage,

but when its loosed and when you fear,

the shadows of the ones that near.

Cry not to God, for he is dead,

and what replaces, is not me.

You called me scape-goat,

you said "I sinned."

You're daughter Sarah has this contagion within.

Spouting that she knows affairs, of the wares:

The Pope would swear!

Even Catholics, devout and clean,

could not keep up with whats this mean.

I might explain, I may not spend, the time, the energy,

to play your game.

I won so many years ago,

the shock, the horror must set in though.

For Englishmen will come to you,

knock on your door, to speak the truth.

Upon this day, know the way, it's not the English that will erupt.

Hold your tongue and know you're done,

all I've done is barely begun,

sadness took my innocence,

there is "No Bravery" in what makes no sense.

I see you like the man you were,

mean and cruel, hired for her.

Remember I prey upon my feet,

but what is so really neat,

there is a Man, he looks for me,

you might say that, "History repeats."

I'll hire you in confidence, if you keep us safe: Intense!

My lust defines my very being, as I am drawn deeper into this scene.
The desire of what I seek belongs, not to the meek, but to the song.
I draw not out what I believe but rather what I'd like to meet.
Bound by duty, stood with knight, the darkness of a Lord's delight.
I fight not what I want from him, I'd take it quick, just like a swim.
A breeze that blew him over too, the side that says "I would love you to."

Require you to answer why, would be the question that made him cry,
"You are my match, I need my light," in that instant there'd be no fight.
for when I struck the book you strike, you would find the flame; I might.
Be leery of this single tune, for in the end I'll never wound,
I only want what all do need, to bed you still, a mate for me.

So, quietly I announce myself, drawing upon the strength of stealth,
you do something unusual, my knees do quake and swoon I'll make,
the World will know that Earth does move, when a twin has been removed.
Creation stands to let you know, are you human or should you go?
Will this stance create a void, to be filled by not a boy,
by now a Man should have a plan, to save the girl who loved the band.

Altogether will they stand, upon the stage of life, it's grand,
to see, to do, to sing, to say, "Get the fuck out of my way."
Courage to blink or even think, that Nature watches to see your chink.
Armor is good, but style is better, for when Knights have swords,
there's always a be-header, it's just the way that naturals work,
they do their best, they have a quirk.

We love to win, we love to learn, but mostly we love to know that we'll be again.
Together, forever away from them, the ones that took us all for sin.
Separated by closeness that said, "I'm friend,", the trust is gone and now there's him.
So, come my darling, daring Man, be the first one with a plan,
to recover what's been lost, make my family safe not soft.
The price we payed is not compared, to what will right the words from Sayer.

I will speak or say the name, tell the ways and claim the fame,
either way, directions nigh, I don't care for any sigh.
Bravery is built within, you either have it or don't begin,
when faced with sin or gravity, the depths of Hell will suck you in.
Ignore the warnings, show not your fear, the demons love to disappear.
I watch with eyes that hide so well, I feel disguised while I'm in Hell.

But walk upon this Earth and be, the whore, the scapegoat or even me.
All that follows just wants to have, money, trusts and wills to salve,
wounds they make by no mistake, watch not yourself but what you make.
Announce your name, claim not your wealth, for in this realm they listen well.
Just bounce along, pay for your way, but don't ignore the life you've made,
for simply jealousy will take, in a moment they will break.

For happiness is far from here, and least of all they hold me dear,
to know that heartache and much more, will be my friend, for they abhor.
My strength of mind, my memory so long, my words so often don't sing, but song.
The fear of prison, the year of wake, becomes the day that is forsake,
not your spirit but your take, for say "Hello, I don't rape to take the lot of what you've done."

They will run into their minds, just in time to know the sign,
they scream, they yell, they persecute, they say I'm possessed and Satan's spew.
For in their cry's you'll find the truth, buried not, they do for you to see,
a show, a play, so they can say, "I never lie, for goodness sake."
A notion of what? I'd like to be. What they fear, they see in me.

Collective thought on his mind, but he must be not to far behind.
'Cause charge yourself, or pay the fee, but either way, he may want me.
Question not the days between, I hunt hard and he is mean.
So, run and hide but don't stand by, for pride will be what out's you see!
Shout your plea, deny your crime, but in the end he's still all mine.

I was a good girl, caught up in a bad situation

Some Five Years Ago, I lost what I only thought that I had,

my life has been a fight against tyranny and hate.

I have sought out freedom from this since I was Four.

So, in reality, I guess I have lost nothing at all.

I have counted more years since my youth,

to measure the strength that I would need to stand,

and to stand well, for the fight I was unable to fight at Three.

I was fortunate to have experienced what most people do not,

I have enjoyed the company of what is no longer here.

I did what was correct, I hid the pain and the agony,

I held back the horror for the sake of health.

My life springs from my youth and the mission to report the acts upon me as a child.

What I have had on this journey called life has been an experience that I cannot say I missed.

To be turned from and locked out of the lives you loved,

creates or shall I say re-creates the pain of abandonment, not love.

A way to overcome what has been breaking me into pieces,

is to accept that what is gone, is gone and will never return to understand or attempt to heal.

As I filled my time with constructive measures and meaningful attempts,

I have failed and the impact of that failure is felt like a crash.

To understand your past, you go from the present backwards to find the missing stories,

all to fill in the gaps of what is to treacherous to even utter.

With each passing year, with each hour that loved ones are not near,

you forget what it is you did to care for what cares not for you.

Each passing moment with what had filled my time until now is so clear.

The time from my youth, my childhood has been hidden from view.

As an  adult with hope that has waned in open forum,

I speak softly to say I have slipped away.

No more can this sentence bring to me as myself,

yet the backs of whom I used to see the faces of,

have destroyed my hope of liberty and seemingly crushed my will, which has since left me.

As I loose each precious gift that nature gifted me,

I know I am headed for a place that I will be whole.

I am left with a void with what might have been.

I am a Soul less appeal of helplessness and have no heart to cure.

I lost my childhood in my youth by not what ordinary lives can do,

I wrestle with the view, my mind is locked in times with you.

I made decisions for life before I knew what I would do,

I made decisions upon this way before I could utter or voice, "NO," to you.

Should I care for those who turn from their own with a natural flare,

it means that it is truth not dare.

To chose what is a popular view,

because it is easier to do.

Then the embarrassment of me and what has been done will distance us naturally,

it is the way that Nature Runs.

To be brainwashed is not so cool,

for in the end it is only a con for the artist to do,

to trap you into what they want

and what they want is not for you.

The embarrassment of what I am or may become,

is nothing more than what's been done.

I survive, when others died, not of free will,

it was suicide.

Left alone, I wish I'd known, from the begin,

the pain won't end.

To be abandoned yet again, to see the backs of more than men,

I wish for life to understand that there are times when girls can't stand.

Can brilliance be so blinding too,

What is sensible, what to do.

Is it sensible to reject, what is blood and parent rate.

With indifference, rejection hurts and to finish it off with the silence of ignorance.

Punishment in a life not lived,

only to survive to say "I exist."

For the sake of understanding at first I fought,

then I knew the original fight was wrong and I could not belong.

Is it know more than survival to know,

as you pass through ageless row,

manners I wonder, manners I know.

Do you believe all that you're told?

Do you open your eyes to see.

Do you have a heart and soul?

Does this missing part in me, make you capable to tolerate the indifference,

to what is not the same?

Or, is it the intolerance to what may be correct, that you think I'm not a wreck?

May this blinding way to see, be to much for you or me?

The sight of truth that is born from the ages,

the ones that have passed before you do.

A simple Goodbye would have sufficed,

but to cut me off, it killed me twice.

In the in between we were,

I was strength and you were young.

One person says, he's seen whats been,

in that I say, "Did I sin?"

For I do not go forward to unwind,

the cruelty, the horror, the torture from then,

it is in my past I must return,

if there is a hope to learn.

Backwards I go, year by year,

erasing person out of fear.

All to get to the people who, were the ones that destroyed my life

and perpetrated such a crime upon a child of their kind.

You cannot be compelled to do,

what Nature has done so well for you.

With Grace and facts to support me too,

Creation herself has shown her new,

way to handle abandonment of a person in fear.

May you be delivered from your selves,

just to know that life is well.

I feel your doing all that's good,

keep your workings with your should.

I free myself from what I knew,

I am not wanted, nor do you,

respond to like of what I send,

I wrote so that we could heal,

from hatred and what seems surreal.

I free myself with might of Will,

I lost my sight and know my rights.

To be ignored and treated so poor,

I realize that I am the embarrassment that you abhor.

I have waited for so long,

a call, a email, a letter that said,

I love you, I know you, I want you to wait.

I'm stuck with what you really hate.

I was abandoned at my birth,

I was not loved, nor was I nursed.

I was not wanted and was treated so,

I would never, never know.

I live in Hell and that's O.K.,

I have myself and write I may.

But lies are not for me today,

for yesterday they beat me to play,

a game of cat and mouse, it's called.

I know longer answer to what I found.

Thank you for your years you spent,

with a person that was so bent.

I straighten myself to say to you,

I'm crushed, I'm hurt, it's been to long,

Five years later, I can't belong.

For I base myself in Reality, not in the objective of any other realm

The way out of the prison which lies in the future of your own head is unavoidable.
You have read and begun to understand the levity of time.
Do not turn away as if you can pretend that you do not comprehend.
For without the belief or the faith of a broader understanding of life you will end.


Unless you make a difference in your life, it will end with a deadly design.
Loneliness, embarrassment and a void that will never be filled will be your sign.
Look not to the World to fill your Soul, for without one you are lost.
And so many have sold their Souls without remorse,
as if such a contract is a joke on the Internet to be toiled and scoffed at without sense.


Lusting after the taste of destruction of a Human life is despicable.
They're people everywhere enjoying not what sex is but what sex is not.
Photographs of naked beings is only a temptation and frustration of the cruelest kind,
to both men and women unable to deliver any pleasure or satisfaction to one another.


Yet on sights you witness the still photographs of what has only become imaginations.
For it is in these assumptions of unrealistic gains that people rely on fantasy to satisfy their inner cry.
Although sexuality has been banded, as if to sterilize what was enjoyment,
instead you have isolated the one person from another so that the orgasm itself is no more.


Without the company of another shared being, within the sensation of such heights of sexual delight,
you will find emptiness your flight and in this you will know that the plight is lonely and without regard.
By design of nature, creation, natural selection,
we as a people are meant to join together,
not rip each one apart. 
Sensuality brings the highest and most intense mental energy one can experience.


As each chakra is torn from our bodies, our minds or even our souls,
the levity that we as a people should be experiencing as positive pulses,
has turned into negativity and crime of the death of our Souls and our Hearts.
As our veins still pump blood throughout our sorrowful bodies,
the pain which pours from our mouth when we speak is poisonous to the listeners.


Pictures posted of what was once considered to be beautiful or erotic,
has become ordinary and repulsive to the average user of such a destructive tool, the Internet.
Not to mention that children can log-on
and view anything without an adult to guide them through,
the posts from you.


You and I are the ones responsible for the minds that once were innocent and now,
commit suicide for reasons of,
"Why not, there is nothing to live for."


I am not in disagreement with the choices that are made,
for you are free to chose, just as I am free to never have been given the opportunity to do so.
So, you continue to say that you don't care, or to say,"Just get over it,"
and I will continue to inform you of the punishment that you will never miss.


For it is not the laws of these lands that you break with the human traffic that you ignore.
Those Laws are from far below in the Courts of Death itself.
Be ware of nothing more than you are heard,
not in voice,
nor in expression,
but in the silence and comfort of your deceitful minds.


This is where I know them, Demons, Spirits, Satan, the Devil, Beelzebub and the like
enjoy listening to your ill-will but well intended plan to kill without being caught on tape, so to speak.
The strength of death is being stripped of what you believe to be the evidence that frees you here.
In that realm there is no freedom, no lawyer, no District Attorney:
There is You;
And there is more than them to listen,
judge and pass a sentence of permanence upon you and yours.


You have raised not just your blood relatives in such disregard for any life,
you have posted and approved the killing of every life,
from a bird, to a dog, to a rabbit for a ferrets sake?
This is where there is no joke,
nor redemption with any religion to rely upon.


Death is what I speak upon;
For I am well versed in what I know,
my experiences here have been lessons I wish to never face or become familiar with again.
To watch as each and every individual embrace Religion or Christianity with blind faith,
yet scoff at the warnings of the other side being deceitful, dangerous and wanting.
I wash my hands of your stupidity and tell you of only factual history,
which proves my case beyond a reasonable doubt.


Each of us is in possession of mind that is capable of reason,
of understanding, of idea's, original or not.
We can go to the public library and read on the subjects,
or Wars of the past,
to learn that War is not or should not be the answer we seek.


To destroy another country to protect our own beliefs,
is to bring down the destruction upon ourselves,
for there will be no protection from what will naturally happen when men and women,
abandon their posts to fight Wars in foreign lands.


Upon return, with nightmares that wake the dead,
you scoff and put down the very Warrior that fought for the liberty of your head.
For in the countries we have been in late,
a Guillotine is still a common sentence used for the disobedience of the public at large.


So, help me or help me not, the choice is yours and the might is mine.
Make jest of whom I believe to be my Twin Soul,
shall meet the wrath of the one who came, was born and will destroy you for the lack,
of a dream, from a girl that was able to survive a life of turmoil.


All because she believed in a boy and he so happens to be the boy,
grown into a Man that I may announce with such pride.


Had I still possess my Soul,
had my mother not bought it with the blood of her own sacrifice with the Devil himself,
then you would have merely been a Soul Mate.
However, lacking a Soul completely has drawn in yet another need from an unknown girl.
A girl that has lived and survived a life of disbelief.


Yet you mock, you toil, you spew words of hatred because you cannot stand that I do.
The reason or the lack there-of that our meeting will or will not happen is not up to you,
the most unfortunate and ignorant beings that spit upon my name and rail upon his fame.
Our meeting is up to "Chance" itself,
this is why the excitement, the "Limerence" it has been called,
but to me he is only the C.D. Plan, hatched when I had no design or idea of how to heal,
what had been ripped from my very being, my children.


So, in the end it is Death where you will find my glee,
for no one person will escape the greetings waiting for them just a few feet into the beyond.
That is where I know your life will just begin and my pain will begin to end,
for in the judgment of lies, of jealousy of lack of morals or moral standings,
in the inability to take a look at what it is you profess,
these things that you lack will be one of the first things that you confront,
with not Men and certainly not Women,
but with the finality of knowing that Demons walk you too.


The actions therefore belonging to only one man:
Is only the dream of a girl, looking for a boy that sings the same song,
the same lyrics or words are what draws my attention to such a person,
what about YOU?

A Four Year Olds Dream!! It was mine, a Cinderella Story for me to hold onto to that I believed to be real!

The life in you is the death I see,

murder, rape molested and beat.

All I know is this is what I have reaped.

I wished so hard for my One to be,

I could not have been more than three.

I held my hands clenched so tight,

thought of you and held onto

"I'll grow-up, he will find me"

The Boy that dreams, I'm here you see.

I held so tightly to myself.

Left alone unless the price,

for my Ass was sold so high.

That's what gave me company at night.

During days I could not compare,

chased and bruised both here and there.

Take my Life?  I could not dare!

There is a boy that is waiting for me out there.

Holding to our mutual being,

I remember first time praying,

"Hold in truth for me, this boy means oh so much to only just me."

By the time we meet you'll know,

I will need a Knight to go.

Conquered all they tried to do,

I was well under the mark of Ten.

As each year grew for me,

I prayed so hard for that boy to see.

He will know, he'll feel me!

I just know that he can tell.

A Twin Soul I'll need to trust his call,

not by name but by song he'll sing.

Music will be the Old and True,

Match my story tune for tune.

He won't scare me, for I'll not know,

his approach will be nice and slow.

I was Four when I wished so hard.

For my match to light my card.

Burn my name and number too,

that way the truth will ring through clean.

No lies, no tricks, no trades they'll make.

Sold to Men by no mistake,

but, I will listen, I may be mute.

My ears will hear for my voice is loot.

Silence will pull, my words will claim,

if its true and not a game for claim.

By then this Boy, a Man by then,

will be what I've needed from the begin.

He will not falter at the thought,

of my family when they say I'm bought.

He'll move with stealth and magic ways,

he won't falter at their gates.

My confidence will never wane,

I just needed to make it past Ten.

After that he'll hear me clear,

and one day soon he'll come without fear.

Pick me up and hold my hand,

take away all that I am.

Put what they have done away,

into the places that people don't pray.

I wait and stay so very still,

for when I was small I knew the thrill,

would be by no mistake a till.

But this boy, my Man won't give or drill,

a hole in me to kill me dead.

All he'll say is Twin Soul made.

"For me, it's her, for her, it's me."

Stand back dear World and know this girl,

the Cinders burn and she must turn,

to me, her man I was a boy,

I felt her plan, I hold her hand.

She will be my wife you see,

for she will be safe with me.

My Life is over without her here,

for I am that One, she dreamt of me. 

Know Faith, Know Truth, Know Trust!

For Death Court is not a contract of Faith,

it is not a belief, nor is it written.

When you pass from one realm to another realm,

it is located in the dimensions of which you will cross.

Without mere directions of loss, you stand alone,

alive and held in a force of judgement and the worse.

Fear not what you cannot believe or comprehend.

To conceive the simplicity of pulling a number to stand your turn,

out does the ridiculous of/or, of the Heavenly version of what is a lie.

In Christianity, you will find the Con which channels the Evils from within your core.

In Death Court there is always more.

To stand your ground in defense of your life,

delivers you an opportunity to "Knock Twice."

Once to announce yourself,

and once to know your wealth.

The lies and the excuses you begin to make from here are your undoing.

You have wiped out lives and shelved the existence of Hope willingly, to destroy on purpose with design.

Your constant burn of Human Beings,
 turns what you have created into and onto itself; Personally.

This will be the indignity of which you will endure.

The Millions of turns that each and every person makes to avoid

the contact of what must be; this is your cursed legacy left behind by; See?

This is what will burn you into the everlasting moments of time itself.

The joke you make of Spiritual Belief,

has left this Earth in agony.
This weighs heavily upon my chest.

No health in the Air,

No breeze flows for free.

The cost is what has killed the imagination of

Love and Compassion for healing of any kind from thee.

The oversight of a person, of a Human Being,

pressures each of the people to See what is not, but, should be.

It is the blindness that is your choice, not your need.

You decide what will be your next Might.

Heed the Death you will not see.

For it creeps up gently, with silence in it's repose.

So quietly he arrives, with certainty he stands

to take from you the life you had in this land.
The projectism of every Man will no longer be your mirror or reflection to deflect sin.

My life is not for Knot!

It is the way that Nature spies the Truth on whom has perpetrated the crime,

upon my Youth.
Time will tell, nature has made that clear, my choice in this was dear, but, it was taken by Creation.
The story will be told, regardless of whether or not I am bold.
This is the force of what we refer to as "Natural Disasters."

To survive a horror is only one count on the very many steps that must be taken just to be able

to arrive at such an age that will allow Nature, my Mother, to grace me with the Wisdom to be.

These are the capabilities delivered by her,
 so that I may be able to decipher this twisted mess of a life
 that I have lead thus far on this Planet of ours.

What has happened thus far has been what is Natural to me,
it is however unnatural and uncomfortable for many others that slip in for a listen or a read.

This Tale of Woe is the reality of my life below,
 the radar that money does cover, is the Umbrella almost like their lover.

If the survivor can make it through to Forty Years Old or so,

the people who want her dead, may withdraw such ideas in their head.

Paranoia does not rule in such a natural affair,

for the accord is now beating to a more natural and very different tune.

Age becomes your perimeter as a natural dignity is gifted to you to compliment

what has been graced to you in this life by Creation herself at your birth.

No longer does Death scare this life,
which I call my own.
The one that I cannot or have not been able to live,
free from my family and from other predators that I.D. me so easily.
A lesson that has been difficult to learn,
when you cannot know that you have been taught to be the garbage can or the Scape Goat, you see?

The Parents and the like still do not wish or want to be discovered in this Life.

Denial runs the temperature of the intensity that must be part of my continual survival.

The wish or want from those figures of parental guardians to destroy the innocent,
is powerful, frightening and scares any good man at night.

They do not want to be held accountable for their Cons,
or, their Adulterous Ways, their lies of the Ministry and their lies to all.

They do not want to be caught or assumed to be thieves of the Old or the vulnerable fool.

My family wishes to suffer no shame at all,
spouting, "It's just a game." Don't take it so seriously.

My Mother, my Step-father and the like, all utter the same type.

They will go as far as to Contract by name, to hire a guarantee,
so that this will be considered as a way to silence the Voice,
but the Voice is Me and I object with prudence.

Silence the voice or the one that speaks out for the DEAD,

THE SUICIDES and the DYING,
when you step forward in this way, then you will know that threats do stay.

To those that have run and or hidden themselves from me,

it is obvious to all that they too are in agreement with the original rip-off: The Con!

Of all the past victims as well.

Whether Life brings justice or whether this justice is found in Death.

The Gavel will slam the same,
upon the desk or even the Guillotine will be the noise of finality.

To prove that guilt goes beyond your sin and into the lands of the begin.
I speak with the authority of a girl that has seen.

Assumptions of right or wrong are judged,
they are judged harshly in the Courts of Death.

For in the Courts that name the Laws against taking Human Life,

this is where you stay, until the verdict of your life is granted with the sentence of permenance.

Not by strife or length of time, but by the ones you fear and light candles to keep at bay,
this is the Demon and the Spirits, it is their Lair, their Dungeon, their Courtroom, their Rule.

Think twice before you decide to judge another,
 by deciding you can define the levity of judgement,
 with the clarity of only a brain using 10 % of its natural capacity,
 to determine the fate of another, the fate of a peer.
You are not qualified and you should fear.

The removal of a life,
something you never gave to the one that you have decided to take away.
 This same one you are charged to judge, as a juror, as a peer,

will be the greatest decide of any year.

These crimes which you rationalize away,

you cause me to giggle at your lies and comprehension of what cannot be understood,

the actual individual, the one who has been  placed into your hands for the determination of their fate.

You must have a forked tongue,

even the beatings on tape, that play on U-Tube,

as a Judge whom sits on a Bench of Authority to pass sentence on anyone at anytime,

is able to be free of what they sentenced me.

Removed my children, at 10 and 12 years old,

for much less than that could ever be,

I cannot even compare to he.

No Judge am I, a Mediator I am not and lie did she, in Sacramento, California.

But Steven Weasels took from me my children with glee and lies, he won, I lost, now five years are gone.

Worry? I do not.

For all that will be, has already been done.

My comfort in my own painful days, is simple the patience that brings to light this simple line, so tight.

Not one of you is immune from DEATH,

nor does the door swing both ways for you to explain your deceitfulness in this life.

Two Coins placed upon the eyes,

to pay the Ferrymen.

I know this is a lost reform and wish to speak to you the truth,

your passage has been denied, for the practices of Old have been mocked and are done no more,
because you believe in lies and not tradition.

Good luck to you and yours,

you will be trapped in the Hollows of what Death and Life will never be,

ended with your lies of liberty, replaced with Zombies and the like.

Watch,

"The Serpent in the Rainbow"

Screaming will be for you tonight.
For me, for the first time, maybe I will be alright.

Good Nite

My Man, I do not know, it's true.

The pace of destructive means,

flowing freely from Family Genes.

So, easily mistaken for what to be,

the future Horrors of all of thee.

While you close your eyes to see,

the Nightmares that haunt my being.

You will bring upon yourself a curse,

darker, deeper than even Hell could loose.

Your interest in such superficial; SEES!

Your lack of care or want to need a guide down there.

A Muse to lead for you into,

the Light-less Manor of Lords that do.

Spooking, rules from Olds and Fools.

Round-up the end of all your tools,

No, King James Version of the Bible will rule,

for in Revelations, Satan's defense:

He rules, down upon your very brains.

Soul-less, Heart-felt hatred of,

nothing more that lack-of-love.

I've been taught since DEATH began,

to take my life, I did not begin.

Stare because I still do,

a lifeless body, myself it's due.

Recognize the breath I held,

there was no air that moved in there.

WHY? or WHAT?

Had I done to dare,

such a sight that haunts me each and every night.

Not one sunset does bring relief,

when your memory rings this reap.

Beelzebub Welcomes You!!

The strength of some, threaten the few.

A muscular mind with remembrance like mine,

'causes shaking with no Timbering behind.

Over Forty Years of Con Artistry it's true.

Taken money, Souls and your lives too.

No regard to the cost of such,

for lack of empathy delivers this lust.

Where shall such cruelty end

Pleading, Stupidly and then saying, "I didn't know what you meant."

Accountable for more than I can even declare.

Death Court logs such cases down their.

Do not stare! Or, have a wistful hope.

Your Age doth show, any lack of Sincerity oozes from your pores.

An Ancient even finds he has risen to see this kind of destruction,

"The Wipe-Out of HUMANITY."

Not causes by evolution but from the need to abuse.

Parental Sociopaths Being's beat us till we need nothing.

Thinking or rather knowing that DEATH is empty and not a YOUTH!

These are assumptions of such disgraceful dare.

I can hardly wait until you visit down there.

The group of cell's inside your mind,

will expand and find their wind,

around the useless Brain of Now,

where only 8 - 10 percent is found.

Enough for you today,

just so you can walk around and say....?

Curious this percentage used,

just so you will be able to do.

The Simple, The Shallow and the depths do evade,

even your Mind seems to disobey.

Why would words not spoken and letters replace: O.M.G!

Allow your brain to express with "All Caps."

Unless the plan, and, grand it is,

was dis-evolving with such; As is!

No Pain, No Gain, No Words Explain,

the shallow, the lack of any disdain,

for the easily, lazy ones who think they entertain.

U-Tube is not a fucking game.

SET Back, GET out! And flame yourself,

attract to you the very unhealthy,

to bring you down, expose yourself,

with what you utter, all because it is your druthers.

I will laugh! Ed will SCOFF!!

The rest of ours have just ran OFF.

Showing pictures or videos and like,

is not outing what we fight,

it just makes U-TUBE work hard at night.

Remember my words. My Brother was clear.

Blood is Blood, all else is to be Seared.

Not related, not a friend, not a person to even Win.

Keep your own away from me,

for in our order there's only SEE!

For my experience in life's lessons are hard,

it has been so difficult to go so far.

So support from within, my family says "You are a Sin."

A blast of air to breath again,

it's Hot and Tears roll from them.

I will not run, so do not dare,

I was Four Years Old and knew,

that its your life and my promise to expose comes from then.

Good luck! You need more than you know.

My memory is long and I've gone slow.

Mixed up with what believes and sees,

that I am unique and my reason completes.

The only question of why I go,

 is to be inside your show,

just to escort you to deep below.

Death Court waits:

Keeps me going to know your SIN,

one day soon you will meet them.

Lucifer, Satan, the Devil too,

all they do is wait for you.

Hoot Owl Question?

The horror of reality cannot be what takes your life from you.

Can what has not happened to you,

be a reality not known?

Should your life be full of;

No Nightmares, No Shame, No Guilt, No Guile:

Would you know Compassion or even "Free Will?"

Would you know,

How to be kind?

How to be real?

How to be observant?

True? Honorable? or even Moral?

Could your lack of experience,

be your own undoing?

Your bleed, so to speak?

Do you only relate to what you believe yourself to know as pain or discomfort?

If you stubbed your toe,

and I broke my back:

Would you assume you knew the amount of pain I would be in?

Basing it on the worst thing that has ever happened to you?

"Stubbing your toe?"

Could this entire theory be explained away as easily as that?

Are you or could you be that gullible?

Or is it stupid?

Some people can never heal from the words have been said to them.

Words spoken at such a point of influence (Infancy/Childhood) in ones life,

Words so powerfully said at such a point in time, a crucial point, could make a difference,

to that particular individual.

They would never heal because they would never be believed.

You cannot explain what others cannot comprehend,

based on the "Stub your toe," theory.

Can Human Beings only understand by what has happened to them personally?

Where does retrospect fit in?

Should you chose such ignorance, would you know that when you said,

"Just get over it,"

you sound idiotic? And in reality,

you are in essence announcing your I.Q. or lack thereof?

Compassion?

Is this learned? or is it ingrained into your D.N.A.?

Love?

If not had in infancy, can you ever know it as if it may be a natural affection?

Or, are you only stuck with the definition of such?

Can you read this short, easy blurb,

and have natural understanding?

Or, must you look up the definitions of these words,

that I have used here to know that you have no idea of there meaning?

Do you assume that you can comprehend this?

Without the use of or the faculty of thought?

Because just the word assume should let you know this one last thing.

"The joke is on you, not me."

I am a Riddler, not a poet, not a genius,

nor a savant or maybe worse a Genius Savant.

I am only righting the wrongs in my life!

You might try writing the ones in yours.