What May Tricks

Life is packed grands on banks in strange parallels of scene to paved creeks on the tums,

in that there have such range of remainders to that singing pulse on the forward dart,

to the language that has trembling coordinates to the real lived is in deed a stagger of rapport,

however the pause on lathe is not an edit of wave for the Ocean nights the beach both stone.

Sun light to sand that salt water cools,

sharp cliff notes to advance a sheet muse on slates,

chalk board of scale Minuet on rail,

trains that stop to account for the Tale.

Inch to foot Second to clock which is the sound that Measures a tack,

is it the saddle of cart A block or the day is it the Jump of the Grid Work of Horse trails pork,

should the bridle show bit or is the rein on the skit of the choice at a piece to know in advance a shift,

go Monopoly dice on that start Is the bank in the fiddle of instrument source,

should the arena be life in a be of the short does that take less or More conditioning to sport??

Mind in the brain of the thought on a game,

is that just Cards on the gamblers be vein,

does the ride in the being of Human by shore,

travel the simple to speak of the floor??

Well is a word however its deep,

a bucket to handle and a ditch to the feat,

filled with first to be clear on the state,

what is the how on the leave of The Plate??

As all do the go around to beg the quest is on Quartz,

timing of Watts is the electrical show,

flowing inside the body on stow,

sync it with park or is it divide??

Further on feather the flight or the kite,

string or the rigs on the shipping be shade,

does the shadow of calm envelope to sealed,

or is the look see a living on steel.

Does breath draw that perk to a Parallel stork or is the bearing of Compass at type,

do Nouns verb the Subject or adjective out,

did the adverb speak Client to describe the nest clear??,

shells on the Clam muscles on keister,

what is the donkey should the horse mule it out??

did the stuff on the come just mark to a cleat,

or did the entire know of where the fudge beeps??

Honkers on geese the goose of a sign,

do the sheep believe that ducks don't go song,

does quack quack say squawk or cock a doodle dew,

oh say does the Mountain familiar that trued??

I love the trail on this fluster to the bearings of core trailers,

the text to the write on the stables of the ground,

the fencing to the desk in the absolute of strange,

picture the barn with a dig to the deep at a perpendicular but rather steeper art tick range.

Care 'E' Oak Key For All Lives With A Spoon Full Of Cod Liver Oil From the Springs Of Living Water

At the cruise a fix shin on the wonder of my son's birthday coming in on the storm of a Worlds lore,

for November 3rd is a day that Johno arrived in my arms on the Treasure of loves eyes,

My Mother graced his arrival with her excitement of a grand ballet to bring Witness that first breath.

Life in a Tale is that Johno also In addition has Three Siblings,

these special rays of sunshine have brights that light the year with saved,

each parade of calendar Month brings for every being a pandora on start,

stars on the sky that shield of Wise is a Sing along to days of thunder on the brings,

with land ding to ground the plan it on sound this is just a Trail to simple and crown.

Towards the introduction of this Year of the Ram what Is the vote on the ear of a Pier,

is it that traveling route a pretty dawn stout to say I love the call of that reminder each clear,

that My Mother smiled in beams on the Show,

it wonders me so that being loved by such a candor of grins all a row.

Shall the shade Tight in jade Just this marvel Car tune to speak eased by vista on Marvel be Coo's,

that mountain of a coming surprise like gifts are 20/20 on the Tide pigeon rides

waves of constant to consist of this found to happens on the rhymes jist,

memorizing found to increase the Envelopes opening!!

Springtime on see Zen's the most of the Signs,

fields of work Horses and clearly be Timed,

that is the bridle the Reins of a Classical Opera that Ballet to instrument Flutes and the Shock raw,

from Ba bar To reply A special on why,

the hugs go monopoly at tack to the barn,

for the stable of method is the Hi Tech on farmed.

Reason wise,

chorus Hymn,

shop tools,

be off the cold,

sneeze for a saying,

dress at the desk,

what is the how on the why is a loud.

Answers come while Wall letters deliver,

alphabet set type to farther the bit Sir,

an as the step stairs remember the date,

any drive on the road is a quest to be sake.

Chap^Lens Show^Panned With Thigh Salt Tee Sir Fir

Sail with I to the distant of the outside Tramp on the Solar smile,

grin with the avenue of the map on the rose of this Worlds beat,

to task this life off to the learns on the leans Owe well my steep,

depth of the Human Noise is as the speaker on the Milky Wares,

thereabouts the sun bursts to that Know!!

Shining on the back Side in front on the Turns it is Ask scrabble,

words flying the cheese on the filed,

train for the station of the being At that say its a creek,

score the river on the Y division To Ad up on the mile!!

Mill a met turned To People on the grain of molds step,

green mash on the Belts,

buckled to lacing the boot tribes!!

Wow on that is the fun and the Trails on the course of this saddled life,

stuck in the body Structures of the skin and bones Muscle and tongue,

wagging that like the dogs paddle.

Kit cats and Lions rat the Mouse ran up the curtain rail,

down came the blink a Lid and a think,

over the Nail to cross the Thorn and land amongst the ever Corned!!

Shake that pep Pop ease at the lease off this shell of staff,

extract shin to go to the lo on the biggest Time of raised,

the Fire in aye flame to lick the brights at an Energized tide of Waving sky!!

There are no Shack culls to shed for the Electric verbalizes the laughter to land a Moon on a earths lead,

steady on the beach of the formation of great life,

spanking the feet as the pads of a ski across this Ice of what has happened on this fare ole skit!!

Inhale the soar to just be Whom and What your felt ranks in the Season on Streakers sleet,

sleeves of sod at base scout on the mission of living on the ditch,

fields of Humanity have plowed the Thought of transfer touching spades,

Ace High and jack grow to the Waist!!

Scallops and dolphins Orcas and elephants Ivory and tusks,

snails And ants dialing those Hills of mail brought for the pebble to be,

count the Tows and cart a gallop Ping choose,

digs on the swell its really just a braid dee light on harness the fee fie fiddling shite that shift talkers kick.

Swan Ballet toe point and that stagger on the roads of Hi Way lift,

graveyards Fences gates and Tents,

have a day with a Platter of ride,

it truths the Turf while the Saddle is the girth of the Shirt.

Clothes shrink wrapped to fit,

any size long or short Wide or trim Wise or stumped,

sent to be of the Rainbow representative,

oh for that treasure on the brow of eyes,

sparkling that wonder on the foundation of Foot placed to shock the Sound on the 'rounds!!

Speaking as the verb Express,

station Now the Trains,

growth is the Work,

miles that increase to the mountains Valley of horns blowing shakers by,

clover swaying the buffalo treat,

Coyotes howling Wolves to Creations stick figures designation of Ears to piece,

a fish shark that Whale of Toby bale,

all wired to daisy and Crow dials of that Stone clock on the Shale of strict Nine.

Say Spur

Write Tree and Answer the Moon,

as that is the route of a band on the Foot talk,

with an Ankle on the line be of the shape that Shadows the tightly knit paddle,

swing tell the lull a buy that fast is the staff on the style of grounding speak,

over the Top nail to ham stir the rest Once on the Time say,

oh well on the sift.

Waltz this with the shale,

earthquakes and sail,

Wings Flight and a bit on the Tack,

body Kite is the energy on the breathing Palace of All Man shins to Speak!!

Ways and journeys For With the trial of the Human sign its just a Trip.

Green Milk

Thoughts

Written May 28th, 2009
by Karen A. Placek

The beginning of every end will cause us to take pause, and realize we too are full of flaws.  It is not often that we actually stop and think of an end as a beginning.  This is a difficult mode of thought when you are pained by a fresh end and your hurt begins to outweigh your logic for the time being.

Really an ending can be a graceful way to study yourself, your thoughts, your motives and the like.  As I originally stated, 'take pause', is not something we often do in our lives.

Why?

I feel and/or believe for myself it may be for reasons of feeling like I am constantly hurried.  

To 'take pause', you must first react adversely to a situation, stop and think, what is a wise move for my life, my mind, and, my sole.  You must allow the presence of your mind to gracefully allow you the time to consider before your emotions take-over your every fiber, to your very being, in a reactive nature, to an unfitting end.

Unfitting, simply means that it does not fit.  You must really stop with all your might, and, decide, for your own self, in your own mind.

Why?

A thought is only a delayed reaction to the now.

Why?

Well, what happens around us stimulates what we are continually thinking.  It may be only one word, one body movement, the sight of one thing, a grunt, a groan or it may be only a glance that you yourself are not conscious of, but it sinks, or sank into your own very precious and gifted mind.

When this process happens, it is less offensive than an onslaught and/or responsibility of an entire conversation.  Your mind will allow an incredible beginning to occur, by directing you in the relaxation  of thought itself.  However, 'taking pause', allows you the small fortune to digest it all without words spoken.

The reason I believe this is important, would be for the sake of yourself, and those around you.  This way when you decide to speak on any given topic, your are now threaded with the design of patience, understanding and wisdom, as oppose to a quick reaction to a possible adverse action, which has now just continued into the forum of what may be considered to be an argument or a similar.

It's interesting, how quick we are to react, and, how slow we are to consider the reaction of our react.  It's not very comforting to know, that we are readily able to open our mouths, and speak words without thinking first.  The words seem to spill right on out of our mouths, as if we are only able to consider listening if we are vocally hearing ourselves speaking.

To be still for a period of time, that will remain forever, can actually be, and/or only take a fraction of a second.  Closing your mouth, while blurting out your emotional state of unrest in your own mind, seems to take a millenia, or two, and yet sometimes, will last a fraction of that same second.  Weird when you stop and think about it, but this certainly could be true, at least with me it is.

I enjoy the actual realization of many said and unsaid things.  I have found it to be educational to my sole and in turn to relieve my mind.  These are not the whys, but rather the possible hows.

* Our minds swirl in constant relief.

* Our thoughts are the road to our own Peace.

* Design is the construction of our reactions.

* Where do you lie when you could make way?

A question to ask yourself today, and, every other moment, in every other day, forever!!

Oh Shins Of Lox

Owe sigh wrist the agony of the anguish set at a crumb,

may a stream of mountain tiers maintain,

on valley of dust a bridge or the subbed be on can door to see of the grand,

it must be only a per fume that erupts tale off volcanic mail to deliver the attentive to the rein.

Lettered wealth to fern,

a fickle clatter of the rolling boom,

chance to this an address on stark light on the quest,

sharps on Notes to stick does word,

eternity sailing nouns to adjective verbs.

Horror Us With Greater Truth & Show Vine Night To Establish Why Dark Is Light

Pictures still Frame on my Desk to the avenue of smiling times the foundation of breath,

the garden of Wonder to enjoy on the pleats as the jewels of Nature on a day of said,

it has been a Name to Way the Nouns on present gift that Tasked my hug to placed,

for in the on for future to embrace the past I counter the tears to shape the Mapped.

Allow me to put to the plates of Seen as a feather on the Day of A camera Special,

should a perk to the form be of that Old Oak Tree the reminder is the additional,

from read in a please from be of the funny need now that particular day has comforted my chest,

in such a done the Photographs port has brought memory to detail grace.

Imagine for One belief that a Say can to speak,

in the truth of that Known on forward life with seeing the curtain of Coming king Tides,

there on the Roseburg driveway a certain safety delivered wealth,

on luck that day my kodak made Priceless memories captured trade.

for that I know that in such sound the hugs have crossed dimensions Ride.

There in the exact fort off the cuff my tears did cram,

streaming to choke my lonely state these are the facts that Albums press,

I strolled out to my Porch for clear a footstep that I comfort still,

what a said from flight of growth yet the sight of made my sank,

for love is true to formal came I know that Nature sings me steer.

My cheeks felt river of prepare for flood,

in that capture I drew my good,

great breathe enveloped life as dear dynamic fuse to type set steer.

Soaring grace flew to bough,

not 6ft staff that measured loud,

A Falcon calm to stead Breast to breast,

that beauty met my sorrow the dowry of loved.

How does such fortune sing to I these plays such strength a ring to Task,

breeze that sleek to landing limb this Incredible origin of beauty sword,

the strike I pause as it was the legs that gave to I the photograph of wow,

each feather held in perfect saw his foundation each the sill to leap.

To believe that being is thought of line As from to all sew sky in touched,

those beasts that counter sight tell heights the battle of no fields slide,

eyes to view Wings designed be assured his gentle stand signed my cry to speak a find,

the challenge only Hook that speech of Humans shook to Paint a beech,
 so blessed with let that Ever read a bean as is inside of a routed seed,
that this scout was Infinite on Being the Cries I know I sighed to Seer screaming Mirrors of panes in died.

The Field Of What Knotz

I have watched the To each Hymn own more's on These Now a days,

towards Daisy charged to Naples on the Crutch of Egypt for a Freezer Bright,

in that the moth is of Anut and the Cadence on the Scene,

long in the trip on the Journey across the Solar Moons to displaced on Sake,

futures owner Ship is the tell of Ships on the Canals in the stuck Burst sting A Brushers peek,

so at the Base structure of Persons Crowds it is In Truth the language of Alpha bets on The games!!

Treat this note shun to the diggers that port Only exit to Enter spiders on Web,

in that surrey of the passing plaster A billets Gallop to know,

not by Just not by How not by Vice not by Bull but simply the Take of reason to Wise Dom!!

Buckle your lives in with a Map on equals lop ears on the dough burr men Tops,

frost on the door bells rinse,

a Tax on that is the letter Addressed,

in process is the Milky Way on a Can deed posture,

written in Complicate to pea^off the Matter in basic BDSM branch,

an art Tick call of phone to bean the jar of Spelling to sphinx Trout on the creeking litter,

bring the mow hawk,

fly that to the deep banks of grand Yank keys at As tack ole,

trim that Christmas tin Sole to silver and Camera,

at clip and Voice oven Bake the Count tee to a Club of Media on Ancients in Now.

So on that evident in the Greek found,

say to the Sculpture Muse see stone to catch the Stocked fish on real ledge In's of Core fighters,

tristan at the fire Felt on the answer Trees in the route and rub burrs fork,

cure with the drink of Ankle boot said Easy stiff fitters Its looking to the Glass of steiner,

in branch on the National Broadcasting Networks fishing is a Tank Ponds Stack,

famine on Teak rice snows dinner to Spice the pumping Savage,

owe Well my dark Hour on the Minuet of life,

it is only Time I herd thrice!!

Cliff Notes ~ Is This On The Record or Off The Record be Cause I Am All Ways On Record. Write Coup Per An^Duh^Syn

The treat on the language of the deal on The View is a typed file to The Worlds bra of Nip pulls,

as in direct pass to forward Thwarted as the back of Basis on the Axis of said shows Masque care awe,

so Sum how on the Audience is sing Up a stair and bus Ticket to Bumps achieve 20/20 and . . . .

well that is really my beef off the enter vein bisque,
the stew on this tingle is like Christmas for Jade,
pretty shiney Etcetera shank,
watching the move ease like Serenity ranked,
one plan It for curtains the Won on the thank,
such Borscht on the Pick ole yet Specific on Preying.

bust the Nut shell the Card than put to feather the lend of a set Typer to krill Whales ah Mot,
shaping the lingo with Set-Ups on Aude dee oh,
than at the Mission no Impossible go,
like Monopoly on studio to record Clickers Cleat,
shell the lesson to build on the frame,
all envelope to simple this grain,
originals go treasure And the Media go's crane,
the public says Pew bic Hare and the fetch Says go dare,
for the Ore ridge knolls state is a Mountains ballet.

Manipulation on the Air Walk is ask Indicative timed as each of that Barb a Raw's watering to Shine,

messaging trip to journal on RIP the blank Prose to defining Prescript shun,

swallows of the lathe on tongues Wagging the bow Sir to arm the Punch of A jingle Scene lunch,

sew in Stead on the thread Is stictch of the skull banking the deposit on grabs of the head,

 in sole of ribbons on jogging the loud.

As within my grown I have laid Witness to ankle skipping the Learn from that stomach Clip,

readers Digest on the equipment of local Tell a Vision under the Pretense of an Education,

as sentence to the bricks and mortar typical Ratings Channel on National Networks fries,

the Population of Gossip Box shoot the bead like a Pearling of cramp.

Monthly shoes to sword the box It is the dancing of the rinse with Soap and clay,

mud dried house with straw torch grands,

on any caliber of subject that draws the picture for climbed!!

As the drink is of Minds to cheese News on the chain,

a lesson on Mail derived,

the Post office to special that stamp and pack Age to scope.

Flute brushes Etching division to Plates of license,

know different brings leather to flys,
saddles & Bridles bits to Pieces the Crown cheek Knows band,
a Coptic barn tack In from Stable which will scrub Down the Miss^shin with Say bull,
is it the Glycerin sheen or Cast Steal of scrub, 

thus Inside Edition a letter torn Rise,

that steep of brains for the rot to sing Glide.

In Ma more real the walk to the stagger delivered touching the skid Row a Peel,

the challenge of clock to that spot on the pull was Coffee on building Not a crematory spam,

as car deal of body to sole the thick out What is the garbage And recycled for Clout,

should the broth show Sewage to serve Dinner out Than the hand did speak to ring the leave Sieve.

Oranges not apples Juice or the Sauced,

did the bowl skin with cuts list of trout,

ladder on years to the exact bigs on a stout,

the Public just throws Catch to the trays.

So as the dream of just last night dealt,

state of serving both Silverware as chilled,

the railroad of Train to freight on the Teas,

cups And the Cast to provide timely in keels.

Now put Powder Rooms to the jello conversation to stall the case,

a minor representation of listen to glade,

toy lets of paper that wipe to step grass,

what is on barcode but the sealed of brass,

Polished with sample Speech on a tack,

visual be shingle to the times on the did,

may each of your per dones in gauge a evident truth,

that once in a berth the Skiff is Owned too.

So be it the skids or the Slip the Drink or the shingle,

clogs on that Rice or as The Field,

just say M&M's dock And pier that Write to key,

Harps are beans to this Gift on my prose,

for in the gather in the Collect meet is rejected to farther a Bose,

no lie from the date to keep it all steep,

for why's is the soaker on Electrical rein.

These Things Will Not Bite You. They Want To Have Fun." Then Out Of The Box Came Thing Two & Thing Won

Found on the News seal is that drive of Head kites on the strings at choir`d,

in vista of cliff notes to task the bender not a learn is like blanking the sport of life,

in dust Tree of guise often pertains to Harpers on a growing Scene,

should the dial wrote tare read than the boost is Vats,

pork bellows that trip the In test Tin awl Tick.

Pulse smoke of furst Kings 13.10 to 5 on the clock from Leviticus 4,

joke kin that Uni verse to clothe the Robber reads to Fill the tank at cost,

shell prices often Vent owe^ill in pre said dents,

but on the lungs of been there person a lead I'd brain the sake a cow Hall oh,

for it is the experience that lens of blinking kings and Principles to value at Measure read.

File the say to open the lane betting the learn was on this stomach of Trivia chords basil,

in that ride of Magnolia movie to the funnies I thought about the Apocalypse as Watts,

like making jelly fished frogs to WKRP in Syn A Gnat tee`d on Turn keys,

an enormous revelation to Psalms 9 to tack Proverbs 10 on the Corn.

Just bulb count Bulbs on the daffy Ducks to what the splat?!? on treasures detailed,

in sorted files of bringing to term the In^edit^a^bowl to Timing the Watch of a Capers egg.

Camera Film Of The Fair A Lawns

Once the Grand Banks of difficult smashed the Tides of fair on the Mention the rocks And beached,

up on the sharps of jagged shards of broken back cliffs I was tossed in that ocean of specifics,

tossing the turns to swim in anvil,

people forged my brain with Nails so piercing the blood was my shredded bodily signed,

each place of attempt to gain log of typed gave representation to this daily grinding of done.

Still on the barrels of sealed with soak I floated ashore to brave the colds,

shoulders branched like the spread of enter sight,

mouths chimney`d my very seat.

Inch to miles backwards those same persons cut deep gorges within my skull held tight,

to no avail the stop did not present itself until I found myself a footstep pace And walled a Way,

word by word riddles And verbs Noun touched to scab the fences at the biggest capes,

swamping dial in severed risk engaging nothing more ore less than the equals such`d.

At that the language of countered others my sisters still sliced on my strain,

scoring even grave as my twitch to say it would be best for the family on laid,

leaving my Self in based to shame it ended those shaking tongues Fingers with trimmed.

Throughout the say to paste brave only as the Tack of my sit to speak,

wheels keep on the go 'rounds to yarn,

threads of spiders And quilts of lärm.

Tick tick Talk the via shock no phone I have at now,

for the plow to dirts and shroud is to despicable for I to hear that voice of sisters lice,

that over static fizz Noise is screaming razors edged on bids,

term life is the in sure of sentence,

imposed from scene at every licensed And joined by hip stirring from add dish shin old batterers.

On torn a portion to hand dole storm Shells of dry timbered lanes,

forest slides roots engulfed to cut my trunk at living through,

in a Watch of gear mow dumbed my mute blinks kindly to distance summed,

in that Envelope I have cent`d my stair this truth of bare is as Naked pear`d.

Skin dollars to belts in Creek,

one adjective to Predicates come,

in I sew lay shun the result,

brought my pieces to form a stilt,

carriage of my in duh visible rise,

I found that lives like mine are ever shammed.

Con after Con the corkers pop,

sham pane bot Tolls with pine knee strings,

it is the stroke of Pen and Quill,

milk key ways that did these horrors,

all the chained to Me just for being born circumstantial to the 1960's Hip^Pea storm.

Back in the day conversation would have referred this lantern in repeat on my life as being gas lighted,

now electricity at those broke back mountaineers took top guns approach to bead a Mill a tary drive, puffin' off smoke in on the drifts to Camp a Operators grip,

the wheel in a cherub to cast the friendly fire just to sake a graham crackers chalk lets Ply her,

just to burn rubber And say it was a tree of todays system seed,

the MS dee Eh of dropping shale for the arm breaking thought to be left with a Shovel or The Pick of my Pains an Ode bow and Air^owe to Hymn the eyes of Marrow.

Just A Glimpse Of The Take, The Toll, The Days In A Lifetime On These There Miles

Salt tears that have taken my breath in gasp on the long mile of unspoken,

that traveling Narrows of Plains in galloping the Minds lens,

echoes of the Harps on the say chord of deep throttle,

a best to foot forward on the sleeve in all the shallow says.

True form is that the belly time of gut talk on the groan,

still in silent calm that hugging strum of the guitar,

in those days of growing sewn so blessed I had been to have Sing,

low the call with a few giddy up's a couple of chords and the Gibson struck.

That deep yodler on the sublime,

his voice roles my shore to know of signs,

the ground on the base of just love in my bones,

raising a vernacular to jazz through all the dead zoned.

Swinging his lullaby to this sand of print shop stone,

pen and pencil to etch his Hymn sole as the support of a special bring,

the grand stance of rhythm to an eternal phone.

From ear to piece the puzzle of such a riddle,

stringing with a say to comfort the hugs I miss,

such is the forest on the groves,

trunks Shoulders with a tad bit of sweets.

The golden state California on a journey so fad,

back in the 60's a walking grace filling those keens,

rumbling The Blues like a chase of the butterfly sigh,

flying a fabulous truth in these ladder plays.

Short comings Falls water on the river of life,

sent a CD to mark the flavor of the compass spice,

directions that give my Vista that value of fumble,

there on the stand my radio grands a good friend sing touching the dice.

Given duck the feather and the tone,

I bellow his basis as more than back to sitting a floor,

never throwing more than the best on sensitive drawl,

oh for memory on treasures I hold.

Daisy banks to deeper wealth these are the founds on climbing paves,

soaring a candor that gift of balance on a society cold to company,

I have watched in the trouble years and this Man made the path I just ran,

one of steady to handle the shacks,

people with skulls that scrap lives to venture the big dollar hides,

than at the moments parade those same persons dump like a vegetables style,

lush in picture but that first revelation of open mouth crushes like a hammers head batched.

Put them all together and the line to get a dirty clay is longer than history had vein,

planks that burn the hand holding pleasure to fill the pause with stink of shred,

even on that divide of contact to unknowns it is the reality that Society crowds nostril blares to loving care,

trading on the screen to advertise for a pylon on the taffy,

the spill and the catch has become like a pickle dill on a ferrets stole.

Chance brought this concert to my heart today,

brave authority to listen to a wonder on my life of chest,

the pulse of heavy times multiplied by losing a familiar I just beam the pigeon side camp for a fires same,

warming my internal locks so long on the tolls,

this is a bridge level coming down a Hi Ways jump,

I was four years old the first time he spoke a sing on the dimes,
he never did carve or shred my mind he just held a tune to sing the boon,
an old cowboy that loved his coffee too.

loving dg and a handful of tunes

Reining Frogs

Scuba Divers & Forest Fires, Movies Park & Magnolia Sharks

1998 Urban Legend

So you think you're having a bad day? In California, wildfires are part of the natural cycle of the forest. They are caused by lightning, by arson, by acts of God. Brave firefighters earn their livings extingiushing these ravenous blazes.

Recently, Fire Marshals found a corpse in a rural section of California while they were assessing the damage done by a recent forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in diving gear consisting of a recently-melted wetsuit, a dive tank, flippers, and facemask. Apparently the man had been participating in recreational diving fairly recently.

A post-mortem examination attributed death not to burns, but to massive internal injuries. Salt water was found in his stomach. Dental records provided a positive identification of a man who had been reported missing a week before, and the next-of-kin were notified. Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was discovered that, on the day of the fire, the deceased had set out on diving trip in the Pacific Ocean. His third dive was 20 kilometers away from the location of a large brush fire which which was threatening the saftey of a nearby town.

Firefighters, seeking to control the conflagration as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters to saturate the area with water. The helicopters towed large buckets, which were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the fire and emptied.

You guessed it! One minute our diver was marveling at the fish species of the Pacific, and in the next breath, he found himself in a fire bucket 300 meters in the air. He experienced rapid decompression caused by the altitude change, suddenly followed by a plummet into burning trees.

As a consolation to bereaved relatives, investigators calculate that the man extinguished roughly 1.78 square meters of the fire, approximately the area covered by a splattered human body. Bereaved are also consoled by the knowledge that he had enjoyed two rewarding dives preceeding his fatal third dive.

Divers and pilots alike are being warned to remain on the alert. Divers are encouraged to remain calm if scooped from the water, and to hang onto the bucket when the water is dumped on the fire. Decompression chambers will be available immediately upon landing.

Classified Urban Legend 17 October 1997

The sister of the deceased in Scuba Divers and Forest Fires shows us his last email message to her in Bad Day at the Office.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.

This time of year the water is quite cool. So here's what we do to keep warm: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, doesn't it? I've used it several times with no complaints.

When I get to the bottom and start working, what I do is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck and flood my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my itchy ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

In agony I realized what had happened. The hot-water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than poison ivy under a cast. I had put that hose down my back, but I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communications system. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he and 5 other divers were laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 hellish in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears of laughter streaming down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to coat my ass when I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen shut.

We've since modified the equipment to filter out most sea creatures.

Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to squash a jellyfish on your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable.

Original source: forwarded email in August 1999

courtesy of : http://www.darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-03.html