A Smile

In the hands of one that cared,

would be so nice to share.

To learn of love out there,

might be more then I could dare.

The pain of such a thought,

is only in dreams I've sought.

For disappointment is to much,

when I was just a tot.

Illusion caused by training,

often beat my mind.

In to the terror of night time,

where you often find.

Barging into my room,

at hours of a full moon.

Timing was essential,

cursed me with prudential.

Five or six disciples,

excited at the task.

Rifle through my thoughts and siteful,

on edge I was not delightful.

You are full of demons!

Out of bed I shot!

Repent before us mean one,

I sat and I did a lot.

Hands did fly around my face,

begging for a fight.

Excitement did show in their eyes,

I was not alright.

When exhaustion struck the core,

of each and every cult-like whore,

retreat they did so slowly,

closing behind the door.

Left me to my lonesome fears.

I layed my head to rest.

Alarm did sound for school would 'round,

the next day broke this way.

No words, no sorry, no admission of,

the bolting into dreams.

Just turned their heads, changed the sight,

for if you mentioned shock.

They beat you with the clock.

There is no shadow of the day,

that does not scare me so.

The fear and terror of long ago,

does not let my insides go.\

I used to think, a Knight would come,

and carry me away.

I soon did learn that this was not,

for me to ever say.

Crying eyes will sometimes show,

the pain of love not had.

To witness siblings freely held,

with all, I feel bad.

I wish that I could do for those,

that I can't do for me.

At least I can teach what I see,

because I love the free.

Tonight I hold myself alone,

I'm scared beyond belief.

Left to my own devices,

I never find relief.

The memories are deeply sewn,

in register of birth.

I know that there is only one,

to revel on this Earth.

A day will come, where he will seek,

deliverance for myself.

It will be so simply neat,

a smile to feel complete.

Karen A. Placek