Conditions Of Merit

I am extremely aware that I am totally alone,

in this I value the road I have chosen,

to walk and to speak my peace,

to whom well that is personal to me.

In such I have made requests of my children,

and of one other.

That being said as gently as I am able to say,

my children have returned independent reasons,

mostly silence however I was also told not to worry or contact them,

so I have had to come to peace with the rejection,

as painful as that has become.

To speak on another account,

it was merely a request to meet,

as I felt particularly pulled in his direction,

many years have passed.

I am still alone,
 and,
I know that no one has ever responded to my plea for resolve,

on either of these subjects.

That being said with not sadness just fact,

I feel something dire in the air,

not for myself but for the unknown.

As if I have been lied to and used,

without being made aware that this was the modus operandus,
basically being a daily joke,
for Society itself. 

Like there is an entire Hide,

and I am the Joker that doesn't see the most obvious,
in the truths of my isolation.

I feel a tremendous amount in constance,

I write to free my worry of strange happenings in this World.

As what I have written begins to time themselves,
 again and again I wonder about your actions even more.

It would be the most incredible joke,
 not on me,

should each of my posts spoken in free writes,

found their relevance in or with the lifting of ...

I made mention of this the other day,

as I know myself well enough to understand my own sight,

but should I have been excluded as I have felt,

if this proves to be true,

than upon admissions there is only one Man I would ever trust again.

An 'I'm sorry' will never be acceptable.

Much like the movie Truman,

should I never see you again,

I would simple say,

Good Afternoon, good evening and good Knight.

For it is only he that could even attempt to rectify,
 what I have perceived as,

the indifference towards my Life and/or my existence itself.

In such trust,
 of a person that I do not know,

I would know without a shadow of a doubt,

that who and what was in my life from that point forward,

would be his decide,
 and I would be finally at peace with the protection that provided.