What And Why?

Why is it you survive?  Why do you try so hard to get over what has happened to you and yet what has happened to you makes you who you are.  How do you move on from the past when it is slaming you in the face in the present. How do you take life when life delivered you to a monster?  If you don't know love, why is that so bad? If you are the child of a monster, does that make you one?  How do you put one foot in front of another when your flashbacks go live?  How do you stop the pain, when all you know is pain and it hurts all the time?  How do you fight to get back up on your feet, when your feet are tired of running?  How do you do what you promised yourself to do when you were young, when nobody will take the time to listen?  How do you tell a story when the story is your life?  How do you undo your sin, when your sin is being born?  How do you communicate to anyone that a con is still being run today?  How do you tell anyone that you cannot let something go because so many people are still in danger of being manipulated?  How do you do what is so difficult when the nightmares still plague you?  How do you say to anyone that the professionals tell you not to have anything to do with your family because they are so destructive?  How do you stop the destruction of a person, when you cannot get anyone to realize that everyone that has been impacted, ran away after they new it was a con?  How do you tell those people to stop hiding and being embarrassed their losses and to suck it up so that other people don't suffer the same?  How do you stop this train, when nobody ever stands against what harmed them? How do you show compassion for all of these same people when they are the people that caused you so much harm?  How do you explain who you are and that you are missing so much because you don't know love?  How do you tell your older sister to stop telling you she is so sorry you did not have a childhood, when you believe you did, it was just so different?  How do you tell your sister when she starts to tell you all that you are missing, that you don't feel at all bad about it because if you don't know your missing it, you don't know what you are missing.  So, it doesn't matter if I missing something, I don't know what it is.  Why does my life make people cry? Why can't I just stop the madness so nobody else gets hurt?  Why can't I do what I need to do? Why am I so incapable?  Why can't I get anyone's help to stop or look at anything that has happened?  Why does life deliver to you the gift of breath if while I am using this gift I cannot do anything for anyone but myself?  Why do we have flashbacks, if we can't understand what to do with them? Why do we survive, if when we do, we just are meant to go on like all of you?  How can we go on like all of you, if we are survivors of severe neglect, no love, abuse, rape and incest? If I don't have what you have to ground myself with, how is it that I am meant to be acceptable to you if what grounds me is unexplainable?  If you don't know love, then how is it you are meant to know anything else?  If it matters so much then why don't people take the time to show you what it is you are missing?  If I survived so that I could defend my life as an adult, then why would being loved even matter?  If it is so troublesome to listen to my story, then why do you want to always know about horror? Why is it that society doesn't thrive and prosper on the positive?  Why is it people look for the most tragic and horrible stories to report?  Why is is everybody tunes in to these and not to the healthy stories?  Why is it a problem I learned how to be from the brady bunch? Where are you meant to learn family values if they are taught like mine were?  Where do you turn for help, when help never came for you?  How do you do it all, when it all is robbed from you so you cannot do anything? How do you help anyone when nobody will admit there is a problem?

Pain Runs So Deep

Throughout my life I have been very quiet about the real horrors of my childhood.  My brother does not speak on it either.  I wrote a letter five years ago and my brother read it.  He burst into tears and ran outside of the apartment I had at the time.  After composing himself, he came back in and sat down across from me.  He said, "I had no idea that you remembered." 

We did not talk further on the subject.  It was very quick.  However, it testifies so clearly about the pain that runs so deep inside of us both.  I have already written one book.  I am going to be working on self-publishing this novel of poetic verse.  I wrote it so that I could express the pain in me. I wrote it in hopes that I can help women, men, girls and boys to not get over trauma, but to work through the trauma of molestation, incest, rape and neglect.  My book, An Independent Mind, Knot Logic, is the first of a series of books I would like to write.  As I become more comfortable with the pain of all that is inside of me, I hope to write in regular verse the stories of the past.  Through this venue I will heal the pain within my mind that has kept all of this so secretive. I will do this by helping others and speaking of cults, Churches and the pain of neglect.  I continue to try to believe that I can use all that I have been through to help other people to move through the trauma of cults, rape, incest, neglect and abuse.

Topped

I do not go where I don't know,

I cannot see what possesses me.

My mind is clear, my fate is near,

I can hear, Are you ready Dear?

I see you are in the stars,

I see you are in the bars,

I see you want a side of me.

Will you do right by Me?

Where can I tell, I cannot smell!

The worst part is this fucked Hotel.

Don't make me wait, I'll cause a lake.

I think I made my first mistake.

Delete! Don't take! Just hit, HIT back space.

It's not to late, I'm on the take.

Don't scream, don't move and don't say "boo"

You'll scare the ones that have the flu.

I don't care, they set a snare.

Behind you! It was a dare.

I took a shot, it just went POP.

Did you know, I'm not a cop?

No gun, no badge, I'm at the top,

I go to mop, I cannot talk.

I cannot stop, it's so fucked up,

I know its time to rough it up!!

K.A.P.

4/28/2009 

An Address To My Mother

I wrote this off the top of my head five years ago.  I have not edited it yet, so forgive me if it sounds rough.  It is actually two letters that I have put together.  This is the first thing that I ever wrote in accord to my upbringing.  I was so angry about the invasion of my life from my family, I felt beside myself.  I sat down and wrote the first letter and then I  wrote the second letter.  I did not send either one of them because of the fear I feel when I think on the subject of my childhood.  I read them recently and its interesting because it as if I am writing from another world.  Its funny how when you sit and free write, you express yourself in such an odd manner.

Remember I was brought up in a fundamental environment, with extremely strict rules on behavior, speech, posture, tone of voice and so on.  I could not even sneeze without being chastised for being to loud. Whenever they spoke it was always in code.  If you did not pick-up what was in between the lines of what they were communicating they would beat you. So you had to listen to what was not being said, rather than what was actually being said.

I wrote it on this blog back in 2008 I think, but today I feel brave enough to post it again.  I am hoping someday that I will not shake with fear.  Cults have such a power over the people, but the power over the off-spring is really never mentioned.  I have really bad flashbacks that are affecting me daily and causing things to happen that are very uncomfortable for me. I don't want to loose any time periods like I did when I was a kid.  I remember always checking the date to see how long I had been asleep at the wheel.  Sometimes it was years that I don't remember.  It began happening to me around eight years old I think. I always worry it will happen again and I will wake-up and be sixty, seventy or eighty, if that is the case I would rather never wake up again.  It is really to painful to be missing time.  So just in case this happens again I want my mother to know how I feel about her personally.

With that being said please know that this is written in the same mind frame that I write my poems.  It is just in a paragraph form.  I am not sure if this is a style of writing or not, but it is poetic verse to me. Titled as an address to my mother, I am not looking for a response from her I just wanted to express how I felt once and for all. 

So here it goes:

An Address to my Mother

I am the white flame of the fire, which burns the color of purity. I pay homage to the miracle of my creation. My development and freedom from hypocrisy has been celebrated and witnessed. I have played a slow, even tempo, which has been ideal for guiding, leading and revealing the path that I have followed for my life. My trust in the unknown has been rewarded to me, by becoming the known. I understand the Laws of the Divine. The gifts that have been bestowed upon me are priceless and without measure. My Key has been revealed, I have unlocked my door, I have found Forgiveness my lesson and I revel in the Peace of Understanding.

I forgive all your wrongdoings and intolerance; I am now impartial, impersonal, and detached from all of your emotions. I surrender and I am drawing to a close, your selfishness, ugliness and lack of compassion, which has been so offensive to me. The Divine plan requires me to have faith and live on higher ground. I will testify to the wisdom of Spiritual Law. I am now conscience of the needs of humankind. By choosing to live with a higher purpose, my talents will allow me to bring this together with completion and no allowance for interpretation. I am a living testimony; it does not matter what my adversaries have done to annihilate my very existence and survival. My anchor for self-preservation has transformed the horrid memories and visions of the tortuous, manipulative abuse of power and influence over unsuspecting lives, both known and unknown, into a positive reaction that evoked forgiveness, not resentment. My sensitivity, perception, and innate ability to listen to a Higher Guidance will ensure the integrity of the message remains intact. My vision of this message will be delivered with planning and the execution of a master swordsman. The principles, ideals and wisdom of this message will focus the minds, which choose to release their compulsions and evoke their eternal right for peace, understanding and opportunities for positive growth.

Creation welcomed me at my conception, a child of Joy and Sweetness, a delightful daughter, full of the most Natural and True abilities. I have kindled the flame that ignited within me. My unusual amount of self-understanding and the ability to see through the emotional and physical barrage of attacks, created as diversions, had no power or ability to hide, mask or erase the truth. I have had to be wise beyond my years, my honesty entitled me to have dominion over the world, which is filled with frightened, cowering, roaming lives. I have delved in to my childhood, I am no longer filled with terror. Anger is not needed to preserve myself from attack. My eyes received enlightenment, my ears perceived the truth, I have separated the entangled web of your deceit. I have found my bottom, my place, and it is clean, strong and ready to sustain the weight of the building, which shall be my life. I embrace my heritage; I found this etched on my soul. Creation has clothed me in substance, sustained me, blessed me and ensured that no man foul my purity. My mind dwells in anticipation of the delightful tickle of the wisdom, which I have been graced.

I have been protected by the very power that awakened you, to the joy of your re-birth. At your birth the gates flew open and you entered into a celebration that freed your conscious mind. Your relentless pursuit of those who failed to see your delight and awaken to your invitation, a gift that you would bestow, ended. This has delivered despair and agony to your door. You have only begun to realize that the brilliant enlightenment and uplifting satisfaction you desired has been the imagination of your life. You have walked amongst those which you despise and bear deceit for their beings. The beauty in your mind and body shall perish in blindness and despair.

You did not seek the knowledge of those that know. You did not listen to those that spoke the words. Nor, did you respect the Laws of the Land. Creation is our Mother; we are all invited to revel in the warmth and we to one another. Each and every one of us that has accepted her gift has received a pact of everlasting devotion. You did not heed Creation, instead you wrapped yourself in a cloak of self. Filled with secrets and with your unyielding loyalty to your deceiving warmth, you turned away from your Self and Natural Laws. Although you break the Laws of the Land, the Laws with an even tighter grip bind you. You have raised your right hand, given an oath, receiving all that which that oath has entitled. You swore mindlessness; you went out amongst the world and shouted your acclaim. You have discarded yourself and willingly choose Pleasure and Pain to exist. You choose your death with your oath and accepted life. You received and embraced enlightenment. You did this of your own accord, without cause for any other that yourself. You were not coerced, nor were you tricked, your ambition for desire, signed and sealed your Fate.

Creation filled me with the physical, mental and emotional instincts to ensure my self-preservation while under your watch. My Anger was aroused when you turned your Ambition on to me, with the oath as your guide; you brought a full on attack to my Heart, my Mind and my Soul. My Anger protected me from your relentless attempts to destroy that which Creation had been so kind to deliver to me. My recognition that my Anger had been aroused to protect me in an effort of self-preservation, allowed me to release my anger, let go of the very emotion that I held for so long and I held with a death grip. I am free of the terrors and no longer need to arouse the emotion that has had to be so diligent and readily available to call upon in my life.

However, the wrong cannot go without being addressed, even in defeat, Honor is dangerous but must be carried out, for this is the honorable thing to do. You choose a path to save Righteousness based on your Natural Instincts. You joined your Spiritual and Carnal Natures, watched while they merged with one another. You did this so that you would achieve greater enlightenment. To your Horror and in your self-deceit, with ambition as an instinct for self-preservation, you discovered that you, yourself, are only Carnal and you always were. You either had to hate yourself to death or revel and rejoice in exactly what you are. The feeble attempts you made to scourge yourself, were never more than reprieves you enjoyed while willingly accepting and recognizing the importance of sustaining faith in a lie. Then you had to rationalize sustaining faith in the truth. This is a primitive thought; this did not spur awareness into your mind, nor did this ignorant, pathetic process, which you willingly submitted yourself, bring, or add any substance to your being. Your faith in lies has diminished, the brilliant, blinding flame you once reveled in the glory of, it has lost its ability to breath and burns black with the impurities of mind and soul. The gradual decline, over the true test “Time” has enabled all who have protected my purity and innocence to reveal to me the understanding, wisdom, forgiveness and compassion in which to honor you.

Creation does not need an invention, audience, or court from mankind to invoke Natural Law, nor does she judge or punish by-proxy. This is not the time to spur “Hope” and “Prayer” for your redemption, these are simply indicative of the apprehension and fear inside yourself. Creation has based her judgment and therein punishment on the Action and Reaction of the choice’s you have made. There will be no Middle Ground found in this scenario, for middle ground is just another term you commonly here, called “FATE”. You have sealed your Fate with the action of your very instinct for self-preservation, your Ambition.

You have confessed to me your inabilities and sins against the Natural Laws of Motherhood. To clear your conscience and free yourself to break the laws and terrorize me yet again, you just continue the attack. You have committed wrongs and in this testimony of yours would mean that your genuine acknowledgement to me that you had made a mistake would have had to mean that you were truly sorry about what you had done. This would have taught you lessons along the way and you would have taken care not to do it again. Instead, you have not been honestly sorry about anything and acknowledged to yourself you would continue again and again to terrorize me. You had no business confessing and asking forgiveness in the first place. Your own lack of consistency in this matter has revealed your hidden agenda. Your scorn for my very existence and continued life has you consumed with animosity, which must be released on me from you daily. Your disguise of prayer or praying for me has only been nothing more than a bargain-basement anger that is decidedly shoddy and inferior in quality. Your own admission on a daily basis of you having to “pray for your enemies” provides total confirmation and true meaning to this ignorant backwards thought.

God is all-powerful and in turn all forgiving, your faith and belief that all transgressions here on earth will be forgiven, the Divine power of such a blessing lies in his hands not yours. Therefore you have reveled in your own iniquities, love of self and allegiance to your oath of enlightenment, with no regard. However, your belief that forgiveness will be at hand when you call, and the oath of contradiction blinded you with hypocritical self-deceit, this is why you have never achieved peace of mind. Every being or entity, good or evil has a job, you assumed in your ignorance that this loophole freed you and in reality it not only bound you but also consumed your very being. God is all-powerful and will forgive the transgressions of those that sin knowingly. However, you should have been aware of the power of Creation, herself, the Mother to us all. She employs the power to give us the strength to pull the heavens down and from the crumbling remains use their shards to build an idol or erect a monument to satisfy our own Divine indulgence, defining our true nobility for thought and action. To employ such abandoned power for strength and choice, she must balance the Core of Creation with the wisdom and freedom from the perception of right and wrong, good and evil applying to her actions and therefore the reaction, which brings an End to a Means. God being the creator of all; God recognized his compassion towards the weakness of man this would prove to be their own destruction, ending in extinction. Being Just and Fair, God employed Creation to ensure that his compassion was felt by mankind but did not stop the progression of Creation by accepting inadequacies that mankind created as a result of their own compulsions. God did not want to stand in the way of the Natural Extinction of an infested soul and mind that succumbed to Carnal Desire without regard or consequence to their actions. Your enlightenment to yourself and desires were fool hardy when measured against the All-Knowing, All-Powerful God of Heavens, Earth, all that has been and all that will be for eternity.

I am speaking in a 'Tongue' that requires no translation to be understood. I have not called upon the “Powers to Be” to invoke the protection or justification of the meaning and implications of this message. Creation herself delivered me to you, she encompassed my mind, heart, soul and my very being with spiritual gifts to make me highly sensitive to intuition and the extrasensory perception to know the world of higher guidance. My core has been filled and comforted since the day of my birth with the celestial beings she sent to care and protect me from the realities of life and all that would encompass my ability to deliver this message of Spiritual Law. She provided the balance needed to survive in this world of violence, negativity, materialism and personal gratification. Knowing the journey would be taxing emotionally, mentally, and physically, she instilled the fire and solemnized her gift by etching the design of the fuel onto my soul ,I must filter and fine-tune myself in order to remember my origin. By design, I elevated my consciousness toward living with a spiritual awareness. The heightened state of awareness made it very difficult to accept the surroundings of my youth. My pioneering spirit has driven me with absolute determination to find the truth. The journey has been a fine line between survival and self-destruction. The acceptance of my gifts for intuitive understanding and spiritual truths, delivered the ability to grow and find stability. I have learned to live with faith. My peace was made with myself and my gratitude will be everlasting.

Shame on you

(Second letter/Second attempt)

You are my mother, but from here on out I will call you out by any name of your own choosing. You are full to the brim of hypocritical self-deceit. Your conscience acknowledgement of your own self-proclaimed mastery of all that you have become is the epitome of an ignoramus. Your oath to yourself and gifts bestowed upon yourself are the actual design in the manifestation of death by-proxy and the inevitable extinction of your very being. Your everyday statement of announcing to me that I came from “Bad Genes” is in itself, your own proclamation from your own body, mind and soul. This is your cell structure, which you have spoken of all these years. “Out of the mouth confession is made”.

Your very core has insured, by-proxy, that your spirit, mind, soul and body of your own self gratification, ugliness, lack of compassion, materialism, ambition to elevate yourself at the spiritual and financial cost of any being available or not available to your beckoning, this will cease and desist. You are that which you have called others. Your cosmic phone has been cut off. You were billed and scoffed at the arrival of its price. This action has been an announcement to all; your ignorance in this matter is to be pitied. You have shown that pity is for the weak minded and those without moral conviction of spiritual law.

Your youth has been erased, happiness has become an illusion, pain is the only way you know and you are still here. The shell you are, is void of life, filled with emptiness, confused by imagination and not yet conscience that by your own design you created that which you abhor.

Your measurement of love, knowledge, understanding, wisdom and generosity has set the limits of that which is limitless, priceless and without measure. That which you embraced in yourself fouls you.

Shame on you!

The one’s you choose to “love” will deliver the greatest gift to you. In return for your training, dedication and living example of glorifying, “the one and only”, the debt that they owe you, will be paid with delightful, guiltless abandoned joy and freedom of will. This is all voluntary. They will not even have to divorce themselves from hypocritical self-deceit. The ones you have chosen to “measure” your “love”, and bestow that which you have accumulated through means of the unnamed. They will do exactly as they have been trained and charged in life, they will execute that which you have done.

Your success is their guide, their patience has been your measure, your ambition is their alarm clock, and the bell has begun to toll.

The respect that death invokes, the respect that would hold at bay the greed that waits, has bared witness to your impatience. Your robbery in this course of action has been noted; you have manipulated all, to receive inheritance’s that had rightful heirs. You have reveled in the design of greed under the pretense of ambition.

Shame on you!

Listen to these words, for the ones you have chosen to “love” will discount and dismiss my message.

There, in those voices, from the ones you found deserving to bestow yourself, that is the moment you will be smashed with undefiled wisdom. For now their indulgence will manifest itself to you, as their ambition will not be abstinent. You taught them well “Blessed are the powerful, they will be revered among the world, cursed are the feeble, old, sick, weak-minded, powerless, dying, for their time is measured and should be blotted out”.

You have paved the path; you will be at the very hand of those you indulged with life. By the means you taught them well, and they know death is the great abstinence. This in known to all as a “Dog eat dog”. Recognize their actions, intentions and words to you, for they are yours.

I will honor your memory by going out into the world and I will bare witness to all. “Love” has no measure, the more you willingly give, and the return for such a priceless gift shall be ten fold.

You have indulged and rejected abstinence with ingrates. These are the teachings of your past. But, you did not listen; it was indulgence, not compulsion. You are engulfed in the stagnant morass of yourself. The reverses that have beset you are no longer under your dominion and they will be unending from this time forth. Those you have chosen to measure your “love” no longer cherish you.

The pleasures you indulged will flow into anguish, as the fire in your marrow is rendered powerless. You are devoid of substance. Your ambition to marry Spiritual Nature with the Carnal Nature left you in a loveless marriage of an Ambitious Nature. Spiritual Law required you to divorce and to your horror, you were Carnal in the merge, always were, always will be. Do not fool yourself; your last days on earth are upon you. You have advertised and announced this message to the world. Your pride blinded you and your intellect did not reason, because the obvious was invisible. The gatherings I witnessed, as you blessed the Communion and Challis, filled with the Blood of the Lamb, this was your admission to your hidden agenda. This was an announcement of your half-truths. The Challis will be of any metal, but may not be gold. You praised that which you have become. You spoke “in tongue’s” praising his name. The pronunciation of your words sealed with your Hebrew lessons. The translation of such “tongue’s” you exalted did not belong to you, for that is sorcery. But you were not a Sorceress, only a mindless follower and you spoke in tongues that you memorized and full well new the translation, just as I do.

Shame on you!

May your days be full of that which you delivered unto others and with the power in which you convicted them. You have not abided by the Laws of the Land,

Spiritual Laws

Natural Laws

You are ruled and abide by the;

LAW OF THE JUNGLE.

Your lies and deceit built your throne. It will be assailed without pity, without regret, for under domination of a falsehood, no one can prosper. You enthroned a sanctified, privileged lie, a lie believed by everyone to be truth. That is the seed on the most dangerous delusion. A lie to be known as a half-truth, the lie that an intellectual person accepts as fact, the lie that has been inculcated upon me by you, this lie, your lie, is the most dangerous to contend against. Pestilence shall be your compulsion.

I, being of sound mind and body, I am now of the age of consent, accept the knowledge and wisdom bestowed upon my heart and soul. I release the anger, the anger that was an instinct for self-preservation against your relentless attacks. I forgive. I stand on the bedrock of this earth with true independence. Spiritual Law has risen in the midst of the web of entanglement that you spun as a disguise. I now name the one that shall not be named. He resides within you.

He silenced me as a child of joy and sweetness, a delightful daughter, full of natural and true abilities. Together “the named” and yourself have been Outed, Outed by the one you silenced with terror.

Shame on you!

I am free of hypocritical self-deceit. I embrace that which has been done to me and with the command of my Eternal Right, take dominion over diabolical indignation. With rationale, in the “eleventh hour”, sweeping aside pain, disappointment and resentment of the past. I restore Law & Order, Law of Harmony, Ministration and Peace. This is what shall reside here, from now until eternity. The double-edged sword which you have wheeled, no longer is yours to use but will remain as a symbol to you.

~

“The instinct for self-preservation is the driving force that is used for our own self-annihilation.This is the epitome of the double-edged sword."

The Begin

A Hymn

Rage is not so telling, to any particular age.

Mine began so gently, before the gift of sage.

So young to be so blessed, or is it cursed on thee?

My anger is so pointing, the facts I could not see.

Tortured and the keeping, a prison was I in.

My sheriff was so bluntly, the bearer of all sin.

Confusion did not stop me, the English language spoke.

Screamed in Hallelujahs’ and I just did not know.

No translation given, all their arms thrown-up.

Believers in the driven, was the Church, shut-up!

I was younger after, no one wore the glove.

Married to a second, I was beat there-of.

Name a cult that’s active? One that shames us both.

Do not stand in traffic, there is no excuse it’s classic.

Years and years of doing, to stay clean of their shove.

I do some denying, it hurts me so to love.

There is not end to pleading, I am not a son.

Only do I know this, for I’m the daughter, RUN!!

Clearly we are bizarrely, left in Satan’s Lair.

I am not so saintly, Demons would declare!!!

Stay out of celestial battles, between God and More.

Don’t take sides announcing, whom is right or sore.

You are incorrect as beings, to sight in only horns.

For it is in the means, that sets you on the mourn.

Religions tell your order, but you are second in.

For battles of the Heavens, sing a brand new hymn.

Remember who was kicked out, a story that’s about.

You are not to be with, when 666 shall tout.

My belief and structure, is mapping of oneself.

Not to cause destruction, but to simply sell myself.

An idea of difference, uncalculated by lies.

I am just a sayer, in honor when I die.

For facts that have been twisted, hidden in disguise.

There half-truths from the wicked, in the midst of all the sty’s.

For in death there is honor, the threat so still is there.

My half-sister declares, “blow your head off for fair.”

This does kill our story, should you kneel to ill.

Repute is what it utters, when I fail to Will.

Fuel for souls and others, pours from wells of whim.

Many seem to fail, the orders given him.

You should not question, command is in the hands,

of voices in the letters, written from the Lairs.

Belted in our wonder, illusion will not last.

Mythology does its bidding, while reality is its trash.

December 21st, 2012 is made.

Even I do think, an Incan did not think.

Years ago was rote, learned from toe to toe.

In the scrolls that did last, telling of the show.

Zealots did the burning, pointing fingers so.

Know one left to carry, blood lines of the know.

Discovery is blatant, television plays.

With no redemption present, they watch the counting stays.

The calendar is famous, extinction of its days.

I did try to make one, with purchases that I’ve made.

The printing company solicited, didst laugh at my attempt.

To develop income, to pay my monthly rent.

San Francisco Originals, a website from a friend.

Made from scratch and simple, lives just hit send.

Society still does turn, from History of the the Old.

Telling of the burning, of very ancient scrolls.

Assumptions they were evil, made the best ones cry.

Stood with Godly visions, removing you and I.

Who did die so long ago, leaving wisdom wry.

How do human people, decide the fate of guy?

Creation is developed, by whom is not your lie.

She didst envelope, the trusting of the sigh.

Singular in written verse, its not for us to buy.

For sales are so final, when decisions are not sly.

To those of us not choosing, to insult the same.

We do not have to listen, to the screaming of the pain.

Imagine not a world, where nine becomes ordained.

Not to be in harness, or forced to be what’s vain.

Stories are our promise, language we do loose.

Translations of the writings, dost we cannot do.

On the date I mentioned, the Earth will wobble too.

Feared by all prevention, sought by all the blue.

Magic is so real, put aside your shock.

For horror and terror doth mention, it is not a flop.

Do you not remember, a birth before this place?

Are you stuck with family, that just seems to take and take?

From anyone or anywhere, to survive this heavy curse.

For in this Hell we travel, while making up our verse.

Memories are so often, held in blank repose.

As the chisel livens, our hammers always know.

What we read is special, from travels I don’t show.

Bubbles of the living, please don’t run and go.

You are unique for thriving, on all this falsehood; Stow.

Your stories are so personal, the worst ones I do know.

Do not let them tell you, anyone speaking sear.

For they often say, you’re not the most fouled out here.

Individual proof of plain, is not competitive in.

The safety and protection, of truth and not our sin.

I hate the words that plunder, from mouths of all of them.

That say that therapy happens, so trench your feelings in.

They cast our thoughts to mention, nothing of our walks.

Towing only prevention, saying, “please even don’t talk.”

Spouting choice is only, ours to never make.

Drop and turn they push upon, our sight to look and take.

What is depth of rotten? That sits inside of me.

Power on as Christian. This so worries me.

Prayer is not my semblance, of what releases me.

Again entrenched in blood loss, “of what??”, I know the cost.

Heavy was the payment, to just accept a loss.

Why display such indifference, to girls in shallow plots.

I am not your carriage, of years you spoke of yoke.

Wrapped around your own mind, it worked so please don’t choke.

Allowing me the same line, only angers you.

Interesting and different, very sad to view.

Let alone be free of, or not my freedom sought.

I am over help now, but others I do trot.

To speak upon the subjects, so readily at hand.

I balance all my learning, by only what I am.

Do not judge the journey, another believes there at.

Those are not your footsteps, to see where we did sat.

Taking breaks becoming, where your words are at.

Saying, “I must tell you,” never holding back.

Why must you entangle, all that you are; go splat!

It is painful for us, to simply tell you that.

Reverse is not a gear, history proves this year.

Twin souls, dreaming, hearts! Is only what you fear.

Never shutting off, you dribble and won’t stop.

Opinions of yourself, while all we do is talk.

I do not share well, for depths is my designing.
And course is my repair, for all that has a tear.

On and on I song, my friend is still out there.

He sings of nothing healing, he’s final in despair.

A match is not the making, for distant will stand fair.

He and I are taking, our chances in the dare.

It’s not all the raping, my youth doth be so raw.

I only speak with random, reversal of what I saw.

My words are charged with visions, my mind is in record.

Of all the terror and prisons, I stood in Death Court there.

The docket, it was full, of hypo-critical beings.

My number did not call me, I had no other means.

My mother, she did work on, all that does displease.

It’s just my job to finish, stop robbing all that need.

Mortal man may question, divinity inside.

I am not the seeker. I throw the judge aside.

Only spot for driven, uncomfortable and true.

Is for the ones of living, the rot. Is it in You?

Do you stop and question? Do you not let loose?

Innocence and wisdom, the freedom of that we choose.

Experience with action, memories not corrupted.

With flashbacks that have photo’d, all that has erupted.

Are you so loose with tongues, that cannot shut the door.

Driven from apartments or views that will abhore.

Payed for by indifference, jealousy and more.

Do not do your bidding, for guilt I do adore.

Fault is in my past, from birth the open sore.

Embarrassment in life’s attempt to shield me from more.

I hear the words of men, Jean Baptiste I met.

In happenstance and favor, this sign I did so get.

Dismissed without the ‘morrow, discernment was my prize.

This man was still and gentle, much to my surprise.

He asked not of my falsehoods, he didn’t have to cry.

He simply just spoke the words, that fault could not be nigh.

Witness not to more, in my car I drove.

Passengers to ferry, lunch to them accord.

The one man I did listen, the woman I did not.

For it seemed a decision, my brain it needed; sought.

Appreciate the moments, intellectuals will talk.

I do love these times, they never seem, there taught.

Hurried we did go, released from the tow.

Of heavy burdens laid upon, the girl that so feels low.

Thank you to the Incans, grateful for the years.

For standing with the truth, and not being men that loot.

My dear old friend at distance, repair I cannot make.

My heart, my soul, resistance, to another mate.

I travel worlds of interest. A malignancy I’m not.

Writing books of feeling, to help and not to plot.

Undoing what I can, for I am not a man.

My strength is not my training, it’s just a CD plan.

Laughter is so easy, when pain is hidden in bogs.

Of all that are still after, my life and not my cogs.

Telling stories blindly, to such a person known.
A recent vision frightened, to base what will still tighten.

I spoke of what I saw, leaving me to laws.

Of eviction notice, with no one to take solace.

Escaping to a new home, I felt the set did shone.

The brightness of decisions, to leave the family throne.

Oddness in the time frame, it’s not for me to tell.

For I do know the truth, I seem to where it well.

A shorter path to difference, I sicken not myself.

I sell out not another, for numbers showing wealth.

Forgiveness is a lesson, not for me to share.

Personal transgressions, belongs to those that dare.

To speak on behalf of treason, it’s powerful display.

I call upon the season, to release me from this stay.

I wish for another, only pain I see.

For it is my mother, with threats of ridding me.

She claims my residence, A Street will be my fence.

I still will not pretend, to do her bidding hence.

I’d rather stand with principle, An Independent Mind.

Knot Logic is the difference, between my friend and I .

Karen A. Placek

5/17/2011

To Be Free Of A Conscience

I seem to attract the same type of person as my mother.  It as if the people that have been part of my life have some undercurrent of understanding that lends them to taking advantage of me.  I know that we have a tendency to become close to people that are the same as the people who raised us.  As I become more aware of the common denominators between these people in my life, I realize that what I was so anxious to know is coming to light.  I was very concerned that I not make rash decisions when meeting new people.  I watched as my mother would railroad people for just existing.  I knew that without a conscience she was able to do the things she did each day because she was free of guilt or dismay. What I have grown to learn is "the lack of conscience" that my mother suffers from is wider spread than one would believe. 

A person that railroads another into feeling useless or worthless is a person lacking in the simple rules of humanity.  The oddity of this really lies in the fact that this type of person believes themselves to not be recognizable by anyone else. It is as if they believe they are getting off scot free with the way that they behave.  Simply because nobody seems to be able to discern their true desire or nature. They fancy about without fear of discovery.  Interestingly this is a learned behavior and as the person gets older they become more absorbed by the fact that they have been able to get away with such lack of morals or conscience for so many years. This is when the pattern changes and sloppiness becomes there marker.

Being more adept to knowing that this type of personality exists is helpful. I find myself fascinated by the tyranny they seem to think goes unnoticed.  As a person of no conscience begins to age, they become so arrogant in the lies they tell and they become lost inside of the truth. They become more capable of turning a blind eye to the people or individuals that they have now sighted in as part of their next con.  In doing so, they loose sight of the layman who may be in the vicinity. You may be just hanging out in life trying to figure out what is wrong with your life. As a witness to what they are proposing to do next, you sometimes forget to protect yourself. The con may be run on family, friends, survivors or children.  There is nobody that is above, beneath or out of reach to these people once they have decided you have worth to steal. The worth can be your intelligence, good nature or actual belongings or monies, trust funds or wills.
Interestingly their age is their vulnerability. As they get older you begin to see how negative they become towards life.  They live this strange guiltless life. It is the fact that they are always guilt-free that becomes the torch that lights up and burns so bright. The light from the flame nearly blinds you when your with them. It is as if they are blood thirsty for the impending disasters. To be familiar with the pompous acts of a human being living this type of existence is truly an experience. To watch what excites and demands the constant attention of this person that has no conscience is difficult to describe.  The time that they will spend on a potential candidate is indeed limitless.  They will go around and around, never ending the attack of another human being.  To be rid of such a man or woman is truly impossible. They will never give-up or change the approach on you. If they experienced the thrill of the success at least once you are in big trouble.  Nothing will stop their advances after this happens. 

The importance of knowing that this does take a highly intelligent being, is paramount in recognizing what your defenses may actually be.  Being honest and upfront with yourself about your own intelligence is essential too.  I have had to take it slow in my own life. My life has been a gradual step-ladder to understanding better the events of my childhood.  As I become more aware of the people around me, I realize that my journey has become a very steep climb. I seem to end up with exactly my mother again.  I know this sounds odd, but in reality would we not settle with who made us most comfortable in life.  I only know strife, disappointment, negativity, verbal abuse, physical abuse, rape, molestation and neglect.  Taking this into consideration would I not end up with whom by design had a striking resemblance in mind.

Amazingly this type of person believes themselves to be unidentifiable by anyone. Their mind is structured in such a manner that they will dole out in very specific measure pleasure, love, attention, kindness, compliments, sweetness and many other things along these same lines. They believe that nobody will be able to notice them in public, private, socially or at the work place. This type of person spends many hours fine-tuning the behaviours that copy others who show high moral character.  By sliding in behind people with good-hearted intentions, they go unnoticed and are often looked upon as victims. They are usually considered to be self-sacrificing in their life.

I often wonder, does anyone ever stop and think about the fact that there is always crisis in this persons life?   There is always a matter at hand that demands instant action or attention?  Usually it is somebody else causing them the turmoil. Do you think that anyone realizes that the con within a family is as easy or even easier to pull off.  Your family always embraces you or at least that is what I have been told.  My mother would always tell her friends that her children were the cause of all her pain.

When the crisis is used to take advantage of the next person, it is the delivery of the crisis that is paramount to the success of the con.  I always wonder about the people the con is run on, do they ever stop to ask themselves why a grown individual is blaming another for their lack of ability to thrive. This is usually the basis of their character.

People lacking a moral compass and exhibiting signs of no conscience are terrors on society.  I don't feel sorry for anyone in these situations and I have to really work on myself about feeling this way. I watched as each and every con was played out as a child. I never saw in pity or anybody feeling bad about anything. Once the entire con was over whomever it had happened to would just disappear.  We would never see them again.  I cannot tell you how many times people left this situation, never to return.  Nobody ever confronted my mother on anything. It must be very difficult to be a person that stands up to another human being and demands morality. I never saw it happen.  I often wonder about the people that were helping my parents beat me or keep me up for hours, telling me I was full of demons.  I am curious about what they are doing today and if they ever think about what they did to me when I was young.

I have suffered greatly due to bad decisions with people.  I am just a terrible judge of character.
Being the scapegoat daughter of a cult leader, I am tired and worn out.  I had hoped I would know love one day, but it seems so painful to even try on.  I have a wonderful psychiatrist that told me I have a really good heart and that I have just been really hurt. I know that most people would say don't give-up hope.  

I find a need to write and speak, to see if I cannot help others in troubled situations.  As I become better versed in my own life, I find that I may have a unique view of this type of person.  I was surrounded by so much and I have had so many experiences that I feel this may end up being a blessing instead of a curse.  Maybe by writing a book about my life I can help others not fall into the trap of a narcissist.
Just remember that for some people it is better to not expect kindness from humanity because of the crimes of their mother.  So those of us that suffer this plight are lucky when we begin to realize we can do something for others and use all these negative type of experiences for something positive.

A New Day!

As I search out what is new today, I find myself reminded of when I was a very small child.  The past few days I have spent in so much fear.  I go to retire and I am filled with terror.  It reminded me of when I was very small. The people in my life would leave me places while they went off and did whatever they pleased.  I would sit for hours apparently, without moving.  My older brother and sister laughed some years ago, about how if you told me to sit there; I would.  I would not get up again until someone came back to get me.  This reminds me of time with my mother.  She ventured into so many places that I find difficulty speaking about.  But, I do remember sitting alone.

I was told once by someone that knew me when I was young.  That when they originally met my mother in the late sixties, that I was curled up in a chair, sucking my thumb.  They went on to tell me how my mother used to farm me out to strangers to take care of me, because she was so busy starting her new church.  They told me how cruellyI was treated and how neglected I was as a child.  It was really difficult for me to listen, but, I found it somehow relieving too.  Funny how you know you were ignored and taken advantage of, but, when you start to put different names on it, like molestation, neglect, etc, it changes how you feel.

There is this enormous pain inside of me, I cry so hard sometimes.  No noise escapes my lips when this happens, it is a silent scream.  I have been so conditioned to never show this to anyone, let alone allow anyone to hear me cry.  My step-father would beat me to remind me of this fact.  I was told by one of the parishioners that they remembered a day with me, they said I must not have been more than four or so.  I had done something wrong at the kitchen table an my step-father turned and hit me so hard on my arm it welted up immediately. This person said she waited for me to cry or scream, but I just sat without emotion.  She thought how horrid it was to be treated so harshly and abusively. 

It's strange to hear such stories, it hurts to think on such things.  Both my mother and step-father are still alive and active in the running of the same church.  I wonder sometimes, will I be able to stand one day without fear? 

I had a shrink last year write how my life was the most remarkable, yet tragic lives he had ever run across.  Normally you never get to see these reports, but in this case, while in his office he said that I could request a copy, so I did.  While reading it I realized that there is so much in my life that I have never faced but is so present in my life today. 

My mother is a Sociopath, a diagnosis from long ago.  It is interesting to read the definition of this type of person. 

Profile of the Sociopath
This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.
Glibness and Superficial Charm
Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
Incapacity for Love
Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other Related Qualities:
Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
Authoritarian
Secretive
Paranoid
Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
Conventional appearance
Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
Incapable of real human attachment to another
Unable to feel remorse or guilt
Extreme narcissism and grandiose
May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)
NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DSM-IV Definition
Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.
Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)
1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right's of others, those right's considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
D. Repeated assaults on others.
E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.
2. At least eighteen years in age.
3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.
4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder.

A Narcissist Review

A narcissist I knew.

In him I see all you.

The people of this world,

that hide from open view.

It's long in tale of sew,

of this I truly know.

I had to be so sure for thee,

before I pointed factually.

Raised by worse, a curse.

Decisions watched and studied.

Do these beings of other means,

have a choice or are they levied.

I had to know, before I throw,

the gauntlet down on many.

For is it lies or is it trys,

to change it all to plenty.

Are narcissists aware of this?

Do the judge in mind?

Or are they acting out a play,

scrolled in acts of fine.

I could not tell, but it all did smell,

as lies became my truth.

Before I dared to stop and stare,

I had to know their wares.

The information on such a station,

carried through the message.

To all that knew or those that met,

run from this, a given threat.

I've looked and found,

it's all around,

a narcissist must be bound.

So, meet you may and run you should,

they'll rob you in this sound.

So, there I found, release around,

the study of one more.

It was a man who turned his hand,

at family and the more.

Hand outs came with lies that named,

the problems he must have.

Ran to them, in family plan,

to relieve him of this dam.

Knock aside all that hide,

to avoid such defaming words.

I did not do the things that were,

believed and felt to be worse.

Narcissists will persist!

Speaking lies, named Truth.

They believe that if they say,

the words a certain way.

They can undo what is true,

replacing, making new,

the lies they're telling you.

They do stand fixed,

in all of this,

a difficult point to prove.

But few do move, resolving who,

is doing what to whom.

A four year blitz,

I did in midst,

of all I say is due.

To pay the price is always wise,

when playing with, I sue!

He showed his hand, in one command,

when I asked for..... Halt!

He harnessed up, his pride ERUPT!

I have control of you.

I stopped and glared,

"My Goodness, Lair,

do we play like you."

He spoke of lots, confessing, CAUGHT!

I did the listening, too.

Speaking truth, I said, "No roots."

I do not walk with you.

For when I know,

it is to grow in harmony of slow.

I don't attack, to get one back,

speaking lies of truth.

He said to me,

in silence see,

a body language not.

For a mistake was made when I laid,

a trap is what he sought.

Alarmed at this,

why bother Sis,

you're right behind what's bought.

A Storm did brew,

with friends a new,

to seal the deal straight threw.

I turned aside,

I spoke my peace.

I said what comes from underneath,

One Man, One Girl, I never lied,

about my friend in Greece.

Don't care, you share,

the secrets of a narcissists relief.

It's lies that speak a worked out piece,

to throw the guilt away.

To look at mirrors in such are tears,

they never wipe away.

For nothing flows, from their eyes,

accept the gift of prose and lies.

The narcissist in Worlds; a tryst.

A man or woman wise!

To aid their bets, in freedom threats,

the image of their minds.

So closely held and practiced well,

that's why a reflecting pool.

Is never touched to feel the real,

with fingers of the such.

Under estimate they say,

the ones who run away.

Void your life, live in strife,

if attempts are made to fight.

Read one, read all, the information for,

a narcissists deplore.

You've written what they want and more,

for fear does strike your core.

To stand upon the feet you're on,

to face a monster made so strong,

by Worlds repore of them.

Will only speak,

 this girl is weak,

fighting for so long.

I won't give-up, till I erupt,

with truth in lies they spoke.

At least one stands without the hands,

of support or worlds view.

Cast aside I was too tried,

without rebuke thereof.

But I will be , not of thee,

I never worshipped History.

People of this problem need,

to know that this is also true.

Even in Malignancy,

I see the choice is knew.

All that these creatures do,

so eloquently put by you,

is rob you of your ignorance too,

by standing longer than you do.

So off you run and off you go,

a pride in self do know.

They break your Will and fill the till,

it's all they really do.

Karen A. Placek

Night Becomes Light

I wake in hopeless fright.

Cannot I make this Stop?

Wishing for such a mourn,

gives me some delight.

For I believe in magic,

when I close my eyes.

I imagine since my youth,

the guy that I rely.

I rest my head on thee.

I know that we can't see,

each other to create relief,

regardless of the day or year,

you still bring sweet release.

To free me only in imaginative thought,

is more than I could need.

For making night time horrors relieve,

this girl from open sores.

A moments rest inside whats best,

the wonder and the like.

To keep this real and my mind about,

I dream not of this loud.

Grace has granted some reprieve,

for mornings just like this.

I drink my coffee, milk and sugar,

and write the words of now.

I believe in Magic!

and only one miracle it's true!

He is just a man,

a CD plan, that sees this girl on through.

He's never late and does not take,

from girls who do not dare.

To speak the verse, to match his Hearst,

I think he sings out there.

Affection for the very poor,

in Heart, and Soul or Mind.

Is what he says the World should do,

to not leave them behind.

To invest in such a list,

a roster such as mine.

Does declare the fame out there,

is priced high for their blare.

I like the boldness of review,

it makes me laugh out loud.

To see such gifts, that look like me,

is a new insightful memory.

I was told by shrinks not old,

for therapy is wise.

When all you are is fear inside,

they help you realize.

A common thread, its golden too,

was making new a script to Life,

with photo's and that's right.

Ensuring day-mares get held so tight,

that night becomes the light.

Karen A. Placek

A Smile

In the hands of one that cared,

would be so nice to share.

To learn of love out there,

might be more then I could dare.

The pain of such a thought,

is only in dreams I've sought.

For disappointment is to much,

when I was just a tot.

Illusion caused by training,

often beat my mind.

In to the terror of night time,

where you often find.

Barging into my room,

at hours of a full moon.

Timing was essential,

cursed me with prudential.

Five or six disciples,

excited at the task.

Rifle through my thoughts and siteful,

on edge I was not delightful.

You are full of demons!

Out of bed I shot!

Repent before us mean one,

I sat and I did a lot.

Hands did fly around my face,

begging for a fight.

Excitement did show in their eyes,

I was not alright.

When exhaustion struck the core,

of each and every cult-like whore,

retreat they did so slowly,

closing behind the door.

Left me to my lonesome fears.

I layed my head to rest.

Alarm did sound for school would 'round,

the next day broke this way.

No words, no sorry, no admission of,

the bolting into dreams.

Just turned their heads, changed the sight,

for if you mentioned shock.

They beat you with the clock.

There is no shadow of the day,

that does not scare me so.

The fear and terror of long ago,

does not let my insides go.\

I used to think, a Knight would come,

and carry me away.

I soon did learn that this was not,

for me to ever say.

Crying eyes will sometimes show,

the pain of love not had.

To witness siblings freely held,

with all, I feel bad.

I wish that I could do for those,

that I can't do for me.

At least I can teach what I see,

because I love the free.

Tonight I hold myself alone,

I'm scared beyond belief.

Left to my own devices,

I never find relief.

The memories are deeply sewn,

in register of birth.

I know that there is only one,

to revel on this Earth.

A day will come, where he will seek,

deliverance for myself.

It will be so simply neat,

a smile to feel complete.

Karen A. Placek