It Changed Me

The other day something said,
so random the words did roll,
off the tongue of whom should know,
know better than to just plain hurt.

The sting of what was done,
the pain brought on was berserk,
primal nature came to protect,
the downward spiral was at such a depth,
the pain was deathly.

Who would have thought that sharing fun,
would leave you feeling over-run,
the instant of was like a hammer,
driven deeply with words of slammer.

Up I got and off I went,
tried to recover this horrid thought,
I know I'm far from beautiful,
I understand I'm ugly,
I know that I'm a billion and a half pounds.

My older sister use to tell me to claim my obesity on my taxes,
my family told me that I was so ugly I should die,
I've heard these lovely things since birth,
why must people drive them in again and again.

Self-esteem what is that,
I thought it would be safe to help,
even though I know that my face is offensive to everyone,
the way I look seems to repulse,
and my body is so disgusting it makes them run.

I am aware that my past has left me beat up,
I know it shows,
but to repeat the same things from when I was young,
I'm stunned in how exact.

The smile ripped from me,
I was feeling good about getting back on my feet,
the pain has been tolerable although it gets bad,
but to be wiped-out for what,
for things I'm working on,
made me feel dead on the ground.

Primal wounds brought on by chance,
I wish to bury my head with my hands on my face,
so that no one will ever have to look at this disgrace,
reminding me that I'm so gross I should be erased.