I seem to attract the same type of person as my mother. It as if the people that have been part of my life have some undercurrent of understanding that lends them to taking advantage of me. I know that we have a tendency to become close to people that are the same as the people who raised us. As I become more aware of the common denominators between these people in my life, I realize that what I was so anxious to know is coming to light. I was very concerned that I not make rash decisions when meeting new people. I watched as my mother would railroad people for just existing. I knew that without a conscience she was able to do the things she did each day because she was free of guilt or dismay. What I have grown to learn is "the lack of conscience" that my mother suffers from is wider spread than one would believe.
A person that railroads another into feeling useless or worthless is a person lacking in the simple rules of humanity. The oddity of this really lies in the fact that this type of person believes themselves to not be recognizable by anyone else. It is as if they believe they are getting off scot free with the way that they behave. Simply because nobody seems to be able to discern their true desire or nature. They fancy about without fear of discovery. Interestingly this is a learned behavior and as the person gets older they become more absorbed by the fact that they have been able to get away with such lack of morals or conscience for so many years. This is when the pattern changes and sloppiness becomes there marker.
Being more adept to knowing that this type of personality exists is helpful. I find myself fascinated by the tyranny they seem to think goes unnoticed. As a person of no conscience begins to age, they become so arrogant in the lies they tell and they become lost inside of the truth. They become more capable of turning a blind eye to the people or individuals that they have now sighted in as part of their next con. In doing so, they loose sight of the layman who may be in the vicinity. You may be just hanging out in life trying to figure out what is wrong with your life. As a witness to what they are proposing to do next, you sometimes forget to protect yourself. The con may be run on family, friends, survivors or children. There is nobody that is above, beneath or out of reach to these people once they have decided you have worth to steal. The worth can be your intelligence, good nature or actual belongings or monies, trust funds or wills.
Interestingly their age is their vulnerability. As they get older you begin to see how negative they become towards life. They live this strange guiltless life. It is the fact that they are always guilt-free that becomes the torch that lights up and burns so bright. The light from the flame nearly blinds you when your with them. It is as if they are blood thirsty for the impending disasters. To be familiar with the pompous acts of a human being living this type of existence is truly an experience. To watch what excites and demands the constant attention of this person that has no conscience is difficult to describe. The time that they will spend on a potential candidate is indeed limitless. They will go around and around, never ending the attack of another human being. To be rid of such a man or woman is truly impossible. They will never give-up or change the approach on you. If they experienced the thrill of the success at least once you are in big trouble. Nothing will stop their advances after this happens.
The importance of knowing that this does take a highly intelligent being, is paramount in recognizing what your defenses may actually be. Being honest and upfront with yourself about your own intelligence is essential too. I have had to take it slow in my own life. My life has been a gradual step-ladder to understanding better the events of my childhood. As I become more aware of the people around me, I realize that my journey has become a very steep climb. I seem to end up with exactly my mother again. I know this sounds odd, but in reality would we not settle with who made us most comfortable in life. I only know strife, disappointment, negativity, verbal abuse, physical abuse, rape, molestation and neglect. Taking this into consideration would I not end up with whom by design had a striking resemblance in mind.
Amazingly this type of person believes themselves to be unidentifiable by anyone. Their mind is structured in such a manner that they will dole out in very specific measure pleasure, love, attention, kindness, compliments, sweetness and many other things along these same lines. They believe that nobody will be able to notice them in public, private, socially or at the work place. This type of person spends many hours fine-tuning the behaviours that copy others who show high moral character. By sliding in behind people with good-hearted intentions, they go unnoticed and are often looked upon as victims. They are usually considered to be self-sacrificing in their life.
I often wonder, does anyone ever stop and think about the fact that there is always crisis in this persons life? There is always a matter at hand that demands instant action or attention? Usually it is somebody else causing them the turmoil. Do you think that anyone realizes that the con within a family is as easy or even easier to pull off. Your family always embraces you or at least that is what I have been told. My mother would always tell her friends that her children were the cause of all her pain.
When the crisis is used to take advantage of the next person, it is the delivery of the crisis that is paramount to the success of the con. I always wonder about the people the con is run on, do they ever stop to ask themselves why a grown individual is blaming another for their lack of ability to thrive. This is usually the basis of their character.
People lacking a moral compass and exhibiting signs of no conscience are terrors on society. I don't feel sorry for anyone in these situations and I have to really work on myself about feeling this way. I watched as each and every con was played out as a child. I never saw in pity or anybody feeling bad about anything. Once the entire con was over whomever it had happened to would just disappear. We would never see them again. I cannot tell you how many times people left this situation, never to return. Nobody ever confronted my mother on anything. It must be very difficult to be a person that stands up to another human being and demands morality. I never saw it happen. I often wonder about the people that were helping my parents beat me or keep me up for hours, telling me I was full of demons. I am curious about what they are doing today and if they ever think about what they did to me when I was young.
I have suffered greatly due to bad decisions with people. I am just a terrible judge of character.
Being the scapegoat daughter of a cult leader, I am tired and worn out. I had hoped I would know love one day, but it seems so painful to even try on. I have a wonderful psychiatrist that told me I have a really good heart and that I have just been really hurt. I know that most people would say don't give-up hope.
I find a need to write and speak, to see if I cannot help others in troubled situations. As I become better versed in my own life, I find that I may have a unique view of this type of person. I was surrounded by so much and I have had so many experiences that I feel this may end up being a blessing instead of a curse. Maybe by writing a book about my life I can help others not fall into the trap of a narcissist.
Just remember that for some people it is better to not expect kindness from humanity because of the crimes of their mother. So those of us that suffer this plight are lucky when we begin to realize we can do something for others and use all these negative type of experiences for something positive.
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