Friday, December 19, 2014

Win Umbrella Rain

To be breathing the gorges of my mind,
the ground of scars wheeling with role hinges deeply seated, 
a prevailing shark forth,
a spanish horse, the paddling, the swim, the rock, the movie.

Screaming silence the library kind an shelved with strangling lines,
crawling at growth chairs,
that sound of less, the bathroom to lecture art.

Treat care like would, burn it onto the pages of time via ink print And glue paste, 
scrunch it all into the barrel and spray lighter fluid with performance enhancer,
ignite it with compact disc. cellophane from, 
And as it melts ask no one, for all the method learn.

Never consider less than total denial when it snaps click,
frost still is glaze, turned out it twas not ice but sugars icing!!

c.c. James Blunt

Before This Blog In 2008 There Was My 'Me Book'!! This Is How I Started In 2006 ~ So Singular, So Telling.


paint spill drip....

I used to be terrified that I would catch what my mother had, and, then one day my little sister did.  That day was the beginning of what have become so man thing for me, mostly the memories that once haunted me that I had so thoughtfully buried.  They have not only returned to my everyday thoughts, but have returned with a vengeance.

paint spill backwards....

My oldest daughter was on her way to New Orleans to visit her High School friend at Tulane.  Oh course, they would be going to Mardi Gras, I always had wanted to go.  I told my daughter _ _ _ _ _ to be careful and be wise in her decisions.  There was of course a giggle and a Oh _ _ _, we both laughed.  What I did not realize was that _ _ _ _ _ would be calling me back telling me what my little sister had said about her trip.  I could not believe what I was hearing, my sister told her there is no way she should be going because she would be going to a murder, drug and sex fest, this was said completely seriously.  I was stunned; those were the words of my mother not my sister.  This caused a flood in my mind; it has been a confusing mudslide of the unbelievable.

spray can explodes...

Davy, then his name was Eden, yeap, Eden Sundown, can I tell you I used to tease him all the time.  Every time he saw my mother he would vomit, projectile vomit.  It used to shoot way out there and it was totally gross.  Can I tell you it smelled, yuck!  So this what I would do, if I saw my mother before him I would jump in front of him to block his view, this saved us a few times.  Or if it was to late, then I would grab his hand and hold on as long as I could, they usually would come after him and then all the yelling and screaming about him being full of demons.  After all of that we would go off and do our thing and I would tell Davy, look, my mom is just a person and you don't need to puck, plus it smells and we can't play.  I used to tell him, O.K. now when you see my mom, think of something happy, like baseball, Cinderella!, we would start to laugh and return to playing.  The most disgusting time was when Davy had to carry a bucket, this is so he could put his head into it and vomit instead of the customary see my mother open his mouth and out it would shoot, what a stinky mess.  Well he had vomited in the bucket, they were yelling and screaming and then they made him eat it,  I had to turn away, I couldn't stay with him for that because I was getting sick.  He was probably around 4 years old and I must have been 6 or 7.

Davy committed suicide we never talked about any of it.


eyeballs & question marks...

My older sister Tammy is whimpering in the next room, I have to stay in my room, why is she crying.  I used to get scared so I would climb under my bed and stack up the stuffed animals in front of me.  I would wiggle as far back in the corner as I could so that when they swung there arm under the bed they could not feel me.  These shoes used to come in, black men's dress shoes, just like the man on A.M. San Francisco.  They sat on the edge of the bed and began to pat the covers, the feet would shuffle a bit, and then the shoes would walk out of the room.  I would strain to keep my eyes open in case they came back, because I was afraid to go to sleep, I don't remember why.  The floor was hard and I was cold, I would tell myself I should remember a blanket and pillow next time.

so totally weird...

Yahoo! Mail ~ Wed, 11 Jan 2006 14:28:31 -0800 (PST)
Subject:  our 2 recent phone calls

Dearest Karen:

It was so good to hear your voice and your New Year
Greetings over the phone.

To follow up on our (first) phone communication, _ _ _ _ _
and _ _ _ _ were referred back to their mother, because,
at that time, the "in loco parentis" strength from
their grandparents, and from their aunt and uncle, in
San Francisco was not sufficient for their needs
and/or requests.  Furthermore, _ _ _ _ _'_ beau was
graciously invited to her grandparents' home for
hospitality, which was apparently rejected out of

We are convinced that our conversation in the whole
matter was with wholesome compassion for our
grandchildren, with utmost respect for their
consciences, and in sacred honor of their own parents'

In addendum to this morning's phone call, I quote from
95 year old Kitty Carlisle Hart (Page E3, SF
Chronicle) : " (I have) no time to devote to being
irritable or unhappy.  Time is moving Fast".

It appears you have been obtaining incorrect
information from unreliable or "half-truth" sources; I
base this on certain things you have been saying
recently to me (and apparently to others as well).



Tag Line: LOOK `frowning

JAN. 11, 2006

My mom sent this to me after the phone call where she said Philip & Sarah (my little brother and sister) are weak-minded.  That is why they took _ _ _ _ _ to Bars.  She went on to say how I took the babies to Bars and I said I guess that was better than taking me to Swinger Parties!
She screamed and hung-up the phone!!


....____paint is spilling! circling the email on the paste print...

Yahoo! Mail

Date: Thu, 12 Jan 2006 16:30:22 -0800 (PST)

Subject: Re: our 2 recent phone calls

I was there and know exactly what you did to those around you.  You do not do the things you do for your children out of the goodness of your heart, you do them our of guilt for what you have done to them.  I was there when you made Davy eat his vomit and carry the rest of it around in a bucket.  I was there when you physically attacked Tammy during a church/cult service, where you had all of those people, Jim, Royce, Don, Steven and the rest of them, jump on top of my sister and physically slam her to the ground and start casting demons from her.  I was there when you took a pot of boiling water off the stove and threw it onto my brother.  I was there when you lit matches under Eddie's pants at the dining room table while Hugh held him down in the chair.  I was there when you performed an exorcism on my brother.  I was there when car keys were dropped into the fish bowl at the door.  I know why Eddie call Hugh a Faggot.  I know why you have no christian symbols in your house, I can go on and on, I have read my pediatric records. I could fill a book with the events of my childhood.  I was there.

5 days later she sent flowers


From: Relles Florist
Deliver: Tuesday 01/17/06

Item: Arrangement Tropical
Inv.#: 68976

The Note said:

     Impress Your Truth & Gracefullness &
Beauty Of Your Honour In Your Home,
       Extraordinary Motherhood.  Especially
  Kindness To _ _ _ _, This Is All Remarkable
And Commending.  Our Love, Mom And Hugh

Tag Line: WOW

For the first time in my life my mother now knows that I remember.  What an exhilarating feeling has overcome me, almost making me giddy, how strange, or is it.  Life is so strange and the events that take place throughout our lives are the very experiences that mold us into who we end up being.  How is it I could be born and raised in an environment that was so destructive and actually manage to come out on the other side?  I have never felt safe from the them, I have always been on guard, and worried somehow they would find a chink in my armor and pierce my heart.  I have lived a defensive life, never trusting or believing that I could be and different from that.

Today is such a breath of fresh air, now they know, I was there and I remember. smiley face

Tag Line:  Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz, Oh, What A Relief it is!!!!
               CELEBRATION NOW ..........
                      COME ON !!


I spoke to my mother and stepfather, Hugh last March.  I knew that the deal on the building was closing soon and they would be coming into a tremendous amount of money, approximately _._ million dollars.  In the past whenever money showed up all hell would break loos, my older sister would show up magically from somewhere back east, claiming she was owed.  My older brother would be at her heels with the same type of claim.  My mother and Hugh would become these aloof people that I no longer knew and my little sister and brother would ride all the waves that all the craziness provided.  This type of behavior would usually happen over a couple of hundred thousand dollars or so, I could only imagine what would happen with a few million.

point arrow Tag line: This would have been in the spring of 2005

I decided to sit down with Mom and Hugh, tell them how I felt, cross my fingers and hope that for the first time in my life it could be different.  We all went into the Drawing Room and it turned out that my oldest two daughters were also with us.  I thought about asking them to leave, but then decided that this would be my final plea, it might not be a bad idea to have them present.  I also knew that with there presence Mom and Hugh would watch their P's and Q's.  For an hour and a half I spoke to them, confiding in them with the worries that I had and how destructive all this behavior had been in the past.  Of course, Mom was acting as if she had no idea what I was talking about, but, Hugh, was different, he was intently listening to me.  I had never seen this behavior before and held some hope that I was actually getting through.  He was asking questions like, which time are you speaking of?  He is British, hence the pretentious way that he speaks.  What exactly happened?  What do you think your sister wanted?  How do you remember about that situation?  You remember when your father took you on visitation and bought himself sandals that Tammy had just picked out and wanted for herself?  As he would interrupt periodically with a different inquiry I began to figure out that these questions were not out of concern on how to keep it from happening again.  These were probing questions.  My mother of course babbling away with her banter of nonsense of how none of her children have ever loved her.  All she wanted was to worship Jesus and preach the word of God.  I watched both of there faces trying to see if my message was getting through,  I told them that I would not go through the family drama of how is owed what and why, I would not put myself through the phones calls of my mother screaming about how her children hate her and how the Placeks have such bad genes.  Or about how much she has done for Tammy, Eddie and Karen, how Sarah and Philip have given up their inheritance for the older three, I was not going to watch all the hurt faces as each kid was used to beat up the other one.  I said, "Mom I ma not taking this roll coaster ride with you again.  At first sight of that insanity on your part I will turn and walk away."  What are you talking about?, my Mom said, Hugh screamed, WOMAN, SHUT UP! AND LET HER SPEAK, his anger shook my core.  This moment made me gasp, for I was witnessing an interaction that was all to familiar, an interaction between two of the most sick, demented, selfish people I knew, I became instantly  ill.  My stomach twisted into knots and I froze, I was instantly thrown back in time, but now I had the experience of life following me there, this was not a simple interruption between two parents, one chastising the other for not allowing the child to speak.  This was Foreplay, sensuality seeped from my mothers ever pore, she dripped with anticipation as she turned to Hugh, it was only for a moment, but in that moment my life flashed through my head.  I gulped, looked at my two girls, who had not noticed what had just happened and said come on, that's enough, lets go.  As I turned to say goodbye I realized nothing would ever change with them, what I did not realize at the time was everything would be changing for me.

The next time that I saw them would prove to be the last time that I would hold my tongue.  Until now I have not mentioned much about my childhood to them, I saw what they did to my older sister and brother.  Realizing at an early age that silence was indeed golden.  Looking back I believe that they had begun to revel in the fact that they had gotten away with the evil deeds they had done.  Their cult members had either died, run away, never to be heard from or committed suicide, gosh, that is tough to write down.  I always want to cry when I think of that, could I have done something, I was a kid when I watched all these horrors being committed.  As an adult I have struggled to piece it all together and as my puzzle seems to outline what happened I realize that I am fortunate to have survived.  The story that I am about to share with you is true and an honest account of my life.  I can do something now, I can tell you what happened, by writing this down on paper I can make it real.  This will make their lives worth something.  They are not the horrible sinners my mother claims them to be, they did not have demons possess their souls, the devil did not make them turn away from her, they were only people that had been filled with horrible grief, depression and guilt.  My mother
_ _ _ _ _ _ their souls, destroyed their minds and crushed their hearts, they are only human and there in lies her monopoly on their lives.

My mom has called off and on since last Easter but I did not answer the phone or return her phone calls.  Her messages were as usually bonkers and it would be impossible for met to even tell you what she said.  Mom will leave you a very long message and after you listen to the entire thing you will have absolutely no idea of what she said or why she called.  The tone of her voice always gives away what mood she is in, mostly she is pissed off and looking for someone to be angry at.  Well in good form she continued with her phone calls and began to expand them to the girls cell phones.  As Christmas 2005 drew near she began to call more random people, of course I only know this because they called me to see if I was all right.  To date she has called my ex-husband of seven years, his mother and my girlfriend in the city.  The phone calls kept coming, now to my home phone, my cell phone, _ _ _ _'_ cell phone and _ _ _ _ _ '_ cell phone.  I was about to drive _ _ _ _ _ back to school and I decided that this would be a day to call Mom and tell her that the girls are starting back to school and they did not need the distraction of her phone calls.  I called and she spoke to me as if no time had passed and nothing out of the ordinary had happened, I always laugh to myself, wondering how long she can maintain such a facade.  About two minutes into the conversation it began, I will tell the jest of it;
      I told her to stop calling and leaving random messages about what had happened this past summer, they needed to concentrate on school.  She said, I forgive them, there is nothing to forgive, you kicked them out of the house threw there stuff in garbage sacks, changed the locks, she interrupts, I have a call can you hold on, No!, if this is not important enough to stay on the line with me about, then, there is nothing further to say.  She clicked off.

Understand that while this conversation is taking place I can hear Hugh's voice in the background yelling, "GET OFF THE PHONE MELBA, phone Melba, get off." I did not stay on the phone, I hung-up and that was it.

A couple of days later I decided that I needed to call and tell her once more not to call the girls, I did not feel she truly understood me the first time.  Especially since just this morning she had left a message on _ _ _ _'_ cell phone about liberating her jaw and calling her that, or, something close to that.  I called her on her cell phone; Mom you have to stop calling the girls and leaving messages about liberating their jaws;, what she says: Are you monitoring their phone calls?, only when you leave repeated insane messages and they call to tell me you called yet again.  Telling the girls that they have not told me the entire story and other such references to this past summer, this has to stop.  The point is Mom, Sarah and Philip took my 18 year old daughter to bars and that is wrong, she interrupts and says, "they are weak minded and were influenced by _ _ _ _ _'_ overwhelming desire to go.  They are grown adults that should have known better, they are my sister and brother, they know how I feel about that type of behavior, they did it anyway.  She interrupts again, well you took your babies to a bar the last time your sister was here.  I said, so that the way you want to play mom, I can top that one mom, when I was a little girl you took me to Swinger Parties!  She began to scream and pull the phone away from her and right before I hear the phone go click, she is screaming, I will never get rid of the Placeks.  This was the first time in my entire life I ever said anything about my childhood, ever.  For the first time also, she did not call me back again and again, it was silent, not a normal response for her at all.  Normally she would call and call, yelling and screaming, each time, about how persecuted she has been and then it would turn into a sarcastic apology, generally on the twentieth phone call.  Yes in the same day.  But this was so different, she was silent, her screams were the last thing that I heard until I received this email,

                                     **DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU READ FROM HER?
                                         IF NOT GO BACK NOW & READ IT AGAIN

      you've got Mail!!

Tag Line: Ivy drawn all down the page...

All of this must seem so sensational and quite unbelievable; this is how my life has been with my mother since I can remember.  I was born on April 29, 1965 at Children's Hospital in San Francisco, California.  My father and mother had two other children, my older sister Tammy and my brother Eddie.  We lived in an apartment on Hemway Terrace a couple of locks away from the Pan Handle.  We moved to 815 Balboa Street an old two story shingled house.  They split up not to long after I was born, I remember my Dad when he used to leave for work.  The bus stop was right up the street, he used to get on and the bus would stop right in front of the house and he would yell out he window, 'see you later alligator' and I called back 'in a while crocodile'.  He was a funny man, who used to make me laugh.  Before they broke up I remember these parties, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.  My brother, sister and I would sit at the top of the stairs just before they made a turn to go up to the second floor and watch what was going on.
They would talk back and forth and I got to watch.  People would come in the door and right by the door was a skinny table with a round large glass gold fish bowl.  They would drop their keys in the bowl and come into the house.  We had a pretty good view of the front room, people bustling around with Martini glasses in their hand.  I would ask the occasional question and my sister would hold her finger to her mouth and say SSHHHHH, she always kind of spit when she did this.  We would always be shewed off to bed so we did not really see much more of what would happen after that, (that's a lie).
The next thing you know they are fighting, yelling and screaming, banging, slamming.  My sister grabs me and sneaks me off to our hiding place, well one of them anyway.  I was in this enormous linen closet, at the other end of this closet were these huge drawers but instead of pulling them out they had a door that would swing out.  The hinges were across the bottom part of it, she would pull it open and push men in and then climb in herself, and she would then pull the door shut.  It was very cozy, she would make sure we had quilts to sit on and I always had a pillow.  She would say be quiet and I would say why, I must have been terrible at whispering, because again with the finger in front of her face, Sshh,  Why?  I would say, only to be followed with a louder Sshh and the second time always more spit, I remember the smell of the cabinet, thick with the smell of wood, I thought it was redwood, but that's because the wood was red.  The screaming and yelling continued but was more muffled except when the closet door opened, then it would slam again.  They never found us, I used to think my sister was the best at hiding; most times I would fall asleep.  I think that is when I first recall my sister shaking, like she was cold but I knew she wasn't cold.  I never really knew what we were hiding from, I mean what would have happened had we not been hiding, she seemed to though.

My Dad was in his room packing his bag, I asked him where he was going and could I go with him.  No foofoo, you have to stay here but I am not going far, just around the corner.  Why?, your mommy and I need some time apart but I wll be back, don't worry.  He never did come back, he left and the yelling stopped and turned into preaching.  I was not allowed in my mothers room anymore, but I had learned how to hide, as I had an excellent teacher.  Mom had this Huge closet, she hung her clothes on either side of the door and if you pushed through the clothes on the right hand side there was a pocket of space that I fit in.  You would never know I was there looking into the room, the side of the door that had hinges allowed just enough of a crack to peer through.  I used to make sure I was tucked behind the shoes that were on the floor so I blended with them and the dirty clothes just in front of them hide any sign of me.

Tag Line: She Had A Four Poster Bed, Still Does, Same One

This one time that I had hidden in Mom's closet I saw a sight that I had never seen before.  I was waiting for it to be quiet enough for me to be able to take a peak and see if the coast was clear for me to leave my hiding spot.  Normally I would hear Mom talking to whom ever it was that day, she was normally in her bed propped up with her head against the headboard of the bed. The man or woman she would be speaking to, would be sitting on the edge of the bed or knelt beside it.  Sometimes there would be more than one person but not often.  This one time that I am speaking of was the exception to the rule.  I immediately knew that I had made a mistake to hide on this day, because I heard so many different voices in the room.  I was afraid because the voices were coming from right outside of the closet door, which meant their was someone very close to me, one wrong move I could be discovered.  The shuffle of footsteps and then I heard mom talking and going into that sort of chant/prayer, I knew that I would be in there for a long time.  I am not sure how long I was in the closet before I decided to take a look , to see if the coast was clear, seemed like forever.  I leaned forward trying not to make noise and peered through the crack in the door.................

Funny, I stopped there, I can see what is on the other side of the door, but it is stuck in my Head.  I would like to write it down for you, but I can't just yet.  Hence, why I started this Book, I believe that little by little, page by page it will all come out, as I am ready to face it.

Fruit falls when it is ripe.

A terrible understanding has come over me.  It is still flowing in fragments here and there, at the same time, every question I have ever had is being answered in a light speed fashion.  My mind is still in a swirl and so I have yet to be clear on all that has happened, but at the same time, every question I have ever had is being answered in a light speed fashion.  My mind is still in a swirl and so I have yet to be clear on all that has happened, but at the same time there has been a certain type of peace that has covered me like a blanket.  The need to prove or tell them what I have come to know is true is no longer there inside of me, its strange, almost serial, calming and freeing yet I am alos filled with a sadness that I have never felt before.

Drawing: Two Birds on a branch

* Back on the homefront, that would be here & now, well, sort of, I need to fill you in on what has been going on.  I bet you are saying to yourself, there's more? It would not be my life if there was not more!
   So here it goes, last December I was taken off work on the 19th of 2004, because of my back.  Well in June I asked my ex-husband to help me pay for the kids medical insurance and start paying half on all the other extra stuff the like to do, up to this point in their life he payed for nothing in regards to the two children that belonged to us, so here is what he says: No problem, just give me the information and I will cut you a check,  I have to say I was a little surprised at his willingness to oblige me.  Well, June turned into July, then August, September, October, etc., he would tell me that he needed more information, then he would say next week; then he said after he found a new place to live, because he was leaving his current live-in partner.
   I GAVE UP ! He was never going to do it.  So, I went to the D.A.'s office and filed for a child support review.  The D.A. sent a time stamped document for 2/3/06, with a court date set for May, YEA!! Wrong, I received another time stamped 2/28/06 from Wessel's, otherwise known as a Mr. Weasel. This new document filed with the court asking for full custody of the kids.  It that was not enough, the accusations set forth were just terrible. Now watch this Timeline:

02/03/06 ~ Motion from District Attorney

02/20/06 ~ My ex-husband takes the kids to my moms

02/28/06 ~ Motion for Full Custody of kids filed with the Court

Bet you are saying, STOP WAIT, your Mom? How did that happen? Do they talk? Get along? Did you know?

GO......I went to pick-up the kids and _ _ _ _ _ _ said that they went to Mom's, geemie's house.  My ex-husband was still standing at his front door, so I got out of my car and went to ask him if they had in deed gone for a visit.  Sure enough, they had.  He said that he took them because she had called and asked him to bring them (by that way this was the first time since our separation in 1998 that he had spoken to my mother let alone gone to San Francisco from Sacramento to satisfy her request for anything, which he had never done, ever) then he proceeded telling me how he spent 'seven hours' talking to my mother, Hugh & Sarah.  He said they tried to ask about me and that he had not said anything.  Then I commented on the fact that they had spent seven hours talking about..... he shrugged.  He and I both knew that he was not being truthful.

In the car on the way back to my house _ _ _ _ _ & _ _ _ _ _ _ told me all about there visit. How they played with their cousin and went for a ride in my brother Phils new car, about how he had decided to buy this car as an early b-day present for himself. The kids said that Phil told them all about the previous summer with their sisters putting heavy emphasis on the age difference between their older sisters age and her new boyfriends age, very big deal to them and I had to comfort both of them because they were both so worried about the enormous age differential.  Needless to say I was pretty pissed off and so I drafted and sent the following email to my siblings Sarah and Philip, but something wasn't ringing true, like the seven hour conversation and this rather rehearsed information the kids were feeding me.

Yahoo! Mail
Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 13:43:11 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Let's get together
To: Sarah and Philip

Hello Sarah and Philip,

Left a message on Mom's home phone to have you call, talked to Mom but as usual she got all crazy.  Philip apparently told Johno some things about his sister Becky this past weekend that I found to be rather inappropriate for an 11 year old boy to hear.  So since there seems to be a lot of different stories out there about last summer I figure its time to straighten them out or at least take it out of the laps of my son and daughter and into my own.  Especially since you are still compelled to still talk about it.
I am not sure if Becky should be part of the get together or not, my feeling is she probably should be so that all of you can make up your differences.
I am finally well enough to be able to deal with this and hopefully put it to rest.  Looking forward to hearing from you soon, hope all is well with you and yours.

I enclosed a few pictures of my kids, I am so proud of all of them.

Much love,

* I had had a 360 degree fusion on my L4, L5 in September of 2005 so I was still healing but I was not having to use a walker anymore so that was looking positive, however I was still off of work and in worried about lots of things.

Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 17:51:08 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Fwd. Good to hear from you.
From: Sarah

I originally sent the email below to your comcast address earlier this, don't know if you received it. Johno may have heard something "inappropriate"..I was there the whole time and don't remember anything along those lines.  Perhaps there was a misunderstanding? Maybe you could share with me what he heard?
We all had a lovely time together, there was much laughter and hugs and kisses.  Nothing was left in your "childrens laps", Karen.
And, thank you for the photos, they are beautiful.  I'm so glad you are proud of your children, your should be.  Each one of them is amazing in their own way.  We are all proud of them, too!

Give them all a kiss for me!

Note: forwarded message attached.


What a surprise to hear from you!  I listened to your voice mail and I think it wise for both of us to communicate via email.
In regards to the happenings of last summer between you, myself, Becky, Philip, Katy, the Hookers and everyone else I may have forgotten to mention, I am puzzled as to why you now ask to hear my "side of the story."  It was my understanding that you had made up your mind and knew the truth as to what Becky had told you.  I am sure she was forthcoming with how the events of last summer came about.
This was evident to me as a result of you not answering my calls and using your friend to liaison between us.  I told your friend what happened and I am confident that they relayed that information to you.  So, I must ask why you think it necessary to analyze a moot point?
If Becky has questions or something to say she is well able to email me.

Lots of love,

*response from me via email to Sarah

Actually Phil told these things to Johno when he took them, Robert and Johno for a ride in his car.  He said that Becky was staying out all night and not telling anyone of her whereabouts and that one night Mom came down to find one of the French Doors in the Living Room open, I do not know what the implication of that was.  The reason being, is that Mom called Katy in October saying that she had found the French Door unlocked and she thought she had done it, telling her that she was trying to break into the house.  I passed that off as Mom's insane banter that she begins to trip about.  Bottom line is the two stories don't match.  Phil also went on to tell Johno how old the guy is that Becky is dating, needless to say that when Johno returned home he was very concerned about this.  for a boy that worries about a lot anyway this is not a stress that he should have placed on his shoulders.  My concern is with Phil and why he would even have said anything about the events of last summer, especially since the little ones had very limited knowledge of what had actually taken place.

You, Phil and Becky are the ones that should have taken responsibility for whatever happened.  At the time I was preparing for a very serious surgery and the fact that I had to be faced with such upsetting events was very disturbing.  Do not forget that I was raised in that house and know full well how out of control things can become.

To my knowledge you and Phil had been taking Becky out with you and actually introduced her to Kreston.  The fact that you told Becky she had to leave the house and added that she had no place to go was not a very adult way to handle a very serious situation.  Mom wrote me some bullshit email about not being her "parent-is" is completely contrary to the events leading up to when all of this blew up.  All of you are adults and this should have been dealt in an adult forum, not in a show down at The Last Day Saloon.  When you take on the responsibility of taking a minor out with you, you are also responsible for any events that are a result of that.

None of this should or needs to be told to either one of my little ones, they are still babies.  So again, I believe that one of two things need or will happen.  We either get together and find a resolution or stand by as it continues to rip away at the core of this family.


**response back to me from Sarah


Philip never spoke of Becky while he was in the car with the boys, or so he says...I wasn't there, so I can't verify it.  It was me that talked about last summer and Becky's behaviour during a conversation with Johno and Laurens father, Johno must have overheard our conversation.  Their father told me he had run into Becky and Kreston in a store and that's pretty much how the conversation started.  Their father was surprised at how much older Kreston was.  In regards to any of this causing Johno to worry, he has every reason to be concerned.  He's a smart and caring boy who loves his sister.  11 years old is old enough to figure things out...he didn't need anyone telling him Kreston is almost twice Becky's age, it's evident.

As far as Phil, Becky and myself handling things in an "adult manner", we tried.  The night she met Kreston, there were also about 6 other people she met.  Some of them were girls.  Kreston was someone who hung out at the Bitter End.  He isn't a friend of mine, I only had met him once before,  I had no idea Becky would give him her number or meet him later without my knowledge, let alone go drinking with him.  So, you accusing me of "introducing" them as if it were a set up is ludicrous!  that would be like blaming Mom and Dad for "introducing" you to Pat Dyas.  You saw something you wanted and you went for it.  So did Becky.  I tried talking her out of seeing him when she finally told me she was.  I warned her that I didn't know anything about his guy, that I had heard not very good things about him, blah, blah, blah.  And, when she started staying out until 2am or later, or not coming home at all, for the length of two weeks, I couldn't put up with it anymore.
And, for the record, I NEVER told Becky she "had no place to go."  I told her that she needed to respect my feelings or go home.  She wasn't respecting what she and I had agreed to when she came to stay.  I had tried to talk to her many times.  So, as harsh as packing up her things and putting them on the porch may have been, it was a last ditch effort.  She needed her mother.  I sent her home.  I wanted to talk to you about all of this. But, you ignored me.  You can take up the rest of this with Becky.  And, if she is the adult you refer to her as, she can contact me and Philip herself.
Karen, this issue never "ripped away at the core of this family."  You and I  could've been more of a team if you would have communicated with me.  You made a big mistake with me you sent your friend to call me.  I'm sorry you had to have back surgery.  I'm sorry you were in so much pain.  But, picking up the phone and talking to me last summer when I called would have made all the difference.  It didn't have to be such a big mess.  Glad you're finally feeling better.

Your sister who loves you and your children,

***Last Email Entry in my 'Me Book' ~ I think about the effort of all this work, all the leg work before I began this blog

Date Sat, 25 Feb 2006 07:20:00 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: I do not have a comcast address anymore
To: Sarah Meakin

All I know is that Johno was upset over what he heard from Philip.  He does not need to be burdened with such worries by hear say or by direct comments.  In regards to my life choices, they have nothing to do with any of what has happened.  I am guessing by your comments below that you have no interest in putting any of this to rest.  Your need to drag others in and making statements like "I made big mistake" is an indication of your intentions.  You are a very ignorant woman if you do not know why I was not able to handle this insanity last summer.  In fact, why don't you look up what a 360 degree fusion is and who the people are that have to get one.  Why don't I remind you that I was scheduled for the first of the two surgery's the day after all of this blew up.  Although this is not your concern, my point is be careful about making statements about the ability of others to accomplish things when you are not completely aware of their situation.
Again, this is not about anybody other than you, Becky and Phil.  the responsibility lies on your shoulders, I have stepped in because it does not need to be in the lap of my son.  Whatever lessons in regards to age differences can be taught by either his father or myself.  Do not be quick to judge though, do not forget Becky's other example of age difference between spouse's.  That would be Mom and Hugh, 14 years to be exact, he met her on summer break when he was not yet 21 years of age.

The National Medias

The ruff of the fluff on the planet past of the destruction of the man of kind in the lanes,
there in the held of frames burned clones to separate the scene from the futures in loaned,
as very to the theory of Hawkins deep stride these are a Seers set of eyes to the sync of rinsed,
for on this introduction to farther burials of raining battle, Field is of the certain able to fact.

Crowbar these platters of time in dimension make reference to laugh and I jest,
in sleep of after the read of above your mind will absorb these lines like a drug,
in that pillow retire to the thimble of brain as the spoke is the wheel and your finger a tug,
branch to the beach in the simple complex for that snore will develop a bring to the deck,
feel freeze by this warning as these words are unchecked to the drain of the value to day of the said,
be line on the scratch groove to the jacks, leverage is diving the boards of this shaft!!

The first to the Witness is science in a kicker of doubt than belief to second rail detailed,
for at the burst of a mind on the tempo of thought this shock of the rock to the actual travel,
journey in face with the dip to a chased for the scout of the bedroom right before the sleep waist,

gently my friends in the try lock of wars, count well of the witches Warlocks and sails,
darkness prevails with sweet lapping light, twine on the string of the banks in on sights!!

It is pitch black in the vat boiling worth for the tumble of the rolling liquid is by design of lather,
in the foam float on the drop spin spelling cycle of stream in a card of sitting,
goal is the thimble the Internet trays, service is diabolical as the favorite in rein,
leather buckled to well oiled A Machine at automatic is striking keys of sad,
touch not he scour to the scrub of this saline for in the wash of the single scream you'll Hell!!

Carnage in the smell racking the air from the outer of the realms to the churches in the scare,
crowd the rounder cistern sump the pumping declare in that lust of sexual be bring lashed,
flapping notes to schedule chart this freely Writ not a script tips this curtain but lifts the sequel stowed.

Memory key finder rink of ice to Seer latch the whistle sort the rice in less make more to dice,
snake in coil corker spring the bottle drunk don't break the glass or ladder laugh for people are disgraced,
in speakers on join subject curve the moon to set Spell the sun to Mountain sigh and valley depth.

Tickle A Fancy

So grateful I am for writing book upon note to the clippings of length in this timely response,
for neither do I wish to repeat the same rifle nor be rammed by the gun,
in stealth after stealth to every ink letter pencil a day for the pleasure a life for the pain,
stressed by the form but honest in coming an entry kept safe to each the liquid of pen,
ivy circles pages that stars a rainbow shout journey with I to the edges of the cliff`d,
running water paper in spiral on the bound so to the youth of sixth grade taught a 'Me Book' sound.

With paste and glue the Convent true a cellar basement gym,
the dance in Auditorium the play of 'My Fair Lady' bugged,
the singing of the insults at the class of know denial,
trips to know Eliza smiled to be a bigger friend.

Elevator rides to those bridges of tower crossed,
enter into the library cold marble chapel hymn,

The priest for me at least was worth the drool I know I stare,
those guys that dress the part that made me remember lust and trade,
for stranger reasons now to wise the outfit was of term,
that decadence of collar to the swinging on the turns,
in and out of the booth that black fabric dance,
with a bit of white that showed to the smoked romance.

Wonder casted my mind of days theme to older way,
in no thought then but clarity now I spoke to actual jade,
with in my swail of gut to whale the comfort make it known,
lust created each my form to want that more and storm.

No guilt did I wear for shirt to thought to body role,
as I was not a catholic mick that Convent of the Sacred Heart did pick,
for that was the Elementary of the School of logistical,
the founding of the rook to play those hard cold stones.

Reality Bolts Art Official

Reason on posture for blinking primordial a body art in language start to simple,
minutes hour subtract the cower ankles bring lather to night sweating writes,
line written line the speak of the dream is listing the counter of elemental from fire,
scores in the goal to explain on the know that sign of infinity in circle of volcan,
beam in radical to gain the face is static in annoyance off goes the said,
charging the bowl of mix tax in wide open eyes the hum strum of Ba!!

Coral sands the bits of smooth texture scratching the grind by showing a sky,
reflection to no mirror corn or the fear inclusive to shining a branch often clear,
the bobbling bottle at the cork opened end Toothpick ships expansion a pick,
sealed glass bottoms welded with snot liquids arsenic in poison of work,
refrigerator cleaning the bread box roll there in the bathroom a window of born,
out on the ledge my older sister with scorn in sit my older brother I stared know alarm.

Looking at the drop sum Two-story porch a Sill with a bench not intended for bell,
ringing the wobble sinking so tell below was the concrete my eldest sister did fell,
on occasion of scary to the choice of remain by the toilet the reach but my feet held re-frame,
stopped by the violence which of the intense listen the screaming is both ways incense!

One for the burning the other forks death drop resolution to the tsk on the fence,
shut hard on choice for underneath read learned to be Watch slide pillow as bed,
in weight snore of permanent considered the shop stinking the tulip vase on the brain,
years passing cancer the liver a kid youth could not reinvent these times of the dig,
dirt takes the jars my brother undid found that the rotten smelled like this skit.

The lid to the seal a crown or the mind swollen in keep fast the factor until,
in evident pressure the teach was in still a can is a holder and the tin is a stood,
with gentle investment pop the herd jump from the shocker and stirrup the steer,
weight in the heal as this ticket won't punch keep the good incomplete walking ways of the greek.

Island the particle the pain and the hurt as over the number of fifty times read,
set at zero I gear to the shift crumbs on the butchers table of so many it's gone dumb,
deaf to the never for the moot will not die honor to duty the system is I,
mastication farms chew Tobacco of Rye do not forego the timber of Lo!!

Alas tea Four the oh clock on a Boar dear siblings I count the equals at chore,
each every year that I held tongue to the lash I free to existence the score is thatched back,
in express of this simple to much more on a storm Tornado in gut is the grit of dream form,
growling words that snarl prize bull Horns on announcing the Anger is cold.

Not a single hug not a single letter that did not tell that I am a worm of Satans spit,
the birth that I had to all of those eyes from the stares and the hatred I version this cry,
painting the skull with shaving the dull wise taught the patient to patent the plot,
core examination treating a crop selling a book with a blog on the spot.