Sunday, August 12, 2012


Preventing from "The Order,"
 should not be an agenda of,
that which cannot process or conceive.

Regardless of loss of direction,
one should be free to see,
according to me,
I've lost myself again!!

Oh Well, I press on
in the things of such a Quarter
is more than an Order, it's curiosity.

There are persons and places that perform,
or may "Call Fact" as just that, facts.

For purpose of what was or is,
I travel,
 it is as simple as all that.

Question ways not understood?,
you will be called upon to hood.

To explain your interest in,
that which you've said has been.


Deny this FACT!!,
be put on the rack.

Your interest is to much,
"How do you get back?" 

So now that we are on this page,
shall we dance and shall we square?

Up to do a Jig?

Surely you'll ask, 
"Which one! Wear?"

I must say,
"Back in the day,"
when I was taught by Men.

The Master said,
"Thy will be done?"
I spoke.....
"No Sir, I'm just One."

A laughter broke,
the silent yoke,
that bound me inside myself.

Resounding felt so good!

Brought up in S & M,
the practice carried on while at home.

My mother churched,
the fellowship grew strong.

This play "At Will" game of death,
possessed such a giant threat.

 My Life...................
 I pushed on.

So many times,
 more than I could count,
my sibling took me down.

Held my nose, pinched so tight,
covered my mouth and bound.

Psychotic eyes,
 I did see,
 bearing down upon my crown.

For what I was true,
he wanted me dead at Two.

You can't forget what you've seen!

Repetitious, it had begun,
give a person a day or so,
you'll begin to see them move.

It shall be in such a way
you'll stop and you'll give weigh.

Did I dream? Or, Was that thing?
upon me in the night?

Do not ask or your the ass,
they'll beat you to today.

It took three days in complete,
to work the scene straight through.

For sibling two, my brother who,
fucked me between the sheets.

The guilt would hit;
and, guilt would due,
what happens with such things.

It is so strong, it is so wrong,
and settles on the shoulders of.......the boy that did the deed.

......causing..........unsettling thoughts, duh....
of what?
Well, here goes the song.

The trap would snap,
the snare was set,
and sadly I'd walk-in.

The same old thing,
kept happening,
smothering took so long.

Learning how to breath so slow,
took practice, I must be strong.

For even now, I do kowtow,
a Texas Phrase I learned.

To get me through somehow. 

I breathed so slow,
lowered my whole,
to pump less of my being.

I learned to be,
dead you see,
all before he's done.

Upon completion of this throng;
he walked the same old way;
to the basement door he went,
as I rest upon cement.

At 815 Balboa this went on for years;
 I felt so spent.

Years rolled on regardless.

The Congregation stood.

Support of such revolt,
was never understood.

Exorcisms came and went.
Demons, "Doth thou Pray?"

I often wondered, 
"What's the day?"
"When do I go?"
then went.

To look upon these days of Grey,
it's Sepia I seek........
the truth is boundless still!!

My Soul was sold,
the dead skin layed,
and blood did sign "The Plague."

Quest Of Past, Traveling Quietly and Getting Lost While "Out & About" ~ Dangerously Clear

Beyond that which you can reach,
is terror and not relief.
In Darkness, you will find "No" light,
a flame blows gently, burns!

Flickering in spite of mood,
I wreck to know no end.


Topping you will be what bows,
and, Staffs the arrows point.

Sharpening the platinum edge,
with a gavel on a needed day,
rips apart as Switches start:

Electricity runs WILD

Earth accepts what is not,
rejecting all that's Loth!
 A Life that's made of war,
is difficult to store.

I cannot sleep!!
I fight old dreams,
that haunt me all the night.

I scream to do,
to those that did,
to me, it's frightful and so deep.

Painfully, I speak with ease,
for should I not take time.
Then I'll begin to be so sick
from all the thoughts of way back then.

I will wait, to pass the gate,
of what will prove to test.
The Times that will be best,
to actually express how lost I really get!

Would you like to bet?

The more I listen,
the more I here,
the stories make it fairly clear,
I lived a life in Fear!!


Just an F.Y.I.

I personally do not believe in Suicide.  I worry about the confusion that would set-in to your minds thought as you were to go from here to there.  In addition, I worry that I would never be able to accomplish such a dramatic feat and therefore be stuck in a body that was not only mentally mangled, but physically as well. At least as a living being I can hope that I am able to search through my own imagination to find the answers before my transition to a place that may or may not be conducive to taking such an inventory on oneself.   Who knows really knows?
 I just cannot imagine such a grim thought or even the very idea of doing such a thing to myself, although my family has made it very clear throughout the years that they would like me to, all for the sake of saving face, so I'm told.  
Maybe they can take this as a final thought on the subject.  I don't believe but obviously you do.  

All About Sex, The best sex ever. by Michael Castleman


A Loving Introduction to BDSM 

The myth is that it’s abusive. Actually it’s about trust and communication.
In the child’s game, Trust Me, one person stands behind the other. The one in front falls backward, trusting the other to catch them before crashing to the floor. Trust Me contains an element of danger, the risk of not getting caught and getting hurt. The person falling places great trust in the person catching. When the falling player trusts the catcher enough to let go completely, and the catch happens as planned, both players experience a moment of exhilaration that’s difficult to duplicate any other way.

It’s About Trust

BDSM is similar. The myth is that it’s abusive and weird—whips and chains! Actually it’s about trust. When trust trumps the possibility of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic.
There are several terms for BDSM: power-play or domination-submission (D/s) because one lover has control over the other, at least nominally; sado-masochism (SM), which involves spanking, flogging or other types of intense sensation; and bondage and discipline (BD), which involves restraint. But the current term is BDSM.
Many people consider BDSM perverted, dehumanizing, or worse. But aficionados call it the most loving, nurturing, intimate form of human contact and play. People can have sex without conversation, negotiation, or any emotional connection. But in BDSM, the players always arrange things in advance with clear, intimate communication, which creates a special erotic bond.
DeSade and Sacher-Masoch
Ancient Greek art depicts BDSM. The Kama Sutra (300 A.D,) touts erotic spanking, and European references date from the 15th century. But BDSM flowered during the 18th century, when some European brothels began specializing in restraint, flagellation and other “punishments” that “dominant” women meted out to willingly “submissive” men.
In 1791 the French Marquis de Sade (1740-1814) published the first SM novel, Justine, which included whipping, flogging, nipple clamping, and restraints. His name gave us “sadism.” DeSade was imprisoned for criminal insanity, one reason many people consider the sexual practices he popularized crazy.
In 1870, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836-1895), published the novel, Venus in Furs, about male sexual submission. His name inspired “masochism.”
In 1905, Freud coined the word, “sadomasochism,” calling its enjoyment neurotic. The original Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-I, 1952) classified sexual sadism as a “deviation.” DSM-II (1968) did the same for masochism. DSM-IV (1994) lists SM as a psychiatric disorder.

Just Another Way to Play

But all available evidence shows that the vast majority of BDSM enthusiasts are mentally healthy and typical in every respect—except that they find conventional (“vanilla”) sex unfulfilling and want something more intense and intimate. Before condemning BDSM, remember that not too long ago, oral sex and homosexuality were considered “perverse.”
Two to 3 percent of American adults play with BDSM, most occasionally, some often, and a few 24/7. That’s around 5 million people. Meanwhile, around 20 percent of adults report some arousal from BDSM images or stories.
There are public BDSM clubs and private groups in every major metropolitan area and throughout rural America. Many cities have several.
Never Abusive
If you’re repulsed by BDSM, don’t play that way. But BDSM imagery pervades society. Henry Kissinger once called power “the ultimate aphrodisiac.” Kings and nations have fought to dominate others. Capitalism assumes a dog-eat-dog world where succeeding means exerting control. And in sports, players strive to “humiliate” opponents.
But what kind of person feels sexually aroused by pain? Many people who are perfectly normal in every other respect. Again, consider sports: When football players make brilliant plays, teammates often slap their butts, punch them, or slap their helmets. Recipients accept this “abuse” gratefully as a sign of appreciation and affection. Or consider a hike up a mountain. You get sunburned. Thorns scratch your legs. And by the time you reach the summit, you’re aching and exhausted. Yet you feel exhilarated.
Sadly, media BDSM has grossly distorted the pain that submissives experience. It’s more theatrical than real. When performed by ethical, nurturing dominants (“doms” or “tops, ), BDSM is never abusive.
“It’s always consensual,” says Jay Wiseman, author of SM 101. “Abuse is not.” You don’t need restraints, gags, or whips to abuse someone. In loving hands, the equipment heightens sensual excitement, allowing both players to enjoy their interaction, or “scene,” as good, clean, erotic fun.” When BDSM inflicts real pain, it’s always carefully controlled with the submissive (“sub” or “bottom”) specifying limits clearly beforehand.
Subs are very particular about the kinds of pain—many prefer to call it intense sensation—that bring them pleasure. “They experience the pain of bee stings or a punch in the face exactly like anyone else,” Wiseman says, “and dislike it just as much.”

“Safe” Words

BDSM is more theatrical than real. Sessions are called “scenes” and participants carefully choreograph their moves in advance.
First, participants agree on a “safe” word, a stop signal that the sub can invoke at any time. The safe word immediately stops the action—at least until the players have discussed the reason the bottom invoked it, and have mutually agree to resume. A popular safe word is “red light.”
Some terms should not be used as safe words: “stop,” “no,” or “don’t” because both tops and bottoms often enjoy having subs “beg” tops to “stop,” secure in the knowledge that they won’t.
Any top who fails to honor pre-arranged safe words violates the bottom’s trust and destroys the relationship. Tops who fail to honor safe words are ostracized from the BDSM community.

Subs Are in Charge

Although bottoms feign subservience, the irony of BDSM is that the sub is in charge. Bottoms can invoke the stop signal, and tops vow to obey immediately. Meanwhile, tops act dominant, but they must also be caring and nurturing, taking bottoms to their agreed-upon limit, but never beyond it. In this way, BDSM provides an opportunity for everyone to experiment with taking and surrendering power, while always feeling safe and cared for. People who enjoy BDSM say it results in amazing erotic intensity.
Learning the Ropes
Before experimenting with BDSM, get some instruction. Read a book, take a class, visit Web sites or clubs.
It takes extensive negotiation to arrive at mutually agreeable BDSM play. Wiseman says that before every scene, players must negotiate all aspects of it, from the players to safe words to everyone’s limits.

How to Begin

First decide if you're more into S&M or B&D. If the former, then spanking is the way many people begin. If the latter, blindfolding the sub can be fun.

What Is Intimacy?

Relationship authorities define intimacy as clear, frank, self-revealing emotional communication. But many people equate “intimacy” and “sex.” To be intimate is to be sexual and visa versa. Only it isn’t. It’s quite possible to be sexual with a person you hardly know, the “perfect stranger.”
Most couples don’t discuss their lovemaking very much, which diminishes its intimacy. But BDSM absolutely requires ongoing, detailed discussion. Players must plan every aspect of their scenes beforehand and evaluate them afterward. Many BDSM aficionados say that pre-scene discussions are as intimate, erotic, and relationship-enhancing as the scenes themselves. And couples who enjoy occasional power play but who are not exclusively into BDSM often remark that it enhances their non-BDSM “vanilla” sex because the practice they get negotiating scenes makes it easier to discuss other aspects of their sexuality. The skills required for BDSM include trust, clear communication, self-acceptance, and acceptance of the other person. Those same skills that enhance relationships and sex—no matter how you play.

Courtesy of;

About the Author;

Michael Castleman, M.A.

Michael Castleman
San Francisco journalist Michael Castleman, M.A., has written about sexuality for 36 years. He has answered more than 10,000 sex questions for Playboy, other magazines, WebMD, and other sites. His latest sexuality book is Great Sex: The Man’s Guide to Whole-Body Sensuality (Rodale, 2008), nominated as Best Sexuality Book of the Year by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.
In recent years, Castleman, now 60, has developed an interest in older adult sexuality, a subject that is under-researched and under-reported. In spring of 2010, he launched, where he answers questions for free and sells 88 articles about sex in the second half of life for $1.99 each, or $19.95 for the whole set.
Library Journal has called Castleman “one of the nation’s top health writers.” In addition to sexuality, he specializes in optimal health, mainstream medicine, alternative therapies, nutrition, and fitness. He has written more than 1,500 articles for dozens of magazines, newspapers, and Web sites, among them: Psychology Today, the New York Times, Smithsonian, Readers Digest, Playboy, Health, Redbook, Self, Family Circle, Natural Health, and Men’s Health. Twice he has been nominated for National Magazine Awards.
Castleman’s 13 books include: Building Bone Vitality (McGraw-Hill, 2009), Great Sex (Rodale, paperback 2008), There’s Still a Person in There (about Alzheimer’s disease, Putnam, 2000), Nature’s Cures (Rodale, 1996), Before You Call the Doctor (Ballantine, 1992), and The Healing Herbs (Rodale, 3rd edition, 2010). His books have been selected by The Book of the Month Club and other book clubs. Nature’s Cures was nominated as a Best Health Book of the Year by the American Library Association.
Castleman has also published three mystery novels, The Lost Gold of San FranciscoDeath Caps and A Killing in Real Estate--all available from
Castleman is married with two grown children. He enjoys skiing, scuba diving, and American roots music festivals, notably JazzFest in New Orleans.

Books by Michael Castleman, M.A.

by Michael Castleman
Rodale Books
by Michael Castleman
Rodale Books