Sunday, November 27, 2011

Acceptance of the Air in Humanity is Relief! A Loin.

To breath without the cost of life,
is to know that the choice to be with whom you desire is close.
For in the instance of a single Man,
casting out hatred for what you need,
turn yourself to feel the righteousness of defeat.

In loss there is gain.
A lesson learned is not in the win of any life.
Be not what you are but what you are not,
a definition of what is to come.
To stand and be the example of what is a Sin,
is to differentiate yourself from the rest.

Divine Law is not written,
for few are in the understanding of the delight of the Know.
A sin can only rest upon the shoulders of the Sinner.
In releasing the Contract with one understanding for another,
there is no loss of life,
therefore you have not sinned to pass through.

A dimensional thought of, or the sight of such is,
enough for me to say,
"What is for you is not for me, but what you do is High."
Project yourself as to desire the upper realm,
you shall know the Ranks of any Brigade.

Allowance for reason in matters of the battered,
will give relief to the burden you will rise and bare individually.
To continue in "The Continue"
for those of us that declare,
is necessary to repair the Spiritual Loss suffered at the hands of Man.

The Show of Life on Planet Earth is Natural if not matter factual.
It has been a Religious experience to attempt to be.
Whereas the lack of/or mere discovery of Spirituality or the belief is excused.
Raise not your sword but rest and pass in the sleep of a deep slumber.
For Nature will cause the passing to be clearly understood,
as it is Time and not an error of mistake.

Trusting my Four Block to better move towards graciousness and peace, I right.
A Sin is only for the Sinners of this Race, this Show, this diabolical mistake.
I am none of these I speak of in ill-will of a Forked Tongue twisted speech.
Children will rise and fall into the casual pace of, Find.
Only to be at peace with knowing,
a Pentagram spins both ways for the towing for a reason.

Forget not to pay the Ferry Men,
the expense of Death can be high when Morally grounded with Religious forbearance.
In the necessity of roughness and the display of character,
or the lack thereof,
I release the task held by me as only a job.
A Family that has fought for employment to share wealth of mind,
says, "Thank you, a job well done."
We break.

To quit is by no mistake an error of only the Cowards Path.
For if you do not bare the knowledge to know,
then the existence of more cannot be.
To encounter the Divine,
to be without Fear and without regard for health,
is simple to know that Time provides us with a shuttle to where we can be well.

A broken promise or making up lies of false hopes,
is taxing on the already exhausted for self gain and personal growth.
Writing the Wrongs.
Me, myself and I are presently accounted for, within only the confines of Mine.
A search or the invitation for what can and will not be,
I succumb to what is,
Nothing at All.

I forgive only myself to be aware that the feeling of a void is known before the void is kept.
Be what you are.
A World with an opportunity to know Men and Women of this Race.
For when the first accepts the second as a position,
they turn to see that to proceed another direction is prudent, wise and without measure.
As 666 I define myself by what I am,
a destroyer of what I hate,
and unnatural state of being, life without a Priest, Lord or Knight.

Beware and be forewarned,
I turn no more.

Signed, the Beast
A Genius State.

The Nine Executions

1. Nothing is to be gained by denying oneself pleasure. Why do all the women call for abstinence most often from faiths that view the physical world and its pleasures as spiritually dangerous. I am a person that is a world-affirming, not world-denying, type for freedom of choice not Religion. However, the encouragement of indulgence does not equate mindless submersion into pleasures. Sometimes refrain leads to heightened enjoyment later, in which case patience and discipline are encouraged. Finally, indulgence requires one to always be in control. If satisfying a desire becomes a compulsion (such as an addiction), then control has been surrendered to the object of desire, which is never encouraged.

2. Reality and existence is sacred, and the truth of that existence is to be honored and sought at all times, never to be sacrificed for a comforting lie or an unverified claim one cannot bother to investigate.

3. True knowledge takes work and strength. It is something one finds rather than what will be handed to you. Doubt everything and avoid dogma. Truth tells of how the world truly is, not of how we would like it to be. Be wary of shallow emotional wants, for they frequently can only be satisfied at the expense of truth.

4. There is nothing in life itself that encourages wanton cruelty or unkindness. There is nothing productive in that, but it is also unproductive to waste your energy on people who will not appreciate or reciprocate it. Treating others as they treat you will form meaningful and productive bonds while letting parasites know that you will not waste your time with them.

5. Leaving wrongs unpunished merely encourages miscreants to continue preying on both yourself and others, and those who do not stand up for themselves end up being trampled. This is not, however, an encouragement for misbehavior. Becoming a bully in the name of vengeance is not only dishonest but it also invites others to bring vengeance upon yourself. The same goes for illegal actions of retribution: break the law and you become the miscreant that the law should come down on swiftly and harshly.

6. Life represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires! Real leaders are determined by their actions and accomplishments, not their titles, and real power and responsibility should be given to those who can wield it, not to those who simply demand it.

7. Life represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all! Elevating the human species as somehow innately superior to other animals is blatant self-deceit. Humanity is driven by the same natural urges that other animals experience. While our intellect has allowed us to accomplish truly great things (which should be appreciated), it can also be credited with incredible and wanton acts of cruelty throughout history.

8. My life represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification! In general, the concept of “sin” is something that breaks a moral or religious law, and I am strictly against such following of dogma. When a person avoids an action, it is because of concrete reasons, not simply because dogma dictates it or someone has judged it “bad”. In addition, when a person realizes that he or she has committed an actual wrong, the correct response is to accept it, learn from it, and not do it again, rather than mentally beat himself or herself up for it or begging for forgiveness.

9. I am the best friend of the Church, as I have kept it in business for at least one day! This last statement is largely a declaration against dogmatic and fear-based religion. If there were no temptations, if we did not have the natures that we do, if there was nothing to fear, then few people would submit themselves to the rules and abuses that have developed in other religions (specifically Christianity) over the centuries.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

To the One and Only

When you Live to see a King bow his Head,
it is time to stand and say.
You have sinned.
Can you puke from your Lungs?

Yes! I can.

If I was? A question you should not have to ask,
but in accordance with Date RAPE, we do.
Should our lives have been,
but they were?

Where is the compassion for the King that hung?
Well, no one noticed but me and that King.
So in defiance of my Fathering kind,
I spout out the lie of reality, you're ick!

Being blood to a King myself,
he cannot hang, neither is head, nor can he suffer the nooce.
For hangings are for Cowboys,
and they only know Will.

For with indifference to what is, I shall turn,
it over to the marrying kind.
Youngest, strongest, next you are in line to receive the guillotine.
Whether in TIME or REAL.

Does it matter?
Only to the ones that can wrap the rope,
and know the path of the maker or the worker of sew.
Freight that carries a tremendous weight.

Luck is a matter of opinion.
I don't make what I know,
I have and you don't.
To the Isles of what is not lost,
I say, "To the Cloak Room."

Monday, November 21, 2011

Rack up the reins of the horse on the Bit!!

The shame of the blessing of not wanting,
your child, your baby, your wife.
Training of the ages, wasted the lives of all the ones hoping for you.
Instead of hard dicks in ass holes of buds,
cum in the mouth of your boyfriend.

Roll and wriggle the taste of limb and new,
while the excitement of life limbers,
you have extincted it all.
Just for a piece of man and his ass.

The erection of perfection, strives to ride the rhythm of lime,
the orgy to mind and one of a kind,
stretch the end to what has never been.
Wetness and sweetness of a Lord God Almighty Taste,
will cause the fringe of the creatures to release.

Rise to my might, and put in me the orgasmic mounting of find.
I open the doors to new places found,
can't wait to find what to sign,
and know that you've ripped off by design.

There are some that really are Mean and not forgiving.
For you have done and essentially run to learn how to get blown off by known.
Do you ever show up in, a car or a motorcycle would be cool.
Cause nature said inside all heads of the Women, you are Dead.

In a couple of weeks, when we are weak and you know who is to cheap to travel.
To drive to me what I need to keep me not awake.
For I will go, I need to know another World so I do not shake, Reality Bites.

I need a man with a plan and I really need to flow.
I'm really ready to do the steady, the kids know that it's time,
so pick us up or I'll delete each and every kind of sweet.

To the days of Old and the Ancient require of what was known, not simply assumed.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Intolerance to difference is a Leader Board that keeps Score.

Deliver your drive towards Life,
you should strive,
to be kind, to be wise,
to be what is not lies.

Travel in this World, delivers the next.
In Realms that exist, I cannot resist,
to speak of the Horrors, the nightmares you'll have.

Nothing will save you, it is to late to arrive,
at what is proper and clean.
After Death, that is when it gets really, really mean.

Clean up your belief in yourself and know your sins.
Make right the bad deals that you have been in.
Don't say, "I got it."
When all you do is take,
for escape from a date with Death,
All he will do is wait.

It is not for the foolish to think that there's time.
To out smart the dead,
or out do death, is nothing more than being unkind.

Be True or be Due,
it's nothing to me. For in this World, all that I see,
is so much Negativity, Unhealth, Blame and Ill-Begotten Wealth.
Your Non-Profits will drown you,
with payments due there,
far below what is normal,
you Con and you go.

Stay calm and remain,
you make such a stain.
Disregard all the words that make you insane.

Turn not to your book, remember the blame?
King James himself, his version was stealth.
It falls on your shoulders, for Death has a name.

Use what you may, cling to yourself.
Push out it front whoever you please,
you think they can step-in, take your place or be you?

In this identity of what I do write, gives more than a clue,
it's kind of like glue.
The count of the beings of humans do mount.
The measure of weight is drowning your pout.

Singular in number and oh how they add,
you already have dates that you are kept at.

So, number your days and know by the way,
the moment before you will pass away,
awareness of such will hit without touch.
And up you will look and then you will see,
it is a Demon that comes, thats what came for me.
Don't worry, they walk all of Thee too,
below you will go,
to DEATH COURT, a Suit.

Hand in hand, I don't know,
for Cuff's are for people,
and Chains are for balls attached to the Creeper.
You're just a small number,
a pick-up, a call, I don't no to much,
I just answer you all.

Delivery to court,
is the death you will know,
when life is not evil this becomes unbelievable.

For in the Hereafter,
I stay where I'm put,
and I do not lie,
but I know you've been took!

'Cause DEATH can be felt,
from miles away.
To what is natural, I swear!
I know that I'm good and I'm not afraid,
I am always ready to go to my grave.

In my release, I do say to please,
satisfy the needs of others but not on your knees.
Do not be cruel with thoughts they unrule,
you should be afraid, if these are sins you have laid.

Upon any other, with words or release,
of what is not evil, but surely did read.
To do so with knowing, to do with such purpose,
review is your guilt and there is always a tilt.

For they wait without pause and measure with reason.
You may not believe, but your Will is not pleasing.
To them or to others, you can't have your druthers,
the sins have gone over the board that you cover,
what Leader Boards show the Sin Board will know.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Death is not Taboo! It is a Date.

It seems it is the fear of Death that holds the tongue's of almost all Man.  It is neither a Taboo or a Bad Luck subject to either ponder or speak upon.  Yet, should you rise the question in conversation you will never be as shot down as you will when you mention this as a topic of discussion.

Our country, the U.S.A. is so terrified of Death itself, we have lost our ability to be able to die with dignity.  It almost seems a shameful time as it approaches.  Suicide is at an all time high amongst Teenagers.  I personally do not believe in Suicide, it is a personal choice.  I am against it for myself because of the fear that I have of being stuck in some half alive, half dead state for Eternity, either here on Earth in some Hospital or in the next realm for eternity. 

I will of coarse and would try very hard to point out to any potential candidate of Suicide that I ever ran across the values that life itself possesses.  I would try desperately to get them to a professional, but there is a point that I would step aside also.  I've been exposed to it more than once and I am sure that this exposure to these people is what concreted my opinion that Suicide is not for me. At the same time I have seen something in the eyes of the people that took their lives that made me very uncomfortable, it still causes me concern and stress within myself.  In fact, the look that I saw from the eyes of these victims stops me dead in my tracks today.  I would rather turn and walk away than to ever be that close to the taking of any life again, be it yours or anyone Else's.  What I saw was a Sin.

It is a decision that is my own, based on my experience as a child. I have the freedom to chose what is correct for me and the decision was made deep within my mind long ago not to entertain such a way to go from this place to the next.  It was made at a sub-conscious level and at a very young age.  As a Human Being I honor what has provided me with this wisdom to know what is right and what is wrong.  It is wrong to take the life of another.  Although I do not understand, the evil that I saw in the eyes of this woman as she made the decision to purposely take her life blew me away.  It was a sin and she knew it and was willing to pay the price, knowingly in advance of the act it seemed.  It was purposeful and meant to hurt who she was leaving behind. 

However, it was her sin, her choice to make or not to make.  I was to young to understand what was happening but I have a greater depth of understanding today of what I was witness too.  It is not our right to involve ourselves in the lives of people that have gone this far in their minds and made such dreadful and decidedly final decisions to harm not just themselves but the ones that they are purposely leaving behind to find them in such a disgraceful form.  Unless you are a professional and work in this field, stay away.  Only people trained in this field can intervene into such desperate circumstances, especially when they have gone so far and it seems these days that it goes to far before anyone person even notices another Human Beings mental condition or pain.

The purpose behind the book I wish to write about Death, is not to cause fear from within your core or in your minds.  I am writing to obligate or rather fill an obligation that I feel within myself. I have been compelled to do this since I was a child. The question of "Why" I would feel would be an invasion of my privacy and therefore is not for you to ask or bother me about.

The fear of death is overwhelming to most people and I have found that this fear has disturbed my life a great deal.  My thoughts on Death and the conversations with other people about Death are very matter of fact yet, I am treated as a Leper. And it seems that we treat Death as a disease.

It does not matter if you are good, bad, or evil.  Which ever word you would like to counter the word good with, there is only one concern you should have in this matter of death.  You should ask yourself in all seriousness only one thing.

Am a Sinner? Or, Do I Sin?

An Evil Being can be evil and never commit a sin.  A Good Being can commit a sin everyday and it is looked over by anyone and/or everyone because people in general detest or protest the state of being Evil and promote that they are nothing but good or Christian.  These Beings seem to believe that they are above the penalty of Sin or the judgement thereof.

To cast judgement on Evil is a Sin.  It is prejudice and intolerant to difference.  Satan the Highest Ranking Arch Angel in Heaven, the most Beautiful to have ever have been created by God, was cast out of the Heavens and into Hell over an argument or disagreement with whom was his creator.  Why then after a lifetime of service to his Creator and being taught only to Honor would he then all of a sudden condone Sin for all.  His condemnation to Hell was payment or banishment for the Sin he committed.

So, the assumption he would promote that which he defended against is quiet the opposite.  Instead, he would try to rectify himself in his belief to answer for himself and pay for the sin that he had committed in the Heavens to accept his judgement for his infraction against his creator.  Accepting his punishment and the banishment from his home, he would then accept what took place and continue on in his new found surroundings of Hell.  This is my assumption, my experience, my truth and what seems reasonable to me and my mind.

For thou that whilst not rising,
shall find that the truth is the Rule.
A Sin committed by the favored,
is penalized with a heavy hand,
for the Eternity of Man.

Eternal Battles within the Realm.
A dimension, not a consideration,
should cause you fright and deliver horror.
Not comfort you, promote your lies,
it should cause deplore within your core.

The care it takes to speak,
is the only communication I need.
To order about, to only tout, to condemn with doubt,
shall produce nothing but the poor of mind to shout.

A "Sin Board" accepts the reality,
that your blindness to such is surreal.
You light candles for what is real,
yet, scoff when offered a deal.

Interfere in Celestial Wars,
Battles, arguments and more,
will scar not only your life,
but expose the Con of the Light.

Mere Man speaks on behalf,
of what they assume to translate.
Books written in script that is not known,
yet Ministers still believe they can profess what is best.

Disgrace will befall such accord, what a mess.

No proof is required from any one man.
For any one Being may speak or be mean.
Forbearing, and Tearing, Accusing or Musing,
what the book of King James may be saying or doing.

To stand as I do with Freedom from you,
I speak with a Truth that is new!
My Credentials I've written,
and study I have, with a life that was sought and not bought.

Questions and Answers deliver to you the truth of my word.
You know or assume that Natural cannot be true,
remind yourself, remind your soul, cling to your heart or your core,
without Jesus Christ you would be dead at least twice.

This Man from this Earth, his name was a curse,
Jesus Christ, he was crucified, suffered and died.
He spoke words of wisdom as words of advice.
He said without question, he said without guise,
"I'll die for all Mans Sins, go Sin no more."
This was his verse, and dying breath he used first,
to cleanse all your guilt, not placate or place filth.

Yet, hang on you do too,
a miracle or two.
You hope he, J.C. returns, just for you to get out.
To wish for him, to die once again,
for what is not even his sin,
is gross if not a Fen.

Due you are to announce your scar,
forgiveness comes hard when you are not so easily barred.
A "Sin Board," not a valve, you have no worth,
get a clue, this Man, Jesus Christ has already died for all you.
For what you did due!

Try to make charge, in Life you live large,
but Dead he is now, or at least in Death he will be,
after so long with all he is stuck and all of thee and your muck.

Reason will wonder, practicality wins all,
for Crucifixion is illegal and Treason is out,
for what I am saying, or, for what I may shout,
there is no punishment that you can pass out.

I will write 'till you know,
'till you get it through your thick minds
or until such time you understand that its mine.
The Ten Commandments you say are written,
in stone they doth lay.
Made in Gods Image, you preach to the crowds,
our minds may improve or decide to go foul.

Religion shall falter,
this News shall persist.
The Mountains will whistle, with voice and declare,
it's natural to question, to reason, to say,
I am just making noise in verse to prey.

Stand not to my side,
Your Sin will abide.
It resides in your mind,
discreet and not kind.

Speak out or testify,
you may want to shout!
But what you need is, to work yourself out.
Be private, discreet and know from below,
they watch and the listen, to see with intention,
if you lie or just pass this state of detention.

The punishment for one Sin,
is more than I know.
For I am so Evil, 666 is my lord.
But, Sin free I do know,
that I am and remain.
For I am a Good Girl and I know their names.

The Court of Death is a very real place you will be, it is interesting to me. Upon your passing, whether you believe in Good or in Evil, Demons are Spirits that will come to guide thee.  Dark Lords they do listen, exist on this Earth, they walk amongst you and speak to be heard.

I remain with myself, I work to be true, to be honest and without the temptations from you. I live with such stealth, to stay safe and list well, all the things that I must, I feel compelled. To speak with such candor and not run away, I watch you each day. I write what I see, it comes out so painfully, now you can know how far off the path that you go, you are so far from whats known as "Good Will."

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

An address to a friend

I write to find reason,
I write to know the news,
I write to solve some problems
I write so I won't lose.

I know that I'm called,
my mother doth say,
I am possessed and I'm numbered,
"666", she does replay.

I find that my best favor,
I know that it is to strong,
to know what is so right,
and also what is wrong.

Strongly, I pursue,
I often unglue,
myself in the process,
I'm tired and feeling pressed,
but in this I know that I am not the best.

I look for my other,
he often would show,
"Which way I can go?"
He never was angry,
leaving me to my own,
he held me so gently,
and left me alone.

For in this condition,
abandonment was not known.
I held to his name,
I grasped onto flame.

A man that would sing,
the songs that drowned out,
the terrors and the horrors,
that haunted my nights,
caused fear in the light.

I closed my eyes gently,
I thought of this Knight,
I imagined his presence,
it kept me safe from unkind.

I worked at this gently,
I worked at this all night.
I'm tired of trying,
but I keep up the fight.

I know that its pleasure,
this man does excite,
but some of us things,
were left,
laughed at night.

Our hearts we're not ours,
our Souls have been sold,
all that we had, were dreams;
there simply untold.

So, dream on my dear friend!
Cling onto the fight,
for it is inside of all that cause fright,
the come to scare you in the middle of night.

The knives became swords,
and people attacked,
be strong and stay calm,
for its how you fight back.

To know that escape,
evades what is rape,
makes confidence run crazy,
and I cannot take.

The people are happy,
their dumb and their mute,
as long as they don't have you,
'cause this proves dangerous too.

Be responsible or true,
the fire is still the color of blue,
to all that are due.

If I were you,
 if I had a choice,
I would run like I was crazy,
be not what I could,
but be what I Might.

An amazing Lord Knight!
They wipe out your eyes,
in mind they can see,
the way that you hate,
and plan to free me.

Humanity is almost at it's end,
it seems such a loss,
I guess it's just when.

Do not believe! 
and please, do not sin,
the judgement is heavy,
the ground is so thin.

Make mention of excuses,
you're done at begin,
be honest, be fair,
but never be square.

For telling the truth,
is just like a dare.
this Man that I know,
owns what I've shown.

He is the intellectual Heir,
of all that I am,
he is what is fare.

His meaning to me,
is what I am about,
I'd rather trust a stranger,
with all you claim is a wealth.

Than to speak to my family,
my children who are left,
he'll embrace without fault.

I worry not for myself,
for I'm going to fall,
Can you do The Continue?

Will do what you should?
for I cannot "sigh"
my hurt is too high.

Please be what you are,
I wish I was strong,
they want me to die.

To tie up a Man inside this demand,
you are a Knight, in that I can't fight,
I should have had, had my very own stand.

My love, goes so deep,
my memories are so much,
I leap at the thought,
that we may have touched.

Be all that you see,
remember the ones,
that did give their lives,
to see us do One, singular thing,

I do now!
I see the past,
I see the future,
I see you and in that I can see the truth.

Be you and be me,
I am hurt and in need.
I cannot go to the place,
that you will so bleed.

I love you, Forever.

from me and to you,
it's simply the truth,
the only thing left is to say:

 Thank You!!

Simple Complexity. "If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." Albert Einstein

This is one of the first things I wrote down, beginning in 2/2008. Everyone that I showed it to because I thought it was an interesting idea, laughed at me and told me I was so stupid.  I found this picture and I guess I was able to have the last laugh.  What he says and what I have written seem so similar at first but then you see how different the dynamics are it shows how unique one single idea can be.  I wish I had been able to have known or meet Mr. Einstein. It seems we saw things in a similar manner. 

Simple Complexity

by Karen A. Placek

In complexity there is simplicity,
once you see simplicity you once again
understand how complex simplicity really is.

When you no longer see the complexity in simplicity,
you begin your own extinction.
Due to your lack of vision
into the complexity that simplicity provides.

Understanding that simplicity provides
complexity with an infinite number
of simple equations to be understood.


You then realize,
that in simplicity you find complexity,
which is the biggest and most complex puzzle,
found, but not understood.

Written on 2/17/2008

I love the Thelwell Book Series

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Destruction of my C.D. Plan

I was left in the National Park,
my family drove away,
laughter from the car tore myself apart.
"Some one love me, some one won't leave Me."
The car banked the turn and I fell where I stood.

I watched through the trees,
the station wagon would lean,
as it curved out of each turn.
The voices so merry,
and I was so forlorn, to death did I grasp.

I was left in the dark,
I was left to go check
to see if anything had been left behind
on this picnic of mine.

I did not know that the thing was me.
They all piled in and screeching I heard.
I ran so fast,I thought I got back,
but all I did see were the tail lights,
no brakes lights lite up,
no doors opened to say,
"Run little sister they mean to kill you today."

I scream in myself, it's been years since this day,
and today I can't breath, for the memory is me.
I was not even Three, they left me to see.
when I fell to my knees, I thought of the time,
that I lived through this bind.

One year or forty, fifty or sixty years, the years could pass,
the pain it does last, for once you've left, you never look back.
Your blinded by pain, if you ever run back, there is emptiness always; You stare.
Until this moment you will not know what its like,
so don't ask the questions, of God or fuck christ,
I stood alone and I had already fallen twice in this zone.


Human Beings are the cruelest of creatures I know,
they leave not scars but they burn in and char,
whatever they are.
I'll never forget, you Rebecca Mae Dyas, I live in the present,
who would live in this past.
You forget it so fast, you fall for it again and again and again.
It's people like you that lead me down there,
I never suspect, it happens so fast.
You bring on the monsters that haunt me from then
I don't live inside places that scare me so much that the terror becomes my nightmares,
and day mares are back.

You assume with your pompous regime of degree,
and one day you'll know that you never knew me.
Your description of sickness, its sterile from you,
"I will not change," you said this, with what part of your mind,
could even imagine I'd live where I died? 
Is this your presume? Your preference to me?
I try everyday to never remind, let alone remember to any degree,
that I was left behind, In the night with no cars,
there were no people, the park was closed and we were the last to exit that night.

Who would live in a time to remind themselves of,
the family who never loved them,
from birth to this day,
they curse me and say,
"She is possessed and the Beast 666, she is, we know, 'cause we are the best."
they do not protest, they know this for certain and repeat it for zest.
My Family that is, just in case you're confused by all of this news.

Why would I remind myself of this pain,
I ran and I ran, I run till I can,
find peace in my mind,
and kindness from some.
All you have done Rebecca Mae,
is drag up in my mind, pulled me back into time,
that screaming inside can't be heard from beyond,
'cause god forbid it still hurt to be left in the dirt,
face down where it hurts.

Screaming in silence with tears that don't come,
but today they did pour,
after suffering a bag that suffocated the fact,
that air is not needed, you just have to stand back.
Understand what has happened,
 and be mad that you missed,
what seem to have hissed at such a fast pace,
I jumped and I missed.
And Rebecca you're great, you and your emails of hatred and more,
made me recount what happened from birth till Ed was a boy.
Destroyed what was healed,
for the sake or the need to say, "Please stop I can feel."

I hope it was worth it for you to do and leave me in side of a place,
in my mind, that is so very unkind,
you don't know it exists this place in my brain.
Why would I tell you of such lifetime pain.
I would have ruined you before you turned Nine.

You never spent years with me, helping me with anything,
You went off to College, got drunk and did drugs,
fucked boys, went to my Mother's on Holidays and Summers.
Went out with Sarah your Aunt,
before you were legal to drink in a Bar.

Last time I saw you, I told you my truth,
diagnosed as a kid, I thought it would heal.
Make you laugh, it was stupid and not such a big deal.
A genius I said, I joked so you'd feel at ease with the fact,
that I was so young when it happened like that.
You screamed at me saying, "It doesn't count if Dennis said that!"
What a strange response from an eldest daughter: I prompt!

But thanks to you, you caused an erupt,
left you did, just like it was then,
a National Park I was in: KNOT!
This time I sat on a couch without even one friend.
I was all alone, yet it happened again.
I opened your note, excited to see,
it had been so long since you had been near or written to me.
The pain was the same,
 the memory had not hit,
I forgot all the things that happened from then,
I could not even remember the when.
But today is the day and early it starts,
it takes it all day to even begin.
So, as the Bell Tolls,
 as that ball begins to roll,
down memory lane we take that stroll,
I live not in those yesterdays,
for if I did, I would be dead today.

The pain is so deep and it rips when I see,
the car pull away or the note and your say.
"So live in the present," you said, it was mean.
It is what you wrote,
but know that your words, if that's what you mean,
took yet one more life and I'm tired of it always being mine.
Related you are to the ones that did leave,
the small girl that was left, sadly, was me.

No possible way could you ever be mine,
 to say that you're my daughter,
would be a mistake,
and obvious change has caused us to break our relate.
You will know that your name I did give,
Rebecca Mae has caused an alliance,
the death of her mother in mind and in spirit, in heart and in Soul,
thank goodness for that, for I doth not own the last two destroyed from out of this home,
my body does shriek.

I dumped long ago.
One Soul it was sold to my mother in blood,
the Heart I gave away, not to long after, I knew it was not needed,
in a place that found laughter at the cost of a life in obvious strife. 

I am sorry James Blunt, I held high hopes for myself once, in fact many did joke,
that they have danced by your side, met you in person.
The very same crowd that I speak of on here, told me this so clear.
Now that it's over, Rebecca destroyed, five years of planning,
so I would not run and maybe find out what love was about.
And then I could possibly be brave enough to hold a mans hand,
not yours, I'm not stupid.
But as I have said before, my family, my sisters, my no more friends,
rammed down my throat they did,
apparently they thought I wanted just you,
no other would do for me they said.

I used to believe that dreams do come true,
I used to believe that if you do what you are meant to,
if you work really hard, you will deserve and earn a good heart.
That what you do sow, is what you will reap,
that if your dreams have some balance,
then magic may help,
if life's been to much and all you really, really need,
is a little bit of help.

In a dream that I had I knew I did not
want for one thing to happen again,
to be left alone, standing with out a hand or a friend.

The tears they do flow, from those times to these,
the ages of Two and of Three, I cannot take this, what have I done?
But to ruin a Man, I don't even know, I can't hear his music,
it's gone with the flow, of all the hard work to take me away,
in my mind from the pain, I would turn him up loud,
James Blunt sang away, deaf I became, to hurt and the pain.
His heart in the front and he was my plan,
so that I could stay in the moment of now.

I never wanted to lose myself again to the ages,
 of times or in memories that cause me so much fear.
Before I was Ten,
when beatings were fine,
rape was O.K.,
I was the trash can for all of them.
They'd say so casually,  "She don't belong to anyone, anyway."
Let her scream, she might, but who really cares,
she's dead in her mind and she's mine to do with as, as I please anyhow!

Don't worry your mind,
Rebecca Mae,
James Blunt will not care,
he is a Pop Star, a singer from England.

I thought he was cool and really kind of handsome too.
He is busy with his own life, he doesn't read these stupid things that I write.
Least of all care of the pains of a woman, even if I was a fan,
named Set_Zero, I'm gone..

Have a wonderful life,
my Becky Mae of Sunny Brook Farm,
with memories so clean,
"No Regrets" your address, just like my mother.
More importantly so, I loved my mother regardless,
I just did not understand her, it's impossible too.
But know this for now,
you have done and accomplished what it took Five Years to do.
I have not one friend, on a C.D. or in person, or you.
So thank you for destroying me yet once again,
it's been nice to know that I cannot breath from terror of whats been.
I'm older now, you would think I could deal,
but it just gets worse because it's so real.

Shake from the inside,
 I am having flashbacks that are kept in films that are wrapped,
in the back of my mind,
it was the design,
the first time that terror came and left from behind.
It is Nature that makes it so that you will,
never forget the pain and until,
the perfect situation, like this to recall,
in vivid reality what happened, it was raw.

Pink Floyd will rock me tonight I believe,
right out of my mind and into my need,
of peace and sanity, so that I can survive yet one more night.
Have you heard it, it's mine.
"Wish You Were Here"

May you believe in what you never see,
but what has never haunted me; Stay. 
So I am never alone again,
I know that I'll never know sin.

I would rather be with what I know well,
then feel compelled to take a life,
with an email or two.


A Twin Soul Death

Our lives are just extensions of what has been,
we rail from the roads of time in the Universe.
Look up my friends and see where you've been.
Do not separate yourself from when you were then.

It is the innocence of such a leap,
 that is made before we're sheep.
We realize that magic's real,
that we are unique and have made this trip, it's meant to be neat.

Somehow, someway we loose our way,
unfortunately we are smashed to pieces when we say.
That there is more to life than just religious belief,
but rather we stand for liberty and peace.

Our minds don't need to stretch, to see,
that it is our imaginative thought you seek to be.
Resources forced down our throats each day,
to pray and kneel to you and your real.

No God above or Dark Lord below,
would ever force such horrid dread,
upon the focus of a child,
just asking why or acting silly.

Twin Souls, Soul Mates, even just friends,
destroyed ideas that keep you; Blend.
It's more and more impossible; 
I can't help it but I do deplore.

To find a happy Man or more.
Who cares if a Twin Soul speaks out there.
At you or them, they hang onto,
the might, the sight of what just like.
If Twin Souls do not hear the call,
then Soul Mates die and marriage will fall.

It will go so very quick, the signs, surreal, it will be sick.
I said a Man was my Knight.
I do not joke, my life needs sight.

Should this happen, should he have seen,
this would have been like magic to me.
The only one who really cared,
was a person who was very, very scared.

That is why the children scream,
I do say lets be unseen,
don't come back to what this is,
there is no belief or faith to stream.

Why bother then to try to love.
If what you dream is not for love.
The work it takes to look and see,
will be the end of you and me.

Stuck I am, I stepped in gum,
but that's O.K. I must be dumb.
Go mute I will and then we'll see,
that a World needed thee.

To smile,
to laugh,
to dream of things.
Like magic,
and stories filled with Love.

Brought together by chance, not Bars.
A Wild Romance from belief in one Man.
He is to busy to see with the Worlds Review,
that he could bring peace to someone new.
To live with safety and not cause strife,
for every person in her life.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Disorder: by Babette Rothschild, MSW, LCSW

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder:

Identification and Diagnosis

Invited article for Soziale Arbeit Schweiz (The Swiss Journal of Social Work), February 1998.
By Babette Rothschild, MSW, LCSW   © 1997


International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies (ISTSS)

European Society for Traumatic Stress Studies (ESTSS)

National Association of Social Workers (NASW)

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) disrupts the functioning of those afflicted by it, interfering with the ability to meet their daily needs and perform the most basic tasks. Trauma continues to intrude on the lives of people with PTSD as they relive the life-threatening experiences they have suffered with visual, auditory and/or somatic reality, reacting in mind and body as though such events were still occurring. Not everyone experiencing traumatic events develops PTSD; it is a complex psychobiological condition that can emerge in the wake of life-threatening experiences when normal psychological and somatic stress responses to a traumatic event are not resolved and released. In this paper it is proposed that Autonomic Nervous System hyperarousal is at the core of PTSD and the driving force behind phenomena such as dissociation, freezing and flashbacks. Acute traumatic reactions are differentiated from PTSD and strategies for intervention are suggested.

   Index for this Article

• Introduction

• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• PTSD Diagnosis

• Symptoms of PTSD

• Survival and the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)

• Defensive Response in the Absence of Threat

• Dissociation, Freezing and PTSD

• Consequences of Trauma and PTSD

• Distinguishing Acute Trauma from PTSD

• Conclusion

• References


Events that are threatening to life or bodily integrity will produce traumatic stress in its victim. This is a normal, adaptive response of the mind and body to protect the individual by preparing him to respond to the the threat by fighting or fleeing. If the fight or flight is successful, the traumatic stress will usually be released or dissipated allowing the victim to return to a normal level of functioning. PTSD develops: when fight or flight is not possible; the threat persists over a long period of time; and/or the threat is so extreme that the instinctive response of the victim is to freeze.

The following are examples of people with PTSD:

○ A firefighter quits his job two years short of retirement because of persistent fiery nightmares and chest pains.

○ A young girl has become hyperactive since her tonsillectomy nine months before.

○ A previously studious teenaged boy is no longer able to concentrate on his school work and is failing his classes since the death of his grandmother last year. He no longer enjoys going to school, and is becoming increasingly house-bound.

○ A Middle Eastern refugee is arrested after a fight in a bar. He says all he remembers is a smell that reminded him of the prison where he was tortured, then he woke up in a police cell.

○ A war veteran still awakes screaming from nightmares of combat, thirty years after he was discharged from service.

○ A woman who was molested when she was six years old begins to be disturbingly over-protective of her own six year old daughter.

○ A man seeks psychotherapy because he is suffering from persistent anxiety and panic attacks.

○ A boy is observed aggressively trying to stick pencils and crayons under the tails of his stuffed animals.


There is a mistaken assumption that anyone experiencing a traumatic event will have PTSD. This is far from true. Studies vary, but confirm that only a fraction of those facing trauma will develop PTSD (Elliott 1997, Kulka et al 1990, Breslau et al 1991). What distinguishes those who do not is still a hot topic of discussion, but there are many clues. Factors mediating traumatic stress appear to include: preparation for expected stress (when possible), successful fight or flight responses, prior experience, internal resources, support from family, community, and social networks, debriefing, emotional release, and psychotherapy.


PTSD is a relatively new diagnostic category in the history of psychology. The diagnosis of PTSD first appeared in 1980 in the internationally accepted authority on PTSD, the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychological Association), 3rd Edition (APA 1980). At that time the DSM had a limited view of what could cause PTSD, defining it as developing from an experience that anyone would find traumatic, leaving no room for individual perception or experience of an event. This definition was expanded when the DSM III was revised in 1987, and the DSM IV (APA 1994) provides even broader criteria.

The currently accepted definition of PTSD as presented in the DSM IV accepts that PTSD develops in response to events that are threatening to life or bodily integrity, witnessing threatening or deadly events, and hearing of violence to or the unexpected or violent death of close associates. Events that could qualify as traumatic,according to the DSM IV, include: combat, sexual and physical assault, being held hostage or imprisoned, terrorism, torture, natural and man made disasters, accidents, and receiving a diagnosis of a life threatening illness. PTSD can also develop in children who have experienced sexual molestation, even if this is not violent or life-threatening. The DSM IV adds, "The disorder may be especially severe or long lasting when the stressor is of human design (e.g. torture, rape)." (APA 1994)


Symptoms associated with PTSD include, 1) reexperiencing the event in varying sensory forms such as flashbacks, 2) avoiding reminders associated with the trauma, and, 3) chronic hyperarousal in the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). PTSD is present when these symptoms last more than one month and are combined with loss of function in areas such as job or social relationships. (APA 1994)

I believe that at the core of PTSD is the last symptom - increased ANS arousal. People who suffer from PTSD are plagued with frightening body symptoms which are characteristic of hyperarousal: accelerated heart beat, cold sweating, rapid breathing, heart palpitations, hypervigilance, and hyper startle response (jumpiness). These symptoms lead to sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, sexual dysfunction and difficulties in concentrating, which are further hallmarks of PTSD. Hyperarousal both instigates flashbacks and is also increased by them, and hyperarousal is the underlying cause of the symptom of avoidance, as traumatic reminders increase ANS arousal. Through understanding hyperarousal, the phenomenon of PTSD becomes comprehendible.


Arousal, and therefore hyperarousal, is mediated by the Limbic System which is located in the center of the brain between the brain stem and the cortex. This part of the brain regulates survival behaviors and emotional expression, being primarily concerned with tasks of survival such as eating, sexual reproduction and the instinctive defenses of fight and flight. It also plays a central role in memory processing.

The Limbic System has an intimate relationship with the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). The ANS regulates smooth muscles and other viscera: heart and circulatory system, kidneys, lungs, intestines, bladder, bowel, pupils. It has two branches, the Sympathetic branch (SNS) and the Parasympathetic branch (PNS), which usually function in balance with each other, meaning when one is activated, the other is suppressed. The SNS is primarily aroused in states of stress, both positive and negative. Signs of SNS arousal include increased heart rate and respiration, cold and pale skin, dilated pupils, raised blood pressure. The PNS is primarily aroused in states of rest and relaxation. Signs of PNS arousal include decreased heart rate and respiration, warm and flushed skin, normally reactive pupils, lowered blood pressure.

The Limbic System responds to extreme traumatic threat, in part, by releasing hormones that tell the body to prepare for defensive action, activating the SNS, which prepares the body for fight or flight through increasing respiration and heart rate to provide more oxygen, sending blood away from the skin and into the muscles for quick movement. When death may be imminent or the traumatic threat is prolonged (as with torture, rape, etc.), the Limbic system can simultaneously release hormones to activate the PNS and a state of freezing can result - like a mouse going dead when caught by a cat, or a frightened bird becoming stiff (Gallup 1977, Levine1997).

These nervous system responses - fight, flight and freeze - are survival reflexes. If perception in the Limbic System is that there is adequate strength, time and space for flight, then the body breaks into a run. If the Limbic perception is that there is not time to flee, but there is adequate strength to defend, then the body will fight. If the Limbic System perceives that there is neither time nor strength for fight or flight and death could be imminent, then the body will freeze. In this state, the victim of trauma enters an altered reality - it is one form of dissociation. Time slows down and there is no fear or pain. In this state, if harm or death do occur, the impact is not so great. People who have fallen from great heights, such as over cliffs, and survived, report just such a reaction. This freezing response may also increase chances of survival. If the cause of the freeze is an attack by man or beast, the attacker may lose interest when the prey has gone dead, as a cat will lose interest in a lifeless mouse.

It is important to understand that these Limbic System/ANS responses are instinctive, not chosen by thoughtful consideration, but are reflex actions. Many who have suffered trauma feel great guilt about freezing or "going dead" and not doing more to protect themselves or others by fighting back or running away. Understanding that freezing is a reflex often helps the process of self-forgiveness.


When the Limbic System of the brain activates the ANS to meet the threat of a traumatic event, it is a normal, healthy, adaptive survival response. When the ANS continues to be chronically aroused even though the threat has passed and has been survived, that is PTSD. The body continues to respond as though it were under threat. This is the most perplexing feature of PTSD.

Within the Limbic System of the brain are two related areas that are central in memory storage: the hippocampus and the amygdala. The last few years have produced a growing body of research that indicates these two parts of the brain are essentially involved in response to, and memory of, traumatic events (van der Kolk 1994, Nadel & Jacobs 1996). It is believed that the amygdala stores highly charged emotional memories, such as terror and horror and it has been shown that the amygdala becomes very active when there is a traumatic threat.

The hippocampus, on the other hand, stores memory of time and space - puts our memories into their proper perspective and place in our life's time line. During traumatic threat, it has been shown, the hippocampus becomes suppressed. Its usual function of placing a memory into the past is not active. The traumatic event is prevented from becoming a memory in the past, causing it to seem to float in time, often invading the present. It is this mechanism that is behind the aforementioned PTSD symptom of "flashback" - episodes of reliving the trauma.


Dissociation, a splitting in awareness, is not mentioned by either the DSM III or DSM IV as a symptom of PTSD, but there is growing debate in the professional literature as to whether PTSD is a Dissociative Disorder (Brett, EA. 1996) - it is currently classified in the DSM IV under Anxiety Disorders. There is also research that is beginning to point to the possibility that dissociation during a traumatic event may be a predictor of PTSD (Bremmer, et. al. 1992, Marmar, 1994).

No one really knows what dissociation is or how it occurs, though there is much speculation. It appears to be, not one thing, but a set of related splitting responses. Bennett Braun, M.D. has studied dissociation for many years, treating clients with a variety of Dissociative Disorders. He proposes a continuum of dissociation that begins with simple forgetting, includes amnesia and PTSD and ends at the extreme of Multiple Personality, now referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder (Braun 1988).

The kind of dissociation described by those with PTSD - altered sense of time, reduced sensations of pain, absence of terror or horror - resembles the characteristics of those who have responded with freezing to a traumatic threat. There will need to be more research before it can be known if the freezing reflex is a form of dissociation, but it looks as though it is. This is important because it appears that the greatest consequences of PTSD result from dissociation. While dissociation is an instinctive response to save the self from suffering - and it does this very well - it also exacts a high price in return.


The consequences of trauma and PTSD vary greatly depending on the age of the victim, the nature of the trauma, the response to the trauma and the support to the victim in the aftermath. In general, victims of PTSD suffer reduced quality of life due to the intrusive symptoms which restrict their ability to function. They may alternate periods of overactivity with periods of exhaustion as their bodies suffer the effects of hyperarousal. Reminders of the trauma they suffered may appear suddenly, causing instant panic, and possible flashbacks. They become fearful, not only of the trauma itself, but of their own reactions to the trauma. Body signals that were once providers of essential information, become dangerous. For example, heart beat acceleration that might indicate over-exertion or excitement, becomes a danger signal in itself because it is a reminder of the trauma response, and therefore is associated with the trauma.

The ability to orient to safety and danger becomes decreased when many things, or even everything, in the environment become perceived as dangerous. When the reminders of trauma become extreme, freezing or dissociation can be activated, just as if the trauma was occurring in the present. It can become a terribly vicious circle. Victims of PTSD can become extremely restricted, fearing to be together with others or go out of their homes.

Child victims of trauma are a special area for study. Robert Pynoos at the University of California at Los Angeles is a pioneer in researching the impact of trauma on children and adolescents. Psychological and motor development can be arrested in child victims of trauma, leading to increasingly negative impact on their lives if they continue to mature without intervention to restore lost or undeveloped resources and skills (Pynoos 1993).


Discussion with professionals who work with both the acute and the long-term aftermath of trauma has led me to conclude that aside from physical injury due to trauma, acute traumatic reactions may be indistinguishable from PTSD in the body and behavior of the victim. The same disorientation, fear, and indications of ANS activations - elevations in heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, shaking, etc. - may be present.

In the aftermath of a disaster, for example, most of those suffering from acute trauma will be easy to spot. Those who have been injured will be obvious. Among the uninjured there will also be many who look stunned, appear pale and faint, or be shaking. Some of those who appear to be suffering from trauma may not even be the actual victims of the disaster, but witnesses or rescuers who may be deeply affected by what they have or are seeing. Some may not be immediately identifiable, they may be highly active - looking for others or after others, organizing help and rescue. A percentage of these may, in the next days or weeks, develop symptoms of trauma.

Months or years later, the vast majority of the survivors, witnesses and rescuers will no longer be suffering psychologically from the after effects of the event. However, a minority will be suffering to an extreme degree, their lives decreased in quality, and a diagnosis of PTSD will be appropriate.

While symptoms of acute trauma and PTSD may not differ very much, response to these must differ significantly. Response to acute trauma may include emergency medical intervention for treatment of injuries and/or medical shock. On the psychological side reassurance and comfort will be the key. Often talking about what happened will be important for the survivor in the immediate aftermath of the event. Telling and re-telling the story to caring individuals may help prevent dissociation, and aid in integrating the experience. Providing physical support - holding, an arm around the shoulders, a comforting hand - may be appropriate, especially if the survivor is hysterical or shaking violently. The victim may be cold and in need of blankets and warm beverages. The victim may need to be reminded that the event is passed and they have survived it, "You're safe now." The more complete and appropriate the response to acute trauma, the greater the chance of preventing subsequent PTSD.

Later, working with those who do develop PTSD may resemble some of the aspects of response to acute trauma. Certainly a reassuring and comforting attitude on the part of the psychotherapist is important. But when the trauma is long past, simple comfort and reassurance will not be enough. The victim of PTSD will feel unable to contain his traumatic experience(s), will have become afraid of his body, and will have lost the sense of what was then and what is now. It is these three areas - containment, positive body awareness, dual time awareness - that must first be strengthened, before addressing the memory of a traumatic event can be done productively.

Containment of out-of-control emotions and thinking processes will help restore a feeling of control over the psychological self. Positive body-awareness will help restore a sense of the body and its sensations as friend, not foe. Dual time awareness will help to separate that the trauma occurred in the past even though it feels as if it is occurring now (Rothschild 1996, Rothschild 1997).


Identification of a portion of those suffering from PTSD will be straightforward. But others may be difficult to spot owing to complicated life or defensive systems. Evaluation of the state of the ANS will assist in the diagnosis of PTSD and in setting treatment objectives where appropriate.


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van der Kolk, Bessel A, M.D., and Fisher, Rita E., Ed.M., "The Biologic Basis of Posttraumatic Stress", Primary Care, Vol. 20, No. 2, 1993; van der Kolk, Bessel, M.D. (1996a), The Body Keeps the Score: Memory and the Evolving Psychobiology of Post-traumatic Stress, Harvard Psychiatric Review, Vol., 1, 1994.

van der Kolk, BA, McFarlane, AC, & Weisaeth, L (Eds.) Traumatic Stress: The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body, and Society, Guilford Press 1996.

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BABETTE ROTHSCHILD, M.S.W., L.C.S.W. has been a practicing psychotherapist and body-psychotherapist since 1976. She has held a California license as a Clinical Social Worker since 1978. She is a member of the International and European Societies for Traumatic Stress Studies, the Association for Traumatic Stress Specialists and the National Association of Social Workers (USA) .

Babette has trained extensively inTransactional Analysis, Gestalt Therapy, Psychodrama and Somatic Experiencing, and is a certified Bodynamic Analyst and certified Radix Teacher. After living 9 years in Denmark, she returned to Los Angeles, California (her home town) where she maintains a private practice while she continues traveling to Europe three times a year, offering professional training and therapy workshops, professional consultations and supervision.

Institutions sponsoring her trainings have included: hospital, rehabilitation, refugee, dance, athletic, children and psychotherapy centers in Austria, Belgium, Denmark, England, France, Germany, Norway, Scotland, Switzerland and the USA.

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She can be reached at:

PO Box 241783
Los Angeles, California   90024, USA
Tel: (+1) 310 281 9646
Fax: (+1) 310 281 9729
Website: Somatic Trauma Therapy

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