Friday, April 29, 2011

April 29th, 1965

Today the day that I was born,
ever since I have been scorned.
My family does what they do best,
turn their heads and devil bless.
Been possessed, they often confessed,
to all their friends, they did invest.

I am alone at this strange age.
Forty years, the Gift of Sage.
I come with lots of agony and pain,
to tell you simply, I'm not insane.
Maybe someday we will speak,
of not my family, but of the deep.

I'm still alive since I was five,
an oddity for you to see.
Waiting for my mothers call,
"I have a snuff, you're not to ball. You're just not wanted
because you squall,
of all the times when you were small.
Shocking all, We will not Fall!"

A time to celebrate, my birth right too.
I don't care about all of you.
Creation stopped and held a hand,
out to me, she is my Dam.
My fire burns bright, My Soul is site,
of anything else but Gods hand, Fight!!

I'll be an empty vessel, void! 
Of everything, I toil, Annoyed.
Satan's fashion show did know,
I was a child, I landed so.

I was told on every day,
you're just not good enough,
so please don't stay.
Cry not, you are our perfect slave,
born out of wedlock and not adorned.
You only wear that crown of thorn.

Every Easter, I was told,
Blood of Jesus you will know.
You are the Lamb we sacrifice,
innocence is not your Christ.
But we'll keep you in such a way,
that you'll never, ever play,
with anyone but whom we pay.
To keep your genius far away.

Spook you will, we do at night,
throw your memories,
so they're not right.
If you speak you'll sound insane,
we will commit to this our Fame.

You'll never tell, your birthday fright.
You will barely get through the night.
Screaming in your minds alright,
make a noise, we'll beat you, Fight!!

You will loose the battle of Life.
Buried news will be your strife.
Take your offspring, drown in them.
That their mother's full of sin.

Happy Birthday from within,
a darkened place from all of them,
that do believe in deadly nights,
we still love you and do not fright.

666, you are alright.

Karen A. Placek

Well, it's my birthday today, the 29th of April

I was born 46 years ago today. WOW! That is a while ago, I feel like life is going so fast on one hand and so slow on another.  My family that treated me so horribly growing up has a restraining order against me.  According to them, they can contact me but I may not contact them, not that I ever call.  Five years ago my mother contacted my ex-husband and sued me for custody of my younger two children.  I had been a single mom forever, I tried marriage twice, I failed both times.  Regardless, my two younger children, 12 and 10 wanted to go live with their Dad.  I did not know at the time that my ex-husband had taken the kids to my mom's and she promised trips to Europe, shopping sprees, etc, if they agreed to go and live with their Dad.

I never took them to my moms, due to the difference in opinion of the constant barrage of telling them I was possessed.  To make a long story short, my older two girls who I raised to 18 years of age before they moved on with life, also do not speak to me.  So, I have four kids, the older two don't speak to me, reason unknown, but my first ex-husband said it was because they were worried I would end up being like my mother.  Which I find strange, I spent so much time raising them particularly so they would never know of my past personally.  I don't see or speak to the younger ones because my mother makes sure that I cannot get through.  If you read any of my blog, you would understand I have been through some fairly bad times.  Even with that my son lives with my mother and she pays for him to go to school in the city.  Meanwhile, my daughter lives with her father and he, much like my mother, I guess you marry what you knew, will not let me get through on the phone.  Nor will he keep the agreement of the shared custody we once held.  I ran out of money fighting in court.  My ex-husband who has no job, relies on my mother to pay for his attorney.  Needless to say, she has more money than I.

Please don't jump off the deep end and begin to judge this very limited view of my story, it is more complicated than I am letting on.  I just wanted to share on my birthday how much work it took to never let my children know how much pain and agony I had been in for my life.  I had put so much effort into protecting them from all of this mess.  Turns out though that a malignant narcissist, be it my mother, will go as far as taking your children from you if she can.  I had no idea that she had been polling her money together to fight my divorce and my custody battle.  I married exactly what she is, a malignant narcissist and the two of them together have made sure I have not been able to see my two younger children in the past three years.

I had no idea that people would go so far as to ensure you have no contact with your own children.  I mean I had raised them on my own, working very hard to support us.  When they came to an age where you do not have to change diapers, carry them about, dress them everyday, they moved right in and took them away.  I was not prepared for such a full force assault, it was me against all of them. That is an awful lot of people.

So today I wish all of you my best. I cannot help my life but I hope that your lives end up more prosperous and less tortured than I have experienced.  Thanks for reading, thanks for not being a judge, thanks for just being a person that believes this is far more complicated than what has been written.