Tuesday, October 16, 2012

As A Daughter Of A Malignant Narcissistic Mother

.....  as my siblings and my mother along with her current Husband and others support this victimization of late, I found this article that states my feelings...

Depth of Narcissistic Abuse is Devastating

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Victims of narcissistic abuse--spouses, children, siblings--so often feel that they are not being heard despite all they have suffered over many years. I often read and hear the refrain: "They don't get it." They are saying that other people even in their own families do  not understand the depth and malevolent cruelties that have been perpetrated on to them. When the narcissistic mother, father, sister, brother, in-law is in a public venue, even in the family home, he is acting like a prince--very well mannered, at your service, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. This is the external burnished image that the false self narcissist has perfected. Most people believe that this is the real person. It is definitely not. Behind closed doors when others are not watching, the real monstrous aspects of the core of this personality disorder are revealed. They are horrendous--screaming fits that never stop, intimidation and accusations that set your ears rings, humiliations that make you want to hide in a corner and never leave, threats that are believably horrific "I will leave you with nothing; you will end up on the street. I will ruin you professionally and personally. I am just the person who can and will do this to you." Hearing this and sustaining these bombardments every day is intolerable to the victim.

Never underestimate the psychological, emotional and financial damage a narcissist will do. If you continue to take this abuse, remind yourself that it is wearing you down, that you don't deserve it, that the image of a "perfect family" doesn't mean anything next to the truth----You are being victimized by a seriously disturbed narcissistic personality disorder. Learn to put yourself and your welfare (and that of your children if you have them) first."

You Cannot Trust Your Narcissistic Relatives
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"..when we grow up in a family of narcissists. If you were raised in this type of pathological family constellation, you knew early that your mother, father, siblings, etc. were not on your side. You knew that you would be betrayed if you dared to share confidences with them.

Your siblings were highly competitive against you. These young narcissists saw you as weak and inferior and treated you in kind. There are innumerable life stories of brutal childhoods that the victims of narcissistic family members endure." 

Narcissist's Cycles of Revenge

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"The world of revenge is dark and murky. It is enmeshed with secrets, of plots to destroy another by revealing private information that will injure another human being, psychologically and emotionally. Narcissistic revenge can become very ugly..."

The narcissist will never change and is likely to continue delusional cycles of revenge until he or she finds another opponent."

Narcissists......Ravenous Exploiters
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Winning is defined as defeating competitors at any cost, discarding those who have fallen on tough times (Narcissists blame those who through no fault of their own have not been able to "make it")  manipulating those who are emotionally vulnerable. Narcissists are seamless performers. They appear to care about you and they are believable with their chronic lying. Their plan is to exploit you and your gifts, contacts and creative ideas. When they have squeezed the most they need for their satisfaction, you are discarded. This occurs whether you have known them for months, years or decades. There is always a time certain when you will be sent into the darkness alone unless you are fulfilling some essential selfish need that they have. Narcissists don't have real relationships. They view you as a commodity and determine your value."

Covert Narcissists....Doing their Dirty Work in Secret

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Covert narcissists are very sneaky. They get as much inside personal information they can about
you.. They put this in their back pocket so they can use it on you later when they decide to make a power move and wipe you out. They thread themselves closer and closer into your life. This happens in many romantic relationships. The CV has done some research and realizes quickly that you are a great catch---short or long range--a week, a month or even a marriage. Coverts like to see their plans become successful. This is all done deliberately."

Narcissistic Mother's Corrosive Envy of Their Daughters
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"The homes of these daughters become prisons--at times a form of solitary confinement.

"When daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up and become teenagers and young women, the NM vies for the attention of the young men who come to visit. She may even become seductive with the daughter's male friends and proposition them. In some ugly scenes the young fellow goes along and has a sexual fling with the narcissistic mom. The humiliation and horror of discovering your mother's breach of morality and her complete betrayal of her maternal role is emotionally intolerable. The narcissistic mother has no conscience-"

One Notorious Narcissist... Taking Down Many Lives

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"It is chilling to watch a narcissistic sociopath rip people's lives apart.and get away with it. This doesn't happen once or twice. It is a way of life for these people. I have never seen them pay for perniciously predatory behavior. In fact some of those who are magnetic sociopaths have devoted followers who want to be just like them. They are enshrined and venerated due to their material success and the level of power they wield in the world---their social and business connections. Everything is fixed for them. They can get anything they want done by making a phone call or sending a text. Some come to their defense and say: "Oh they must be suffering!" Really!!!! That is not possible without conscience, empathy or human decency. They cause hurt and pain to those around them, especially if individuals targeted are highly sensitive and vulnerable individuals." 

Your Finely Tuned Intuition Protects Against the Narcissist
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Intuition is an instantaneous knowing of the truth. It is faster than rational thought.  You cannot study or analyze the truth that comes from intuition."

Narcissistic Mother's Pernicious Envy of Daughter
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Daughters who are not chosen are treated very differently. Some are discarded out of hand and neglected---left to fend for themselves from the time they are young.

Some daughters of narcissistic mothers refuse to be forced to play the role that mother has written. These daughters are are often very bright, attractive and have a mind of their own. Narcissistic mothers hold a deep envy of these offspring. They view this daughter as a threat to her power and control. They are obsessively envious of the daughter who can think for herself and is not willing to play the role of clone or discard. This daughter becomes mom's enemy. Mother fears that this child will surpass her. As she becomes older (narcissists are terrified of aging) her daughter develops into a very attractive, intelligent young woman. The narcissistic mother tries every put down, verbal ambush, humiliation in her book of cruelties. Mother starts to call her the "problem daughter" who is unstable and unpredictable, causing the entire family horrific problems. These are mental  inventions on the part of the narcissistic mother's attempt to demean and diminish her daughter's identity."

Narcissistic Siblings - Secret Cruelties - Hair Raising Terrors
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"The psychological pain that can lead to post traumatic stress suffered by those who grow up with narcissistic siblings is often overlooked.  No one will talk about it. 

This imposition of terror by the narcissistic child is not uncommon in these families.

They are treated like inanimate objects or the continuous target of verbal abuse, humiliations, false acquisitions, name calling  and shaming. The narcissistic mother may even join forces and lead the cruel bombardments and threats. This behavior is highly sadistic and many victims of narcissistic sibling abuse suffer from psychological trauma years after these cruelties are perpetrated. The more chronic and violent the verbal and physical abuse is the greater the chance of the scapegoated child for development of post traumatic stress. 

These terrors are perpetrated in secrecy which makes their aftereffects long lasting and deeply etched on the growing psyche."

Children of Narcissists - Exposing their Narcissistic Parent
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"At the end of a very long road there are adult children who finally cannot tolerate the verbal abuse, accusations, emotional coldness and all out rejection and pernicious psychological projection and evil revenge----They must speak the truth. I hear from them and read about it in many blogs."