Thursday, August 4, 2011

A Lighthouse Can Save Your Life In A Storm

I survive a life of disbelief. My mother was right when she told me at a very young age, no matter what happens or how much time passes, no one will ever believe you if you try to tell your side of the story.  My step-father would say that if I went to the authorities that I could not prove anything that he had done to me.   I have never gone to the authorities for any of what has happened to me.  Why bother to do anything with the law.  I was born into this nightmare, I would not know how to prove any of the abuse I suffered anyway.  

Cult leaders are real and very damaging to their offspring.  If we are not able to find justice in this world, than how do you find retribution? 

I can express myself and have been blessed with some intelligence that makes me capable to go day by day, slowly making my way through this madness.  Each passing day is getting me further through the nightmare that was created for me and that makes me that much closer to holding them accountable in a public venue just like this one. So I guess I am progressing regardless.

Never under estimate the fight that an adult child belonging to a malignant narcissistic person will put up.  Never tell them that they cannot do something to stop the abuse or expose the torture. Never walk into that persons life and say that you knew that they had had a terrible childhood and then turn your back and walk away.  Never tell them that you witnessed their step-father hitting you so hard that the welts on the two year olds arm made them cry and that that girl was you.   Never tell them that you were witness to the severe neglect that they suffered as a child and then do nothing to support their trying to come to terms with the abuse.  Never come back into that persons life just to say to them that you knew they had secrets as a teenager  and then continue to tell them that you knew back then that they were hiding something from everyone. Never tell them to just accept the fact that this has all happened and to get over it, its done, and you cannot change the past, grow-up.  Never talk behind their backs, gossiping about their lives.  Never steal their children from them, it is unkind to do to an already devastated human being. 

With this being said never go on with your life and believe that the person you have done this to, the person that is now the adult child of a monster, will ever let the wrongs you have committed against her or her children go unaddressed.  Never assume that since there is no fight against their family that one day there won't be a fight against you.  Never assume that after you use the adult child of a malignant narcissist for your own gain and for your own use of narcissistic energy, that the day won't come that they will not stand up and say enough is enough to you.  It is one thing to put up with so much from one's family, it is quite another to be the garbage can for other people that prey upon you.   Why would I allow those people in my life that have harmed me off the hook?

I will continue to speak out and tell the public that narcissists, malignant narcissists and enablers need to be exposed for who and what they are doing to innocent lives.   People like the ones that I have known will never stop their destructive ways and who knows you may be the next victim. 

In the end it begins to make sense to me why nobody that I knew helped me to come to terms with the severe neglect and abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents.  By helping me to expose my family for their abuse against me, these so called "Friends" would be exposing themselves as monsters too. It seems that until you can begin to identify the problem you attract more of the same in your life. So, not having any place to go to spend a little time healing right now in my life has proven to be very difficult but I am doing it anyway.  The push towards homelessness is selfishness on their part. My so called friends just do not want me to expose them  and put them into the same category as my mother and step-father.  If I was ever to find a stable environment then god knows what would happen, I might get well and hold them accountable for what they have stolen from me.  I might even become successful as an advocate against the narcissist, malignant narcissist and enabler still at large.  I would be able to put things together and write the book that exposes the lie that is the life they are leading as well. I may be able to recover all that I have lost.  I know that people of this low and bottomless character believe that because you cannot see the abuse they perpetrate daily on human lives, that they can get away with it due to its subtlety. I know that they giggle to themselves, touting how intelligent they are and how proud they are to cause such despair and strife with the person right in front of them.  They revel in the fact that they cannot be caught, this is arrogance on there part. 

Just imagine if you were afforded the time to put everything back together in you mind. You would be very apt to figure it all out naturally and eventually understand what happened in your own life.  The lives of these abusers would be naturally brought  into the light for others to see. This is there nightmare and for me this would be a dream come true.  To be able to expose all of the people that have harmed me or my children would be fantastic.  To expose them along with my mother would end up being a sort of strange and amazingly satisfying moment in my life.  To hold all of these people responsible for the wrongs that they have committed openly without regard to anything but their own gain would be the beginning of the end for me. Maybe I would be able to find the peace in my life that continues to elude me. Maybe this will be what reunites my children and me.

Who better to expose Narcissists, Malignant Narcissists and Enablers than the offspring of such monsters.  The author of the book  "People of the Lie," should know that he could study my family and have many of his unanswered questions answered.  Evil is up and running and I encourage any interested parties to study it. Just know that it never changes, it only evolves. They have become pathologically morbid over the past five years.  I do not doubt there words and neither should you discount what you may face should you choose to pursue this investigation into the study of what is truly evil, my family. I spend much of my time being aware of what they are capable of doing to me again. These are the words of my sister, communicating to me on Facebook this morning.

  " really is an abuser, especially concerning you. stay away from her...i don't understand why any mother wished so much ill on her own children, but she does'."

"she has lied and i just don't know how papa let her continue for so long...or why."

"and by the way...of course i know what she did....and she wants to do it again."

A short study of my own life would prove very quickly that I know personally how this is all played out in the daily life of one of these monstrous human beings. Being knowledgeable is paramount when facing such destruction. My past confirms that I have had a lot of experience with these types of people.  This is very important and extremely crucial to the independent person that is going to take on such a task as exposing them to the public.  As soon as these very deceitful and rotten people know that you have turned on them, that is when you really begin to see the face of destruction and evil  itself. For they cannot stand to loose.  They must win at all costs.  Being wise to this fact should bring a reality into your life that will sober your ancestors in their graves as we speak.

Bringing to light this diabolical behavior that I have endured for so long seems to be empowering my life.  I will finally be able to see why I am the continual target of these narcissistic and malignant narcissistic people. I am hoping to stop the abuse from the family regime.  Who better to stand and preach against the wrongs of society putting up with these monsters, than the daughter and Granddaughter of ministers that has been in public service since her birth.   Naturally having a talent or propensity as a motivational speaker, identified by the very people whom she will confess, makes this even more interesting to witness.  Who better to push the envelope and regardless of the threats that come in their life will continue to write and to walk the path of justice, than the daughter of a malignant narcissistic cult leader.  Who would have more information and be able to undo what has been done to you, if brainwashing is what you suffer from, than the daughter of the brainwasher herself.  Who better to decipher the language spoken by narcissists and malignant narcissists alike, than the daughter that had to become so well-versed in what was not spoken or she would be beaten by the step-father beginning at age four. Who better to step up to the plate in life and swing away, than the scapegoat daughter of a malignant narcissistic cult leader from the sixties that is still up and running the con who is continuing to impose the lie on other peoples lives today.  Who better to stand and speak publicly than the mother of the children that were taken from her, given to a monster and left to be tortured by the torturer.  Who better can be the one who says to you, my children need help, they are in the fight of their lives and nobody will help me to help them to get away from these monsters today.  This active and diseased lifestyle that is lived by my mother and step-father will not heal on its own accord, it will only fester and destroy more.

 I hope that you never suffer at the hands of a Malignant Narcissistic person. As an F.Y.I. they will never stop the attack on the offspring or the person that stands for difference and change. However, thankfully I have the natural skills to defend myself. Nature has afforded me this small favor. 

We are not inept as the offspring of these monsters but rather have evolved in order to survive. We are the next generation, for better or for worse, nature has seen us through successfully.  Just as evolution evolves over millions of years, we have progressed naturally in one generation. Do not dismiss us and do not deny us without reminding yourself that we are the flesh and blood of monstrous creatures first.  Nature would not birth us to the very monster without preparing us to be the more intelligent and possibly deceitful of the two.  This makes much more sense to me, than thinking that we are incapable victims of our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters or step-parents.  We are just horribly hurt individuals that are under constant attack from the people that have raised us, they never stop the abuse, it just becomes worse. We can be wise in our actions before we too step forward with our own judgment of humanity.

So while my peers enjoy a day at the beach or a pleasant vacation, I spend my days working through the reality that only a flashback can deliver to you in full.  I am healing from the very real and abusive life that I have experienced.  Not so I can go to the beach or on a vacation, never acknowledging the horrors of my life and the damages that my family has now done to my children.  I am healing so that I can continue to move forward and move up the ladder of success to become the voice of the innocent to stop the abuse.  To expose to the public each and every  person that has perpetrated such heinous acts of destruction in my life.

I have been told we are only here for our own pleasure. If we are not here for any other reason than to pleasure our own selves with life, I then accept that gracefully, however I believe that people who think this thought are full of selfishness themselves and what kind of judgment would you pass on them if you knew their names?  I simply announce to whom may be interested, that the pleasure I get out of life is the free writing and the exposure of the person that is selfishly living the life of the lie.  I enjoy telling you that I am excited today because I am still alive and did not have to think about the people that have committed suicide over my mother.  I enjoy telling you that I am pleased that I have survived so much and I really enjoy the fact that I can share the snuff I experienced at a very young age that failed in its attempt to take my life.

 I had one person tell me that I wrote a piece of poetry that has stuck in his head and caused him nightmares.  He cannot get me off his mind. I write what comes to my mind so that I can work out the anger and rage that I have towards the people that have harmed me and my children thus far.  Why be silent anymore.  The reason for silence is to protect the lives of others, I have no one to protect anymore.  It is now an open book.  Destruction can go both ways in life.  Some would say that by writing the wrongs committed against me or my children I am being destructive and vengeful.  I don't feel this way, but I accept that opinion as fact.  For I feel that lack of remorse, lack of pity, lack of compassion is more destructive to the daughter of a malignant narcissist than any other action can ever be.  This is because it makes her mother right in the end. People are not worth your time, nor your care of their existence.  I would like to feel as if my mother was wrong.