Thursday, June 16, 2011

Fighting For The Truth

Today he took a plastic bag,
rattled it behind me like my Dad.
Fright did fill my heart he's glad.
I am angry, rageful and not that bad.

There was this night and one black sack,
over my head and that was that.
Left my body, I was dead.
Stared at myself, scratched my head.

Took me moments to look and see,
figured out it was me.
In between and wondering,
why I am lieing on the floor,
 I fairly sure I was not board.

Went so fast, went so quick.
Slid right in and out did rip.
I was pissed, I did miss,
was my ride out of this.

Jumped back into my body.
Took off the sack and thought about that.
Had to hide from the parental side.
did this happen and I don't know why?

Did he feel guilt inside?
Suffocating me so crime did slide?
I've been scared, my brother tried,
seems it runs in family's like mine.

Never said, never lied,
just felt sick and did not find.
Anyone in this life,
that had a story full of this much strife.

Mother announced my worth to me,
said these things since I was three.
You dirty, filthy, minded thief,
your Satan's spawn,
and the devils whore!

You are the number 666,
you are a baby and a tryst!
The demon of silence,
commands your bed,
evermore you will tread.

Guilt will be what you do wed.
White will turn the color red.
Telling others of family dread,
will be your end, you'll be dead.

Such a threat was this to me.
I can't remember it all you see.
I was young, I was afraid,
most of these words they did lay.
Deep inside my mind to know,
I had better grow so fast,
so that I may leave at last.

A plastic bag wrapped 'round my head?
Sex is different when you said,
look this way you'll never say,
"infanticide," there she lay.

Made me white and ashen color,
looked like I was going to puke.
Only words of "Whoa!"
Coming from this flashback so,
live we went, what relief,
Do you think that parents blink?

To think about this time I shout,
help me, be me, don't kill me now.
I have survived horrible things,
won't you please come answer me?

I had a dream, this man I knew.
I want to be brand, spanking, new.
I want a man to hold me tight,
to take away the fear at night.

To fly me to the distant lands,
to re-write scripts and hold my hands.
I dreamt that my knight in shining armor,
would be the man that had the honor,
to ask me kindly to take the spot,
that would be safe and not just bought.

I cannot find my relief,
men just hunt me and want a piece,
of the narcissistic energy,
that I seem to still be.
I'm so stupid I fall for it,
takes me time to speak my peace.

Please stop doing this to me,
I don't want you or memories see.
I just want one certain thing,
it is not you or a fling.
Why did I tell my story?
To ease the pain inside of me,
 does it drop you to your knees?

That's how I know the difference now,
I can tell he wears a shroud.
Wrapped in so tight he is not right,
he causes me so much strife.
I was the one that survived at night,
with the fear of every life.

He just laughs at my horror,
begs me to tell him more.
Causes flashbacks to be worse,
turns out that he just has a thirst,
for my misery, I agonize,
is this men or every guy?

Do I stop and finally lie?
Making right the fact I tried,
giving up the family ties,
realizing why I died.

Out of body experience,
I was killed and murdered too.
Is there someone that can do,
anything to make me new?
I was young, can you undo,
this frightened girl who turns to you?