Monday, July 25, 2011

The Beginning Of The End, Written In '05, "Unmasked!"


For the first time in my life my mother now knows that I remember. Life is so strange and the events that take place throughout our lives are the very experiences that mold us into who we end up being. How is it I could be born and raised in an environment that was so destructive and actually manage to come out on the other side? I have never felt safe from them, I have always been on guard, and worried somehow they would find a chink in my armor and pierce my soul. I have lived a defensive life, never trusting or believing that I could be any different from that. Today is such a breath of fresh air, now they know, I was there and I remember.

I spoke to my mother and stepfather, Hugh last March. I knew that the deal on the building was closing soon and they would be coming into a tremendous amount of money, approximately 4.1 million dollars. In the past whenever money showed up all hell would break loose, my older sister would show up magically from somewhere back east, claiming she was owed. My older brother would be at her heels with the same type of claim. My mother and Hugh would become these aloof people that I no longer knew and my little sister and brother would ride all the waves that all the craziness provided. This type of behavior would usually happen over a couple of hundred thousand dollars or so, I could only imagine what would happen with a few million.

I decided to sit down with Melba and Hugh, tell them how I felt, cross my fingers and hope that for the first time in my life it could be different. We all went into the drawing room and it turned out that my oldest two daughters were also with us. I thought about asking them to leave, but then decided that this would be my final plea, it might not be a bad idea to have them present. I also knew that with my oldest children present, Melba and Hugh would watch there P’s and Q’s. For an hour and a half I spoke to them, confiding in them with the worries that I had and how destructive all this behavior had been in the past. Of course, Melba was acting as if she had no idea what I was talking about, but Hugh was different, he was intently listening to me. I had never seen this behavior before and held some hope that I was actually getting through.

He was asking questions like, "Which time are you speaking of?" He is British, hence the pretentious way that he speaks. "What exactly happened?" "What do you think your sister wanted?" "How do you know that they will both show up again?" "What do you think they are owed?" "What do you remember about that situation?" "You remember when your father took you on visitation and bought himself sandals that Tammy had just picked out and wanted for herself?"

As he would interrupt periodically with a different inquiry I began to figure out that these questions were not out of concern on how to keep it from happening again. These were probing questions. My mother of course babbling away with her banter of nonsense on how none of her children have ever loved her seemed to be the back ground noise to all of this. She went on to say that all she wanted was to worship Jesus and preach the word of God. I watched both of there faces trying to see if my message was getting through. I told them that I would not go through the family drama of who is owed what and why. I would not put myself through the phones calls of my mother screaming about how her children hate her and how the Placek’s have such bad genes. Or about how much she has done for Tammy, Eddie and Karen, how Sarah and Philip have given up there inheritance for the older three, I was not going to watch all the hurt faces as each of her children was used to beat up the other one.

"Mom I am not taking this roller coaster ride with you again."

 I proclaimed! 

"At the first site that insanity on your part I will turn and walk away."

 I said. 

"What are you taking about?"

my mother said and Hugh screamed,

"WOMAN, SHUT UP! AND LET HER SPEAK,"

the anger he expressed shook my core. This moment made me gasp, for I was witnessing an interaction that was all to familiar. An interaction between two of the most sick, demented, selfish people I knew. I became instantly ill. My stomach twisted into knots and I froze. I was instantly thrown back in time, but now I had the experience of life following me there, this was not a simple interruption between two parents, one chastising the other for not allowing the child to speak. This was Fore Play! Sensuality seeped from my mothers every pore. She dripped with anticipation as she turned to Hugh. It was only for a moment, but in that moment my life flashed through my head, I gulped. I looked at my two girls who had not noticed what had just happened and said,

"Come on, that’s enough, lets go."

I walked out of the drawing room, we all grabbed our jackets in the front hall and headed to the door. As I turned to say goodbye I realized nothing would ever change with them, what I did not realize at the time was everything would be changing for me.

The next time that I saw them would prove to be the last time that I would hold my tongue. Until now I have not mentioned much about my childhood to them. I saw what they did to my older sister and brother. Realizing at an early age that silence was indeed golden.

 Looking back I believe that they had begun to revel in the fact that they had been able to get away with the evil deeds they had done. Their cult members had either died, run away, never to be heard from, or committed suicide. Gosh, that is tough to write down. I always want to cry when I think of that, could I have done something, I was a kid when I watched all these horrors being committed.

As an adult I have struggled to piece it all together and as my puzzle seems to outline what happened I realize that I am fortunate to have survived. The story that I am about to share with you is true and an honest account of my life. I can do something now, I can tell you what happened, by writing this down on paper I can make it real. This will make the lives that have been lost worth something. They are not the horrible sinners my mother claims them to be, they did not have demons possess their souls, the devil did not make them turn away from her, they were only people that had been filled with horrible grief, depression and guilt. My mother killed their souls, destroyed their minds and crushed their hearts, they were only human and there in lies her monopoly on their lives.

Melba had called on the phone off and on since Easter, but I did not answer the phone or return her phone calls. Her messages were as usual, completely bonkers.  It would be impossible for me to even tell you what she said. Melba will leave you a very long message and after you listen to the entire thing you will have absolutely no idea of what she said or why she called. The tone of her voice always gives away what mood she is in. Mostly she is pissed off and looking for someone to be angry at. Well in good form she continued with her phone calls and began to expand them my two oldest children's cell phones. As Christmas 2005 drew near she began to call more random people, of course I only know this because they called me to see if I was all right. To date she has called my ex-husband of seven years, his mother and my girlfriend in the city. I thought that as the new year approached she would stop her random calls and get on with other stuff. The phone calls kept coming. To my home phone, my cell phone, Katy’s cell phone and Becky’s cell phone.  

I was about to drive Becky back to U.C.Berkeley and I decided that this would be a day to call Melba Meakin, my mother and tell her that the girls are starting back to school and they did not need the distraction of her phone calls. While we were on the phone she spoke to me as if no time had passed (we had not spoken for an enormous amount of time) and nothing out of the ordinary had happened, I always laugh to myself, wondering how long she can maintain such a fa├žade. About two minutes into the conversation it began, I will tell the jist of it. I told her to stop calling and leaving random messages about what had happened this past summer, my children needed to concentrate on school.

She said,

"I forgive them,"

I said,  

"There is nothing to forgive, you kicked them out of the house, threw there stuff in garbage sacks, changed the locks,"

she interrupts,

"I have a call, can you hold on,"

I spouted, 

"No, if this is not important enough to stay on the line with me then there is nothing further to say."

She clicked off. Please try and understand that while this conversation is taking place I can hear Hugh’s voice in the background yelling,

"Get off the phone Melba, phone Melba, get off."

I did not stay on the phone I hung up and that was that.

A couple of days later I decided that I needed to call and tell her once more not to call the girls, I did not feel she truly understood me the first time. I did this because just that morning she had left a message on Katy’s cell phone about liberating her jaw and calling her immediately. I called her on her cell phone,

"Mom you have to stop calling the girls and leaving messages about liberating their jaws." 

She says,

"Are you monitoring their phone calls,"

I said, 

"Only when you leave repeated insane messages and they call me to tell me you called yet again." 

I went on to say,

"Telling the girls that they have not told me the entire story and other such references to this past summer, this has to stop. The point is that Sarah and Philip took my 18-year-old daughter to bars and that is wrong."

 She interrupts and says,

"They (my sister, Sarah and my brother, Philip)are weak minded and were influenced by Becky’s (my oldest daughter) overwhelming desire to go."

I replied,

"They are grown adults that should have known better, they are my sister and brother, they know how I feel about that type of behavior and they did it anyway."

She interrupts again,

"Well, you took your babies to a bar the last time your sister was here."

 I said,

"So that’s the way you want to play Mom? I can top that one. When I was a little girl you took me to Swinger Parties!"

She began to scream and  Hugh pulled the phone away from her and right before I heard the phone go click, she was screaming,

"I will never get rid of the Placek’s."

This was the first time in my entire life I ever said anything about my childhood to her. For the first time in my life she did not call me back again and again. It was silent.  Not a normal response for her at all. Normally she would call and call yelling and screaming each time about how persecuted she has been and then it would turn into a sarcastic apology generally on the twentieth phone call. This would all be in the same day. But this was so different, she was silent, her screams were the last thing that I heard until I received this email,

Dearest Karen:

It was so good to hear your voice and your New Year

Greetings over the phone.

To follow up on our (first) phone communication, Becky

and Katy were referred back to their mother, because,

at that time, the “in loco parentis” strength from

their grandparents, and from their aunt and uncle, in

San Francisco was not sufficient for their needs

and/or requests. Furthermore, Becky’s beau was

graciously invited to her grandparents’ home for

hospitality, which was apparently rejected out of

hand.

We are convinced that our conversation in the whole

matter was with wholesome compassion for our

grandchildren, with utmost respect for their

consciences, and in sacred honor of their own parents’

training.

In addendum to this morning’s phone call, I quote from

95 year old Kitty Carlisle Hart (Page E3, SF

Chronicle): “ (I have) no time to devote to being

irritable or unhappy. Time is moving fast”.

It appears you have been obtaining incorrect

information from unreliable or “half-truth” sources; I

base this on certain things you have been saying

recently to me (and apparently to others as well).

Love,

Mom.

I sent this email to my mother just before or just after I recieved the above email from her.  I cannot quite remember without having all my notes in front of me.

I was there and know exactly what you did to those around you. You do not do the things you do for your children out of the goodness of your heart, you do them out of guilt for what you have done to them. I was there when you made Davy eat his vomit and carry the rest of it around in a bucket. I was there when you physically attacked Tammy during a church/cult service, where you had all of those people, Jim, Royce, Steven and the rest of them, jump on top of my sister and physically slam her to the ground and start casting demons from her. I was there when you took a pot of boiling water off the stove and threw it onto my brother. I was there when you lit matches under Eddie's pants at the dining room table while Hugh held him down in the chair. I was there when you performed an exorcism on my brother. I was there when car keys were dropped into the fish bowl at the door. I know why Eddie calls Hugh a Faggot. I know why you have no Christian symbols in your house, I can go on and on, I have read my pediatric records I could fill a book with the events of my childhood. I was there. 

Written In 2001. I Wish......



A path that has never made itself clear to me has determined my whole life. As an adult I have been consumed by taking care of my children. On this day, when all of my children are gone, I miss them. It is confusing, lonely and my life is thrown off track. My children are the best little people on earth. Confident intelligent, attractive, well spoken. I miss them so much. My loneliness is painful, I can taste it. As I gaze at the photographs, my heart is torn to pieces. The ache of not having all of my offspring near me is a pain that I cannot describe. It does not matter how far they go, I carry each of them with me.


I know that what I believe and trust in will watch over my children with a very special eye. An eye that is specially reserved for those who are not so easily swayed by worldly beliefs and religions. I believe my children hold inside of them the key to open any door that they wish to explore. It is a key kept in a safe place, a key for peace and a key for satisfaction. A nonjudgmental spot for me and for them. They will take destiny and change it to what they desire. If I would wish anything for my children, I would wish for them to know happiness and that they will never experience loneliness.