Saturday, April 30, 2011

Prisons Liberty

Fame and fortune you can take,
if you form a church someday.
Wait until they die or say,
"change my Will, so I can stay".

I was small when mom made the call.
All the Men who had the balls,
to discuss the ways to keep,
all the wealth of the hippie, Love.

Carry on with voice of captivated song.
Brothers, Sisters did not last long,
it was the Sixties, pass the bong.
Dirty people loved the family throng.

Sat around with different men,
I guess that it was not a sin,
discussing how to rip them off.
The pardoned youth of the War like hymn.

Flocked to San Francisco's Bay,
ended up in the Haight to stay.
Announcing for all to play,
drop out of society's present day.
Trip on Acid, lucidity will stray,
loose your mind your parents will pay,
to get you out of the occult today.

Dark and dreary is the way,
to the places you can't stay.
Please don't scream so loud at me!
Death Court waits for you to see,
Finals, final and it will be,
time for prisons liberty.

Karen A. Placek

The Magic Circle

A night with men in different dress,
the room would fill with all of this,
hold your breath and know your age,
I was old enough to rage.

Is this Wiccan or a Craft?
No female could do all that.
Was a private show, I sat,
in the middle of the vat. 

An eerie tempo drove us through,
to the other side with you.
Silence filled the empty air,
could this be a real fair?

Close your eyes, I say not!
You would have be a lot,
fear may grab you but you bought,
a ticket to hold your very spot.

As the words began to speak,
deafening to the extraordinarily weak. 
Culled they are by things you see,
amazingly they guarded me.

Scared straight through, 
it was my age,
Three or Four, the Gift of Sage.
Meaning that I can be Wise,
profoundly different and in disguise.

All that whispered in that room,
whizzing in and out so soon.
Potions, lanterns not their style,
this was real and very wild.

Men of Seers,
Men in Robes,
Men I know,
Men I'd go.

Back to the place that scared me so.
To tell the tale of family's woe.
They have stolen from below,
casting spells by selling shows,
to the Church that I did know.

Narcissistic malignancy,
still becomes what I see.
I am older, they persist!
What they yearn is energy,
coming from the Soulless me.

Looking for the evidence,
of the places I have been.
Are your eyes wide open, shut?
Do you know of these Men?

Be careful Sir for they are thieves,
of Wills and Trust Funds,
please believe,
because they come from the Seventies.

I am over but just begun,
telling tales of what they've done.
Fear inhabits me so deep,
the pain is my agony.

Magic Circles whirl for me,
upon the floors of dignity.
Cast out not men but women who see,
demons, devils and don't warn thee.
For they'll speak in foreign tongues,
casting spirits and acting dumb.

Karen A. Placek

Friday, April 29, 2011

April 29th, 1965

Today the day that I was born,
ever since I have been scorned.
My family does what they do best,
turn their heads and devil bless.
Been possessed, they often confessed,
to all their friends, they did invest.

I am alone at this strange age.
Forty years, the Gift of Sage.
I come with lots of agony and pain,
to tell you simply, I'm not insane.
Maybe someday we will speak,
of not my family, but of the deep.

I'm still alive since I was five,
an oddity for you to see.
Waiting for my mothers call,
"I have a snuff, you're not to ball. You're just not wanted
because you squall,
of all the times when you were small.
Shocking all, We will not Fall!"

A time to celebrate, my birth right too.
I don't care about all of you.
Creation stopped and held a hand,
out to me, she is my Dam.
My fire burns bright, My Soul is site,
of anything else but Gods hand, Fight!!

I'll be an empty vessel, void! 
Of everything, I toil, Annoyed.
Satan's fashion show did know,
I was a child, I landed so.

I was told on every day,
you're just not good enough,
so please don't stay.
Cry not, you are our perfect slave,
born out of wedlock and not adorned.
You only wear that crown of thorn.

Every Easter, I was told,
Blood of Jesus you will know.
You are the Lamb we sacrifice,
innocence is not your Christ.
But we'll keep you in such a way,
that you'll never, ever play,
with anyone but whom we pay.
To keep your genius far away.

Spook you will, we do at night,
throw your memories,
so they're not right.
If you speak you'll sound insane,
we will commit to this our Fame.

You'll never tell, your birthday fright.
You will barely get through the night.
Screaming in your minds alright,
make a noise, we'll beat you, Fight!!

You will loose the battle of Life.
Buried news will be your strife.
Take your offspring, drown in them.
That their mother's full of sin.

Happy Birthday from within,
a darkened place from all of them,
that do believe in deadly nights,
we still love you and do not fright.

666, you are alright.

Karen A. Placek

Well, it's my birthday today, the 29th of April

I was born 46 years ago today. WOW! That is a while ago, I feel like life is going so fast on one hand and so slow on another.  My family that treated me so horribly growing up has a restraining order against me.  According to them, they can contact me but I may not contact them, not that I ever call.  Five years ago my mother contacted my ex-husband and sued me for custody of my younger two children.  I had been a single mom forever, I tried marriage twice, I failed both times.  Regardless, my two younger children, 12 and 10 wanted to go live with their Dad.  I did not know at the time that my ex-husband had taken the kids to my mom's and she promised trips to Europe, shopping sprees, etc, if they agreed to go and live with their Dad.

I never took them to my moms, due to the difference in opinion of the constant barrage of telling them I was possessed.  To make a long story short, my older two girls who I raised to 18 years of age before they moved on with life, also do not speak to me.  So, I have four kids, the older two don't speak to me, reason unknown, but my first ex-husband said it was because they were worried I would end up being like my mother.  Which I find strange, I spent so much time raising them particularly so they would never know of my past personally.  I don't see or speak to the younger ones because my mother makes sure that I cannot get through.  If you read any of my blog, you would understand I have been through some fairly bad times.  Even with that my son lives with my mother and she pays for him to go to school in the city.  Meanwhile, my daughter lives with her father and he, much like my mother, I guess you marry what you knew, will not let me get through on the phone.  Nor will he keep the agreement of the shared custody we once held.  I ran out of money fighting in court.  My ex-husband who has no job, relies on my mother to pay for his attorney.  Needless to say, she has more money than I.

Please don't jump off the deep end and begin to judge this very limited view of my story, it is more complicated than I am letting on.  I just wanted to share on my birthday how much work it took to never let my children know how much pain and agony I had been in for my life.  I had put so much effort into protecting them from all of this mess.  Turns out though that a malignant narcissist, be it my mother, will go as far as taking your children from you if she can.  I had no idea that she had been polling her money together to fight my divorce and my custody battle.  I married exactly what she is, a malignant narcissist and the two of them together have made sure I have not been able to see my two younger children in the past three years.

I had no idea that people would go so far as to ensure you have no contact with your own children.  I mean I had raised them on my own, working very hard to support us.  When they came to an age where you do not have to change diapers, carry them about, dress them everyday, they moved right in and took them away.  I was not prepared for such a full force assault, it was me against all of them. That is an awful lot of people.

So today I wish all of you my best. I cannot help my life but I hope that your lives end up more prosperous and less tortured than I have experienced.  Thanks for reading, thanks for not being a judge, thanks for just being a person that believes this is far more complicated than what has been written.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Death Court

The Day of the Dead!
I was snuffed, wrapped 'round my head.
Missed my ride and then it said,
"Get back, Get in, You didn't Sin"!
I moved over to the wall,
thought that I might have to fall.

Staring at what horrifies,
held my breath,
and I turned left.
On the other side of things,
they were busy with what bothered me.

Prepare, I stared, lots of work,
record your minds,
a simple quirk.
I'd be scared but thought I'd dare,
to be brave and stay out there.

Watching for a length of time,
realized it took a dime,
to make a call, I'd never "NO"!!
Don't come back, to remember that,
I'm now on a different track.

I moved on in timeless song.
All were there to prepare,
for your arrival in all despair.

Fascinated I did not sign.
Took Satan's box with no disgrace.
Complicated mess to see,
moved right in, you had to be.

Pull a number, stand in line,
could not believe, it was not mine.
Asked some questions at tolling table,
nerves did rattle, what a fable.
Lie, Oh lie, its like a rail,
roading you to no prevail.
Toot your horn, you have a Tail.

Saw the locker of evidence,
just looked at you on the fence.
Do you really think you're smart?
That when you're dead, you've hit the mark?
Challenges are not so good,
when your brain contradicts your should.

Tell the truth, the warnings in.
Be not what I saw as sin.
Telling nothing of what they fear,
rules have changed inside of here.
Demons close and don't revere,
why bother you just pretend and smear.
The name of God, pulls no weight Dear!!

Fold your hands? It's to late.
Go to Church? It is a plan.
Sex and Drugs and Money rings,
all the bells of disgusting verse,
quote me not, I'm not rehearsed.

Do you think you are to blame?
Point your fingers?
Know your shame.
Court is open when your dead,
hammer hits upon your head.

These are the places that they set snares,
lots of people report down there.
Your mind, your brain, rats you out.
Defensive types are not about,
strangling by spirits route.
Crimes are heavy, they don't care!

Death Court sets the latest dare!

Karen A. Placek

Trotting Off, Polo?

Normally I close my eyes,
screaming in defeat.
I am not the age of Five,
nor Four, or Eight, I sage!
Why must I be surprised,
every night I've lived.
Don't I ever catch a break?
My life, my mind, a shiv?
Do these nightmares just require,
the Fear, the gasping air?
I cannot catch my breath sometimes,
the panic wrecks it there.
 I wonder if my origin spot,
ever feels this way?
Or do they just turn their backs,
on the coldest day?
Can I dump these memories,
of Old in Ancient, weight?

What happened to me in my life,
that my mind repeats the strife.
I wish that Blunt could be here too,
singing songs in person; Tune,
to take away the Fear.

Does the family of all this rot,
that fills my mind a lot.
Ever think that what they've done,
or do they Church and trot.

The Polo player needs to know,
that mallets are for me to sew,
the truth of the galloping horse.
They keep my mind on coarse.

I heard of the Churchill Affair,
as family business needs no repair.
Collecting money on the backs,
of the ones who worked the track,
and lost their lives out, Dare!

Suicide did more than I,
I miss my friend, I missed the sign.
He hung himself out there.
I wondered how he lived in fear,
I now know more and I must tear.

We shared the nightmares,
we shared the dreams,
we played some baseball,
and other things.
We passed the time,
when we were; bind!
A child like resist.

What good was all of this we did,
if in the end we can't survive,
the guys, the men, the womens thighs,
the Trauma of our lives.

Karen A. Placek

Second Time Hit, Last Time Real

Taking years of blind attacks,
you get older and wonder that.
Do these people walk with Fear?
or do they hit a strange new gear.

I find it odd, they have not guilt.
Their memory seems almost built.
Each and every stone unturned,
mortared in with what has been.

They sit and eat, like you and I.
Their friends complete, not to unique.
Sometimes I wish that I could treat,
the brand new people with their defeat.

If I could speak to those friends, friends.
The ones that love to hear of ends.
Telling all of the fall,
the con,
the bong,
the men are wrong.

Women hate so much its clear.
Always complaining of what is near.
"Take out the garbage", they scream account,
"why don't you work harder, you only Mount".

What would a husband say to this,
if he knew it was a tryst.
A brand new friend my family found,
have discussions of why he's around?

Could his wife be one of those?
Back in the day of no repose.
When all those women shared and chose,
an orgy wild, upstairs; filed.

My mind, no gift of any kind.
Sees all the pictures left behind,
unanswered questions, take the Roll.
For the check-off changes, FULL!

Whomever wants to take a Whore,
call the House of Madness, more.
Gifted from the guild of Thor,
lightning, thunder, I do adore.

Imagination lets run wild,
it is better than the crowd.
They deny the truth out loud,
that this happened under the shroud.

Karen A. Placek

I Would Rather Lose Than Win Anyday

I learn so much when I lose.  It's not that I win anything very often but truthfully I win the most because I lose.  When I lose, which with a little deeper thought could be related to being "the blame child" or "the scapegoat", I learn what to do and not to do by watching the winners.  Winning is fantastic, exhilarating and anti-climatic.  What do you work on in yourself if you have won.  Losing makes you know that there are things to work on.  Last night was the first time I won against the horrors of sleep.  The kindest beings, if you will, surrounded me in an incredible understanding of shielding me from the terrifying feeling I have when I sleep.  Normally, I scream in my mind when I close my eyes at night.  I try to imagine this one man and listen to him singing his songs, I draw some comfort from this thought.  In the end, in my minds eye, I have my arms wrapped around his neck and my head on his chest.

Does anyone else have nightmares or flashbacks when they turn in at night?

Thanks so much for the ones that covered me inside of my fear 12 hours ago.  I slept and enjoyed a night free of gasping, screaming and waking up in a fright.  A wonderful imagination of what could be for me brought me out of the losers circle and comfortably into the Winners Circle.  I achieved sleep comfortably, thanks.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

My Nightmares Are Back

I take so much time in my life to face the horrors in my mind during the day.  I try so hard to not put anything to the back of my mind to deal with at another time.  This is a good way to not have your nights interrupted by what fears you.

My birthday is on Friday and always causes me distress. I am assuming that this is why I am screaming in the night again.  I was trying to overcome this trauma this year, but, so far I am still not able to control the uncontrollable. I hate the fact that when I sleep I am plagued with dreams.  Sometimes I wonder if I even sleep at all, it is as if I am up all night dreaming.  Sounds so stupid when I confess such a thing.  I wonder if my mind will ever be able to overcome the fear in me that seemly plays out at night, in the dark, when I 'm alone.

I like to believe that the flashbacks I suffer, the nightmares I live through are all for a reason.  I like to believe that it is my mind deciding that I am old enough to deal with my traumas as a youth.  I believe that before we can continue on in our life we must deal with that which has caused us strife.  I like to believe that the reason for such horrors to plague me again is my brains way to warn me of what may be coming up and I will have to face in person very soon.  I am not sure why else we would continue to have nightmares or even why we would be all of sudden plagued with flashbacks.

The flashbacks that I have had seem to be unfinished thoughts or memories of situations I purposely have avoided.  I know that I sound brave in facing my past, but, in reality it is a tough agenda to set for yourself.  Its been weird, I don't know if any of you have flashbacks, they seem so unique to themselves.  One flashback seemed to "go live", scarring the shit out of me.  I ended up in my front room walking back and forth saying, " I'm alive, I'm a human, I'm not an it".  I kept walking back and forth for what seemed like an hour or so.  Each time I tried to stop and sit down I thought I would have heart failure.  So, I went with the flashback and walked it out, so to speak.  After it finally ended I felt relieved that it had happened in my home and I was able to see it to its completion.  If it had happened while I was out and about, I would have been able to control it, but probably would have been extremely stressed.

I sat down and thought for a long while. I thought about what I had been saying, where I was at the actual time of the trauma and how sad it made me feel knowing this was actually a real event in my life.  I hadn't remembered it until this happened, I found it quite disturbing.  I was unaware a flashback could go live.  I thought at the time I must have fallen off my own rocker and just did not know what I was talking about.  Flashbacks were new to me in my life and I am still getting used to the abruptness of the attack of one. I made an appointment with my counselor at the time to question my own interpretation, "a live flashback", because it not only sounded stupid but quite unrealistic.  Turns out I was wrong.  I guess it can happen at any given time according to the shrinks.  Yea, another bright spot in the reality of surviving the abusive nature of the people who seem to think there was nothing wrong with how they raised me.

To The Unknown

I speak the words to the unknown,
to the ones that must own,
the lives that now must simply, thrown!
Don't give up for you will roam,
until the day that they do bone.

It's all about sex and drugs,
money making and some rugs.
That top the men,
that make us laugh,
to know for sure,
it's not our act.

To turn the other cheek in vain,
is nothing more than leaving, Trained.
To do whats right and always drain,
we are so tired and not insane.
Thank goodness for the little brain,
I started out with in this vein.

I looked for evil, to understand,
my life's lesson was my plan,
to get to know the family's dam,
never run and always stand,
regardless of any man.

was not my fear,
but boy, oh boy, do you destroy,
an age old practice,
of ancients here.
I hope you have the things you'll need,
to explain the falling, Peeved!

I know for sure that what I saw,
on the day that I did, Law.
No restrictions, no restraint,
from the mother, not the bank.

Pictures show the disturbing facts,
did you know that act for act,
you are charged for all of that,
regardless of your class or tact?

I wish you luck for sex erupts,
all the girls that roughed it up.
A name for us is purely plain,
you call us whores and for our pain,
you turn your heads,
and advertise,
for the ones who close their eyes.

Karen A. Placek

Why? I Still Scream!

My thoughts, my nightmares too.
They do plague me right straight threw.

The horrid flashbacks that seem to reel,
with no deny of lost,; REVEAL!

I speak of the parenting, please repeal,
that did raise me inside surreal.

Feeling sick and constant meal,
of every moment
they're words were real.

Plagued with fear, I work from "hear".
Please don't let them curse, adhere!

We'll get better, I suppose,
I seem to have the gift of prose.

Keep your fingers crossed, I say.
There will be another day.

Swallow hard for they're afraid,
we might write about their grave.

Mine would make great windows of,
stain glass finish from above.

I won't give up if you swear,
to meet me in the end, 
a dove!

Karen A. Placek

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Third Man Out

The lives that I saw smashed,
while I was being thrashed,
made me wonder why we live,
and why I am the trash.

Searching other ways,
Men would come and stay.
Dungeons, Lairs, red curtains flair.
I wondered why we're there.

My mother off with them,
leaving me with him,
jingle change would cause some fear,
He'd say, "please don't touch me here".

The memory holds the key,
to a life that is all mine.
I know that fear will always rear,
my trust is in arrears.

She'd disappear in my sight,
the linens were not right.
Instead of laying flat you see,
they hung just like that, with dignity.
Chinese laundry folded clothes,
but others used some robes.

Massage was advertised,
no Japanese about.
Confusion still would hold my head,
but naked men did tout,
"this was no place to be about,
if you were only Three".

Off we'd go another night,
no sleep would this one hold.
Up to see a different we.
A way, a might, to "be".

They are the ones who took from you,
some evil spirits view.
Standing 'round, inside the brown,
or black of the, we're Found!!

Fear in me, went to see,
the natural lift of flight.
The ones were red and very dead,
came through with no delight.
I did scream inside my head,
"take me, hold me tight".

A Pentagram, painted by Man,
began to spin the floor.
Not one hood moved, it did behoove,
not them but men of Whom?
Masters of, the sin above,
the Lairs there is no room.

Don't go to the places,
where the ones do not know you.
The Spirit nature of demons flare,
when innocence is there.
Disappearing in plain site,
is all that we did fight.

Don't look to God for your appeal,
he's turned his back on you.
All you have is what you hold 
and what you hold is due!

BDSM or Pentagram or the Cult like belief.
Which do you point fingers at to find some personal relief.
Go to church, get on your knees,
pray for what you seek.

For in the end, it is the Men,
that closed the doors on thee.
It's BDSM that's Love to Me,
not the belt I see.
Wrapped around the man from town,
that married you for me.

Karen A. Placek

Making An Excuse

I love how all seem to make excuses for the narcissist.  People seem to excuse them for their behavior, their lies, almost excusing their very existence.  Whereas I am told by professionals I am accountable and need to forgive my family, meanwhile, they also tell me to never be around them again.  But, the more I think about it, the more I believe that I cannot be any different. I also must be a malignant narcissist. I was raised by them, my family still tote's the ways of the narcissist, essentially they are con artists and yes they do lie.

I did choose to be different at a young age. I remember not wanting to be like them, especially like my mother.  I recognized that we were one in the same, no difference unless I made it. So, I decided to do everything the opposite way she did it. Yes, I am the blame child but truthfully I am probably just as "evil" if you will as she is, I mean really how could I be different, I am hers, raised only by her and the people she payed to be around me.  I make a choice everyday to be better than I want to be.  I am haunted by the nightmares and that may make us different, my mother and I, but deep down really don't you agree with me.  Aren't I going to be a malignant narcissist that makes a choice, accepting my life and choosing to be better than what is written about them.

I don't know its just a thought. I do know it's not my job to forgive.  I don't know if it is yours or not, but I do wonder why you would take on so much responsibility.  I believe that the ones that have wronged us are the ones that make up these kind of rules or suggestions to better their own conscience.  Why on earth would you forgive the ones that have hurt you?  I have a hard enough time forgiving myself, let alone anyone else.

I know other people have equally as bad of stories and I am not the only one in the world with a story or a tragic life.  My crime told to me forever is, "being born".  Even at that, people in my past have told me not to hold anything against my family. Saying that I should forgive them for whatever they have done to me.  Grant it that would come from other people that asked me around the holidays why I was not visiting my family.  I would just say something like "we don't get along".  It has always made me laugh how ready people were to comment on what they have no clue about.

Back to forgiveness, the thought of the day.

I don't even know what love is, let alone how to forgive anyone.  I would love to tell you that I received the instructions for life when I was born.  I don't think the book had been published yet, or, my parents just did not buy it for me.  I used to stare at my family and wonder how I got here.  They took such horrible advantage of people while I was growing-up they had no real time to teach values or morals of any kind.  Mostly they stole people's wealth, be it a trust fund or waiting and changing the Will's with the influence of the entire church telling the person it was the right thing to do.  Really I feel as if I am part of a forty-year con from the Sixties.  I just seem to be the only family member that has not joined up with the family business.  Needless to say I am in the hot seat.  This is a place I have been in all my life, but, the past few years have been more serious.  The last of "the big fish" died about two years ago.  So essentially they are just winding it all up and thus far there is no evidence of the crime.  Why would there be, either the people are dead or they have run off to different parts of the world and hang their heads in shame.  They are embarrassed that they have been taken advantage of in such a way. They will not go to the authorities to file any sort of complaint.  This seems to be a common reaction of most con artist victims.  The only bummer is that it has left me out in the cold on my own. 

To date my mother still believes me to be possessed.  I was plagued with the Demon of Silence as a child.  Now that I have begun to speak I wondered if that has now changed, LOL!  Decidedly I am still on Satan's side, regardless of what any of you say.  They are on Gods side and there is no way that I will be on that same side, so I am on the opposite team.  I also met Satan once and he seemed very molecular.  Oh course, it turns out that it was Anton Levay and that is how he  introduced himself.  So the confusion would be obvious for a kid.  It doesn't matter anyway, after years of being told I am the beast I accepted as my lot in life and I really don't mind.  I would rather be evil if they are considered good, I accept all that goes with that decision.

What has always been so disturbing to me is how quickly other Christians jump on board with the belief that I am possessed and evil.  Without even knowing my story, my mother has the support of all her friends that I am a child that is just telling lies about my childhood to destroy her good name.  Its funny because over the years this same thing happens again and again as she just rolls through a new group of friends.  By the time her friends find out that she is truly treacherous it is to late, at this moment of clarity they have lost quite a bit of what they owned already.  Usually the old friends run off and are never heard from again. Then  just like clock work in rolls a new group of Christian friends. 

Truthfully I don't even know what Christians actually believe in other than each other and the lies they tell one another.  I am even confused about the God that they worship.  Isn't he a Jewish God name Yaweh.  Why would they worship a God belonging to another belief?  Important question for me to have answered before I start worrying about what it actually takes to forgive another for turning a blind eye my entire life. Let alone begin to forgive my family for something that I have never not known.  Why would I forgive all the things that happened to me.  What has happened to me makes me who I am today.  I like myself and if I had not gone through all of these horrors I would be not be who I am.  Grant it I have had to suffer through the traumas and figure out how to live in a nightmare but that is nothing different than what I have done for my entire existence.  I would not want anyone to feel sorry for me, that would be counter productive. I just would like people to be O.K. with me as I am, not looking away or thinking that I am filthy, and have no redeeming character because they happened to be privy to my story.  I went through what I did, I survived, it is not a crime to still be breathing and trying to live peacefully.  I survived for a reason and possibly that reason may be to speak to all of you. Maybe I can help others with the poetry I have written.  I hope that the ones that have been hurt in their lives are able to relate and it helps the pain I know we are all in.  I strongly believe that we cannot get over these traumas, maybe we can get through them and accept each incident as part of our own lives. They will stay with us forever, it is what makes us who we are I'm afraid, I just would not like to live in so much fear everyday of my life.  It's not my job to forgive, I wouldn't even know where to start. Let me live, instead of spending more time on the people who hurt me by having to forgive them.

My Crime

I was born,
they turned aside.
I was taught not love but lies.
Left to men of much disguise,
came in my room while she did lie.

Knew my first snuff at age of two!
Guilt remained and came right threw.
Beaten 'till I did know you.
Will you see me in the shoe?

Spent most of my time in dining rooms,
filled with people doing shrooms.
Dirty feet and ratty hair,
was the Sixties,
were you there?

It was awful for the few,
that did master survival too.
Now we're told by all of you,
our skills worked well when we were Two.

Now give up and be the....PHEW!,
that never talk or get rescued.
Doesn't matter what you do,
go to anyone they'll tell you.
"Get over it", "I don't care",
nor do they want to hear of anything from there.

Take some meds, go away!
Survival skills?? You're over age.
You could turn, you could be,
I will never forgive all thee.

My crime is heavy, 
breaks my will,
I was born,
I'm cited still.
"Blow your head off",
"Kill yourself",
all the words from family; Stealth.

I'm the leak,
I'm the valve,
until my crime, I will vow.
Such dissension,
and outloud!
Where is justice?
Where are the proud?

Continue on, I'm Satan's Spawn.
Scream and Yell 'till you fell,
running still from this Hell,
my crime of birth?
and I'm not well?

I believe that I was one,
the result of men that cum.
My mother, who? an accident?
of those that need, no tracking, yet?
I'm a sign,
from the time,
that there must have been a grind.

How is this my fault, my weight?
Why do I slave for men in graves?
I give up, my mom's not square,
she just spreads her legs back there.

Honesty, to my delight,
is surviving every night.
Although my nightmares haunt my sight,
I can preach, no delight.

They are Godly, I'm of the Beast.
Named and Numbered or at least,
what they've said since I was; Greased!
for every man and his release.

This is my crime,
I do confess.
Take my life, "I can't; Possessed".
Why would I help them out of guilt;
I might pout and cause a tilt,
in opinion,
in their life,
in their minds and even still.
I won't quit until I find,
tell me now what is my Crime?

Karen A. Placek

Monday, April 25, 2011

For Fact

Little girls in flowered panties,
stood in line with red rosed cheeks.
In front of her by design,
was a homeless man of some kind.

Long was the line,
with gun did roll,
"join my club and trigger pull".
If you don't do as I say,
you will be the one to play.

A long and even tempo not
off to death you must trot.
The threat became an interesting game,
the bullshit ran and boys did gain.

Pulling all the triggers back,
repeat the threat.

Again I'd bet,
another fell,
not a card that's for fact.
For when the gamble became direct,
the shuffle was a fucking wreck.

Karen A. Placek

A Flashback

The action of today with the remembrance of yesterday,
brings even a good man down.
To know that all is made and bound,
by nothing more than I 'm around.

Sadness creeps outside what keeps,
a normal mind at ease.
To know that the depth and strength of past,
brings memories to thee.

Stops the ones who never run,
but they often wonder why?
The little girl with grown men see,
the nightmares and they believe.
No one saves you from below,
Death is singular, not a dream.

Reality bites, while watching horrors,
of things you cannot see.
To gag at years past,
is only one way through
even the roughest patch.
Close your eyes, reality bites.

Men of Illusion see me through,
crying, preying on all of you..
You better not really go,
to these places or this show.

Karen A. Placek

Just A Note

The hatred runs deep within,
you're born, you're worn, you simply try.
Years go by you're all alone,
no matter how hard you work, The Why?
I close my eyes, my third eye out.
Why bother you to even shout.
If I don't have what it's about,
you don't listen or even tout.

The rage that settles inside of me,
a view of something you will need.
I'm the blame child, gifted see.
Daughter of the malignancy.
What I know is family,
tortured so for normalcy.
If they came out it would show,
God would tell them, "Please, don't go".

Sex was always, the topic stayed.
All night long they would rage.
Where I learned from no age,
birth is for the men of sage.
Obviously it's not for her.
My half-sister is blood and more,
screaming across the dinning room.
She proclaimed, there is no broom.
Blow your head off, she declared,
almost louder than she shared.
Best for our family, you're a spare.
Use a gun, close to heir.
Searching words caused me despair.

She is fourth in sibling count.
Second husband, no recount.
Told some people about her fount,
no one believes you 'till your Dead.

Funny how you try and try,
just to be with any guy.
To feel safer from this, FRY!
Do they ever quit or sigh.
Thinking maybe do or die,
isn't such a cool re-try.

All my family speaks of is,
years and years of earnings, live!
Should you know them when you're down,
Wills and Trust Funds will abound.
Cruising, Limo's, shopping sprees,
you will pay for on your knees.
Tote they will of power plays,
till the guilt is worn that way.

Take it all or take it Sum.
Does it matter, you're now dumb.
Lost within this maze of life,
bet you wish you had a knife.
Declare your income,
declare your shade,
even songs give way.

No encouragement, no simple grave,
just run like hell and no your save.
Should your family see your plight,
will they know that you're alright?
Can't tell a story 'bout Death and Fight.
All will think it's time; Don't bite!
Take some drugs for yourself,
you're depressed and into delve!
Accusations fly about,
you need a shrink
or locked account.

They shine so bright while you fight.
Your family says, "they must be right".
There goes your fortune,
your bank account,
your savings and your last genuine mount.

Lost your Horses? while polo's played.
Use a mallet not a blade.
Back in an ancient world view,
balls were skulls and worked for few.
Testimony of this sank,
behind the vault and biggest rank.
Highest Officer I would call,
would be guy and he would fall.

Death is what he sings about,
just a random guy to count.
Liked his verse, it matched my curse,
No, I will not take my life.
Why would I they would pout!
Never worry 'bout such things,
'cause it's taken far beneath,
when my mom sold soul for soul,
signed in blood, red, parchment fold.
I wasn't more than two years old.
Don't mean to bother, don't mean to stain,
someone that I call by name.
It's just the common thread we hold,
Death or Dead we're not so old.
Love the songs that echo in.
Keep me free and knowing sin.
Turn up the dial for a while,
maybe he will know this child.

Kinder, surely pictures show,
exampling the way that I should go.
But, I'm held tight and all alone,
fighting family and not a tone.
Bet he gets his hearts desire,
every time that he retires.
Go my friend in sleepless sway,
watch out and never come this way.

My sisters pledge for every man,
hoarding thoughts of discipline.
I gave up years ago,
every time I said "Don't go".
Trickery in my hands held,
impossible partner that I can't hold.
They can't take, what I can't have,
try and try they got so bold.
No response, thank god for; Ignore!
They're just crazy and I was board.
Sorry you were shored.
Never thought it would go so far,
you protect me in my car.
My radio plays me, but I scar,
cuts and bruises, flashbacks, Hard!
I keep my chin up, I won't char.

Karen A. Placek

Friday, April 22, 2011

Sexual Conduct

"Sexual Conduct"

A narcissists flair, comes from their secrecy.
the lack thereof, comes from their pride.
Sex in the brain comes from their role plays,
my life comes from surviving the entire mire, oh my!
Oh! are they bitter, Oh! are they pissed, Oh! are they measured inside all of this.
A treasured proclaim! I must persist!!

I used to go to the bars down under,
deep in the town where the dark lights flicker.
Seemingly night but the broad day shone,
inside the places where grown men roamed.
The bars were called not dungeons or lairs.
Black leather coats and boots were in there,
spying was not in any of the heir,
I was just hanging, waiting for fair.
For nothing much more than a rub out to share.

Not so funny when you know more of honey,
the snuff did not go well I forgot, didn't fell.
Jumping from the fright of a suffocating sight,
throws even the biggest men on a really tough night.
Oh well, I thought, its not like you know me,
stop they said, don't move or we may get the bell.

Why in a place where sexual conduct is bent.
Why would you find what men really meant.
Why would they want to protect you from them.
Why would they offer nothing more than a mint.
Why would they be the ones to say BDSM.

Questions lingered in the air of that lair.
The black coats were leather and boots were entrenched.
No staring eyes, no ripping intent,
just a gentle goodbye and a kiss or some flint.
First time I wasn't ripped from those night terrors of mine.
Made sense to me and the men didn't mind.
My tears always wet me and I shook with such fear.

Now I can't know what it is you've kicked out,
 made it a show it is not I did shout.
Confusion did lather this kid that can say, 
thanks to the ones that could show me the way.
Its different, its louder, its mysterious too.
But, mostly its missing the advancement of you.

Protected forever, until it should stand.
Go Dominatrix, I think its a plan.
'cause woman just falter when their is a call,
I need a Master, A dominator, a shawl.
I think sex has become the conduct of all.

My number is easy, my number is rye,
my number works for you and even for I.
My mother assigned me saying again and again,
you are possessed and 666 please begin.
The demon of silence is laden within.

I'm printed on one side and beat on the other,
no master, no father, not even a collar.
Put down like a dog and fed what was odd,
which way do you turn when your at the bottom of the bog.
How often is it? 
Is it always my turn?

I stand with my truth,
I stand with my dare, 
I doubt I was ever hurt over there.
Only at home, with family declared,
the scariest moments to ever have weared.

Good night my dear Master,
good night to my rights,
to be free of disaster and live without fright.

To the faith of the few,
and the memory of you,
sexual conduct and rules of the true.

Karen A. Placek

Life Is, At Least For Some Of Us....

I often think about life and what it is about.  I wonder why I have had to walk this path.  It has been rough and is full of pit falls everywhere I step.  I had to see a qualified and agreed upon shrink last year for a workers compensation case I am involved in.  In his report he wrote that my life was the most tragic, yet remarkable life he had ever known. I read his entire report and I found it interesting, honest and was grateful that he had allowed me to receive a copy of it.  To actually be granted the permission to read a psych report on yourself is unusual.  So, thank you Lieberman.

My life is tragic I would have to agree. Sadness has always prevailed in my time here.  I used to think that it must just be the charge of some of us to carry the weight of more inadequate beings.  Some say that I must have been a horrible being in a before life. I went WOW! I must have been a Pharaoh that destroyed, abused and burned absolutely everyone.  I believe that when people judge you so readily they must be some of the people I have met in  my life and they just turned a blind eye to my pain.

The thing is if you met me on the street you would never know that I was this person so full of pain and agony.  I put on a fairly decent show.  It comes from years of being pinched, hit, and knocked around for not putting a smile on when strangers appear in your life.  Do you think that my family ever thinks about the abuse they so readily are willing to deliver again.  Do you think that all those foul people in my life think I have forgotten the guns, the bullets, the deaths, the screams, the whippings, the lies?  Why would I forget being gang raped, or hiding under my bed, of hiding in my mothers closet, not knowing that an orgy was going to happen.  Fuck, I just ran for it as I heard the storm of people rushing up the stairs.  Usually my older sister was there and she would yank me in to the laundry hamper at the end of this long closet.  Oh course, those days were the days where my mom was still married and the domestic fight included fist fights and dragging her up the stairs by her hair as it ripped from her scalp.  But, fuck what is worse, that sight or the orgy she now had in the bedroom with all her new girl friends.  I find them equally as disturbing. Well that is until a new Step-father entered and brought pedophilia an entire new name.  Learn to fight big brother, as I opened the door to see our new "dad" jam his dick down my now brothers mouth. I slammed the door and said "better you than me, motherfucker".  You may be quick to judge of course, but, he is six years older and had been in my bed fucking me the night before.

People point fingers so quick until they hear the entire story.  I learned to use razor blades and knives after my introduction to life.  Not six months earlier did I report to the mom in the house that my brother was hurting my at night, translation for the stupid people out there, fucking me.  Do you know what I was told?  You dirty little girl. You are forcing him to do these things you have a dirty mind, get out.  Of course, this is also while I am still entertaining grown men too.  I said nothing, but boy was I angry.  I had just been doing what I was told, nobody ever told me it was wrong, dirty, or anything.  I thought that is what I was for, how is that for a shocker.  I was pretty pissed off that everything everybody was telling me to do was now dirty and I was fouled and disgusting. 

So I fixed it. I did not cry wolf that is for sure. I would tell you what I did but I am sure you would object to the reality of my attack. Oh well, at least I knew, that is better than not. I hope that BDSM makes it through because I am bored and I find it interesting, especially since I was raised in a dungeon with good men and not men that came in to my room in the middle of the night paying for an hour with a little girl. I would rather be with Masters of BDSM then with men who sneak and fuck small children around the corners in the night.  At least when you enter the dungeons lair they know what to do with a small child that has learned to use knives and razor blades against men and women who come in the dark.  They never hurt me, just trained me up in the BDSM fashion that does not exist anymore, a girl brought up in a dungeon.  Isn't  it better than a girl that went into the family business of abusing the next generation.  Be careful when you judge that which you do not know.  I would not have sex to save my life. I would not masturbate to save yours.  All people seem to ever be interested in is their next fuck, if you do not know this to be true in your life your lucky.  Grow up with a Narcissistic Family and you'll find its all they think about and do, constantly.  It's their power over you because you find it intriguing.  Good luck, they find you savory too.

Signed the Narcissistic View of a Child, Me, don't feel sorry for me, I don't, I am who I am because of all this insanity. In fact when I think about it, would I not be what they raised: a malignant narcissist too.  I mean how could I be any different if that is all I knew.  I don't really know, but I am clear that I do the opposite of everything they do.  I made that decision early on, I did not agree with the way they were living life so I decided to readily watch my mother and do the opposite of what she did.  So malignant narcissist or not, I don't do what they do, I think its wrong to take advantage in such direct and dishonest ways.  I mean maybe they are more evolutionarily advanced, that's obvious.  I should not be so rude and assuming, but I am stuck being a genius and now some sort of savant, hopefully its an idiot savant at least then I sound stupid.    But reality bites because no matter the explanation how can I be different than what raised me, I can't!! However, I can retain the choice and I am free to make one, hence the title of my blog and the honesty to day to shout its intention.