Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Soul Shatterer

The ability to enjoy the creative corners of your own mind begins with recognizing you have "Creative Corners" and the belief that your exploration of such places is for you to find and enjoy. Sharing such, with anyone is also for you to decide, we all are familiar with the negativity which flows so easily from the mouths of others, especially when you are speaking positively or speaking of events that cannot be proved or backed up with sustainable facts. So deciding to share anything out of the ordinary is a personal decision for good reason: you will never be as shot down with such deadly force by another being as when you open your mouth and say out loud, "I had the most incredible journey in my own mind last night.” Most will respond by saying, "Doing drugs again,” "Hasn't anyone told LSD is illegal.” You say as quickly as you can but your lips do not seem to be on your side which is not helping you at this point, "No, NO, I did it.” You will not even get to finish and they interject again, "That's not possible, what are you nuts.”

These words that they utter with such disdain become part of the language that is known to me as the Soul Shatterer. Cruel and unkind for no other reason than this person is mean, they don't even want to hear what you are saying but they certainly have nothing but doubt and disgust about what they are pretending that they are not hearing you say.

But, because you shared for the first time, a very personal and incredible experience, it changes you forever about sharing much of anything, metaphysical or not. Why? I believe it is for the following reason, when your soul is shattered with another persons words, the repair of such a fragile and delicate part yourself is beyond difficult, it is nearly impossible to do. However, understand this, and it truly will only take your own mind to have the mind set to decide that Independence is not separating from the crowd or the World. Rather Independence is actually joining the link to Humanity. The mere fact that we can be independent of one another in our thoughts, yet we can stream together as one in our actions is or shows the imaginative capabilities of our minds and explosive natures of our thoughts, created into pure, positive energy. Talk about protection, a heat shield or a magnetic force surrounding each of us, put it all together and I bet that sparks would become the enlightenment of the elemental source everyone is searching for independently.

We truly are the most unfortunate/ fortunate gifts to ourselves, yet, we need to be. I am assuming at this juncture that it is this way, in order to progress with firm and positive convictions of ourselves, Independent of each other, yet reliant on one another, I began to wonder if I would ever be clear with myself, because which is it? Or is it both? Maybe not! Reason for me, I do not want to stream with the negativity and yet I find myself wrapped up in it again and again. I get so mad at myself for being so stupid, falling prey to such cruelness, I kick myself as I try to heal myself from the pain the words of another person, that seemed to just fall out of their mouth. The person has no care or concern, just blah, blah, blah and rambling on as they speak so fluently this language that shatters souls. They must be some linguists, because when they are done before it seems they began and they seem to just turn to go on about their day, they don't even look back.

There I am, they left me a big pile of crap, that two seconds ago I would swear was my soul. Now it is unrecognizable, hurts like no other hurt you have ever felt. It is a pain inside your physical being, yet ice, aspirin, pain killers, heating pad, no drug touches it. It just hurts, as if the words were an actual pointed spear with a point of unimaginable poisonous strength that has the piecing explosion of, well I cannot think of what to compare it to but you never saw it coming. The exactness of such a strike is done with such expertise and experience that you are certain it was done on purpose. Yet, the shards are still felt, as the razor like wounds begin to bleed inside your very being. Help!, you cry, plea and scream, to no avail.

Well, I believe it is done on purpose by cruel people who have become soul hunters. I believe that cruelty runs rampant and that people embrace this perceived ability as some new found power play over humanity.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Death cradles Me!

I was young when I had a plastic bag put over my head suffocating me to death.  I had been playing in the basement of my mother's home when from the dark a man came from behind me to slip a bag over my head.  He wrapped it tightly around my neck, I feel it like some kind of thin cord today.  I struggled. I tried so hard to get it off from around my neck, I couldn't do it.  I died.

As I tried to breath, it became wet inside of the bag, I was scared.  I began to gasp, the bag sealed itself against my face, terror overcame me. In what seemed as if it was a minus moment, I was standing outside of my body staring at myself on the cold floor.  I was laying there with a bag over my head, lifeless, no longer breathing, no longer struggling fighting for what was gone, me.  I was still, seemingly dead, nothing inhabited my listless body, I was gone yet still there, aware of what had just transpired between my father and I.  I stared for what seems like an eternity, I am still baffled by what I saw, what I experienced, what I did or what I didn't do to disappoint a person so much that they wanted to kill me and did.  No one else had remained in the room.  It was cold, the light was dim as I stood trying to understand what had just happened.  I was dead and at the same time trying to figure out what to do, where to turn, who do ask the question that kept haunting me; Why?  Even today I find that I stare at myself in that dimly lit and basement grave. I see my body at two or three years old laying four to five feet from where I am.  The site of my own death has been haunting me of late, I am alive and yet I am dead.  I cried for the first time last night over my passing as a child.  I mourned myself, my existence, my murder.

I died and had no funeral.  I was killed and there was not trial.  I was murdered and there was no conviction.  I left this place and argued upon my arrival on the other side that I had been killed. Stating that I was dead and I did not care if my body chose to live on without me.  This is who has returned me to face this tragedy for the first time.  After over forty years I walk this Earth once more, no soul, it was sold, no heart, I gave it away.

No one has ever mourned my death, not even myself until today.  I had passed into another realm, refusing to return. I lived in a different and much more compassionate place, I learned to love because they loved me.  Knowing that my body continued but in fear I would suffer my murder again, I fought the return to this horrid earth, screaming, "They will just try to kill me again and again until my body walks no more." How can it be that I am back here again? I could hardly breath last night as the pain began to roll over me about what it is that I still see with such clarity.  I feel as if I have been absent in life and now I have been shunned by death in some sort of appeal on their part for me to know myself in humanity.

Due to the freakish insistence of Nature I seem to have been returned in an attempt to reconnect myself with this shell of a body that was left for dead so many years ago.  As I am forced to acclimate into what you refer to as humanity, I scream for the depths of Hell to retrieve me and take me back home.  I have come back into my body only to find that I am still hated by my family, as they wish for death still today.  As I begin the process of catching up with myself, my life, or lack thereof, I find that the hurt is as devastating to me today as it was on the day I stared at my dead body on the cold cement floor of that basement home.  No time seems to have passed between these moments of fright, of horror, or of this reality.

How do you ever tell your truth if your truth cannot be heard and is shot down with hatred from strangers.  Malignant Narcissists/Sociopaths are everywhere today, forcing their opinions down the throats of unsuspecting listeners.  The few of us that find the courage to speak out on behalf of ourselves, testifying to the wretchedness of this World and what it has done to us are threatened and stalked.  Multiple attempts to destroy our lives by family, friends or strangers are made while we are making feverish efforts to recover all that we have lost.  This is done with zealous and reckless disregard by these self-gratifying monsters. They are wheeling such despair into our lives because the fear that they will be exposed for what they have done.  They are not creatures of the dark, they are human beings, your peers; they are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, strangers, sociopathic creatures walking along side you today.

Although my death went unnoticed, my return to this life will not go without address.  For in my death I found my life and now living is death to me.  I was striped of identity, referred to as an "it" or a "thing" by the ones that perpetrate their crimes against humanity.  I was voided of importance, left for what is not there; Care, Love, Compassion.  I declare to you a deathless life of a child never mourned, never laid to rest, never seen, not accounted for, just left to raise herself in a startled fright of what had been on that terrible night. 



My power lies in self-review,
my nights reflect this thought.
Do, you, can you, not surf through?
The Ocean of my Sees.

I am frightful of my Tot,
she lies from deep within.
No untruth does she speak,
just naps from deep, not Ten.

I often wonder why she sleeps,
it seems to be the place,
resting from all the creeps,
that come up in her place.

My mind is like a steel trap.
Existing only to do that.
The little one who hides inside,
speaks truths, in lies she rides.

Confusion, up and down,
what seems right is wrong for me.
What seems bad I write.
One day soon I hope to seek
a playmate not a lie inside.

Just wait, 'cause I won't die,
and then I won't live a lie.
I will no longer reside inside.
I might come out to see,
a brand new birth of me.

A fellow blogger explains further the danger of speaking out:

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


Walk upon the ground that has no playing field.

I level the walk for the balance you need.

Listen to what I see!

Ride the wild into the place where you cannot stand,

a fortnight of fright.

Join me to be at home again.


I place upon the back of Time,

 the heavy load of my mind.

Come, be what I am.

Deliver your doubt to the emptiness.

Filling this bottomless well,

traveling to Hell.

Fear inhabit no one.

Allowance of a journey to self, be stealth,

reliant on what cannot be found, I frown.

Hear my silence,

it can be deafening in the quiet scene,

of navigating this dream.

I look into the past of my life,

I have no name.

No marker, no claim, 

to this world or what it has done.

Edit me out of this place of pain

Oh Agony, be my friend!

Sought out since the begin,

knowing only that I must shine again.

The Dark Lords have the laws,

depicting only one way.

The text is draining,

the translation exhausts the listener.

Lost is the language, gone are the Scrolls.

Blunt will you be my guide?

My authority? of what it is missing?

My soul, my life, my liberty.

The Tightening of the undergarments of man,

is strangling his loins.  

Entangled with the sexual desire of the wrong kind.

Relieve the mounting pressure to know my twin.

Know my anxiousness for no sin.

I will not give in.

I'll be lost in this place with no guide,

my immortal soul it's been........contracted again.

Where does it end?

Lift the plans off the only given map,

seeking out what can't be sought,

believe in what's been.

Deliver yourself to the Dragoness Lair,

it is a snap, a tap, a dare.

Settling into amazement,

I am, but cannot be.  A Seer, it is me.

I War for the freedom of all Man.

Souls are shattered in a design of none,

dining on the delectable one.

Don't run, journey on.

For in a single spark of fear,

you will see your name cast out here.

War against the odds to gain what you are not,

gifted with the wisdom of the darkest knight.

Ill repute, the price of illness and rot.

Lacking what has been dissolved, live.

Moving from the madness of ignorance

into the resistance of enlightenment?

I tire to see what you say is not there.

Building back what I have lost,

I go to find my match of another kind.

So far gone.

No heart is needed when your soul has been taken.

Empty your emotional rack of response

I have grown into what will be,

only a robot of me.

I don't leave you behind.

I am void of life in a deathless stare,

I speak of this record to a living chore.

My silence in account of what I am,


See what cannot be heard.

Do not be dumb to what you cannot explain.

Blinded by doubt?


Loneliness is my friend in this battle of disregard.

Teaching tolerance for difference,

fill not the soul of man,

for your gift of life to him is missing.

A Soul

Voided by his peers,

I question, I wonder.

Testifying only to the emptiness and pain.


Intolerance to me?

I have a gift to see with clarity.

Judging me?

Your prison of religion offends all I am,

a critical review of all of you.

A traveler you must be.

Are you beginning to see everything differently?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

My Minds Eye! The Soul Shatterer! Sight, is a Gift of Fright.

A Soul Shatterer, the undenyable crime.  The sight of such a horror is a dark and grim reality in my life.  It is a horrid, ritualistic crime, committed by monterous human beings everywhere today.  Just as this 37 year old man explains his sudden realization of what is already here, I know that what I have seen and continue to see, also exists.  I see it plainly, much like he explains. What I have witnessed goes beyond seeing a simple or complex being.  It moves into a realm of what is unbelievable to me and in truth, I have always found it extremely frightening.  However, since I have found the video above I have decided to share what I also see plainly in front of me, The Shattering of Peoples Souls, by Soul Shatterers.  To date I have never heard anyone speak on the subject of how you are voided of your soul in the presence of a Malignant Narcissist.  The overwelming testimony to the fact that it is happening is sobering and this should cause you to stop and find solace in this written account of what I have seen since I was a child.

The Soul is the most fragile and tender part of our essence and continued life.  Without it, you have no guide to the afterlife. To travel to the beyond without such a breath of life within your being, is cold and will become the true death of yourself if you do not know what to do.

Friday, September 9, 2011

An Appeal from Tamara Sue Stafford, my eldest sister, to Melba Mauda Meakin, my Mother. All on U-Tube!!

1 of 2 U-Tube Videos uploaded on 9/8/2011

2 of 2 U-Tube Videos uploaded on 9/8/2011

End of Series

by my older sister, Tamara Sue's appeal to my mother, Melba "Totsie" .

Thursday, September 8, 2011

An Avalanche Of A Glacier Star

I am a Glacier Star.
I feel the freeze of my past.
The simple, yet complicated murder of my mind.
My soul has been sold for Immortality of the old.
What happened to the parchment, the skin, written in sin?

Using an ink that stains me still today; give way.

I wonder will the contract hold?
Do you feel as if you're empty?
Do you know that you are whole?
Or have you met what voids your life,
of existence, all in strife?


I scream myself into silence to know,
what is written can't be rote.
Free will?  No. That's not what I.........; Low!

Loki took me, snapped the Yoke,
this is not a funny joke.

Taken at a time, they signed.
Human Beings, left me behind.
Soul less, Void, of all that's mine.

Blew me away with mindless rhyme.
Exhausted and I'm still in line.
I cannot love. I must go find,
another way to get back......... shove!

Give it back 'cause it's mine.
What's been taken?
 Do not Dine.
The taste of soul is quite Divine.

I study in the Halls of Time.
I read, I listen, I do, I watch.
I know this life it costs so much.

I speak of only what I lost,
I never found the cities Boss.

Into our World they walk from there,
patiently I do declare.
Packing lawless Morals: I stare!
Standards of their Conscience?

Lacking and empty.

The facade of their disguise,
is in play, can I try?
Watch them, while they empty your mind of thought,
reason through?
It eats at you.

Your soul is murdered, your hearts been pierced.
Lies are working in reverse. 
in front of you they tout this verse,
"You're a witness," as they nurse,
your new life, it is a curse.

Narcissistic Energy,

To rid a person of the breath of life,
is explained by only strife.
Yet, this is a brief new term,
impossible is what discerns.
For the possible will take its stead,
Blunt relief needs no knee;


I pose to you a brand new truth,
my Education, it's not uncouth.
Of the Dark and my measure,
evidence becomes my pleasure.

The body needs no Soul to live.
Surviving all the days: a Shive!
It is my past, the truth I give,
I pour it out for health;

an Evil, Stealth.

Not alone, my beads on you,
Nana said, my aim is true.
The lure set, I must sue!

Holstered guns and bullets too,
Jamie sings of what I do;


A heart of gold,
He knows I'm sold.
The mathematics make us bold.
It all adds up to what is tough,
 to know, to see, it's really rough.

The music bar plays a Guitar,
the strumming strikes a chord!
The magic in the sound of Man,
I'm blown away by all I am.

I fly into the coldest plight,
to relieve the pain of might.

Empty not your words of  talk,
upon the walk of fame to lock,
an innocent and brand new friend  
That came to be what can't be taught.
a brand new WOW! for me! 

A shot!

At peace and liberty to be,
free of all of you and see,
a Glacier is the Ice you need,
to ease the pain inside of me.

No conscience do you all possess.
All you are is emptiness.
Free from guilt and all this mess?
Empathy does now protest.

Know right, from wrong, for this is best,
or Death will put you to the test.

Don't be jealous of all I have,
as fame and fortune is my salve.

I have the life, I titled like,
it is the worst one, you speak of, Right?
Beating out all that might
be the competition every night.

Experiments in loving them,
I just know I'm free of Sin.
He declares, that I know him,
kind of cool, a strange new Hymn. me!

Read with caution:

The link that I am providing to you below, contains one of the most truthful accounts of what I have had to live through my entire life.  I am the child of that which is spoken of in this very graphic depiction of the truthful existence of a Malignant Narcissist; also known as a Sociopath and/or Psychopath. Understanding that I am aware of my heritage in this matter, I claim my right to life; and I live free of their sin, accountable only for my own.  I do not relinquish my bloodlines, for it is in that very D.N.A. I know my home, I am an evolved version of what you will read.  For I am that one in a million. I am unique. 

After reading, keep in mind that a judgement upon what is mine, is an invitation of another kind.  By this simple acknowledgment of what I know myself to be, I write, "The Secret of the Universe is Choice, a malignant narcissist can make one!"  The choice is yours, the life is mine, know decision.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Memory Madness!

I implore only my memory of yesterday to curse you today.
I speak with the words that burn in the throat of a demon friend.
Brought up to believe in the unbelievable.
I testify to that which you abhor,

I am nothing more than a child of the dark,
riding out a life of pain and horror.
No love found.
The light is blinding, yet there is no warmth,
only condemnation of belief.
I shrug, to say,
"I have the sight to see the rot of your soul."

I have been taken out into the night.
 I have had my legs spread open so that boys could enter me, why? 
I was doing nothing to deserve such a horrid fright on Dorchester Way!

Safety was not to be had that night.

What was done for personal gratification of sum?
Is it really all it is about with me?

 Help me! Hate!
Once again I rock myself into Hell for support.
Violated, again.

As you remember with me,
you have justified this act upon my body, was it worth it?
Are you hearing from below your name in sanctified claim yet?
Do you know the voice of Satan?
Or was it the devil that caused you to defecate upon your shorts that day?

Did you believe that Christianity and your belief in God would save you from that day?
A simple, I am sorry for my sin? Please forgive me?
As you kneel to pray for forgiveness in this matter?

I think not!
For I do not release my claim on your life or your sanity.

For your wrongs will not go unaddressed,
 I know your face! I know your name! First at least.

There is no Church that can save you from your past sins,
for it is in those sins that your cock found its place.
You released a load of your bodily functions upon my already exhausted body.
You creamed me.
Your words, not mine.

As the lightning of the minds eye snaps you into the thunder of my words, Shake!
I am alive, I am hunting for you, your family, preying.

Confess and I will give up one game play.
Check mate will not be played.
This is a game called,
 "I WIN"

Years after such an offense that has fizzled in its vulgarity.
Explaining away that we were all young, children if you will.
It was just one of those things, its O.K. 
 It was never that for me.
 Six, eight, ten,  twelve years your junior.
I had no chance, much like your odds today.
They are in my favor, some forty years after the fact.

Do you think that the demons that don't haunt you yet forgot their claim on your lie?
Does your stomach sink when you hear my name?
Did you feel nauseous when your daughter turned four and five or six and eight?
I wonder?
Was it exciting for your loins? Did they jump at the chance...........?

or was it a nightmare that you are still living as you watch her grow.
Did she make it without RAPE!!
does paranoia rule your day?
Does your wife know of your infidelities with a child?
do you believe that you can fall on the cross of jesus christ and he will heal your pain?

I break the yoke of relief and saddle you with the responsibility of memory.
no matter the fee, you payed for me, and you are now liable for the cost of fear and horror.
do your best, and know, that lust created your might to be the rapist of a little girl that night.

Speak of know consequence.
We all will greet our maker.
I remind you of my innocence.
 I lay claim to ALL I know.
I list you one by one for the World to know your crime.

Taking a girl in a garage, One.
Review of what you thought you knew, was it worth it? Two.
Lacking the ability to stop yourself from entering into the depths of a tired girl. Three.
I was covered in what had been your friends bodily fluids.  Four.
 You ran yours hands across my belly to feel the goo. Five.
I watched as you thought of them and it enhanced your penis into a larger state. Six

Are you still feeling that warmth between your fingers?
As you rose off of my body turning to high five or shake hands and the cum splattered into the air,
did you want them too?
I rise only from the ashes of what could never have been to tell you that I was alive.

I still see the walls splashed in what I never understood.
A towel? wiping your hands on the walls, is that how I get it off?
That was my face smashed against the wall with your hand behind my head forcing me into a new position to try after you had recovered yourself with what you said, dignity and pride,
with your friends by your side.
Or, so you thought.

Let's go again!
She can't take it!
Who gives a fuck.
That which does not kill her makes her stronger for next time.
She's tough.
 Let me in!
I'll knock her out. 

Blam!! BLAM Blam!!

As you had to raise me off the ground so that you could try to enter me once again,
you were annoyed?
So much trouble.
You were aghast it seemed.
Angry at the work you had to do with me to have your way once again.


Flipping me around to get a better look at why I was being so difficult.
Give it to me!
 I was not submitting to your will.

Our eyes met
and in a fire of another kind I burned you!!

"I want you, I need you!"
uttered out of a grown.

Gross, you howled, she likes it!!




the end at,
Dorchester Way
San Francisco, CA.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A Tale of Two Lives, the Narcissistic View of a Child

I have been gone from this place called Earth, busy with my own life. I have been in a place where they are not afraid to raise a child alone. Where kindness is compassion. I have been taught, loved and cared for by whom I speak of. They raised me in the crucible of the Dark and understanding of the Evil. I have been trained in the intelligence of that which you cannot see. It is as if you are cold to the other side and do not readily acknowledge its existence anywhere. This makes being here once again, both difficult and disappointing to have happened.

I was taken in after I had been cast out of this place. I was never  shunned or made to feel different even though the differences between all of us were  obvious. Being taught tolerance, understanding and compassion were just a few of the Texts that I was educated in. I was taught that Non-Believers are to be respected and left alone to make their own decisions. I was taught not to condemn for Beliefs of Difference, however I was taught not to be passive when people force their ideas upon my mind and/or conscience.  Standing in honor of oneself is paramount to further yourself on this Earth.

The discovery of spiritual freedom is encouraged so that you may learn to tolerate the harsh reality of forced religions. I was taught about the limited possibilities that this life provides. The agenda of Human Beings is to push upon the layman their convictions of past history of Christ and God.  Reducing the real options we all once had as people of this Universe and citizens of this Galaxy.  As the decades turned the century's, the years were erased and records of other beliefs were burned as heresy. Anything that was contrary to Christianity was condemned to the ages and called Satanic.

Interestingly the laws that have been broken are Universal and carry a permanent sentence in other dimensions.  For each and every offence against humanity there is a penalty that makes death look alive. It is in this permanence that you will find I am well-versed.

The Dark

Being left for others to raise happened early on in this life as I have already mentioned.  Through the severe trauma and the horror of death itself (Now referred to as a near death experience) I split from myself, becoming lost in the halls of the unknown. It took years to become at ease with that which was now raising me. Terrifying to look at, the stories of such beings are real. Although my wish to stay was not questioned, the fright of such terrifying men took some getting use too. As time became what it is meant to be, timeless, I grew comfortable and at home with my new designation of life: death. 

Coldness and Despair

I have been dead since I was 3 years old.  I was killed in the basement of my Mom's home, in San Francisco, California.  I had a man, that I believe to have been my father place a bag over my head.  He held it tight and suffocated me to death, leaving me for dead on the cold cement floor.  I remember the day that this happened as if it is happening as we speak.  It is like the motion picture of the traditional Snuff or the scenario that is written on porn sites.  It is stuck in the fore front of my mind.  I find this disturbing to my psyche.  I can not move on or away from this picture of death in my life.  Never being comforted or made to feel as if my existence mattered to anyone other than the ones who wanted me dead.  I abandoned this place to be with whom I was left to live amongst, the dead or dying, spirits, demons, devils and Satan, himself.  I have returned to give you a brief glimpse of what I have seen and experienced since my departure so many years ago.


I will tell you of a tale that involves the most complex state of mind and being that I have ever experienced.  This place is run with the precision of what countries dream of and dictators wish for.  The cities are so large that you would find yourself in fear before you are turned loose to find your way amongst the lost.  The complications of Death are so difficult to navigate through that your wish for the deliverance of such a book that could be a guide while your alive here, will cause you to salivate, as if I was a juicy steak to ingest for my knowledge of the hereafter.   In between what is, and what will be, is an amount of time that passes that, Time itself, bows out of keeping. 

The despair in these places is not seen, or at least it was not found by me.  I did know it to exist though.  You will be engaging in a lifeless death to get the chance at becoming acceptable to the next everlasting move of the dead.  Life is only an extension of death into a dimension that is being tried for its longevity.  Using you to know how long a body can last in such an environment as this.  The study is growing and in all truth the excitement from below to take over this place is becoming what is called a reality.

Libraries of the Coarse

I was taught and I studied in the Libraries of the oldest beings that you will ever know.  As the years passed I learned to accept my surroundings and began to accept the hectic schedule of studying the languages and texts of Old.  As I began to see more clearly into the past histories of other Civilizations I began to see how much had been lost to ignorance and intolerance.  I grew to understand that it is what is tolerated that survives through Wars of the Celestial kind.  So, in an effort to balance God, I learned that what people have set out to destroy they saved.   The Christian has saved Satan and his entourage or cast of characters to balance the fear they love to impute upon you each day of your life.  As I began to view the old wars, of The Dark Lords, I began to know that our future here is certain,  we will War with the unknown in this life. This is made possible by the graceful move into death, which is where your life really begins to start.  There is no break in between these places; Life and Death.  You are not lost, buried or cremated, for it is your spirit of self that survives as you are or as you perceive yourself to be today.  You do not see yourself as old or wrinkled, fat or thin, you think of yourself as muscled and attractive, this is you, and who you become on the other side. It is still you, just a better version of yourself today, strong, long-lasting, fearless of what will be. This is a concept that you will begin to see and believe in, in this life, if you wish to have a feel for the other side.  For your death is only an invitation to choose a side this time. War is sadly, inevitable.  I choose the dark.

The prevailing winds from the past are blowing your memories and your reality of what you perceive death to be out the window of hate and intolerance for what may be from above.  God has passed. It is time for such an archaic thought of liberty, which is based on your deliverance to witness your impending death, seeking forgiveness for a life of sin in order to pass.  As I began to move into the study of Law,  I was introduced to the laws of the Jungle, of Nature, of Man, of the Dead, of Life and of Death itself.  It has complicated my mind with truth sometimes, and the study of such became very taxing at times. 

From the past I have learned that our future seems certain, but it is also uncertain in so many ways.  It is as if we are threatened by the mindless belief in a godless Universe.  Learning, that the blind belief itself is where  you find the greatest sight of what will be.  Counting on one hand how many times that such drama in War has taken place; caused me concern.  It is the lack of learning and study of past mistakes through both multiple lives or meditation of such, that I find a point of interest, at least for myself.  So much history seems to travel through with us when we are birthed in this place.  To be born with so much and then to turn from what is natural; remembrance. I found that the lack of character with Human Beings was indeed damning.

Remember, that it is what you cannot forget, that will be your total recall of yourself. No matter your adult view of religion or professed belief.  To remember, or to recall past lives, is nothing more than accepting that past lives may have happened, and just maybe, if your lucky, they happened to you.  To open your mind to such a belief is only exhibiting the freedom from within yourself to know that it is your own curiosity that delivers the truth of the matter, not your local religion.  As you begin to invite such a primitive belief (That has been lost to the ages) into your life you will enliven your very core with the excitement that you may have been here before.  As you look around at what you have seen for your entire life,  you will be filled with a new energy or internal excitement of relief.  Life will take on an entire new look and you will feel something amazing from within yourself and it will show to others. As you begin to glow with anticipation of what will be, could be or is, you will shine brighter and brighter with each new passing day.  Drinking in for the first time, colors, sunshine, the moon and the simple grandeur of the earth itself, you will realize that this is the beginning of understanding the end.  A peaceful, comforting thought to your heart and soul to envelope itself in. The excitement from such a moment delivers the temptation to believe in such a thing or an idea. Exhilarating, don't you think?  And that is just the tip of the iceberg. This is an idea of the concept thereof.  Now, just imagine what it is that you do not see or appreciate in your life today.  What is your reality?

Escape the mundane beliefs that religious zealots deliver to you. They restrict the belief in the very thing that you are meant to worship; God.  The God which Religions worship is meant to be a "Being" that is all powerful.  He is meant to be all consuming.  Open your mind to the unbelievable and then believe that he would not have wanted us to be bound by the our fellow man or peer.  To be bound by belief or to be bound by life itself is restrictive to thought and is boring.  If God created you in whole, then he would have known that it is in the questions that we continue to ask ourselves that delivers the most excitement to our lives.  For it is in the answer that is sought that we find continued life or enlightenment of such.  He would not have said to kill such dreams for fear it would steer you wrong.  No! We were born with free will, to discover our own paths, not be told that we must believe one certain way or experience burning in Hell as a punishment.  He is a just and fair God, so they say, not a domineering , damning, threatening and totalitarian being. Or, at least that was what I was taught in the Halls of the Unknown, but of coarse, Satan was the instructor that day, lol.

Forward motion

Monday, September 5, 2011

To Hell and back, to shoot God dead, Live

Back in the day where I fought death for my life.
I remember the ones who came to keep me in this scene.
Caught in between.

I can see the light,
Run, you will be blinded if you walk into what I saw.
I can hold the fight,
I will never go the way, popular or not.

I would rather be in this space,
then know that there is no race.
You will never know me, Rote!!
Memorize what I see.

Run and know that there is no place to go. 
Keep it tight, believe it all,
I was dead, Right? 
Get back, I'll scream,
 I'll hold my own court tonight. 

 I know, I see, I am!!
I don't need to do the things that you do.
  I can see this place as it is, is it life? 
 MY body lies there in front of me,
moving, fighting off those boys.

Years to know that it was cum drowning me.
All around my nose and mouth,
Can't breath, sucking air, through bubbling, thick, sticky stuff.

Keep your eyes open
Stare, Harder,
don't blink, they are on top of me.

Cold basement floor be my back.
Eyes open, teeth ready for..........
Look at them, DON'T FIGHT!!
Relax, deep breath, Hold, STARE...........

right yourself in your mind.
take note of myself on the ceiling,
look to see if I am there, Yes!!
Don't Run, just get louder.

Use your mind to control what is happening.
Look into the eyes of death and tell him to fuck himself.
Return to where you can look into the eyes of the abusers,
boys hard, entry is good, it is all over me, Stare, There Eyes.

Look at me, look into my eyes,
Fear be gone,
Horror no me not!!
Death is mine tonight.

Eyes settle into the deep blue of my steel blue eyes staring at you,
Rock your head back to gain the strength to know that hard on a moment ago.
Look back mother fucker,
Yes, our eyes meet yet again.

Let anger enhance you,
Let the pain of death go from me and enter you,
through nothing more than I am on the ceiling firing you into a space, It's to late.

Hard on gone,
floppy dick,
can't go in to the place that you found.
Push, shove, missed again.

Anger rise in me so that speech becomes the delivery of the devil's words himself.
Pitch my voice to be from where I have gone,
throw into the air an audible tone that makes the beings in Hell raise goose bumps on there leathery skin.
I command myself to be the one that commands myself and controls this room with no more than my being.

Waste the minds of the boys with the knowledge that I have split from myself.
May hate reign in this basement lair.
May I know your name,
remember your hate,
Know your anger  and use it all for myself.

Now know you are on top of me with a limp dick and laughter from the girl that you forced.
Raped and taken by the boys that wanted to fuck,
Fuck me now, Never, Your dick is limp.

With the knowledge of Death,
With the acceptance of my soul being sold,
Knowing that the words I carry to this world is wrong,
Curse me from the deepest Hell!!

I accept, nothing and I take more.
Command my mind to be free of mistake and give me the Wisdom to speak

Look at me, remove your body from mine.
Know that you have violated a child for money that cannot be payed in coin.
Dollars are charged from the depths of the record.
For death is not mine, but, life shall pass from me to know, accept and say,

I curse you to this land,
may your memory of this rape be in your genes and multiply in your cells.
May your children carry the memory of this time,
may it haunt all that you never do and may it be nothing that can be found, Until........

the day, the day is now.

Hello, it is I, the one who preached nothing but found,
I am alive,
I know your name,
I remember your face.
Do you feel me?
Do you see me?
Does your dick still perform to me?
My body fighting against your friends and you.
I cannot forget what has been done, raise that curse and know what you have done.

I am grown, I am alive, I am not your dream, your nightmare writes the script that rapes you of your past.
It is I, the one that you gang raped for the coins that were dropped in a tin coffee can.
Was it Folgers, or something Crystals?
Good enough or scary to think I will name you,
Out you, dick for dick, weakened by only a little girls steel like stare into your soul.

Robbing you of all you knew or could have to repent and find peace from this horror.
Hear the words, know the tone, for it is the devil's home from which I speak.
Fear inhabit the ones that violated my body and know that my name is of no consequence.

She is dead! fuck her again, she is warm.
The crowd grows to know the feeling of fucking the dead.
Thump, Thump, pump, pump, pump.
Hello, I am back!

Scream and ask God not,
I shot him dead while I was out for this horrid life he delivered to me

Hail only to the ones that surround you in this room,
may they know this ground.

Don't run, don't go, stay, yes,
climb on top, pull your pants down with one hand,
fight, never, look at my deep blue eyes, they blink.

Alive, fuck you, you will drop dead before I can spit,
say hello to no one that you know,
send my best to the court of the low,

Hello, NEXT!!!

You have done the things that make a grown man come to himself to only know that you are sons of such.  Falling to their knees, praying for what is no more, God, and no End to the horror of the sight of a little girl covered in cum. No Way Out!! Truth spouts...........but Dad, but Da.............just the run on of meaningless words to the sight of such a  girl caked in boys cum.

 I'll go to where they do not play, I will work through what I see, understand.........?What are you, you are neither dead, nor alive, you are the ones they speak of that come to take you to burn in the place that we will never live. I love you, take me now.

I left for the moment and now I have returned to testify to the account of my gang rape from the neighborhood boys, so, that two could have ice cream money.  Saying, "Dad did it, why can't we." "We'll charge like Mom should do."

May the pain be yours tonight.
I raise nothing more than the right to judge you for your crime against my body.
I say to you, remember me and know,
I hate because I cannot love.

This is the girl that stared you down,
in the basement of 815 Balboa Street,
San Francisco, California

Limp dick,