Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Do Not Speak!

To utter even one word may cause a person to smash your World.
A small and fragile state.

My Mind is a sensitive kind.

Never telling in full report,
the details of what haunts my Port.

Each and every word,
pours upon my wounds; It hurts.

I feel left inside a Storm.
Thrown the occasional Sail; It's torn.

One day I will sew my mend,
and understand that I can,
start again.

With my eyes I will shout my lore.
I cannot find, but cease my more.

Healing me,
while staying safe,
from those Nightmares that you state.

To Practice Difference Amongst Indifference Rewards All

Should you chose to think,
don't blink.

Write with a victorious theme!

Be active for what is correct,
not right.
For directions slow the pace of any good fight.

To know Oneself is paramount.

"To be,"

Strategically strong!!


Bow to know idol,
kneel to your Will.


Towards the North,
in the South,
find West,
and face the East.

The rising Sun.

Adventure in this Life,
lends to knowledge in the next.
Fear leads to old ones.

Be gradual, knot perpetual in any affair.

Intellectual Heir Of Mind

To be privy to what has passed,
is the simplicity of birth itself.

Turning from what is brought with you,
complicates this type of view.

The moment that reality bites upon your life,
shock occurs.

The further from this belief,
becomes what is not innocent relief.

Stalemate is nothing more,
than denial of what is.

Practicality and Reason can be,
more than what is actually seen.

Popularity often bleeds unnaturally,
the need or want to glean!!

The Action Affect

Look to the direction that comforts,
an old soul or new life!!

Beauty will be found,
should you chose to, stop.

Do not spread negativity of ill.
Be an individual that moves,
into the "Waves of Cheer."

Be kind with yourself,
not stealth.

Allow no distress to infect.
In this deed, you will not defect.

Planning life around such an idea,
will not cause you disdain,
but help ease the pain.

When the past creeps in on you,
clever is this flashback or two.

What to do?
Where to go?
You must relax and know the fall.

Gracious balance measures all!

Three Strikes You're Out

People do what they should not!
Speak of what!
They should shut-up.

Promising things they can't.
Changing Minds that seem to time,
with what is not relief,
rather caught inside of need.

More Money...
More time, I'll put it in.

Running across even more Men.
Cosmic force or lucky charm,
either way I'm what's about.
I can't or will not do,
give-up or place blame on You.

Whatever comes, 
it will be what may.
Either way I still "See,"
dangerous times of P.T.S.D.

It is harsh

With people scared of everything.
Who is to go and show "The Way,
or path to know; Get back someday.

All I see or need to know,
is why Upanishads left this show.

Belief in what is read each day,
comes so easily when you're dead.

Buried Past, comes to life this year,
December 21st, I hear.

What to do?
Where to run?
It's O.k., 'cause darkness counts too.

Erased the People who called this show,
interestingly, we don't know.
Will you search or ignore?
I guess it's time to sit and wait.

The Day of the Calendar,
Month and Year,
was written at this time.....

Centuries ago, they didn't "No,"
Christians burned them as heretics.

History says,
"there are Rings to shoot."
Should you make the first one through,
you should be able to stop what's coming.

Christians destroyed.
Now we don't know, it was timeless,
at least it was presented so.

Turns out what they burned,
was important and is coming soon, anyway.
What they had seen and did not understand,
were Barbarians in their "Training Land." we are told.

To bad for us that religion blows,
all the things that come from below.

or, says, "They do."

One day soon,
the innocence of such a thing,
belief will be lost,
'cause Religion Deems.

The Innocent wrong.

Back in the day when Christians ruled,
what they thought was the Earth,
if you were a Witch or accused of such,
the test of....

....put the wench on that plank.
Should she not drown, a witch for certain,
mark her as such.....A/
If, she is clean in Heart and Soul,
abolish her, we'll never know,
for she shall drown and innocence will show.

Wow, the wielding of justice is sort of deadly, still.

How many Millennia until this practice of such madness stopped?
I wonder,
if men do ever spend the time it takes to think...

"she stayed"
and we burned her at the stake anyway.

Regardless of your guilt,
of the Christian crime, of what?
"I really don't know."
'Cause all the thumbs were up, when they were going down.

I often know that I am grateful,
of this Time in years.

2012, I don't fear.
For neither can you do these things,
nor can you put me in the ground or simply say,

She has got to go.

No one can put a brand upon my chest,
to show the witches mark or evidential so.

So, Stand, "I do."
Free of You.
Knowing all I see in History is violence towards my sort of thing.

I am not a Witch.

Abolish what has been,
for I believe it may be "Sin."

Therefore I count each and everyone,
just in case when I die, I'm asked,
"Did you try? Did you do? Did you say, everything?"

Triangulation ~ Stop The Sibling Bullying !! Addresing My Sibling, the fourth one.

"There was an order to the madness of the Golden Child in the Family. Here is a picture of the first, literally."
She went to Julliard!

First Family Photo 

"Our Mother" as you so eloquently screamed at me, had a life before You and before Me.

"I never did match, but at least I knew that."


You have Three Siblings that stood, alone, long before you arrived. 
Don't be so stupid and assume that old
 "tricks to the trade" 
are not the ones used today. 

 I know how much you hate this photo. Maybe someday you will tell me why, or deal with the hatred yourself.

 Stupidity Rings On

Stop your self-appeal,
of nothing more than you won't heal.
You are counted, I've been numbered.

What is your plea?
I do, "no."

Argue not with me.
I get along with "I."
Mother Nature pulled me through,
to never be untrue.

I owe to her all I am.
She guides me and could show you too.
By design I have a man,
a Twin Soul, it's kind of cool.

No wonderment or chase,
to take an others place,
in this World or in the next,
doing this will only cause, you,
to lose face.

A Planetary Verse!
I see nobody nurse,
back to health the one's that need.

Oh look!!
It's P.T.S.D.

Traumatic was the life, "You See?"
The War of Life's wrong to be,
so destructive, so in need.

I hear these songs, so I go on.
I did change sides,
 that time is long..... 

Should you hear this rumor, too.
Don't jump from places that are so near.
Anyone who will believe,
knows that absolutely everyone bleeds.

Mankind, does not ask "Why?'
Just accepts; Step's aside.

Maybe there will be a day,
that you realize and just won't play.



Triangulation is another trick of Narcissistic Mothers.

It involves creating a situation where two people, e.g. two siblings, do not relate directly to each other, but mostly relate via the mother.
This triangulation gives the mother lots of power, of course, and means that she controls the flow of information, the interpretation of that information, and the nuances of it.

It also means that she gets lots of Narcissistic Supply from it because everybody is relating to her, rather than to each other and cutting her out of the loop.

It can be easy to put siblings into a triangulation situation. She has possibly already divided them by making one a Golden Child and the other a Scapegoat.

She'll say things like, "Oh, your sister was asking how you were. I told her you were fine, but that Jimmy's having trouble in school." 

And you, well-trained, might say, "That's nice of her to ask after me - do tell her I was asking after her."

In addition;

It's very common for Narcissistic Mothers to have a Golden Child / Scapegoat dynamic going on.
In short, one child in the family is the Golden Child, and one or more is the Scapegoat.
The Golden Child, as the name suggests, is the best and most wonderful - at least in the eyes of the Narcissistic Mother. It seems to be that the Narcissistic Mother picks the Golden Child to be an extension of herself, onto whom she projects all her own supposed wonderfulness.
The Golden Child can do no wrong. He or she gets given the best of everything - even apartments or houses bought for them. Their most minor achievements are celebrated and held up for admiration. 

The Scapegoat on the other hand is, also as the name suggests, the person on whom all the ills of the family are projected. They can do no right. Their major achievements are dismissed. Any money spent on them is the bare minimum and is spent begrudgingly.

This, of course, leads to friction between the children, which suits the Narcissistic Mother. Divide and conquer and all that, and lots of opportunities for Triangulation. Indeed, the Golden Child can be encouraged, either overtly or tacitly, by the Narcissistic Mother, to bully the Scapegoat which adds to the friction.

I'd go so far as to venture that, if you're reading this, you were more likely to have been the Scapegoat than the Golden Child.

This is because, contrary to the way it felt growing up, the Scapegoat is actually the lucky one! (I mean relatively lucky, of course. No child of a narcissistic mother can be ever described as being lucky.)

The Golden Child can end up very engulfed by the Narcissistic Mother, and her life can end up being emmeshed in hers too. She may well grow without proper boundaries and proper self-identity. She is likely to remain, either forever or for a long time, as a puppet of the Narcissistic Mother.

The Scapegoat on the other hand, is the independent one. She's the one who's driven to seek answers and who may well realize about NPD. She's the one who can break free from the unhealthy dynamics of the family and create a healthy life.
She really is the lucky one at the end. 

Here is a long, but absolutely excellent, essay, which was written for this site (by forum member Light (whose excellent site Lights's House, about all the different PDs is absolutely worth visiting) about the Scapegoat:

The Scapegoat

Narcissists are master projectors. No-one is better at looking directly at a person and seeing not who that person is, but who they wish for them to be. When a narcissistic mother looks at her child, she is capable of seeing many things: a source of narcissistic supply, an impediment to her lust for power, the inconvenience of a child’s feelings and needs, a string of intolerable annoyances, unwanted limitations, and a myriad of other possibilities. But never the actual child.

In a narcissist’s family, dysfunctional roles are the norm, and narcissistic mothers are always the producers, directors, and casting agents for the entire production. Children are assigned roles to play long before they are old enough to resist them, and grow up within the confines of these limitations, knowing nothing different exists anywhere. It is typical of parents with personality disorders to select at least one “Golden Child”, who can do no wrong, and at least one Scapegoat, who can do no right.

When deciding (unconsciously) what child will play each role, the narcissistic mother weighs her options on a deep, intuitive level. Which child is the most sensitive? Which child reminds her of a hated parent, or the ex-spouse who stood up to her, or something within herself she cannot accept? Which one asks more of her, either intentionally, or by way of circumstance? Which child expresses unhappiness more often about the unbearable situations the narcissistic mother creates? Which one is more vulnerable, or more outspoken? In short, which child bothers her the most?

This child will be made her Scapegoat.

This Scapegoat will ultimately be made to carry the lion’s share of the family’s blame, shame, anger, and rejection so the rest can more easily retain their patterns of dysfunction. This child will always and forever be the one who is not good enough, even when she excels at something – indeed, especially when she excels. This child will endure more put-downs, sideways remarks and behind-the-back betrayals than the rest of the family put together. This child will endure the wear and tear of the family’s dysfunction in a way that will enable the others to continue looking good despite the family’s toxicity. 

Because the narcissist cannot accept her faults, she spends her days trying to convince herself that everything she does is perfect. When her personality disorder causes distress within her family, and her children’s issues begin to reflect this, the narcissistic mother is forced to make a choice. She must either acknowledge that she is making mistakes that are affecting her children negatively, or she must try to convince herself and others that the problems are coming not from her, but another source. And the latter is the option the narcissist always and unfailingly selects. In her mind, by blaming another, she absolves herself of any wrongdoing, and she can continue to believe - and strive to convince others - that she is in fact, perfect. But she must first have someone to blame.

Enter the Scapegoat…

The Scapegoat is the one who assuages the narcissistic mother’s (and ultimately, the whole family’s) guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy. The Scapegoat is the shock absorber, the buffer against the harsh reality that there is something wrong with the family picture altogether – the trash bin into which all unwanted matter is cast. The Scapegoat role facilitates the existence of family denial. The narcissistic mother teaches her non-scapegoat children to accept and support the scapegoating of a given child by affirming and rewarding those children’s perceptions that whenever anything is wrong, it is to be the Scapegoat’s fault. Children adapt quickly to these roles, and learn readily that if they do not want to be responsible for something, they need only turn to the Scapegoat, whose case will never be sufficiently or properly heard, and whose “guilt” is so readily welcomed. Once the other family members have mastered this approach, they are much freer to do otherwise objectionable things without suffering negative consequences.

For a defenceless child made to play scapegoat, the burdens of being labeled “bad” no matter what she does are heavy. She soon learns she cannot win; there is no sense struggling to improve her family’s opinion of her, because that simply cannot be allowed to occur. (This is the point of hopelessness at which some Scapegoats begin playing the role of “bad seed”, because her failures will be rewarded, whether consciously or unconsciously.) In fact, commonly, the more the Scapegoat behaves and performs well, the more severely she is oppressed, because doing well threatens the mother’s labeling of the child as bad. This causes the narcissistic mother psychological distress, because it suggests that her belief is wrong, and for a narcissist, the thought of entertaining this possibility is completely intolerable.

In a desperate attempt to reduce her mother’s active oppression and derision, the Scapegoat succumbs to the roles of underachiever, troubled one, loser, black sheep or troublemaker. This presents the mother with exactly what her mental illness is making her feel she must have – an external object upon which to place blame - so that she can continue the reassuring fantasy that there is nothing wrong with her self or her family on the whole.

For the Scapegoat, there will be disregard and/or punishment for doing well and a “reward” of a little less overt abuse or even occasional expressions of support if she fails to thrive and accepts her role. Many Scapegoats have reported that the only time they felt their mother supported them (if at all) was when the supportive act fostered and reinforced the scapegoats’ inferiority, dysfunction or weakness. In an effort to alleviate to some degree the distress of her narcissistic mother’s wrath, the Scapegoat eventually gives in and agrees with the family’s assessment of her as inferior and worthy of blame. She internalises the belief that she is inherently bad, worthless, and defective, and believes that everyone she contacts can clearly see this and will reject her as completely her family does. She will bring the telltale signs of deep inferiority with her to the playground, to school, to the workplace, and into her community and relationships.

Commonly, because the Scapegoat’s psyche is weighed down with the burden of an overwhelming sense of immutable inferiority, her early behaviour, mannerisms, habits, speech, and even her posture will bear the unmistakable mark of a bedraggled victim, crippled with shame and guilt. She is the one who cannot speak up, and this is immediately obvious to everyone with whom she comes into contact. Having plenty of experience in the role of scapegoat, she is the perfect target for abusive behaviour. She is the one others intuitively know will not fight back. She is the easy target – the pushover - the dupe. She will be become the outcast, the bullied one, the marginalised loner, the routinely punished trouble-maker or the laughingstock.

The Scapegoat is accustomed to accepting blame for interpersonal problems, and she has been diligently conditioned to believe that if only SHE could do better, the challenges facing relationships in which she takes part would dissolve. Despite the fact that this is an unattainable state, she has only her family patterns to use as a template for her adult relationships, and she easily tolerates partners who are emotionally irresponsible and expect her to bear too many obligations or who give her the message that any difficulties are inordinately her fault.

It is not uncommon for a Scapegoat to play a similar role in the workplace as well. Just as children can detect who among them is a vulnerable target for blame and ostracism, adults do the same. The Scapegoat may find herself underpaid and overworked more than her co-workers, left out of the picture during office functions, blamed for departmental failures, and overlooked for deserved promotions and commendations. Though the quality of her work may often be far superior to her co-workers’, she is not likely to be chosen to participate in the big presentation or serve as a team leader, and her employee evaluations will reflect supervisors’ willingness to criticize her more harshly than others. She will be overlooked at best, fired at worst.

While children, some Scapegoats respond to the no-win situations they’ve been handed by developing destructive, defiant or offensive behaviour patterns. This can create serious difficulties at school and work, as well as the community overall. Scapegoats trapped in the “bad seed” role may find themselves experiencing repeated reprimands and firings from places of employment. If a Scapegoat has developed a habit of getting herself into trouble, her difficulties with work and relationships are more likely to take the form of conflicts and offenses related to issues such as rebelliousness and unproductive or destructive behaviors.

Despite some variations in the way role manifests, the Scapegoat never fits in comfortably, and is largely looked down upon or rejected, no matter the vehicle or reasons given (real or imagined) for such marginalization.

Scapegoats typically seek far more psychotherapy than any other family member. A Scapegoat is deeply accustomed to thinking that things would be fine if only she weren’t inherently defective and unworthy, and this often leads her to a therapist’s office. (By contrast, narcissists can be defined almost solely by their unwillingness to seek genuine therapy.)

The Scapegoat typically considers her failings to be the central reasons her partner has been insensitive, her boss has cheated her out of a raise, and her siblings talk down to her. She is uncomfortable at school, at work, and in social situations, because she believes she is inferior. Much of this thinking invites scenarios of self-fulfilling prophecies, making it more difficult for her to see that she can reverse the patterns of mistreatment resulting from her observable insecurities and sense of inferiority. She blames herself, as she has been taught to. This often leads her into therapy, where she may discover the real reason for her mistreatment in adulthood. After all, it is not her supposed inferiority that leads her into situations where she is denigrated, reinforcing her feelings of inadequacy, but the palpable bearing of her family’s shame and rejection. She has not been overlooked and mistreated because she truly is inferior to others. This has happened because she has believed the lie that she is lacking, and she has behaved accordingly, which makes her an all-too easy target.

Until the scapegoat is able to extricate herself from the lie that she is inherently bad, guilty and wrong, she will struggle. She will attract the wrong people, she will fail to reach her potential, and she will be her own worst enemy. The degree to which she is able to realize that she is mistreated not because she is inherently inferior, but because she is sending messages of vulnerability, is the degree to which she will determine the quality of her future.

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