Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Chill In The Verse Of A Streaming Sage

Sizing You up to decide your worth,
You are eyed for all things Perverse.
The Monsters that You state are Clean,
I say, " The Christian Religion is really mean."
needing a Fall Guy for everything.

Looking at You to be the next source of  their Narcissistic Energy,
that drives the very next Question to be the Answer You need.
The debate I have witnessed as they read,
making you wish you had their Personalities. 

As this dance that turns to offer You the chance,
You never leave this Lurid Romance because You don't believe that this is an advance,
upon Your very living being,
to take Your Soul and all Your things.

You might believe this horror rehearsed.
Have Faith in what gives this thought:
It's worse.

Not only do these Monsters dress,
but they also often put to the test,
upon the offspring that does protest.
I only stand witness 'cause I'm not deaf.

My Life they did so often project,
these deeds of wretched abuse, a debt,
as I watched and You did witness,
turned your heads to leave instead,
I have come to believe that inside, You're dead.

A Question I Ask albeit "Of past,"
Who didn't get a piece of my ass?

It seems that my family, these Monsters You need,
are not shocked by these words that I express.
It makes me know that it's not Who Knew?,
but rather to come to believe, Who didn't?.

For I was the Daughter of Satan's birth,
made to bear a long and lasting curse.
The receptacle for all that is perverse,
this is what my life has nursed.

But in the end I'll do what's best,
I'll tell the truth and put that to test,
to be what You were not for me,
honest about this tragedy.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

A Craigslist Post, Advertising Exorcisms In The Bay Area

Actual Advertisement on:
Craigslist Link ~

Deliverance Exorcism San Francisco Bay Area


You really have to read it to believe it.

My thoughts on the subject.

Just when you think that you will never see this type of Abuse again, there it is in Black & White and plain as day.  The actual site is an insight into the insanity that Christianity breeds amongst it's own.  In reality it is really sad to think about how many of these I personally lived through growing up in a home where they also believed in taking these type of actions and worse.  People lose their lives during this type of abuse, sadly I witnessed that too.  And nobody did anything about it.  I have lived with this nightmare for as long as I can remember, I bear witness to what has happened behind the closed doors of a home, that I was born and raised in where the readily performed Exorcisms with many Congregation Members helping to pin the person down. It is not a joke when this is done in front you or to you. Maybe one day soon, people will realize that for themselves, before this gets worse and more out of control than it already is today.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Building Back Ourselves

I am alone, I do know this.
I have been this from Exist.
I tried to share, be part of:
but, in this place, I found no love.

Be true to self, find your bid.
You are so rich, when just a kid.
Imagination of what will be.
Just you wait, and ponder thee.

A step is what you take each day.
Don't you hurry, you may cause furry.
Believe in what you wish to know.
And, you'll find your way to go.

Things will happen, Earth does shake.
But inside yourself is where the Quake.
May tear you up or you might break.
Just remember to sit down.

One day will come and another may go.
Just find sure footing before you know,
where is safe, where to shake.

It is alright to be alone.
This may be a comfort zone.
Maybe my Soul is very old.
And, I have a need just to be......

not silent, but, pensive in degree.
So that I do not miss anything.
Awareness of Spirituality,
is acknowledgement of everything.

A Twin Soul is one thing.
But, the loss of such comes painfully.
Do you believe in just what's been?
Or do you have faith in what you See?

The World is a playing field.
To work out our truths and to see what's real.
Being healthy with yourself,
is a way to purpose wealth.

A Promise made within your being,
really counts with what I've seen.
My Twin Soul will walk his path,
should we meet, it would be neat,
but if we don't, it's meant to be.

Know Life!!!
It never ceases to surprise!!

Why doubt what you wish for yourself inside?
Why not hope for a Fairy Tale come true?

Change seems to be upon this Earth.
And, I do not believe it's Church!!
Agreements to manage Cultural Change,
makes it so we can Continue,
in what so many have declared the End.

 Of Times, that is.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Secrets Revealed At A Snails Pace

What haunts my head with dread,
I often said instead...


Silence paved my Life,
to alleviate my Strife....


Then one day it did begin,
the pain began and did not end...

reflective thought!!

So now I speak about the sins,
that I lived through here...


Flashbacks went live upon one day,
I found I could not run away...

a stay.

Grasping onto no one,
I walked the flashback through.

I am a life,
I'm not an it,
I'm standing here with you.....

I'm Alive!!

Friday, October 26, 2012

When Do You Attain Justice For Being Raped and Suffocated As a Child? Now Sounds Good.


The Cult!!  The Occult!!
It does not matter,
I was raped and this I hate,
left at night like I was bait.

My Mother did protest,
on this day I said what's best,
Tam danced around the bed as Ed,
stood in the arms and then she said,

"You made this up, it's in your head, you dirty girl"

Do you remember?

Of Course you do, 
why wouldn't you.
Our Mother embracing both of you,
as I stared back, I just felt.....

I stood across that room,
do you recall I did not ball?
I did not fall, just leaned against that fucking wall?

Do you remember how I made you stop,
doing what you said you're not?

You would come into my bed,
Tam just rolled over and turned her head,
and then I finally said,

"I know where the knives are now and I now know, You sleep TOO."

Are you feeling DREAD??

Leaping off I stared at you,
hatred must just eat you through,
as I breath and OUT all you,
no longer can you go that DAY or TWO,
before you mount me once again,
in the basement you'd begin,
 to suffocate me so I would die,
to ensure the secrecy of this Lie.

Do you remember way back then?

Put a hand over my mouth,
pinched my nose, I flung about,
moved your weight, I could not shout,
your Eyes did speak,
my Death you'd shout.

You tried so many times to kill me,
take my breath away from me,
aren't you ill from these memories?
Don't you remember this sin upon me?
all at 815.

I think back to the day I stood,
looked at you and laughed,

"You're stupid, I've been holding my breath, you know, breathing shallowly!"

That's why I live, that's why I survive,
I'd walk upstairs and right on by,
as you would look at me and wonder,
how I came back, it made you thunder.


Do you remember your Anger too?

What could I say, with eyes that way,
psychotic stares had gone that day,
you waited too long to walk away,
just leaving me dead
it's why I fled.

Today I scream to whom shall see,


 I don't hate you for that would be,
just to easy I rage you see,
'cause what you did was wrong for me.

Do you remember what you did to Me?

I do.

Do you remember Tam and You?
You almost fucked, I guess it's true,
'cause you both confessed independently.

I wish you had,
albeit bad,
and left me out of what's so sad.

You would come into my room,
climb on top and then assume,
that somehow the sheets made this O.K.,
as you fucked me away. 

I still sway.

Don't worry yourself though,
Mom still supports you and yours,
so as you remember and I forget,
the way you felt inside myself,
I answer, not being stealth,
all of you are so unwell.


I could not figure out how to get my brother to stop what he was doing to me at night. He would appear from nowhere, waking me from a dead sleep. I had no real chance to fight him off.  At least during the day I was awake and could see this nightmare coming at me.  I could run, I could hide, I could fight before they were able to overtake me by sheer numbers.  The only way that I knew or I guess figured out to get the boys to stop raping me, was to either get the thing (their dick) not to work or just to cut it off.  It was the second thing that I had told my brother I would do if he didn't stop attacking me at night.  It was this statement that caused him such horror.  It takes some time to realize but I did, he sleeps too.

I told him that he had a problem and that I was going to take care of it for him, "I'll just cut it off" and then we won't have to worry about it anymore, I never worried again about him, that was The End for him.

THIS TIME, I pine....

To ponder upon our lives before,
I often see such a war,
within this I do deplore,
the treatment of this and more!!

Closed Minds, A Hurried Thought,
brings about what seems is taught.
Negativity, Disbelief, Sentences of..

"Prove it to Me!"

What State of Mind do you find,
the Hopeless Faith that is not mine,
surrounding all, to only bind,
what you say that we must find?

Efforts to disclose to You,
so many times, Why bother too?
Show you what needs no proof,
your Malignancy!! You are Aloof.

No reason for such a declare,
you are full of just hot air.
Blowing-Up or blowing there,
Yelling, only blare.

For this I state that you did rape,
the Minds of Men, the young and then,
turned aside to simply say,
"It's alright  there is no tape."

As I recall from whence I'm small,
I'll keep track and when I'm tall,
take you to task for it all,
telling people as I ball.

Instead I've found that I do speak,
in Riddles I find I am not meek,
for in this verse I do seek,
the answers to out the crimes.

To Tell of Times that never rhymed,
I only Scream, my Silent Shrine,
to what is recalled between all these lines.

In this Life I find, I pine,
for nothing more than what is mine,
Freedom, Liberty and Peace of Mind,
the Purchase of Sublime!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I Thought, Acted, And Thereupon Found Myself Removed From This Job Of, "Forgive & Forget."

"Do not fight with that which you are faced with.
Accept that it is their responsibility.

Stand down!

Object to your internal draw to fight in the wrong War.
Allow the battle to be on the field of their guilt, not our innocence.

Forgive not yourself for an unknown crime.

Declare only your despair, 
your anger, your disappointment and sadness
to the lack of defense which was never offered.

Stand Proud,
no matter your beginning.
Feel the breeze of what will calm yourself to educate your young.

Do Not Repeat.

Be Free!

Discriminate against what will damage the innocent.

Freedom is found before our birth.
It is the bondage upon this Earth where we learn
 to be that which we have already chosen not to be.
Stick to your guns!!

Be Clear With Yourself.

Stand across from that which you should not forgive.
For it is their jobs to do for themselves, not us!

Be free of condemnation and know
 you are innocent of the guilt of Centuries of such Crimes.


For one day, with a little luck,
we shall be again, maybe meet,
 be able to find the strength to love once more.

Be True"


Saturday, October 20, 2012

To Be That Which You Could Never Calculate As The Measure Of Your Dealings With..... Satan Himself!!!!!! ME, your nemesis speaks!!!!!!!!!

Give me back what he gave,


My HATE rages for YOU!!

and for that,
I am Overdue.

So Mother dearest,
you may be you,
but in ME,
KNOW him.

Anton Lavey and You,
the Tell-All came from,
your oldest daughter,

I am the epitome of that which YOU hate,
a living and free being.

I am the child of your Lover!!!

So Take and Take,
but you have thrown away the Girl which you were so clever to bake.

the result of another,

Upon my birth,
on this Earth,
I was chosen to be,
the manipulated one by all of thee.

You cowardly, fucking whore.

There is always more!!

I hate you,
For all of your Lies!
For what you have done!

Not to my life,
I can run.

But you have destroyed so many lives,
for no other reason,
than, you can.

Twin Souls Fuel The Fire That Burns The Eternal Flame Within Us All!! My Resolve......

You either know or you don't!  Don't Lie to yourself but ask, "Why?"  Fortune may have smiled on you long ago, never splitting your Eternal Soul.  Instead you were blessed by just simply doing your best.

In this thought I would not rest, for maybe your best wasn't good enough, just maybe, it's better!!

Ancient Verse often read of Times where many people said, "There are many different ways or paths to Home, do you know the place to roam?"  I would listen to these stories echoing in times of glory.  The Vocal tone, notes from Home.

In this strange and lurid poem I gently state, "don't go away, this can't be a faithless stay."  To believe in more will lend you Credence, Hope and Glee to be exactly who you're meant to be, not emulate or lie upon your bended knee.

It is not what you know it is what you teach.  Either Ignorance and Stupidity will be your Lead, or, Faith will become your Spirituality.  The Voice foregone, an old and long past song.

I survive a family throng to tell my story, not their wrongs.  In this I state implicitly, I was before, I am of a War, an Orphan from a Time of .......

Alone for all Time and what seems like more, I say to you that I am here to do what I must to just get through.

Yet, in this Life so filled with strife, I've been orphaned for a meaningless chore!!  Narcissistic Energy, a Scapegoat, a Whore!!  I'm meant to produce but I quit.  To further Gas my Family so that they may reduce even more Human Beings  to this "Job" of the Blues it made me stop to say, "There has got to be Rules!"

Of Course, in this day and in this Age, it seems that most have gone astray and left you, in play.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Nothing Is Accepted, Until We Speak Of What Was, So That It Will Not Happen Again!! A Public Review!!

I have been blamed,  
shamed, shunned and finally ostracized when I was so young,
that there is no possibility for me to be guilty of anything other than,
Innocence Itself.

With purpose and with malevolence,
even my oldest told me so long ago,
...they don't have anything on you though.

I said,
"I know."

I have experienced the reprehensible,
from a family stating,
they have Principles.

But where did their Morals go?
Practicing behind closed doors so,

they can perform exorcisms to cast demons out of you!
Claiming authority to know "IF" you have truly received the lord and "IF" you have repented for your sins!
Developing Covens of Thirteen!
Speaking in tongues, a language that only they can translate into understanding!

Is it Wicca?...  Is it Witchcraft?.... Is it Christianity?...
...or, is it all just made up as they go along?

This Family from which I know I can't be from,
I accept what they have done.


It made me run,
kept me alive and made me realize,

it is "I" that am Free from all of You,
it is You that is not free of me.

In this I "See"!

I still speak of these atrocities,
this is not based on generosity.

I bear witness for those that are not with us,
because their DEAD,
this is not in my head.

In their stead,
 I state what I have already said,
as a blogger who has yet to feel the heat of your lead.

I Report your Smoking Gun!!

I raise my sword,
as voice of MAD.
Stand and dual,
for this child is due!!

The toll of indifference,
a price you cannot pay.
Afford your neglect?
For severity will come,
I bet.

Watch the exorcism,
listen to my mind as it screamed at three and four and five more.
Terror resides inside of me.
Death or life?
Slight of hand.

Apologies will not stop me,

Treachery is afoot.
It's mine,
and I do stand.

Oh Dear Mother.
Do you see my nightmare,
can you finally hear me?
A little girl,
you left for Dead.

Fuck your EXORCISM!!

You were just a bad decision.
Let us share the nightmare,
now we are working with sad.

My mind still sees,
your exposure and all you need,
narcissistic energy is not me,
I am only a malignancy,
you told me to be.

I am running so quick,
don't be scared I'm about.
I am coming for all of you,
remind me of why you hide,
from all of these lies?

Oh yea!
Because in very real life,
you performed an exorcism at three,
I still remember the scream....
are you listening?

“There is a beast in man that needs to be exercised, not exorcised.”
~ Anton LaVey ~

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Even The Best Laid Plans Fall Apart..... but, what if......?

(an excerpt from "To the Stars! To be Blunt but never to be Alone and without a Dream of Magic and "You" as my Home!!")

"How does "One" find an other person in this World today?
With Millions of people circulating about,
do you think that you just randomly run into each to other?
What if you don't?
What if you still feel this incredible pull but can't grasp onto what it may be?

So, if this happened and by a certain age you knew you missed your mate.
One "Twin Soul" might go towards the World Stage,
while the other got very quiet and started to listen for his call.
Could it be a Plan?

Life is a Gamble!!
The bets are high and always certainly against,
meeting your mate, let alone a "Twin Soul."
For we are few and far between,
yet we stream.

You sing, what I write!!
That is more than coincidence,
it is Fate!!

Don't get lost now,
especially in what you say you hate.
Fame and Fortune, the result thereof.

Just in case.
If I never meet you, I will see you in the Stars!
I've seen your picture,
I know your voice,
I see you in my "Mind's Eye."
But, mostly,
I feel your presence and that I'll never forget,
even when I get old.

Much Love,
through Eternity."

My Truth Is Not Your Dare. I Actual Lived There!

At a very young age, I stared at my Mother.  I realized in less than a breath, we were the same and I did not want to be.  What separated us on that very night, has kept us at bay for the entirety of my life.  The disbelief of what I saw them do, still disturbs my mind today.  I simply am aware of another kind.  Cruel, without sympathy, no conscious  never accountable and somehow, always right, I stared at this woman on that night, I asked myself nothing, I told myself everything.  One in the same, Ditto, a personal Ident of me, that is what I am looking at, an admission of total and absolute honesty.  In recognition of this brutal fact, I decided before I could know, it had to have been animal instinct that took over, a survival skill afforded me in a family that I was not meant to survive, I decided to do the opposite of everything that I saw my Mother do, from that day forward. She is what I never want to be, I thought to myself.  She is, to me, a horrible Human Being!  I would rather be "an it," "a thing," "the spawn of satan," "the daughter of the devil himself," I would rather be everything they are calling me, than to be what I see in front of me and to do what I have witnessed them doing.  I decided while in a trance of complete horror, at that which had just been done directly in front of me, that I just don't agree.  I don't believe that taking a life is right.  This is not correct for me.  Inside of this moment of grief and terror, I bare this fragment of bitter truth and coarse reality.  She was wrong to do what she had done, I did not run, I was still within my very core, for Fear could be no more than this scene was to me.  With a remembrance that shall end up being my deliverance from this life of terror and horror, I recount in written form a memory based on reality. It's not a movie, 'cause I'm not dead yet.  The bitter truth of this World, is your blindness to it.

Looking into the eyes of no one,
realizing that I was alone,
in thought, 
in action,
and subsequently would be in life itself.
I made a decision and I was not stealth.
I will do the opposite of everything I see her do,
I will be what she is not to me,
accountable for all I see.

In this,
I will find my own personal liberty.

It is wrong to take a life,
it can't be right,
no matter the strife that you may have felt on that night.

Be it psychological, 
be it metaphorical, 
be it physical,
be it suicide,
there is no justice for the dead in such a heinous act.

With nothing more than a reactive state of mind,
I decided and I had realized,
I am her, but I cannot be what I see,
for in that, I abhor, what seems a chore, for even more.

What will I do?
I am a witness to you.
My life is forced into do?

In an instant I was,
and could not be,
what I see,
it terrorized me.

I was numb with what was there in plain sight,
for me to have to end up to be at night.

I knew I was right,
to do what was wrong.
Deny the Family Throng!

I try to face the Nightmares,
they take me back to Day-mares,
each night I rack my brain,
I try not to complain,
the memories are just so insane,
reminding me of why I am so drained.

The Daylight hours wane,
I spend most of them in vain,
desperately trying to beat the disdain,
so that I may remain to bare witness to whom has claimed,
they are Ordained.

Why?, Oh Why?,
must People still be,
beating Me for what I have seen?

It's all those fucking memories,
I know that they are key,
I speak with honesty.

I know with absolute certainty,
I have bore witness to atrocities,
of which few believe.

Never asked,
only blamed,
told to feel only shame,
for the deeds of which no one will explain.

I am startled by Humanity,
and it's lack of inquiry into this family.
The years have proven,
that nobody cares for anyone out there.

Children are DEAD!!
And yet you have said,
"Prove it, it's all in your head."

No need,
you speak for me,
the ignorant still believe.

That's O.K. with Me,
for the fool is an idiot on reprieve.
And I am the survivor of all of thee.

I need to dream,
because of all I have seen.
My reality is obscene,
and proves to be really mean.

I can't speak on what I have never seen.
Anyone stand against my Family.
It has always only been Me.

My Truth is no Dare,
just despair speaking to whom might care,

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

As A Daughter Of A Malignant Narcissistic Mother

.....  as my siblings and my mother along with her current Husband and others support this victimization of late, I found this article that states my feelings...

Depth of Narcissistic Abuse is Devastating

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Victims of narcissistic abuse--spouses, children, siblings--so often feel that they are not being heard despite all they have suffered over many years. I often read and hear the refrain: "They don't get it." They are saying that other people even in their own families do  not understand the depth and malevolent cruelties that have been perpetrated on to them. When the narcissistic mother, father, sister, brother, in-law is in a public venue, even in the family home, he is acting like a prince--very well mannered, at your service, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. This is the external burnished image that the false self narcissist has perfected. Most people believe that this is the real person. It is definitely not. Behind closed doors when others are not watching, the real monstrous aspects of the core of this personality disorder are revealed. They are horrendous--screaming fits that never stop, intimidation and accusations that set your ears rings, humiliations that make you want to hide in a corner and never leave, threats that are believably horrific "I will leave you with nothing; you will end up on the street. I will ruin you professionally and personally. I am just the person who can and will do this to you." Hearing this and sustaining these bombardments every day is intolerable to the victim.

Never underestimate the psychological, emotional and financial damage a narcissist will do. If you continue to take this abuse, remind yourself that it is wearing you down, that you don't deserve it, that the image of a "perfect family" doesn't mean anything next to the truth----You are being victimized by a seriously disturbed narcissistic personality disorder. Learn to put yourself and your welfare (and that of your children if you have them) first."

You Cannot Trust Your Narcissistic Relatives
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"..when we grow up in a family of narcissists. If you were raised in this type of pathological family constellation, you knew early that your mother, father, siblings, etc. were not on your side. You knew that you would be betrayed if you dared to share confidences with them.

Your siblings were highly competitive against you. These young narcissists saw you as weak and inferior and treated you in kind. There are innumerable life stories of brutal childhoods that the victims of narcissistic family members endure." 

Narcissist's Cycles of Revenge

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"The world of revenge is dark and murky. It is enmeshed with secrets, of plots to destroy another by revealing private information that will injure another human being, psychologically and emotionally. Narcissistic revenge can become very ugly..."

The narcissist will never change and is likely to continue delusional cycles of revenge until he or she finds another opponent."

Narcissists......Ravenous Exploiters
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Winning is defined as defeating competitors at any cost, discarding those who have fallen on tough times (Narcissists blame those who through no fault of their own have not been able to "make it")  manipulating those who are emotionally vulnerable. Narcissists are seamless performers. They appear to care about you and they are believable with their chronic lying. Their plan is to exploit you and your gifts, contacts and creative ideas. When they have squeezed the most they need for their satisfaction, you are discarded. This occurs whether you have known them for months, years or decades. There is always a time certain when you will be sent into the darkness alone unless you are fulfilling some essential selfish need that they have. Narcissists don't have real relationships. They view you as a commodity and determine your value."

Covert Narcissists....Doing their Dirty Work in Secret

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Covert narcissists are very sneaky. They get as much inside personal information they can about
you.. They put this in their back pocket so they can use it on you later when they decide to make a power move and wipe you out. They thread themselves closer and closer into your life. This happens in many romantic relationships. The CV has done some research and realizes quickly that you are a great catch---short or long range--a week, a month or even a marriage. Coverts like to see their plans become successful. This is all done deliberately."

Narcissistic Mother's Corrosive Envy of Their Daughters
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"The homes of these daughters become prisons--at times a form of solitary confinement.

"When daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up and become teenagers and young women, the NM vies for the attention of the young men who come to visit. She may even become seductive with the daughter's male friends and proposition them. In some ugly scenes the young fellow goes along and has a sexual fling with the narcissistic mom. The humiliation and horror of discovering your mother's breach of morality and her complete betrayal of her maternal role is emotionally intolerable. The narcissistic mother has no conscience-"

One Notorious Narcissist... Taking Down Many Lives

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"It is chilling to watch a narcissistic sociopath rip people's lives apart.and get away with it. This doesn't happen once or twice. It is a way of life for these people. I have never seen them pay for perniciously predatory behavior. In fact some of those who are magnetic sociopaths have devoted followers who want to be just like them. They are enshrined and venerated due to their material success and the level of power they wield in the world---their social and business connections. Everything is fixed for them. They can get anything they want done by making a phone call or sending a text. Some come to their defense and say: "Oh they must be suffering!" Really!!!! That is not possible without conscience, empathy or human decency. They cause hurt and pain to those around them, especially if individuals targeted are highly sensitive and vulnerable individuals." 

Your Finely Tuned Intuition Protects Against the Narcissist
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Intuition is an instantaneous knowing of the truth. It is faster than rational thought.  You cannot study or analyze the truth that comes from intuition."

Narcissistic Mother's Pernicious Envy of Daughter
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"Daughters who are not chosen are treated very differently. Some are discarded out of hand and neglected---left to fend for themselves from the time they are young.

Some daughters of narcissistic mothers refuse to be forced to play the role that mother has written. These daughters are are often very bright, attractive and have a mind of their own. Narcissistic mothers hold a deep envy of these offspring. They view this daughter as a threat to her power and control. They are obsessively envious of the daughter who can think for herself and is not willing to play the role of clone or discard. This daughter becomes mom's enemy. Mother fears that this child will surpass her. As she becomes older (narcissists are terrified of aging) her daughter develops into a very attractive, intelligent young woman. The narcissistic mother tries every put down, verbal ambush, humiliation in her book of cruelties. Mother starts to call her the "problem daughter" who is unstable and unpredictable, causing the entire family horrific problems. These are mental  inventions on the part of the narcissistic mother's attempt to demean and diminish her daughter's identity."

Narcissistic Siblings - Secret Cruelties - Hair Raising Terrors
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"The psychological pain that can lead to post traumatic stress suffered by those who grow up with narcissistic siblings is often overlooked.  No one will talk about it. 

This imposition of terror by the narcissistic child is not uncommon in these families.

They are treated like inanimate objects or the continuous target of verbal abuse, humiliations, false acquisitions, name calling  and shaming. The narcissistic mother may even join forces and lead the cruel bombardments and threats. This behavior is highly sadistic and many victims of narcissistic sibling abuse suffer from psychological trauma years after these cruelties are perpetrated. The more chronic and violent the verbal and physical abuse is the greater the chance of the scapegoated child for development of post traumatic stress. 

These terrors are perpetrated in secrecy which makes their aftereffects long lasting and deeply etched on the growing psyche."

Children of Narcissists - Exposing their Narcissistic Parent
by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

"At the end of a very long road there are adult children who finally cannot tolerate the verbal abuse, accusations, emotional coldness and all out rejection and pernicious psychological projection and evil revenge----They must speak the truth. I hear from them and read about it in many blogs." 

Monday, October 15, 2012

No Matter Your Tyranny

I hold His hand
not yours!!

Culpability For What Has Been Done Is Overdue!!

(Excerpts from "For Parchments Sake" and "What Screams." Originally written June 2012)

"On parchment dried and hung for Creed
I stared upon what I thought was.

Not for sake of wonderment;
But, for sake of sane.

Could in a moment:
A Soul?
A Heart?
And what I saw be gone?

Leaving only witness to Decree?

A dipping well with pen which did lap ink,
a thin, long bone, with marrow spared, the feather must have flown.
It tipped the thick and dark-like substance, red ink it seemed once moved.
drawn-up within the thread, blood?

"This Child...."
The words poured,
like the sink I heard no more.

"Where did all that......?
 Where did that young boy go?"
I seemed further from myself
the distance seemed to grow, the farther I seemed to be.

I sank to "KNOW" that I was next:
A wet, a skin-like shawl stopped me.

"A lamp, I'm not"
I screeched!"


"It comes to mind and will not line
with anything other than itself.

Exorcisms are one of a kind
so expectations of difference are futile.

It's DARK; My brother is WHERE?
I can barely see a cross.

Laid out upon a table
confusion becomes this label.

So much like:  Yet!  Worlds Apart!
Come hither to gain such sight.

For one was kind
the other FRIGHT.

A dead boy gave no light.
Just the same, his skin I gained
my brother passed out and I might."

To Bare Witness Without Words

"You enthroned a sanctified, privileged lie, a lie believed by everyone to be the truth. That is the seed of the most dangerous delusion. A lie to be known as a half-truth, a lie that an intellectual person accepts as fact, the lie that has been inculcated upon me by you, this lie, your lie, is the most dangerous to contend against." 

Nail The Scope

Where is it?
Did you find?
Your life before?
Or, is this a new one?

When you came,
did you See?
or, did you say, "this just can't be."

To pray for the life of an individual again,
so he may be Crucified for your sin,
should cause distress,
not further this idea of "Blessed."

What a mess!!

Your very Biblical declare,
is nothing more than the idiot having an affair,
by advocating despair.

To condone the Death,
of whom has already died for YOUR sins.
To be deaf to his request,
"Go sin no more."

Seems like his life,
 has become your Chore.

Blind to your own words,
you search for what you have said is absurd,
and against Your Countenance of Biblical Record.

The growth of such stupidity in the hypocrisy of Christianity,
seems counter-productive and so very destructive,
that I am certain your claim is completely Insane.

Stop the Scapegoating of another Human Being!!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Destruction Runs Rampant

As I watch them go on,
to destroy what is strong,

I wonder?
Where on Earth it is I've gone wrong.

Whom will ask the Question?
Why did people die?

I am threatened on the phone,
for this I must not try?

Concerned for myself,
I can only be stealth.

Wise to their words,
I find them absurd.

Lies are abundant,
yet, still they are believed.

Where is the justice,
for those that still need?

Should all I have known,
Died, and I find.
That nobody cares,
for what has been done.

I am certain and with strength,
it is you I am sorry for.

You have turned a blind eye,
to those that still lie.

I ponder the worth of myself,
I bear witness to what was dealt.

Should Men no longer interest themselves in the "Why,"
then I shall contain my continual "CRY."

I shall remain in this body which holds,
the ability to gain even more such control. 

To only ask the Question,
the simplicity of this I state,

"Who's next?"

To Speak Without Thought Requires A Conscious Mind To Work Efficiently

"To collect my thoughts,
to form the Questions,
I would waste my Time,
put my Life in Danger!

To speak my Verse,
to Sing away,
albeit perverse.

I'd save myself,
the Pain of looks,
that bring the Shame,
that comes from Books!

I saw what was,
a Dinner of,
confused of such,
they made me touch.

I stared in Horror,
where did He go?
They laughed at me so,
I'd See and Record,
the Sin of their Sword.

An Awakening of sorts.

I know my Man,
my Sir,
my Lord,
the Master of this Chore.

I adore Him.

I worry,
He listens.

I write,
He reads.

I persist,
He is patient,
waits for this.

I Speak to be HEARD!!

What you have said,
it is simply Absurd.

To proud yourselves on what you've done,
makes me know, 
I should run.

The Authorities that Contract your Knowledge of .....
......have no clue that you Did and Would, do it again.

The smoking of the Men,
lead to Honesty and Truth!

The Fool was Known,
and it 'twas not Me.

For I 've been True,
with the Words from you."

Friday, October 12, 2012


“" ... and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other's sight even for a moment...

If Hephaestus, son of Zeus, were to ask the pair; 'do you desire to be wholly one, always day and night to be in one another's company? For if this is what you desire, I am ready to melt you into one and let you grow together, so that being two you shall become one, and after your death in the world beyond you will still be one departed soul instead of two — I ask whether this is what you lovingly desire?' — and there is not a man or woman of them who, when they heard the proposal, would not acknowledge that this melting into one another, this becoming one instead of two, was the very expression of their ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was original one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love."

~ ~

"Out of the original unity of being there is a fragmentation and dispersal of beings, the last stage being the splitting  of one soul into two. And consequently, love is the search by each half for the other half on earth or in heaven...

As twin souls are so alike to begin with, it seems necessary for them to go their separate ways before they can complete each other. Identity and complementarity are the two driving forces and axes of love... For the complete being there must be a blending of the two."

Even Edgar Cayce, the wonderful "sleeping prophet," spoke about soul mates (twin souls). He explained how in the beginning the "male and female were as in one." In his historical description of Atlantis, Cayce says that as long as several hundred thousands of years ago ... "there lived in this land of Atlantis one Amillius, who had first noted the separations of the beings as inhabited that portion of the earth's sphere or plane of these peoples, into male and female as separate entities or individuals."

~ ~

All of the information described above suggests that the division which resulted in the formation of two, twin soul halves occurred when we originally entered the Earth's 3-dimensional environment at some point in the distant past to "experience and feel" at this level of reality. Since that time we've apparently lost our way in this material world and are trying remember who we really are. When we do, our adventure within the universe can continue where it left off ages go.

When we finally " wake up" and begin the journey Home to our Source, no longer needing experiences and feelings at the Earth's level of existence, corresponding twins will reunite once again. Male and female essence will blend into in one form, perfectly balanced, totally spiritual, with  unconditional love for themselves and others. From that point forward they will remain as one for eternity as they coalesce with other reunited twins to recreate the soul groups they separated from a long time ago. Ultimately, all of us will reunite as the "original One."

~ ~

"To remember yourself, is to know, with purpose, your Why."

~ ~

"When two souls join back together after learning each lesson and/or after experiencing, seeing and understanding every one of those lessons and/or experiences. Knowing that some of you will be forever lost, this is the cost each of you willingly accepts as the price to cure this disease. Those of you that become lost will be cherished by each and every one of us for eternity. As a protection/inoculation from this disease and to impress and stamp urgency on your souls, one of you shall be immortal and the other invincible. This will be written on your soul at the beginning of your journey. You will not know now which stamp you will receive, but this stamp will be you homing device if the other has caught the disease and is dying. Because this disease takes no preference to the victim, the stamp shall be interchangeable between you to ensure that if the disease is contracted by one or the other of you. This is the best and quickest map back to the other before they die.

This journey is perilous and many of you will not return. We do not know the source or cause of this disease, which is why this is being done. On the same note, this means we do not know who will fall victim or why. This journey that you are about to embark on will give us these answers. With that knowledge we can create a cure. We know that when this disease is contracted, some die and others remain sick. However, they continue to pass it on, either knowingly or unknowingly. We are not certain how this works. Knowing that if this disease is contracted, you are either killed by it or you become a carrier is where the strength and conviction each of you have in your matched soul will be your guide.

Those of you that lose your match, you will be protected from any further threat, also you will not continue this journey with the same agenda. The loss of your match will be . . . well, it is felt amongst us now, so you will then embark on a journey of healing yourself. When this journey begins you will then remember all that is now being said, you will be able to draw some strength to continue on towards the next phase of your journey. You will now know that this has been a last effort for a cure. Look around, remember the power that surrounds all of you now. As long as you are able to feel this in your soul, then you will know the battle for the cure has not ended. Knowing this you will leap to you next task, each of you will need signs, reminders and vessels to draw strength from; to remind your soul of all this being said and to remember that it will take only one set of matched souls to end this disease. No matter what the progression or how many it has infected, the two souls that find their match with the knowledge of this disease and how it is being spread, you both will immediately be empowered by the other. This will be the beginning of the end of this disease that is bringing mankind to extinction. The hurt will be unfamiliar because you have not known all of this that is being said, know this and draw your comfort in the knowledge that this will be over for all of us when the first two have the cure. At this moment, we will all win this battle against eternal death for each and every soul. This cure will be the vaccine that enable man to take the next step through time.

You all will be at risk of the unknown and that is why this has all been voluntary. The purity of a matched set of souls is our best defense and also the biggest risk. Should one of you become ill and not die and your matched soul does not get to you soon enough to . . . ; then you will become our biggest threat. Your memories, power and sight will remain with you but you will be filled with sickness. The actual impact is not known to us, so, it will be left up to each of you to decide what to do, compassion shall be your guide. The sight of one of your own soul circle using knowledge, power and sight to destroy not only the weak but if recognized will destroy you without hesitation. Only at that moment will you be filled with the wisdom to act."