Saturday, November 12, 2011



Thanksgiving Dinner Five Years Ago.

This was the last Thanksgiving Dinner where all my children were together with me.  I was taking the picture so I could not be in it.  Since this time, my children and I have never been together in the same place at the same time again. Until I received these emails from the eldest, Becky, I only had a clue to her feelings about me, not the full blown truth! This is the last photo of all of Five of us together.  I am happy to be blessed with a photograph, I will always remember her in good health and fit to go out to live life on her own.

Back at you, Kid!

I know that what is believed is not at all true,
For it shows only the falsehood within side of you.
The relief I believe to only be mine,
is found when asked "Please Stop, I am fine."
Announcing so proudly that, "You are not mine."

To accept reason in "Why I don't speak to you,"
is to know that the robbery is from someone like you.
A choice to disown what is naturally yours,
is a way to discard, be purposeful and cause a permanent scar.

The place to reduce the being that you are,
is to join with the force of your friends,
they're not far.

To contact or to presume is such a disgrace,
you follow the path of what has no grace.
Your "Matter of fact" spelling out your declare,
the lies that you tell are so obvious, I stare.

What you have said, "Nothing good can come of,"
is a greater discovery of what you don't love.
The knife you used, so dull and to late,
to even realize that you can't relate

I willingly plead to only the ones,
that were left behind and could be more hurt than I.
For blindness is yours and it is not for me.
My older brother has more "Class" than you do to me.

With words of such random appeal to whom,
my mother could explain to you, "What is a womb."
I may say what I please and I may not hold my tongue,
for only in verse, "I suggest that you run."

I have written my note,
I will not hold, I do not nurse,
 what communicates with wrote.
A ridiculous note, from whom is much worse.
A family torn up because of your curse.

My eldest has said in email on,
"I know longer speak to you,'
Four Years she's been gone;
Her words exact but not very long.

To utter such things, so quick or so fast,
she took my dog, Apollo, she had him gassed.
I am happy to say I do not speak for you,
to say you're to much and I will not touch
Is difficult, unnecessary, and actually cruel,
to do the things that you think are so cool.
Not to me, why be a fool, my life is mine for the taking,
but I always thought your was more in the making,
it better for you, your siblings are true. 

Your desire of such a disgusting require,
incorporating my life into yours is such a strange desire or an odder require.
My life is my own, I am nearly half grown,
you should sing all your lies to your choir for all the reaction you needed; "Oh my."
It's a better way to say, "I have emancipated myself today."

I learned of love when my Son was born, for that is my truth.
I enhanced my life to know I had one more,
and Lauren herself is dear to me and both of them due.
For attention, and spoiling for what they've been through,
I can't hardly wait to make money to take,
them to the places that dreams do come true: A World Review!

Do not feel the need to apologize at all,
be sucked in by all these lies, that are told to you in strange disguise.
I have Severe P.T.S.D and I know that Dissociation Disorder plagues me.
You are the Oldest and obviously most wise.
For to say in one sentence, "I'm sorry this hurts,"
you're unfortunately parking yourself with a birth,
right into the land of what you are worth.

I disperse with pleasure the release of your letter,
for one was not good enough,
a second did feather, so quick, I did swallow,
choked hard on my sorrow and barely could see very next 'morrow.

Your acceptance declared so clearly, it's square,
To announce with such pride, I felt like I died!
"Accept my feelings and move on," you declared in a song.
"Do not contact me or ask of my where about, you're wrong."

To continue your...
I'm not sure what it was,
but to end it after four years with no words and no love,
by saying, "I would appreciate it. Thank you."
It's best.

I clear my throat and answer no note,
that was written by Becky, my oldest daughter, for this is what she wrote.

A promise is broken but heal I will,
for in the middle is bothered by still.
My love for my son, my youngest daughter it's clear.
I cross my fingers and I hope that they survive all this fear.

Her first email, her second email follows rather quickly.  I never wrote back, nor do I plan too.  I will respect her wishes, I just wish she had told me this four and a half years ago, so that I did not wait so anxiously at or for the doorbell to ring with her on the other side saying, "Hi Mom, I missed you."

Please Stop

From: Rebecca Dyas

Sent: Thu 11/10/11 1-1:L6 PM


please do not contact me, my work, or anyone of my friends or their work.I do not want to speak with you or see you and nothing good can come of what you are doing right now. Please stop. I am fine.Thank you.


Second email


Why I Don't Speak To You

From: Rebecca Dyas

Sent: Fri 11/11/11 L2:39 AM
To: (

I no longer speak to you because you and your past are too much for me to
incorporate into my 1ife. I spent many, many years trying to help you through
your past and I no longer can. I choose to live in the present. I'm sorry
this hurts you but unfortunately you cannot change who you are and I have
accepted this. f hope that you can accept my feelings and move on. Please
stop trying to contact me or anyone else about me. I would appreciate it.

Thank you.