Friday, July 22, 2011

Buckling: You Know That Thing At The End Of A Belt

I just got born, almost torn.
To say the least,
I was not adorned.

They used to leave me
in the Hall or when I fall.

In between, they took this thing
putting it, buckling, snapping,
hurting me.

It kept there company clean.

But, buckling, they laid me in
so my feet would not do those things.

I just used to scream and scream.
Sensation!!! Frustration!!! Hitting!!!

I was not a bird,
not a duck,
not a dog who roughed it up.

Just a beast, who was teased.
I was the spawn of Satan see.

I often yawned,
when they came at me.

I used to tear, lie in fear,
I did not run away.

The buckles hurt, I often jerked
but where did they put my tears?

I cry somewhere,
often stare, 
and say.......the rain comes for me.

Sing a little song,
not very long,
Tulips, tulips, we all fall down.

All in monotone rehearse.

Loneliness Kills

The one thing that I never wanted my children to experience is loneliness.  I don't know a life without it and now neither does my daughter.  Thanks to the actions of my mother, she has been able to perpetuate the one thing that is not just lasting but extremely painful as well.  She has furthered her Malignant Narcissistic behaviour at an expense that she cannot pay.  I celebrate the future knowing that this grip on our lives will be broken by the exposure of the maliciousness towards her flesh and blood.  I know that I do not want my children to commit suicide over this travesty.  I know that so many have done this because of my mother and step-father. My mind reels with the nightmares of what I have witnessed them do to other human beings with no regard.  I walked in on a person when I was very young that had her head in the oven following a horrible encounter with my mother.  This is a very real and dangerous reality of mine.  The fact that these type of monsters do not like to lose, worries me terribly.  They will attempt to win at any expense.

My mother and I are still at War with one another and have been since my early childhood.  I will never give in to a person that proclaims she is God.  I will never pay 10% of my income as tithes to my parents because they have informed me that they are my pastors.  I will not give in to their continued threats in my life.  I will stand, all be it alone.  I have done this for as long as I can remember and I continue to win this battle against this monster, I am alive.  I have the comfort of knowing that regardless of what may take place in our lives my children know love, compassion, peace and safety.  My children and I were unable to be separated until this monster of a mother, Melba Meakin invaded my life once again.  She accused me of writing a book and said that she would destroy me and my children for exposing her and ruining her reputation.  This was five years ago. There was no book that had been written by anyone. 

This was paranoia of something that never happened.  It is just like when she hired the private investigators to hunt the ex-church members down to find out what they were saying about her.  I tried to contact a few of them several years ago and I was greeted with fright, saying, "Please don't tell your mother that you spoke to me or have my number."  The terror surrounding this situation is off the charts and is really not understood by the layman.  Being harassed and having your privacy invaded is earth shattering.  The concealed threats that I continue to receive are decidedly old.  Just as when I was a child being followed because they feared I would tell, I am now an adult knowing that old habits do not die hard but never die at all.  

I made a promise that cannot be broken, nor can I waiver in my execution of such a matter.  My daughter is is in pain and I post again what I found on her facebook page.  It is not what I need to do, it is when I need to do it.  She is an incredible girl and I love her for sharing such a beautiful song with me.