I was told that I did not have to worry about being stuck here on this place when I grew up. I asked the adults in my life when I was young how I would know when it was time to die. I was told that I never had to worry about my death it had already been planned. I was told that I would get a phone call and then I would know it is time for my snuff. I said, "oh good, I was worried that somehow I would just get stuck here." I felt very relieved at the time and was very pleased with the entire plan.
I have yet to get my call but I was thinking, I don't have a phone anymore and in reality I have no address or a home to live in. I wonder sometimes if I have not sub-consciously done all this to myself, so that I end up on the street and impossible to get a hold of, let alone be able to be found. Wouldn't that be weird if I sabotaged my own like so that this could not happen.
A snuff movie is a motion picture genre that depicts the actual death or murder of a person or people, without the aid of special effects, for the express purpose of distribution and entertainment or financial exploitation. For-profit snuff films are generally regarded as an urban legend, whose persistence demonstrates more about our anxieties than the reality of such films being made. Some filmed records of executions and murders exist but have not been made or released for commercial purposes.
a snuff movie
a film that is intended to be sexually exciting which shows a person being murdered
Is that a strange thing to know will happen to you? I have never looked it up before but this is what I know it to mean from when I was a kid. Do you think that the people that have perpetrated these horrors on my life ever feel guilty? Why would somebody say that you never had to worry about a place to call home and then proceed to tear it all apart by taking it away. Do people everywhere in the world behave this way? Or is being told you will be going out in a snuff as an adult unusual? Is it normal to go through all you own and remove pictures out of frames, sell your belongings, loose your I.D., destroy your computers and then say you have to go now? I feel like this person I have been with answers all these things that it says about a covert narcissist. I can't do about anything about the things he has taken or sold out from underneath me. I know I need to go but really I should feel free to stay. I have more than paid my way to be able to stay where I am currently living but how do you get him to get off his high horse about me leaving. I mean you can't just go sell all of somebody's belongings, use up all the finances, then say you have to go. But I guess you can because this is a description of the person I am living with and what he has done to me. He is the only person that knows my entire story and yet he is still kicking me to the curb. Do these people ever think that one day out of the blue they maybe kicked the wrong person?
How do I recognize this narcissistic abuse?
A covert narcissist tries to tie their primary source of narcissistic supply (their partner) down early on in the relationship. They suck up all the finances within the relationship, cut off their partner's contact with family and friends and may even damage or lose their partner's official forms of identification claiming it was an accident leaving them without money or proof of who they are. They manipulate them into a situation whereby they don't have the resources to leave the relationship.
Narcissistic ideology usually clearly shines through the relationship solely to the narcissist's partner, they are usually the only person that recognizes the problem though are left with no escape route - when seeking help, family and friends will accuse them of twisting around everything that the covert narcissist has already told them back on to them in the process of ostracizing their partner.
Covert narcissists attempt to make their partner believe that they have mental health issues or even that they are insane, they will misbehave and tell their partner it was all in their head, they imagined it, it wasn't real. Tell them that you are not willing to be manipulated and they will tell you there's no relationship then. Of course, the partner has already been ostracized and this is what everyone around them already believes, the narcissist has already built their army of support forcing the partner to question their own sanity.
What problems can this sort of narcissistic abuse cause for victims?
Ultimately victims of long-term covert narcissistic abuse can experience mild post-traumatic stress disorder - they experience nightmares and flashbacks subconsciously piecing the parts of the puzzle together. This is the brain's way of healing itself and it can be decades before this realization happens. When this happens the partner usually begins to figure out just what has been happening all these years though they still have to suffer the consequences of the abuse alone - their friends and family still believe it's them that's the problem.
When the narcissistic person can see that their victim is tired and worn down and in a weak vulnerable state it offers an even easier chance for more emotional and mental abuse and they will inevitably kick them while they're down. Narcissistic abuse feels cruel, cold-hearted and twisted for the victim and people in these type of relationships are twice as likely to suffer with stress-related illnesses such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, heart attacks and strokes.
I wonder if anybody will hear me when I speak to people about stopping the abuse before it kills you. Or if you die of exhaustion. My right hand started to shake violently today and right here it says that a person like this can give you a stroke. He asked me four or five days ago if I thought that he would feel more guilty if I died. I told him that it would just worse for him. He said that he was guilty for leaving me all alone. I said I know, you should be, it was wrong to do to me, its caused everything to become even worse for me. Then he said, "You can't stay here anymore, you have to go." Just like everyone else in my life, they look at you and the guilt of what they have done to you begins to eat them up inside. What do you say, I give up on all of you. No place to turn, I am so tired and yet as soon as step out the door I have a target bulls eye on my head. I can feel it coming already the next narcissistic man is not far away. Yet another one to suck the rest of my life out me. Maybe this will be the final one. Maybe this is where you learn you can run but you can never hide from death. I don't have phone that rings me with the directions to my snuff film but I bet you can never get away from what has already been planned for you since you were very young. I bet death just comes differently, but it will come just the same, not stopping to reconsider the plan. Just as they said to me as a child and once as an adult three years ago. Right out of my step-fathers mouth, "Oh don't you worry, you can die and you will die, mark my words on that." I just stared at him. The phone call please, I am more than ready and waiting. I quit humanity today, I quit you.