An Accidental Tourist, written 4/04/04 by me. It is so apropos in the end.

April 4, 2004 ( A letter I had written to a man but never delivered because I was told by a friend of mine it was inappropriate to have written. His name was Dan.)

Often times we find ourselves in situations that seem to have no rhyme or reason. Whether it is happenstance or a series of events that evolved, that lead us down a shared path for a short time, the only explanation will become evident in time. As time passes, we stop and reflect on those moments that possessed very little clarity and begin to realize their relevance in our life. We both are wise enough to realize, that time, will bring twenty/twenty vision to any circumstance.


From the first moment that we met, you spoke of the amount of pain I was in and how recognizing that pain was imperative to recovering from the destruction that the pain had caused. In the conversations since, you said many other things that I did not want to hear, nor did I want to listen too. Although I was persistent in my denial, you never wavered from your path, nor did you change your message to me. The rare opportunity that you had, which was an insight into my own vulnerabilities, shook me to my core.

At first, I began to build my walls higher and had to immediately assess the construction of said walls and how I had allowed my defenses to become vulnerable. I put into question the construction of my defense mechanisms, which had taken years of refinement to ensure no weaknesses. In a hurry to protect myself from what I felt was impending doom, you stopped me in my tracks by a simple statement you made, “The dam will have to break sometime.” In my hurried thoughts to repair my obviously falling down walls of protection, I stopped. You actually made me stop, stop and think. Not about how to protect myself, but stop and think about how correct you were. For it does not matter how well built our defense mechanisms are or how well constructed our walls, if you do not have an outlet, the entire construction will tumble to its knees. The actual destruction may not come from the vast amount of crap stored up, it may come from the last drop of water that has drizzled in from an innocent stream. Recognition of said failures may be the first steps to the following reality, finding imperfection in one’s self as a weakness, can become an opportunity to find greater internal strength.

Your friendship has afforded me a rare insight into my own vulnerabilities. You stated your observations and I am grateful. I am relieved that you were able to gain the insight and communicate that to me. Although the path that I am headed down is not lit, nor does it seem to possess any road signs for direction, I appreciate the shove that you gave to me. You kicked me out of the hole that I had been wallowing in and started me down the road that will restore the confidence that I once experienced. For this simple gesture, I will be forever grateful.

The beauty of verse is the long lasting effect on our minds. For it is not just a passing word, but an everlasting message to be held as a fortunate extension of one’s self.

P.S. This was written the day after you said the above. I wrote this off the top of my head, with no great deep meaning for you or to you, just a direct reflection of my thoughts.