I have found different things about my mother on the Internet while searching for any thread showing a relation between her and me. I posted a piece that I found off a website full of misinformation about her and her accomplishments.
The uncomfortable feeling in my stomach just persists when I find threads and/or interviews on the Internet about my mother and my family of origin that have erased me out completely of their lives. Just as my younger brother has done on this thread as per Yelp, "Our Family is made up of myself, Philip Meakin, my father, Hugh Meakin, my mother, Melba Meakin, my sister, Sarah Meakin and lastly our recent addition, my dear wife, Sharon Meakin" click on www.yelp.com/biz/tal-y-tara-tea-and-polo-shoppe-san-francisco?rpp=40&start=80 .
In the purposeful misrepresentation and the intentional circulation of what is false on the Internet is how my family plays hardball. The post on my blog about my mother states very plainly, to the public at large, that my mother has only been a resident in San Francisco since the 1970's. As I stated, I was born at Children's Hospital on California Street in San Francisco in 1965, her statement is a direct contradiction to what I know to be the truth about my life and where I lived as a child. She does mention that she was a Rock Promoter in Golden Gate Park which is encouraging. This shows that her relationship with Bill Graham at least existed, not to mention her relationship with The Peoples Temple Founder, Jim Jones.
It is actually very hurtful to be squeezed out of the family but it has been happening to me since my birth. It is not as if I was ever made to feel part of the family, but, at least you would think or hope that they would keep up the pretense that I was a member of their family. At first it was Tamara and Edward discounting my existence and wishing that I was not around. They repeatedly would tell me that it was my fault that "Dad and Mom" were divorced. Tamara, in fits of anger, will say "Everything was fine until I came along." In the past she has said this with such disdain and hatred towards me it is almost palpable. It has been difficult enough to accept the fact that my parents were aware of the attempts on my life, severe neglect, physical abuse and incest as a child but the move from the hatred of the older two siblings, to the younger two siblings discounting me has been dis-heartening over the years. The continual lack of mention or acknowledgement of me as a person in this family has been devastating to my self-esteem since I was a child. Ignoring your existence causes even more problems with the dissociation and/or splitting, which I have suffered from since I was three years old. Sadly, their awareness of this disorder proves that they are also aware that I can be triggered and do such into this distant state of being. Regardless of whether the cruelty of ignoring me happens in person or something random that I have found on the Internet, their insistence of denying me has been the only thing that I can count on in my life as a constant.
A few years ago in a flat that I had in Corte Madera I said this in passing while my mother and step-father were visiting. "I'm beginning to wonder if I can ever die?" Hugh, my step-father's response was, "OH, YES YOU CAN, I know that for certain." He spoke with such indignation in his tone. It was as if he was saying, "If it had been up to me, you wouldn't be here, I would have done the job right the first time." It was rather unnerving and made me very uncomfortable. It proved to be one of the last times that I spoke to either one of them about anything of consequence. I was sad to know that they were so well-versed on the attempts on my life. The last time that my step-father really hurt me badly was three and a half years ago at my mother's home in San Francisco. I was visiting the house when he walked up behind me, putting his arm up and around my neck. He had me in a choke hold that I could not get out of on my own. I struggled and he tightened is grip around my throat. He then turned and threw me to the ground in the dining room. I tried to relax so that I wouldn't break my neck upon impact. He knew that I had had a very intensive back surgery (A 360 degree fusion of L4, L5 discs in my back) and was extremely fragile. This did not stop his attempt to hurt, cripple or break my neck. Since I did not fight back the entire incident became flat upon me landing on the floor. He ran out of the room and hid in the house. My mother and sister, Sarah said nothing, just going on about their business as if nothing had taken place. It ended up being one of the more strange experiences in my life. I propose that they were going to say to the police that I had just slipped and fallen resulting in my broken neck had I died on that day.
Yesterday the thread about my mother stated that she had received a Fine Arts degree from Julliard. It was actually my older sister who attended Julliard in New York City, not my mother. It is interesting to see my mother write that she attended this school, for this is further evidence of gas lighting. I know that she attended the University of Walla Walla, Washington but I would really have to ask her brother, my Uncle to step forward and speak on the accounts of my mother's alleged education.
This thread that I found establishes the fact that my mother just changes the information about whatever she wishes just to benefit herself and her Charity. It reminds me so much of the times in my life where she would tell people that Sarah, my younger sister was a Cheerleader and attended Wallenberg, graduating from USF. All an impossibility since she missed out on so many of her classes in the first year due to her undying love for her boyfriend whom she was in constant flux with each day. I remember my mother bullying my Grandparents out of $20,000.00 for Sarah's education at USF. What a waste that it ended up being.
I was actually the Cheerleader in the Family. I had made the Cheerleading Team while attending Highlands Christian Academy in San Bruno. I had gone to Cheerleading Camp in Santa Cruz during our Summer Vacation, I really had a blast for the first time in a very long time. Upon return from Camp my mother told me that I was not going to go back to that school. She I was enrolling me into Raoul Wallenberg High School in the city. Named in honor of the renowned Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg, the high school was established in 1981 as an alternative high school within the San Francisco Unified School District. Emphasis is on academic preparation, acceptance of time-honored American traditions, adherence to a dress code, and ultimate matriculation. Enrollment was open to all students in San Francisco. Requirements are a desire to pursue the offered college preparatory program, a willingness to put forth maximum effort and to adhere to the school’s philosophy, expressed in a commitment statement signed by parents or guardians and the student. Wallenberg opened in the fall of 1981 with 9th and 10th grade students, I was to be a Sophomore that year. An additional class was added each year and Wallenberg became a four year high school in the fall of 1983, which would have been my graduating class. School enrollment is approximately 700 students.
Upon meeting with the principle, Mr. Kearney, I was asked if I would represent the school as the Cheer Leader for the upcoming year. I agreed. I ended up cheering at a the first rally held in our Gymnasium. I was out there in front of the entire school all alone. As the Student Body sat in silence, I stood and cheered for their entertainment. The local news picked-up the story and I ended up doing a special on the Television about the school. It aired on the local news. and it caused me more despair in my life. The clip was all about the new Public School opening and how this innovative idea towards the curriculum would be making the difference in our city. The Reporter had filmed me at home singing for the camera and that has included in the news clip. After I appeared as the sole Cheerleader for Spirit Week and the representative for our school I was bullied really badly. I was laughed at, teased and am probably still the joke of the day with my then peers. It was an awful experience, to have had at Sixteen. However this was most definitely my rotten experience and not Sarah's. For proof of that incident all I need is those wonderful people like Kathy Levi and Eric Biancho to testify to my account, attendance, cheer leading and news release in that school. Not ton mention that Mr. Kearny could set the record straight with my mother.as we speak.
This may seem as if it is only a few confusing moments between my mother's daughters. However, in reality, she is outright lying about the facts of our lives to benefit the ones that she favors. Eventually you will begin to see that there is a pattern to all of these lies that are told by my family. I have to exist somewhere, don't I? Or, maybe I don't and maybe there will never be anyone that stands up for me or for my children and their existence in this world. At least I know that if I found and asked Mr. Kearney, Pastor Sheley, Ms. Pierson or Mrs Lyons to stand for me, they might honor my request and not be intimidated by the threats of harassment from my mother.
I attended Wallenberg for only a couple of months before my mother removed me to have me educated at home with Kathryn Dang. I never received that education from her or from anyone else for that matter. I was forced to lie to anyone that inquired into my life and into what school or type of education that I was receiving at home. She should be sued for what she did to me and I am sure has done to other children as well. Here is a link to her website. http://www.philomathfoundation.com/
This is the first paragraph describing her school.
"Philomath Foundation was founded by Miss Katherine Dang of Pleasanton, California. It is a non-profit, religious foundation established to propagate the ideas of Providential history, self-government, and Christian education through the dissemination of teaching and study materials, American Christian Education seminars, history and government study groups, youth and adult classes, and the encouragement of all in the understanding of the God of Providential history and creation."
It is important for whomever chooses to read this blog to realize that one lie, will lead to another lie, and another lie, until the information begins to be put together incorrectly permanently or until someone stands and points the contradictions or outright stated lies. At this point, the lies may begin to show up on there own for the layman to see or experience.
I know that this may not seem terribly shocking or worth the attention that I am giving to it today. However, standing against all of the lies that continue to circulate and discount my existence is extremely important for me to do. The constant efforts to absorb my success's and re-circulate them into Sarah's life has been exhausting and frustrating to me.
The one thing that I worked so hard for, was to have my children stay in one school. I went to over eight schools growing-up, never graduating. Since my younger two children went to go and live with their father he has done what my mother did and moved them from school to school. My son, Johno left his father's home last year to attend Woodside International School in San Francisco while my daughter began her first year of High School at Health Professionals High School in Sacramento. She would like to become a Cardiac Surgeon. Last week, she was told that she would not be allowed to attend that High School and is now on her way to live in San Francisco at my mother's home with her older brother Johno. I have tried to find out what school she will be attending but cannot get a hold of anyone to tell me. I saw her two weeks ago and she was so excited about going back to school, telling me that she had chosen 7 Colleges to potentially attend. It is so difficult to be taken out of school and enrolled late into a strange school. It disrupts your person and causes your grades to suffer while you try and settle. I don't approve of Home Schooling and I hope that this is not the intention anyone has for my daughter or my son this year.
The deceitful and manipulative mannerisms of my mother and my step-father are important to record for me. It is not for the past victims that I speak out for, but for the future innocents victims that may fall prey to these lies.
I am hoping that by blogging with honesty and candor I will encourage other people that have been conned to find the courage to speak out about their experiences. I continually hope that the victim's of the con will realize that running away to bury your head in the sand is discouraging for those of us continually left behind with the ones that perpetuate the con with more lies to cover your abandonment of their cause. I know that it is rare for people in general to press charges against Con Artists or bullies. The embarrassment that they have suffered is to much for them to go public with in their lives because they risk more embarrassment with family and friends. However if you are one of these people I want you to know that your embarrassment is nothing in comparison to the abuse and neglect that I suffered a the hands of my mother and step-father upon your departure from their lives.
Not one person wants to be exposed in this con that I have lived my life with. The fear that they will appear stupid and naive to the public at large has stopped any stance they may have taken. I was beaten to ensure that your anonymity was kept. I could not even mention your name in passing to anyone for fear of the repercussions against me behind closed doors. I bet you never even thought about what happened to me when you left "The Fold." This was all done to protect the reputation of this stupid Church and this idiotic Charity that touts it has helped a whopping 200 children in 25 years, a whole eight kids a year. Check it out for yourself at http://www.horsesinca.com/about-us/index.htm or at http://www.horsesinca.com/the-cause/index.htm .
I realize that the original congregants and supporters of have abandoned the Ministry and Charity that you helped to begin by my mother's side. I know that you just wanted to leave all the memories and all of the abuse that you may have also suffered behind you. All so that you would never have to think on any of it again. A sort of "Out of sight, Out of Mind!" mentality. Well, sadly, in order to cover your tracks in my mother and step-father's lives they felt as if they had to shut the mouths of the children that were witness to your existence in either the family's business or Church. It was very painful to receive the whippings that were my parents attempt to get me to forget all of you and all that you did together. Nothing about this is right. Your emotional state as a injured adult should have come second to the well-being of an innocent child that was left in your wake to take the heat of your abandonment. Especially since you were aware of all of the severe neglect and abuse against me in the first place. Who do you think took the wrath of what you did to them?
Being taken advantage of in your life is always a sobering experience. Especially when you don't believe yourself to be a person that could be duped in the first place. In order to stop the abuse, a person must first find the courage inside of themselves to know, that standing, and the speaking out about the abuse is what must be done. Until this happens, the abuse that you witnessed , were a part and ultimately ended up running from will never end on its own accord. You must force the hand of the abusers or the bullies in order to put an end to all of the torture permanently. Upon knowing that simple fact, know this too, my mother and step-father are still abusing me and my children today. We cannot seem to escape the wrath of all they have done.
The support that I should have in my life today to out these monsters for what they have done in past is no where to be found. All of the people that have been duped, conned or manipulated have run for the hills. I will not stop my appeal for justice in this matter, for, it is sadly my entire life that I continue to fight for each day and now the lives of my children have been compromised by all of this indifference that I have had to suffer. I want the freedom that all of you have experienced. As I continue to tell my story I hope that you feel the heat of your shame in what you were and still are a part of. My blog is for people like you to find and begin to know that this attack on my life will end with an attack on yours. Monsters are monsters, not human beings that reason through madness or insanity. Neither do they stand for Justice or compassion and certainly do not come forward to incriminate themselves in anything controversial. Silence in or about what you have done to me when you were such an avid participant and supporter of such behaviors for so many years of my life is just plain tiresome. It is a game I no longer wish to play with the likes of Marge Damir, Mary Malcolm Moseley, Louise Rodgers, Steven Haskell and more. You ran from what you saw was wrong and you left in your wake a person that was a child when you met my mother. You all have had the experience of life to teach you lessons about what is right and what is wrong. Yet upon your own demise or maybe realization of how wrong what my mother was doing and teaching, you turned your backs and tried to disappear. Did you think at all about what was being left behind? Or did fear inhabit you as it has inhabited me for my entire life? Your turned your head from the reality of what happened hoping that it would just go away. Well, that is not possible in my life, therefore it cannot be possible for you in yours.