Shadow Council

Sadistically Cruel,

 the Narcissist will pursue,

there seems 'No Rescue',

targeted for Life,

just creating more strife.

Know Fight

I had hoped that silence,

would end their relentless attack.

I thought Distance,

would offer me that comfort,

I thought Time might Heal,

a Lie!!

The Malignant Narcissist,

continues to harm,

they just do not like to lose, 

Period!!

When?

Long before I began to write,

I sat down with my Mother, 

Stepfather in tow,

I made this request;

"Please stop your attack, give it a rest."

I spoke frankly,

in their Drawing Room,

I gave my address,

I proposed a mutual ending,

speaking,

"This is your Life. These have been your decisions. 

I would just like to 'Get Along' and not suffer what I believe was wrong."

Composed and without thought,

my Stepfathers Plot,

saying,

"Your Mother and I have no idea what you are speaking about."

Such a common Theme,

for so long,

denial has been their song,

it used to Steam me,

as my Stepfather spoke of such things I.E.,

"I never beat you.  We never hurt you. You have just made it all up, the Devil has you!!"

Freely I Seek,

what I know to be,

the Evidence is inside of me,

I embrace myself so I may know,

someday I'll be O.K.,

maybe all of the shame will just go away.

Free of their lies,

I am left with the truth,

'My Lives', 'My Why's',

and all of my goodbyes,

intact I'm black.

I try to find 'Reason' for my Life,

in the 'Difficulties' I embrace a Challenge,

in the strife I engage Change or a Choice,

in sadness I see ability,

in 'Thought' I find relief,

a sort of meeting with the Mind.

I 'Know' that I chose this Life,

I wanted to know something;

"What is Evil?"

The Candor of Blatancy

Instead of kowtowing to that which is said,

in regards to these impending days,

the Scenarios of 'The End,'

an Apocalypse as 'A Begin.'

I chose to believe,

in the opportunity I see,

The Continue,

it is better for me.

I'll set my head and in this place,

the thought of such a 'Doomsday Dead,'

makes me think to stand.

My Stead

Face the 'morrow without the fear,

embrace the terror without the tears,

enable my 'Given-Mind,'

the freedom to be, to know me,

to be who I am,

accepting the law of the lands.

It seems as if,

Societies create such a rift,

"Submit your Will or We will kill,"

the message to kneel,

the words force Worship,

 or,

you will be left in Hell.

I prefer to register,

a faith that comes from within,

no guilt from them,

I would rather be accountable for myself,

my sin, my choice,

I have been.

Be a Human Being of forward thinking,

not a beaten down drone,

afraid of a throne,

and therefore withdrawing from,

as oppose to embracing Sum!!

Fear dictates that Mat

Untangle your Life,

walk your path,

Independent Healing without Remand.

Should you feel we go around,

should you feel that you have been before,

be of invitation to what will come,

feeling the liberation not the condemnation,

of this continuance not bliss.

In each passing moment,

the seconds count,

the minutes add-up,

the hours mark our preparation.

Deliberate

I chose to ascribe,

 to being more than a Resident,

 of a place or a space,

I'd like to go so far,

to see a Star, to be a Moon,

to know that the Galactic Sphere has grown,

whilst I was here.

 I would like to be of use,

in this Universe or the next,

I would like to grow,

to be a better me.

There must be a Creative reason,

 for our Purpose,

for our Being,

in learning who we may be,

becoming who we see ourselves to be.

Revealing

So many roads to roam,

yet the bully's have bullied you onto their path,

their road of wrath in fact,

where you are told; 

What to be; How to be; and The only way it can be!!

I would like to enjoy all the facets of Creation,

I'd like to embrace all that Man believes,

I would like to be and continue to be impressed by it's prowess.

I become so impressed by what surrounds us,

the uniqueness, the beauty, the full-moon, the sky lit by the stars,

the wind, the grace of which these few things of mention,

reach down inside of me saying,

"Progress."

To be part of this Adventure,

to marvel at the Journey,

to chose to decide,

not decide to chose.

I would like to be a shining life,

not a dieing one.

I would like to example Nature,

be of strong character,

so I too may weather a storm.

I would like to hold to the fact that we are not all from here,

so we may behold the idea of such a majestic view,

to be part of a bigger Whole,

not be blind to Worlds or Dimensions unknown, unseen,

denied for being mean.

I would like to know that Faith is Value,

to respect the Road Traveled,

admire the fortitude of the individual embarking on the Quest,

the commitment of the stand is grand.

I would like to know,

that as you are upright with your religion,

I may be upright without one.

I would like the Wealth of your Message,

to be felt without the Death of a Civilization,

or the Conquest of a Mind.

I would like to know,

the Value of the Written Word,

not just told,

"That's absurd, Burn!!"

I would have liked to have heard,

or to have read the things from whom are now dead,

due to this Dread.

Apocalyptic Terror

The intimidation,

used through the interpretation of the 'End of Days,'

seems to profit those providing such dismay.

A Maze

I enjoy the Prophet,

the effort of the thought,

to write and to wrought,

so that we may see the wisdom in brought.

Freely

The World is so vast,

full to the brim with Ancient Text,

guiding and directing on what is said will come,

Dread!!.

RED

It is suggested,

a good walk is a true walk,

an honest person has a calculated worth,

with the measure of a Feather,

the balance is life.

Your Mind is a conscious find,

not to deliberately lead astray,

but to embrace and engage,

the measure of choice with decision,

not a divisive Yoke of choke.

I hope that All of Your Prophecies,

come to fruition,

in Time, in Place, in Actionable Days,

no matter your religion,

this is my decision.

I would love to be of witness,

to these turbulent days of resistance,

you are all so persistent,

I can't believe that you won't make it happen.

Dismay seems Your Way,

Your Play, Your Venue,

served with such hatred,

as if you cannot wait for another to be Censured,

you push so hard,

it seems ventured.

Why must One be so terrorized,

so frightened,

by Times you state are enlightening?

It is said that what is to come,

what will demand a Rule, A Reign is due,

yet 'It' came before you and will survive you,

not an opinion but your stated fact.

Without bad we could not know good,

without destruction we could not enjoy creation,

without Satan who would you blame for your Shortcomings?

To be without 'Purchase,'

a self-worth that details your Being,

where would 'Reason' envelope such a Season?

We All fit-in somewhere,

and now you have made,

Evil a 'Dare' and not a 'Snare.'

Birthday Message From My Mother

On my birthday this year my Mother called me. It was a bit of a surprise because I have been ostracized from the Family for so long.  She wanted to read to me a passage out of the King James Version of the Bible.  She said that this was her gift to me.

Before she began to read the passage below, I interjected and said, "Thanks for having me....I think."  I am not certain if she heard me as she just seemed to roll into reading this chapter and verse.

I am not certain what it was supposed to mean to me.  She insisted that this did apply to my life.  I just allowed her to speak freely because there is still a small part of me that likes to believe that there could be some healing between us. To date I have been completely wrong about this, so I decided to post my birthday message and ask your opinion.

I would like to be grateful for the time she took to make the call, however it always seems there is an ulterior motive.  I was wondering what the underlying reason for the call was, or, why she chose to read this particular Verse, it eludes me.

Maybe after reading what she read to me you will see the relevance, because in truth it seemed a bit hurtful not healing in it's meaning that she implied to me.  She asked me to read the entire chapter by myself and that it would heal me in my life.  Growing-up I was always told that I was the Sacrificial Lamb, so I did not know exactly how to take or to receive her gift to me.

I have bolded what she read to me on the phone.

Please feel free to share your insight because after reading it myself I am unsure what exactly to make of it.  It seemed a strange gift to receive from one's mother on your birthday, but maybe it's not in this case. I don't really know.

Revelation Chapter 21

¹ And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

² And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

³ And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

⁴ And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

⁵ And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

⁶ And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.

⁷ He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

⁸ But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

⁹ And there came unto me one of the seven angels which had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues, and talked with me, saying, Come hither, I will shew thee the bride, the Lamb's wife.

¹⁰ And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God,

¹¹ Having the glory of God: and her light was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal;

¹² And had a wall great and high, and had twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels, and names written thereon, which are the namesof the twelve tribes of the children of Israel:

¹³ On the east three gates; on the north three gates; on the south three gates; and on the west three gates.

¹⁴ And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and in them the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

¹⁵ And he that talked with me had a golden reed to measure the city, and the gates thereof, and the wall thereof.

¹⁶ And the city lieth foursquare, and the length is as large as the breadth: and he measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs. The length and the breadth and the height of it are equal.

¹⁷ And he measured the wall thereof, an hundred and forty and four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of the angel.

¹⁸ And the building of the wall of it was of jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto clear glass.

¹⁹ And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones. The first foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, a chalcedony; the fourth, an emerald;

²⁰ The fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolite; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, a topaz; the tenth, a chrysoprasus; the eleventh, a jacinth; the twelfth, an amethyst.

²¹ And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.

²² And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it.

²³ And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof.

²⁴ And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it.

²⁵ And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there.

²⁶ And they shall bring the glory and honour of the nations into it.

²⁷ And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life.

Malignant Narcissists Are Homicidal, by "House of Mirrors." This is a Google Blog Excerpt

Written by Lisette, House of Mirrors

(by following the Link listed below, you may read the post in it's entirety)  

"How can they be evil and not designated as criminals? The Key lies in the word “designated.” They are criminals in that they commit “crimes” against life and liveliness. But except in rare instances – such as the case of a Hitler – when they might achieve extraordinary degrees of political power that remove them from ordinary restraints, their “crimes” are so subtle and covert that they cannot be designated as crimes."

               The Malignant Narcissist as described by M. Scott Peck in People of The Lie

My very first post on House of Mirrors was The Malignant Narcissist: Death Personified. I will never waver from this belief: that everything that characterizes the malignant narcissist is about killing life. I recognize that at the heart of my malignant narcissist mother, malignant narcissist sister and any other malignant narcissist lives a murderous criminal. One who is fully conscious that their deeds are morally repugnant, but choose to do them anyway.

The malignant narcissist is well aware that a moral code of right and wrong exists – they just don’t believe it applies to them. They place themselves above the laws of universal morality, thereby justifying their crimes and making them exempt from judgement. Haven’t you heard? Malignant Narcissists are superior beings, and as superiors beings they don’t follow any rules; they write their own and the inevitable result is corruption. The malignant narcissist’s "amoral" code is based on sucking in every single human resource toward them and blocking it all from you. The malignant narcissist’s morality is based on positioning themselves as gods that deserve it all, and placing you beneath them as a big fat zero who deserves nothing.

Nice, huh? What do you expect from a mentally deranged creature with a retarded conscience and lack of empathy? MALIGNANT NARCISSISTS ARE MORALLY INSANE. In their lying eyes ......

Please read the entire post by clicking this link;

http://house-of-mirrors.blogspot.com/2013/04/malignant-narcissists-are-homicidal_24.html

In The Forest I Can Still See, Believe And Know

I will not 'Spook,'
I want to 'Show,'
to heal and to be whole.

The Truth of Circumstance,

can be a Wild Romance with Ones Life,

I embrace myself to know,

Reason delivers Peace!!

I search my Mind to find,

a relief in the challenge,

to Do, to Produce, to See,

this nightmare will not become me,

but benefit my Destiny.

The Impossible is the Possible,

waiting to Happen.

I hold my thought in this Idea,

I don't want to only survive my situation,

I would like to Thrive in my life,

be an example!!

Too Try

To embrace life as it has been presented,

allows me to decide before I die,

to be Conscious,

to make a Choice to Chose,

to not just be Alive but hug this Life.

The Wonder of Ability,

is to say;

"We are Able!!"

In times when or where Trouble befriends our Lives,

I find my gain is learning,

how I would like to be,

by seeing what I don't want to be.

Knowledge is an Intellectual dream,

I stream.

I love to listen to the Inner Me,

it makes it so the Words that you Speak,

I can hear, I can contemplate your Idea,

so that your thought remains unique,

beautiful and enlightening.

An Independent Thinker,

questions with the answers as they go!!

I enjoy the Idea,

that there is a road,

a journey to embark upon,

a quest to experience,

a mission to complete.

On this or in the Midst-of,

some are on a dirt path,

some have paved this road,

concreted as they go,

some have been broken down,

into rubble or the dust below.

Either Way we build a Foundation,

a sort of Girth for our self,

a path that becomes or can become,

our Strength, our Love, our Wisdom, our Joy, our Peace,

to Know, too Continue.

I Row

My motor is within me,

my thoughts are not a sin,

I know I have been before,

I am confident I will be again.

I See, I Can, I Am,

learning how to attain my goal,

to be free of the strife surrounding my life.

We all begin Somewhere, Somehow, Someplace

Life seems a Maze,

more often than not,

I feel dazed by the pace,

it seems a race.

I wait and patiently say,

it is an adventure,

on any Given Day the random event,

introduces sent,

there are many roads to roam.

You are Amazing should you chose to be,

you are unique to me,

your thoughts inspire my imaginative dream,

your originality is sublime.

I believe in everything,

I believe we are not a mistake,

I believe we are not here to take but to give,

to receive an education on how to Live,

with ourselves, with one another.

The Mystery of "I've been,"

a past life surely cannot be a sin,

to speak of memories,

I think it's neat!!

It is as if 'We' are our own personal 'Keep,'

a structure providing the design of more than a store,

but a reason to be,

a Value, a Measure, a Wealth, a Strength to Humanity,

we can heal, we can become well, we can be an asset,

not a bill.

A way to say that we will be again,

because we have been,

the song of incarnations,

sings to me.

Freely,

I Continue,

how 'bout You?

"The Day is Now"

Liquid will separate,

just like Oil and Vinegar.

Time to grow up! 

We may go wrong.

no more dressing,

strip off the gauze and let the healing begin.

Me and You will not play with life and death.

No more cat and mouse.

Dogs, Horses and People,

all good beings equals wisdom.

Action!!

Life equals the beginning of a Time, a Place, a Space,

and all I see that is good in my minds eye,
 equals celebration.

Happiness forever and a day,

the day is new!!

The Support of Truth Posted on Facebook

Thank you Gordon, your support means more than you could know.

Gordon Stafford posted to Karen A. Placek via my Facebook Page.  
I've started reading your blogs and I believe you. I saw many financial statements and was privy to everything. Of course all the money was ill gotten, no one even had jobs. The trick was keeping the phony church income to about a million a year, almost all profit. The Brady kids never rode and Polo in the Park was straight to the pocket. Staying under the radar and claiming the entire operation a church was clever, would you believe they only needed one arm's length member. I forget his name, but tell me he isn't a wierdo. Tal y Tara lost money but was a front for donations. I know, I opened the mail, plus helped hustle the patrons. A standard hustle was 500 bux and people actually thought they were helping the poor. We brought in a bus load from Oakland and got 5 grand ons day. We sure ate well, beautiful salmon being a regular item at a table of ten and only I worked that day.

• Gordon Stafford Gosh, I wrote this back in November and am re - reading it. Yes, every word is true, and so much more, it is shocking what I know. One part of me doesn't like displaying family laundry or dis respecting Melba Meakin and the Meakins, my son's grandparents. But if Karen can get some solace or closure, I will tell the truth about these monstrous people. There are so many nasty people in the world, why would I pick on my inlaws? However, they really have a shocking amount of evil going on and enjoy hurting people for a sport. If I hadn't seen it first hand, I wouldn't believe it. They seem to embrace Satin

  Unlike · Reply · 1 · Tuesday at 7:13pm
• 

  
  

  The Secret of the Universe is Choice. Thank you for speaking, I really appreciate what you have shared. If you wish to share anything further it will be welcomed and greatly appreciated. Thank you again, Karen

  Like · Reply · Tuesday at 9:09pm

The Opportunity At Hand

As I rose this Morning,

as I enter this 48th year of Life,

a White Sun shines brightly on the Horizon.

I look up towards the Sky,

four Turkey Vultures are in flight over-head,

seemingly basking and enjoying the Sun's light,

soaring through the breeze I sigh, 

this new day has begun.

Refreshed I draw in a great breath,

how lucky I am to be alive,

in spite of what seems my Destiny,

I try!!

Asking Fate,

the Sign of,

the Meaning of,

I proceed to find,

 the beauty that surrounds me,

a glimpse of what can be.

How must it be to feel the Wind beneath your Wings,

such a gracious moment has been introduced,

welcoming today I invite Life and know Death,

I accept it as a friend not a foe,

simply part of the Flow.

I embark to know, to reason, to be,

Free!!

With my arms wide open,

I will not run from this challenge,

I will Stand, I will Pursue a Higher Purpose,

a Way, a Path, a Road,

to understand.

To pave and concrete Destiny and Her hand,

dealt to me, there must be a plan,

I fight nothing but myself.

With patience I will learn,

with perseverance I will hear the turn,

as the Wheel of Time moves with the grace of Find.

Feel the breeze of this life,

Learn, Stand,

Think things through,

be You and say, "I'm O.K."

You have a Purpose,

you are Unique,

you are Resourceful,

you are an amazing person,

you walk this Earth,

Believe!!

Speak with gracious detail,

observe Humanity with a keen understanding,

do not fear Death,

renew yourself with the wealth only you possess,

your Mind is a tremendous find,

a Library of a different kind.

Posture your Presence with amazement,

an education in engagement,

Learn, Grow, be of Invitation.

Judge without terror,

lay the guilt which is not yours upon the feet of the guilty with silent stares.

Find Solace through your determined nature,

you are who you are,

because you experienced Life so far and it is so hard,

discover your truth,

don't bury Lies.

Change if you chose to,

stay the same if you want to,

be whom you wish to be,

be the Talent you were born to be.

Embrace the gift of Innocence from such a time,

balance this treasure of life,

with the measure of your mind,

dig down and know yourself.

Look around and know that we are not all the same,

but we can complement one another with our differences,

we can embrace our Life,

we can find our Voice,

we can uncover the Lies by telling the truth.

Here is to You,

Cheers!!

Mind Control Has A Toll

The Mind has sight of what we might,
 be capable to do at any time in our life,
I choose fight,
a choice for me made right.

Should you push or shove this gift
or seek the answer creating rift?

What will become of You,
should you chose to pursue,
health and freedom,

..they just kept beating.

Does such wealth contain a key,

which is the way to really See,
as my family continued to scream,
you are a Sin and you will end.

I've seen the sight of ugly acts.

Such things that people do.

Frightening.

 A Mindful Game, Mean-Spirited too,
a sorted way to deliver shame,
through Blame, Blame, Blame.

 A 'Known Game.'

Hours upon hours,

I heard my mother speak,
her Ministry went on Week after Week.

G_d and Sex ruled this Priestess,
and 'Her Speech,
it never ended or reached complete.

No confusion to this thought,

the truth is clear and she lied a lot.

You really had to be in this Ministry,
to understand debauchery has a Plan.

Difficulty always came,
the length of time in her church she reigned,

the hours did not ever wane,
I was so bored, woke if snored.

Sunday mornings, Sunday nights,
she would go on and on,
 for Eight, Nine, Ten hours a day.

This was an every week display,
with Wednesday evenings another day,
she'd fulfill her every say,
in demonstration I'd turn away.

But, it's better said this way,

"Hey, I'll have another Day!!"

Holding still I stare today,

wondering why these days did play,

in such a strange and compulsive way,
beating brains the constant strain.

Never did I understand,
how she related sex with stand,
behind the Pulpit, Bible in hand,
it only stopped when strangers came.

 Planned so there would be no exposure to this hand.

The topic of Sex was so popular,
the congregation never did stop her,
I know more of deviant Acts,
my eyes are sore from seeing that.

Upon completion of her speech,
the people whom in pews did seek,
even more time went all week,
 never did they miss a beat.

I'd would love to say a break gave way,
but upon each and every day,
the members of the congregation stayed,
always in place,
she preyed.

The conversations often seeped,
were so cruel and gave me the creeps,
one of which still blows my mind,
"You are a grown Man, get circumcised!!"

I guess that is how controls maintained,
screaming, yelling, telling profane,
consuming time with words malignant,
I believe he should have hid it.

Years upon Years subjected to ties,
as the congregation members continued to spy,
I never was able to go my own way,
those parishioners did Whatever she'd say.

Sometimes I wonder why I never spoke,
I guess the fear was a Hangman's Rope,
so snugly placed much like a Yoke,
I never thought this was joke.

I miss my friends whom took their life,
one jumped from the bridge,
the other hanged himself.

Maybe if I had spoken-up sooner,
we could have thrown-off what became their Ruler.

The guilt remains because it was my Mother,
the person whom did these awful things,
she held those deadly Reins.

 She spoke her druthers,
pointed at others,
suitable targets of whom she blamed,
this life she leads disturbs my brain.

I made it through this curse of words,
although I suffered with thoughts absurd,
sadly these plays upon your life,
really have an effect unlike,
any other that would cause such strife.

When acts complete,
a suicidal leap,
the words that seeped seemed stuck in see,
'cause they'd say these things in: Rings!!

"I didn't say anything on that day!! 
They're the Ones who kill themselves,
 all I said was that their family would be better off if they were dead.  
But everyone knows that's not what I meant, 
I was speaking figuratively not literally.  
He was an idiot if he took it that way."

My ears still bleed

Strangely, I was told a similar thing;

"You should take a gun and blow out your brain, 
it would be the best thing,
 for the Family!"

My little sister sang!!

I must admit I didn't expect,
that these words would hit like whip.

I thought myself to be fairly strong,
but words have power and suggest what's wrong,
I am fortunate, I am lucky,
I worked this Curse without submerse,
and now it's back on whom said that.

The two that fell I speak of here,
suffered for so many years,
I know that this seems absurd,
but I guess if you had been in this Church,
 if you had heard the daily words,
than you would know these beatings show.

Verbal abuse is really low,
beats your mind to be controlled,
mostly so you will not speak,
tell of ills and keeps you weak.

When will people realize,
that it's wrong to just take lives,
without a thought, without a care,
you speak with words in knowing verse,
to state a person's worth,
it's so much like 'A Curse.'

~

Dedicated to the Old Friends I've lost,
I miss you and I'm sorry for all that has been,
may Peace be with you and if it is not,
may it find you to relieve this Lot.

I'm Building A Way

I used to fight this 'Given Life,'

but then these Flashbacks hit!!

Reminding me in 'Full-View,'

of what was, in all that's been.

For so long I thought I would not survive,

the Treachery of the time,

so much to suffer through the first time,

and now to re-live it again,

I wonder?

It does seem so unfair,

to see the Scenes from way back there,

however in this plight,

I accept what was, as a fight.

I seek the reason for my mind's movement,

to repeat the days that made me seethe,

sometimes I vomit from the constant,

my nerves are rattled by what I battled.

I Learn!!

A purchased life to use for strife,

to be taken for things not nice,

I press my Self to be patient with my Mind's record of Show.

Within the discomfort that these Memories bring,

I tend to believe that they're healing me.

It never occurred to me,
that I would re-live this tragedy,
I thought mistakenly,
that I could put it all behind me.

With deliberate actions,
I rehearsed.

Again and again I packed away all that had been,
I placed each day, matched each offense,
and put in place of mind an enormous fence.

Not to forget but attempt to mend,
a paint store so to speak,
separated out by color each horror.

Due to what would be considered fate I suppose,
my stored paints exploded in my minds thoughts,
once again I was faced with what was so very grim.

I now believe that it is best to speak at least for me,
if for nothing else than to learn why my mind is on repeat.

With a little luck and this Google Blog,
of which I am extremely grateful,
maybe healing through the Full-View of such gloom,
will finally bring an end so I may know a new begin,
without towing all that's been.

What Was Done Creates A Sum

Beat with Words,

whipped with belts,

told possessed with demons delve,

my family left me with such welts.

Preached at Me;

"You are Satan's Spawn!!"

screamed with such hatred songs,

the repetition became my wrongs,

this is no game my family plays,

a life of pain they always hate,

as they continue to take and take.

Waked me in the dead of night,

placed on me a given plight,

spoke of death to suffer dread,

meant to separate me from my head.

Days of Thunder lightning strikes,

as those words seem absurd,

the sum of which is never heard.

My defense a silent rent,

does not last they still do blast,

with no brake I'm told my state;

"You are the birth of a blackened start, 

and in the end you're just a sin,

I was raped and here you are,

I am your mother she said to me,
 you're my scar and won't go far."

I did ask at one time,

very young concerned with lashed,

"How do I die? When is my Time?"

With no empty breath in spoke,

the reply did come,

I never broke

I listened to accept that life was a debt,

and I was told....

"Don't worry a Snuff will be, the way you go, the call from me."

I said "O.K." just stared at them,

I did believe and felt relief,

at least I had a sign, a lead,

of the date they said to me.

Now it's time to realize,

that they placed these triggers live,

to cause my mind to whirl in strife.

Instead I march out and ahead,

increase my stride to settle such bled.

I may not know when they'll show,

so I prepare for their tear,

it seemed no dare when I was told

that my life had a fare.

In each step I chose to take,

I am positive they meant this date,

seems that since this time of late,

my family wishes for my take.

In each statement that they've made,

I feel the words of what they say,

knocks the wind out of my day,

like a ball that's thrown to say.

To be told with frank repose,

in adulthood they still do hold,

said so boldly I gasp at told,

"Blow-off your head for the Family Stead, it is best if you're dead."

my sister shouts without a doubt,

and then to add to this load,

another time another foe,

my step-father blared without self-doubt,

"Leave it to me, I'll complete, what has failed I will deem a treat."

The pain becomes the belt, the girth,

to wrap up my life on earth,

to embrace and not forget,

this day they wish makes me upset.

So upon these days of cruel,

I still do find these times unkind,

no matter the circumstance of what they set,

I accept but still do fret.

On occasion I have expressed,

tried to speak without distress,

about my life and what was said,

but all I'm told is to go on, 

forgive and forget this horrible wrong.

As I still believe they will act,

try to take my life like that,

it's all perverse the calls are fact,

I do hold strong and fight the wrath,

an Aftermath.

To define and not to ask,

malignant narcissists love the bath,

behind closed doors there is always more,

so you may laugh at all my past,

but it's not an expression I've ever had.

I say with sadness that what they did, they also hid,

shut the doors and said so glib,

"You are the Spawn...Satan's kid."

Their barrage upon my life,

has never stopped the plot deranged,

it seems that it would have waned with age,

but still today they wish to play,

and such calls cause me dismay.

I do confess it bothers me,
I do attest you don't believe,
and so I stop to only heed,
that which plagues my very being.

The Doors That Open A Conscious Find

I see confusion teams this Earth,

the Minds of Such,

do not touch reality today.

A Mindful Play!!

In past history it has been said,

that there will be a bloody day,

to steal away the soul of man,

to advantage a personal stand.

A known Reign.

It seems that this Prophetic End,

repeats itself again and again,

no matter which Religion bares,

it screams this message,

much like a dare.

Yet in spite of these warnings,

shots the same,

No-One takes heed to words that bleed,

instead it seems,

that People lean upon an ever-lasting.

 Deemed?

Where is the fight that One must give,

to be part of this Plan without a Shive?

Do People just stand around while they wait?

Pointing fingers, discounting tongue's,

of other Men in Foreign Lands?

Is Humanity so lost with thirst,

that any other thought is said to be perverse?

To match up the Verse erupts,

the secrets of, show no love.

Does Peace become All Man?

Or does it state that they are few,

and acceptance becomes not you,

to bear witness to a Place,

to speak and not to say,
becoming judges turns away,
this cannot be the way to deed.

Yet in each strange and various stands,

not all gather to strengthen man,

instead division becomes the hand,

an incision to separate what seems planned.

Does this divisiveness of what is said,

reinterpretation, revised if dead,
take account for the difference that mounts,
each and every day?

Ancient Text passed down to bless,
shared in thought, full of wrought,
even appears to name the same,
persons, places, names and things.

There is no camaraderie between the men arguing,
just placating one another in stating,
you are not my brother, nor my mother.

Lacking compassion for the other,
placing blame accusing game,

their the anti-christ and we are the ones who hold the rites,
 throwing words in such protest,
does not seem to be what's best.

Although respect may not be had,

it is important to walk your path.

with conviction and not with wrath.

Anger kills,

  an influenced thought,

which is not good in any Lot.

Should you trust,

that your Text is 'Bust!"

then take your heed,
regard your need,

do not Kill as a plead.

Allow what is to find what will be,

without the force or what you feed,
in such an accord example right,
to bare witness the script repentance.

To witness the past without the blast,
to be a leader without the reap,

so we may see our future history.

In such a discovery of a Singular Mind,
 make a decision to lead not bind,

as a showing an Independent sign,

without the threat to cause a wreck.

 To benefit and advance a time,
 where such may be,
a difficult find.

Penitence

To force upon a Man or Throng,

belief that one is wrong and the other goes long,

just creates One like Me that stands to say;

"I have no need."

The constant fight of Religious might,

produces nothing more than trite,

another stick of dynamite,

to abolish more and establish right.

As not to show your faith so low,

the difference will not just appear,

but clearly scream;

"I'm not from Here!!"

In this I stop myself to see,

that in the end the War has been,

as you begin to stand in haste,

to take the faith and beat the pace.

Do not Cannibalize, do not dine,

for in the symbolism of such a line,

you have drunk the blood and eaten flesh,

in such an act I must not touch,

for in the History Past erupt.

In the Ancient Times of Fight,

such an act caused a blight,

all did War in final Roar,

to declare their heritage bore.

The Place of Worship,

a Place of Store,

you hail the actions you should abhor.

Placed distractions to hide advancements,

taxed the people with announcements,

to state that which only enhances,

further guilt and future Bill's.

Respecting Old Ways of Bold in Days,

directions etched upon your soul,

meant to enlighten if you're sold,

not to accept mans word or told.

Within each being blessed with gifts,

should you confess I won't forget,

persist with purpose in destiny set,

allow all others to fester and fret.

In life there are these tests,

a sort of sign or guiding rhyme,

to confirm and not to burn,
the text of any man or berm.

Regard the difference respect the fact,
that each belief has a track.

 To compare one to the other,
is of interest the plot still censures,
to understand and not just read,
does seem impossible as the plead,
just seems to beat the person in need.

A Given Rite?

The Centuries Past have delivered wrath,

killed the persons whom ascribe to math,

all in fear of what seems is facts,

that some will heed a different path.

The Laws of Man do change in lands,

so in the end it will depend,

upon the stance which you  chose to dance.

The tune of what seems planned.

Independence, Confidence, Discovery is Wealth,

within your mind you may define,

retention of to protect your health,

to not engage with what is dealt.

To participate in what's not felt,

because of the pressure of words that pelt,

"You'll go to Hell should you delve,"

are just the threats that increase:  Till!!

Tithing 10%,
 I was told I must repent,
for I refused to pay a cent,
my mother spoke, 
said with hatred in her laughter,
"I am your Pastor and Mother after."

If Their true with words of due,
than what is said would prove correct,

and not make more dead,
that spend today at rest.

A Complication in loss.

Power in numbers is often said,

to influence each and every head,

but when it's death and you are dead,

The Day of Judgement : The Day of Said;

we are all accountable for the path we've lead.