April 29th: Established 1965

April 29th
~ Established 1965 ~

     I was born in 1965, on the 29th of April.  I was raised within a religious cult, which was the boundary of my infancy.  My birth mother was a minister of the Christ Bearers Chorale Congregation, founded in 1970.  She divorced the man listed on my birth certificate after having an affair with my now step-father.  She had had several lurid affairs prior to my second birthday, I was the result of one of these experiences.  She often said that she was raped and that I was the result.  She would refer to me as the "spawn of Satan" leading me to believe that he was indeed my true birth father.  Turns out Anton Levay called himself by this name "Satan", so, its just possible I suppose, for he was one of many she engaged with sexually, as per my elder sister.  She used to also enjoy the company of Steven Z., Bill Graham, The Jefferson Starship, Janice Joplin and the like.  I did however vote that Bill Graham did not participate in the dirty deed due to the fact that he was simply to intelligent to fool around with such a sickness as my mother.  She too was a rock and roll promoter back in the day and so technically you just never know, I still vote "no".

     The control aspect of the cult environment is paramount, especially when you are in the business of manipulation of other peoples minds. Did I mention that I also knew Jim Jones?  I was more often than not beaten, all in the name of God of course.  "Spare the rod, spoil the child" so my step-father would spout.  This is a scripture that was often quoted to me before the striking of the leather belt which he would slowly unbuckle in front of me as an introduction to the torture that was about to begin.  It is a bummer that when my mother and he had two more children, a girl and a boy, that they too did not have to suffer the same punishments for existence as I.  Oh course, they seemed to be sin free, unlike myself.  Or is it when its someone else that the child belongs to, it is that much easier to practice your sadomasochistic personality out on daily.  Did I mention he is fourteen years younger than my mother and is not from this country but a transplant from elsewhere, never becoming an American citizen.   I always thought it was for a quick escape, but what do I know. Before he showed up in my life a lot of things had already happened to me, however, I had never been touched like that, not with a belt that beat me, or torture that was meant to complete me.  I never understood any of his preachings.

I do remember a time in my life when I was surrounded by compassionate souls.  Not one family member was present.  I would rather be with strangers today than ever be around anyone I was ever related to in any way.  I remember that during this time, these souls balanced my life and they seemed to do this for anyone I that came in contact with me.  I was a witness to this time, it was incredible.  I wish I could find them today.