I am the Daughter of my Mother!

She founded Polo in the Park in the early eighties and it benefits the James Brady Riding Program.  I have volunteered most of my life for my Mothers non-profits.  She is an entrepreneur in San Francisco, or at least that is how she refers to herself.  She originally started her church, Christ Bearers Chorale Congregation in 1971 out of her friends home on Balboa Street.  Previous to that she worked for Student League and promoted Rock Concerts, working along side people like Bill Graham.  In fact there was a point at a concert in Golden Gate Park when she threw him off the stage because it was her turn to have her band perform, so the story goes.  She is very much a supporter of herself and of her opinions in life.  She is a self-ordained evangelical minister along with her husband. 

She originally moved to San Francisco after living in Marin County with my father. They moved to San Francisco because she told me that he stood out to much over there. Of course that was the story that she gave when she told me why they moved from Salem, Oregon. The stories that she told me of  herself and now ex-husband, my supposed father, were so crude that I have yet to be able to share them with anyone other than my psychiatrist.

When I was three years old she actually took me to see a psychiatrist because I had stopped speaking completely.  So, needless to say that my life has been difficult for a very long time and there have been definite signs along the way of trouble in the home. What is so funny is that three or so years ago, one of the agreements that I had to sign  in order to stay in her home was to go and see a psychiatrist. I was only in her home for six weeks before they had me arrested, but that is another story all together. During that time my mother and step-father took me to the office of the psychiatrist that they were going to employ for me.  Low and behold, to my surprise, we get there and I look at the door!  Vuksinick? I said, "This is the guy I saw when I was a kid," in an instant I felt three years old again.  I had remembered his name and just then he walks out of his office, I almost fell over dead.  It turns out I was not going to see him but the other psychiatrist down the hall, Kilgore.  However the trap had been set and it did snap.

It is odd to take your troubled daughter back down memory lane however in my Mothers case she was trying to see if I remembered anything from childhood. They, being my family have been petrified for years that I was going to write a "Tell All" book.  Something I had never taken into serious consideration due to the very nature of my past.  I had never wanted to re-visit any of it, at any time because it was so paramount for the health and welfare of my life to distance myself from it.  After the arrest and subsequent jail experience, I was not able to go  back to see Kilgore until this past year.  I mention this because it is so pertinent to my life's story.  You see Vuksinick remembers my mother also, in fact he has been kind enough to fill Kilgore in on some of the back ground story of my life.  One of the first things that he said was "Your Mother wrote the script for your life." How honest and true that statement was to make. You read about these things happening and you may discuss them with your current counselor but what a rare opportunity to have the shrink from your childhood make such a bold statement.  It is unique to be able to piece over 43 years together in your life like I have been able to do in the past few months.  It lends such credence to your story that the worry of not being believed is lifted off of your shoulders.  I am now grateful that my Mother took me back to where I would have my memory jogged by a name.  It was a difficult few years, she did cause the flashbacks that I suffer from to begin, but in the end I believe that for me at least it has been worth it.

I am sure that my Mother never intended for me to be able to afford Kilgore, thus leaving me out in the cold with only the reality that my childhood psychiatrist still existed.  Knowing that I had not made up the story of having to see a shrink at three years old.  It is or was yet another teaser on my family's part to say "Ha ha, we know what you went through but you will never be able to get it together enough to prove any of it."  However, I am fortunate enough or lucky enough and have been able to go back and see Kilgore.  This is something I am sure she never thought that I would be able to pull off after being arrested and thrown out on my ear.  I now go once a week to discuss the how's, and the why's of my disastrous life, but I have the comfort of knowing that the man down the hall is on my side, so now reality bites!  For I have two wonderful men that root for me. They work out of the same office and  are professionals in the field that I need on my side to only say one thing to all of you that question my life. I just need them to say that I am not crazy or insane, I just suffer from severe PTSD.  I had never forgotten my shrinks name from when I was a child.  Finding him again was something I had desperately wanted to do but was not sure that I could accomplish. So how blessed I must be that my family was desperate enough to push me down a path causing nothing but pain and bad memories to rise again, that I ran smack into what will one day be the strangest and most unique story to ever be told.

Life is beautiful but awfully strange.

First Draft of my great plan to stay alive, BREATHE & NOT DIE!!

Should the understanding follow an order than the purpose for all of this bother on my part is create a *purchase.  As the World has begun to toss and than churn it is the cream that milk becomes Vinegar and the Oil is sap.  At that is the logic of a stand on my finance returns to whom gave bearing to my life.  In Honor and for duty to life itself my plan follows a certain an old school scribe.  The additive of the Catholic and or Communion oriented venue's have put to their drink and eat a type of smack.  The scent of such has in long past made immediate to their nose whom in a town or township the evident of whom would or would not be determined possessed by the devil or whatever the providence to their subjection to the community happens to be at the Time in Ages.  As the scent of communion that is always done behind the Vatican and the like of such organizations the passing of some people and the recognition of others as Pagans becomes today as more self_evident to the common genre of persons to accompany this correspondence I will write.

Mineral Oil on the plan of its basis of scent to the body fluids makes our country able to continue to move as a whole.  Fear as known emits an odor as sharks are drawn by example to the ability to swim through a crowd striking what seems random but ends up showing some sort of file to this as a proof for you to study.  What I am putting to license is the bowel movements of our society.  When our intake is from so many cultures the smell alone causes easy identification from persons that are trying to sheer us of our life's breath.  (this maybe coming out a bit choppy)  The idea that everyone can ingest a common fountain makes our society stand as a whole while still being able to not just enjoy their culture of food but also abides by most if not all religious foundations of intake as acceptable, i.e. kosher.

Now the template of my finances in earning goes to support the Police and Fire Departments as I have stated implicitly in specific foundation to the Officer at the Golden Gate Police Mounted Unit.  Should this plan not be in absolute be approved by him than this is a wash in the exact moment of my falling both deaf and dumb to any and all world events in regards to any ability that no longer needs to be proved with my horrible curse of being able to understand events before them happening.  Do not be mistaken as that Officer has a retired Chief, Greg Suhr for direct and non-threatening influence from ANY department to make the best choice coming down the pike of this eventual bearing of money, coin, dollars and change.

Back to my idea as the roll out of safety to our Country counts on the reliance of the Police, Sheriff and Fire Departments as our Founding Fathers did put to the States a basic set-up of basic service to protect both our people and our Country.  To that it is imperative you understand that my children and I and whom I do owe particular limited accounts to are not in desire of just swallowing up a, well you get the point on that now don't you.  I am a practical horseman.. Don't forget I like riding and that would be nice to work out as I do miss.. I'll stop there but you can understand ... oop's there I go again:)  Ugg!! Each town, city and place that has people already has these departments and the place to make sure that their families of these departments can be near their spouses to ensure no more stress to them or their children, father, mother and so on.  This is very important for what is about to come down heavily on this country and the problems you will be facing.

Imagine now that we fall prey to a threat either by extreme weather or extreme terror.  Most will run to their local church, temple or mosque; this is what we are trying to avoid as that causes people to point fingers, blame and hate as they scream about who's god did what or what all these prophecies they so whole hardily believe tend to theme.  Now as the Town Hall is of a Town's Seat the idea is to eliminate the inflammatory of the religious throw-up and return to immediate implementation of safety and logic to safety and the ability to implement it without stepping on toes do to religious freedoms.  I.E. the police are not religiously motivated and their career is a calling to maintain the law as it comes to their shoulders.  By this route the people have a tendency to calm and not become enraged about a perceived threat by the 'whomevers' which always ends badly for everyone, as once the chaos begins trying to return to a calm is utterly impossible without all the guilt for the happenings during and while the chaos delivers disaster.  So by the my approved support idea through appropriate channels I wish to have active vaults with real money for each Department to be able to rely on in case the country or said town falls to what seems impossible but does happen, they go broke.  Under circumstances my funds would keep the basic up and running therefor keeping chaos from hitting that church to embellish in the 'I told you so's' that those persons love to push.

The CIA, FBI, NSA, ICE, SWAT to my knowledge are all Federal supported and therefore my calendar is not of their concern as should the Government fall into chaos .. well thats on you.  The onward forward plan involves the continue to that reality as a plan is better than no plan to encounter surprise and find you too have entered the doors of chaos.

Now the President is able to say to the Minutemen through the Sheriff Department idea of the Old West and you are now able to deputize the Minutemen and STILL maintain an Oath and An Order to the lay of the land and the law that needs to remain consistent or you will loose before you begin.  The mineral oil makes the easy id in one day as each department can advise the community in that day of a need to be exact in scent should the Middle East decide to do another extreme on our Country.

Essentially the Police are Monks and (hee, hee) the Officer at the Golden Gate Mounted Unit is the Pope, High Priest, Dali Lama, Master of the Seer, you get the point: Don't laugh:) I worry a lot can you tell??

I believe you get the idea of this plan. I have a funny feeling about the stuff I write being worth something and that means unless I can know SAFETY, SAFETY, SAFETY, I forget and say I don't know a lot:)

signed,

private smiles, say hello to Colin Powell!!

P.S.  the reason you do it this way is to free up the Armed Forces so that you are not accused of weird wilds and that backs up the Departments so that it is not accused to that same weird faction of separating out from or joining with such circulation of fears that people love to equip the public width.  By me financially backing it keeps it like it did long ago for the Fire Department in San Francisco or something like that, regardless it keeps the finances separated and the States, Cities and Towns are able.... you get the idea.  Like the idea of separation of Church and State but different, anyhow it eases the you know how it could  down and better to be prepared than not be honest about human nature.


* Be wise to the word 'purchase' as to give a person 'purchase' is to create a standing.  This is not a purchase of Goods to sell at a price.  This is the Ancient understanding of what 'purchase' stands for in the fact that words have meaning to whom would choose to comprehend all that I have written and not jump to conclusions for sprite.

dictionary.com has many definitions however it is also the meaning of said word that is often put to confusion for the mob to jump all over it and produce a debt by way of producing confusion to further their objective in matters of the heart.  To be clear, the define of word to my pulse, my heart and my life will be clarified to you by knowing *purchase
noun 
18. the annual return or rent from land.
19. a firm grip or grasp, footing, etc., on something.
verb (transitive)
3.

to draw, haul, or lift (a load) with the aid of mechanical apparatus

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/purchase

Written on June 21st.2016.to.date.determination.verse.sing.at.googles.date.time.stamp.Posted 2 days ago by Karen A. Placek

Dear Mom,

In the beginning, or should I say, when I was younger than today, I believed that you would not test Fate.  I believed the Heavens above would remind you of your Creator and somehow this would warm your Heart.  Who or what you believe to be your Creator is not for me to judge, it is personal and should be kept with you, as your belief, be discreet not assuming.

I wanted to believe that you were capable of choosing left from right.  I wanted to believe that all roads would lead to Spiritual knowledge.  I understand now that I was wrong.  All Roads do have destination points, but you must chose those destinations yourself and you must do this standing independent of what other people may think or ram down your throat.  Each of us are capable of truly understanding the Freedom of Choice and thereupon able to accept every action will have an equal and more than likely an opposite reaction.

I wondered as I was growing-up, and as I watched you go about living your life how you could be so indifferent to the Welfare of other Human Beings.  I would watch, I would listen and as a result, I did learn that the differences between you and I were as much the same as they were also vastly different.  I did not believe in destroying or taking Human Life for granted, as I know from personal experience that you do.  The first and only lesson I recall you ever showed to me.  I could not understand how you could be so Blind and so Deaf towards Human Beings in so much need.  These Men and Women surrounded you each and everyday and it seemed that they were as receptive to the abuse as you were to deliver it to them.  Than I began to realize something, it was not your lack of Sight into this tragedy or the fact that you were unable to Hear or Listen to the fact that they were knowingly allowing this strange abuse.  I realized that you put on these Glasses to be able to see through the needs of all of these people, regardless of if those needs had good or bad intentions, you, just like them, just did what you wanted to do because you can.

I accept you as you are but you may find that the problem lies in this simple thought, "I don't believe, that you have ever accepted yourself that way."  You may find peace of mind should you try accepting yourself, as yourself and then maybe you could find forgiveness for yourself.

Dr. Vuksinick told me last year that you had written the Script for my Life.  I laughed, he smiled, and, I said, "I know, but thanks for telling me, it means so much that somebody like you knows that too." I went on to say, "I believe that it has finally run out of pages, I seem to not have anymore lines to read."  He gave me that loving look of acceptance and gave me a big hug.

Thank you, Mom, for taking me to see this incredible Psychiatrist at Three Years Old.  I was so lucky to have been understood by such a wonderful Man so early in my Life, it set the tone for who I truly have become and always will be. I was even more fortunate as an adult, when for reasons of your own, you walked me back into his office. I don't know why you did this to me, I have to say that it was for the sake of cruelty itself, but thank you because it had that opposite affect I spoke of earlier. The fact he recognized me and knew me so personally, gave such credence to my life, but in truth it was his words that were filled with such wisdom that gave me the desire to continue the Fight for that same Life.  As he put it more eloquently than I, "You are worth it, fight for it."  So much more ended-up being shared between us, however I wish to keep it just between he and I, it makes me feel so good that we were able to speak again and he made me feel something I had not felt in years, loved.

This letter that I write to you, Mother, is in Respect and in the Honor of Dr. Vuksinick and what he did for my Life, however through giving me the most amazing gift of strength in-spite of such horrid circumstances, I am able to make this appeal for your life, in hopes you will be able to forgive yourself for what you have done to so many people without thought or consideration for anyone but yourself.

Vuksinick died last month and I miss him.



LOUIS VUKSINICK
Death Notice

Louis M. Vuksinick
A gifted and beloved psychiatrist and Jungian analyst, Louis Martin Vuksinick, M.D. (Lou) died nobly as he had lived, on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 at home after challenging leukemia and neck cancer for four years. During this time he continued to practice in San Francisco and in Palo Alto where he lived. He is survived by his wife of 30 years, Janet Robinson, the love of his life; four stepchildren; Gregory, Timothy, Anne and Jeffrey Petersen and their partners and seven grandsons; and his sister Maxine Russell of Salt lake City. Born in Spring Glen, Utah, February 27,1934 to Louis L. Vuksinick and Zelpha Skriner, he attended medical school at the University of Utah. Coming to San Francisco in 1959 for his internship at St. Mary's Hospital, he went on to complete his psychiatric residency at Stanford University Medical School 1960-63 and Analytic Training at the C. G. Jung Institute of San Francisco 1974-88. He held leadership and teaching roles in the Department of Psychiatry, McAuley Neurospsychiatric Institute, St. Mary's Hospital 1969-1980. He is noted for his work about the body-psyche connection, and his love of music, especially opera. He will be greatly missed. A Memorial Mass will be held in San Francisco at St. Ignatius Church, 650 Parker Av, Saturday, Nov. 3 at 10 AM. Memorial contributions may be made to the C. G. Jung Institute of San Francisco in his honor.

 R.I.P.

A Lighthouse Can Save Your Life In A Storm

I survive a life of disbelief. My mother was right when she told me at a very young age, no matter what happens or how much time passes, no one will ever believe you if you try to tell your side of the story.  My step-father would say that if I went to the authorities that I could not prove anything that he had done to me.   I have never gone to the authorities for any of what has happened to me.  Why bother to do anything with the law.  I was born into this nightmare, I would not know how to prove any of the abuse I suffered anyway.  

Cult leaders are real and very damaging to their offspring.  If we are not able to find justice in this world, than how do you find retribution? 

I can express myself and have been blessed with some intelligence that makes me capable to go day by day, slowly making my way through this madness.  Each passing day is getting me further through the nightmare that was created for me and that makes me that much closer to holding them accountable in a public venue just like this one. So I guess I am progressing regardless.

Never under estimate the fight that an adult child belonging to a malignant narcissistic person will put up.  Never tell them that they cannot do something to stop the abuse or expose the torture. Never walk into that persons life and say that you knew that they had had a terrible childhood and then turn your back and walk away.  Never tell them that you witnessed their step-father hitting you so hard that the welts on the two year olds arm made them cry and that that girl was you.   Never tell them that you were witness to the severe neglect that they suffered as a child and then do nothing to support their trying to come to terms with the abuse.  Never come back into that persons life just to say to them that you knew they had secrets as a teenager  and then continue to tell them that you knew back then that they were hiding something from everyone. Never tell them to just accept the fact that this has all happened and to get over it, its done, and you cannot change the past, grow-up.  Never talk behind their backs, gossiping about their lives.  Never steal their children from them, it is unkind to do to an already devastated human being. 


With this being said never go on with your life and believe that the person you have done this to, the person that is now the adult child of a monster, will ever let the wrongs you have committed against her or her children go unaddressed.  Never assume that since there is no fight against their family that one day there won't be a fight against you.  Never assume that after you use the adult child of a malignant narcissist for your own gain and for your own use of narcissistic energy, that the day won't come that they will not stand up and say enough is enough to you.  It is one thing to put up with so much from one's family, it is quite another to be the garbage can for other people that prey upon you.   Why would I allow those people in my life that have harmed me off the hook?


I will continue to speak out and tell the public that narcissists, malignant narcissists and enablers need to be exposed for who and what they are doing to innocent lives.   People like the ones that I have known will never stop their destructive ways and who knows you may be the next victim. 


In the end it begins to make sense to me why nobody that I knew helped me to come to terms with the severe neglect and abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents.  By helping me to expose my family for their abuse against me, these so called "Friends" would be exposing themselves as monsters too. It seems that until you can begin to identify the problem you attract more of the same in your life. So, not having any place to go to spend a little time healing right now in my life has proven to be very difficult but I am doing it anyway.  The push towards homelessness is selfishness on their part. My so called friends just do not want me to expose them  and put them into the same category as my mother and step-father.  If I was ever to find a stable environment then god knows what would happen, I might get well and hold them accountable for what they have stolen from me.  I might even become successful as an advocate against the narcissist, malignant narcissist and enabler still at large.  I would be able to put things together and write the book that exposes the lie that is the life they are leading as well. I may be able to recover all that I have lost.  I know that people of this low and bottomless character believe that because you cannot see the abuse they perpetrate daily on human lives, that they can get away with it due to its subtlety. I know that they giggle to themselves, touting how intelligent they are and how proud they are to cause such despair and strife with the person right in front of them.  They revel in the fact that they cannot be caught, this is arrogance on there part. 


Just imagine if you were afforded the time to put everything back together in you mind. You would be very apt to figure it all out naturally and eventually understand what happened in your own life.  The lives of these abusers would be naturally brought  into the light for others to see. This is there nightmare and for me this would be a dream come true.  To be able to expose all of the people that have harmed me or my children would be fantastic.  To expose them along with my mother would end up being a sort of strange and amazingly satisfying moment in my life.  To hold all of these people responsible for the wrongs that they have committed openly without regard to anything but their own gain would be the beginning of the end for me. Maybe I would be able to find the peace in my life that continues to elude me. Maybe this will be what reunites my children and me.


Who better to expose Narcissists, Malignant Narcissists and Enablers than the offspring of such monsters.  The author of the book  "People of the Lie," should know that he could study my family and have many of his unanswered questions answered.  Evil is up and running and I encourage any interested parties to study it. Just know that it never changes, it only evolves. They have become pathologically morbid over the past five years.  I do not doubt there words and neither should you discount what you may face should you choose to pursue this investigation into the study of what is truly evil, my family. I spend much of my time being aware of what they are capable of doing to me again. These are the words of my sister, communicating to me on Facebook this morning.

  "....mom really is an abuser, especially concerning you. stay away from her...i don't understand why any mother wished so much ill on her own children, but she does'."

"she has lied and i just don't know how papa let her continue for so long...or why."

"and by the way...of course i know what she did....and she wants to do it again."

A short study of my own life would prove very quickly that I know personally how this is all played out in the daily life of one of these monstrous human beings. Being knowledgeable is paramount when facing such destruction. My past confirms that I have had a lot of experience with these types of people.  This is very important and extremely crucial to the independent person that is going to take on such a task as exposing them to the public.  As soon as these very deceitful and rotten people know that you have turned on them, that is when you really begin to see the face of destruction and evil  itself. For they cannot stand to loose.  They must win at all costs.  Being wise to this fact should bring a reality into your life that will sober your ancestors in their graves as we speak.


Bringing to light this diabolical behavior that I have endured for so long seems to be empowering my life.  I will finally be able to see why I am the continual target of these narcissistic and malignant narcissistic people. I am hoping to stop the abuse from the family regime.  Who better to stand and preach against the wrongs of society putting up with these monsters, than the daughter and Granddaughter of ministers that has been in public service since her birth.   Naturally having a talent or propensity as a motivational speaker, identified by the very people whom she will confess, makes this even more interesting to witness.  Who better to push the envelope and regardless of the threats that come in their life will continue to write and to walk the path of justice, than the daughter of a malignant narcissistic cult leader.  Who would have more information and be able to undo what has been done to you, if brainwashing is what you suffer from, than the daughter of the brainwasher herself.  Who better to decipher the language spoken by narcissists and malignant narcissists alike, than the daughter that had to become so well-versed in what was not spoken or she would be beaten by the step-father beginning at age four. Who better to step up to the plate in life and swing away, than the scapegoat daughter of a malignant narcissistic cult leader from the sixties that is still up and running the con who is continuing to impose the lie on other peoples lives today.  Who better to stand and speak publicly than the mother of the children that were taken from her, given to a monster and left to be tortured by the torturer.  Who better can be the one who says to you, my children need help, they are in the fight of their lives and nobody will help me to help them to get away from these monsters today.  This active and diseased lifestyle that is lived by my mother and step-father will not heal on its own accord, it will only fester and destroy more.


 I hope that you never suffer at the hands of a Malignant Narcissistic person. As an F.Y.I. they will never stop the attack on the offspring or the person that stands for difference and change. However, thankfully I have the natural skills to defend myself. Nature has afforded me this small favor. 


We are not inept as the offspring of these monsters but rather have evolved in order to survive. We are the next generation, for better or for worse, nature has seen us through successfully.  Just as evolution evolves over millions of years, we have progressed naturally in one generation. Do not dismiss us and do not deny us without reminding yourself that we are the flesh and blood of monstrous creatures first.  Nature would not birth us to the very monster without preparing us to be the more intelligent and possibly deceitful of the two.  This makes much more sense to me, than thinking that we are incapable victims of our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters or step-parents.  We are just horribly hurt individuals that are under constant attack from the people that have raised us, they never stop the abuse, it just becomes worse. We can be wise in our actions before we too step forward with our own judgment of humanity.


So while my peers enjoy a day at the beach or a pleasant vacation, I spend my days working through the reality that only a flashback can deliver to you in full.  I am healing from the very real and abusive life that I have experienced.  Not so I can go to the beach or on a vacation, never acknowledging the horrors of my life and the damages that my family has now done to my children.  I am healing so that I can continue to move forward and move up the ladder of success to become the voice of the innocent to stop the abuse.  To expose to the public each and every  person that has perpetrated such heinous acts of destruction in my life.


I have been told we are only here for our own pleasure. If we are not here for any other reason than to pleasure our own selves with life, I then accept that gracefully, however I believe that people who think this thought are full of selfishness themselves and what kind of judgment would you pass on them if you knew their names?  I simply announce to whom may be interested, that the pleasure I get out of life is the free writing and the exposure of the person that is selfishly living the life of the lie.  I enjoy telling you that I am excited today because I am still alive and did not have to think about the people that have committed suicide over my mother.  I enjoy telling you that I am pleased that I have survived so much and I really enjoy the fact that I can share the snuff I experienced at a very young age that failed in its attempt to take my life.


 I had one person tell me that I wrote a piece of poetry that has stuck in his head and caused him nightmares.  He cannot get me off his mind. I write what comes to my mind so that I can work out the anger and rage that I have towards the people that have harmed me and my children thus far.  Why be silent anymore.  The reason for silence is to protect the lives of others, I have no one to protect anymore.  It is now an open book.  Destruction can go both ways in life.  Some would say that by writing the wrongs committed against me or my children I am being destructive and vengeful.  I don't feel this way, but I accept that opinion as fact.  For I feel that lack of remorse, lack of pity, lack of compassion is more destructive to the daughter of a malignant narcissist than any other action can ever be.  This is because it makes her mother right in the end. People are not worth your time, nor your care of their existence.  I would like to feel as if my mother was wrong.

My Nightmares Are Back

I take so much time in my life to face the horrors in my mind during the day.  I try so hard to not put anything to the back of my mind to deal with at another time.  This is a good way to not have your nights interrupted by what fears you.

My birthday is on Friday and always causes me distress. I am assuming that this is why I am screaming in the night again.  I was trying to overcome this trauma this year, but, so far I am still not able to control the uncontrollable. I hate the fact that when I sleep I am plagued with dreams.  Sometimes I wonder if I even sleep at all, it is as if I am up all night dreaming.  Sounds so stupid when I confess such a thing.  I wonder if my mind will ever be able to overcome the fear in me that seemly plays out at night, in the dark, when I 'm alone.

I like to believe that the flashbacks I suffer, the nightmares I live through are all for a reason.  I like to believe that it is my mind deciding that I am old enough to deal with my traumas as a youth.  I believe that before we can continue on in our life we must deal with that which has caused us strife.  I like to believe that the reason for such horrors to plague me again is my brains way to warn me of what may be coming up and I will have to face in person very soon.  I am not sure why else we would continue to have nightmares or even why we would be all of sudden plagued with flashbacks.

The flashbacks that I have had seem to be unfinished thoughts or memories of situations I purposely have avoided.  I know that I sound brave in facing my past, but, in reality it is a tough agenda to set for yourself.  Its been weird, I don't know if any of you have flashbacks, they seem so unique to themselves.  One flashback seemed to "go live", scarring the shit out of me.  I ended up in my front room walking back and forth saying, " I'm alive, I'm a human, I'm not an it".  I kept walking back and forth for what seemed like an hour or so.  Each time I tried to stop and sit down I thought I would have heart failure.  So, I went with the flashback and walked it out, so to speak.  After it finally ended I felt relieved that it had happened in my home and I was able to see it to its completion.  If it had happened while I was out and about, I would have been able to control it, but probably would have been extremely stressed.

I sat down and thought for a long while. I thought about what I had been saying, where I was at the actual time of the trauma and how sad it made me feel knowing this was actually a real event in my life.  I hadn't remembered it until this happened, I found it quite disturbing.  I was unaware a flashback could go live.  I thought at the time I must have fallen off my own rocker and just did not know what I was talking about.  Flashbacks were new to me in my life and I am still getting used to the abruptness of the attack of one. I made an appointment with my counselor at the time to question my own interpretation, "a live flashback", because it not only sounded stupid but quite unrealistic.  Turns out I was wrong.  I guess it can happen at any given time according to the shrinks.  Yea, another bright spot in the reality of surviving the abusive nature of the people who seem to think there was nothing wrong with how they raised me.

I Scream!!

No one can hear the silence of a scream from a life that cannot exist.  To be diagnosed with C-PTSD and then to be told that there is no cure is not a very kind way to deliver to you the remainder of your life.  I had to take a lot of time to myself to think about how to deal with the flashbacks and how to handle the second blow to my life.  There are no cures for those either.  So, when they went live and I asked what that was about and the professionals replied yet again, "That can happen."



Here I am, staying with a friend that told me I never had to worry about a roof over my head.  He has been a staunch supporter since the diagnosis two years ago.  He asked me to move in with him so that I would not be alone.  He made sure I had a phone so that if I panicked I could call him. He took care of my finances and he made sure that my belongings were properly stored.  He told me that I would always have him as a best friend and I never had to worry about being alone again.



He wants me to leave.  Turned off my phone and said he wants to live alone now.  I have run out of money recently and so I have zero dollars to move-on, let alone I am terrified to be alone.  I have no way to call anyone for help so I just become more and more anxiety ridden as the days pass by.  I have come to the realization that I will be standing in line with my miniature pincher in my arms at Glide Memorial in San Francisco.  I am becoming a little less terrified of my next move in life, but I thought I would write a little bit about it before it happens. 



I want you to know that every person that left my mothers church with nothing had a family to turn to for help.  Not one of them ended up having to become homeless on the street.  Each one was able to return to the warmth of the family that they had abandoned to be with my mother.  They were received with love and therapy for surviving a cult.  Each family was able to embrace life and begin again.  They were looked upon and still are looked upon as the poor victim of a cult leader that brainwashed them into believing her.  That is not what people think of with me.



As I continue this survival of so much and old memories of horror just continue to roll on into my mind, I am sad for you.  I want to say I always wanted to be with a man that was there when I opened my eyes in the morning.  I wanted him to be able to say to me, "I want to be the first person you see when you wake."  I wanted a man that would look at me from across a room, walk over to me and say, "You are the person that needs the most love and I want to wrap my arms around you, holding you until the pain I see on your face passes."  I wanted to be seen by a man that knows I am hurting so badly, just like I am identified by the narcissistic predators.  I wanted to know what it was like to live a dream for a moment in time.  I wanted to know that there were men that would be as magnificent and full of as much passion as a covert narcissist is full of deceptiveness.



I know that unless a miracle happened and some person said they have a beautiful in-law out back and would like to wrap me up in their arms, keeping me safe for as long as they could, I am headed for the streets.  My friend, the one I live with is becoming anxious that I leave again and I should be going soon anyway.  My disability benefits from the federal government is on the horizon and maybe with a little luck I can find an inexpensive room for my dog and I to live in within the next six months. So at least there is something on the horizon that looks positive.

I will be headed for the city my mother lives in to live on the streets, they have availabilities, I called ahead.  Don't start telling me about all the programs out there that I can apply to, I am very well aware of them, I was you once. I had a four bedroom house, a lap swimming pool, and R.V. a ski boat, a  good life. I am not dragging my feet because I am unaware that there is a place to help homeless adults.  I am dragging my feet because I come from one of the most prestigious neighborhoods in San Francisco and I have to live on the street.  I grew up in West Clay Park in San Francisco, California.  The friend I am living with is having to have his father pay for everything in his life because he has not been able to get a job in the past ten years. My family has enough money to pay for a small studio or one bedroom to keep me out of the way and off the streets just like my friends family pays for him. In fact, it happens a lot from the social class that I came from, you have heard or them, they are called trust fund babies.  The family doesn't want to be embarrassed so they pay the grown child's expenses to keep them out of the gossip circles.  In my case, three years ago my mother jumped up and down that I was going to be homeless, saying, "I am so excited, I can't wait."  I just stared at her when she said it.  This is when the man I am living with right now stepped up and told me I never had to worry again.  In my mothers case and those social circles which she travels, it is the rave to have a problem child.  She wants her children in the worst possible scenario so that she can talk all about herself and what she is doing to help her children while they are living on the street.  So she does not find it an embarrassment at all, it is an accomplishment and makes conversations so dicey, everyone feels sorry for her because her children became vagrants beside her best effort to mentor their lives. Sort of like what I said yesterday about how people love talking about the most abusive and scandolous things behind your back if it is your life, but if you mention one thing they tell you that you are harboring on your past and you should move forward.





So maybe my mother and I can bump into one another on a back alley where I may have to take up residence if I don't get a bed for the night.  I wonder where you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night?  It will be odd to think about my mother from a place like that.  My mother lives in a 10 thousand square foot home , she does not want for anything these days and to help me would be of no consequence to her pocket book.



I am already terrified when the sun goes down at night and I live indoors. I wonder what kind of person I will become when the terror goes to a new level of real.  I guess you will be terrified on the inside from all that happened  to you as a kid and as you look around at the reality of living on the streets you become more terrified and have worse nightmares than you already have now.  It is a bummer.  I was hoping that one person in this world could have had compassion on me and tucked me up under their wing, never letting me feel all the horror of my life again and again and yet again.


As one last thing I was thinking about today that I thought would be cool if it happened.  Maybe there is an older man out there that needs a daughter in his life and he never got around to having one. Wouldn't that be cool it I ran an advertisement for a father and I was adopted in real life by somebody who never had the time or the opportunity to have a child. I used to be very successful before I was hurt, had back surgery and couldn't return to work at PetSmart as a Store Director. Just think I would have somebody to call and he would have somebody to get to know and rescue, a fatherly thing to do.  I know that I have a father out there somewhere and I know if he knew I existed that he would help me so that my mother was not able to force me onto the streets for her entertainment.



So, to the Dad I do not know, "I love you and I would have loved to have known you in person so that I could give you a big hug and say thanks for making me yours."



My name growing-up was Karen Meakin and the last school I attended was Wallenberg High School, Mr. Kearney was the principle. Maybe he would like to have the job of newly adopted father. I am putting the name I grew-up with on here because it occurred to me that no one would ever be able to find me from when I did attend school. For pete's sake they don't even know my real last name or I guess legal name, which is Karen Placek. You never know what will happen in my life, it is an experience I can say that much to you today. I know that for sure tonight, right at this moment, I have a roof over my head and I am appreciative that my friend stepped-up to the plate when nobody else did.



I miss my house so much sometimes. It was safe, I owned it and nobody could kick me out or threaten me every five minutes with homelessness. I never felt guilty for living under my own roof and l loved my swimming pool. To loose so much so fast is difficult but as I am sure at least one of you are saying to yourself right now, "You are not the only one that bad things happen to you, you should be grateful for what you have." I want to say to you personally if you are that person the following.  When you say things like that in response to what I am talking about on here, you are probably reading the wrong blog. Until you walk in another persons shoes don't open your mouth with a comment, suggestion or statement if it is at all similar to the one above. I am tired of the negative people and there come backs to my life.  I don't need to hear you or anyone else tell me about how there are worst lives than mine because you do not know any to tell about or you would, i am sure of it. Plus if its true, then I need togo and find them so I can help them out.  Unless you know somebody well enough when you are speaking to them you really  have no idea if the person that you are speaking to is actually that worse life or not. Of course I know that there must be worse lives than mine or at least I hope there are, it sure would make me feel better about my own life. In fact the person you speak to today that is telling you about their personal woes just may be that person that has the worst possible life on the face of this planet, and they are person you are having lunch with right now.  Somebody owns that title. Make sure you take a good look at who you are engaging with during any day that you are living, because you just might meet that person today, are you ready for that in your life, what will you say then?



Do you not think that somebody who writes one of these blogs is not very well aware of the fact that there are other people in this world that are in worse situations then ourselves. Even if I have a conversation with you in person and I am telling you my story of tragedy do you not think that I am not aware that there are other people out there in the world suffering a worse life than mine right now? Do you really believe that a person like me needs a person like you to tell us not to feel sorry for ourselves? I will tell you honestly if I do not take pity on myself, then I will not experience pity at all in my life and will be unable to pity you for your crass and deplorable behavior in this matter. If I don't feel the pity that needs to be felt for my past than how am I to recover from this tragic affair? I cannot recover and "get over it" as you so eloquently and hatefully put it, if there is no one that feels sorry for my life. If nobody feels sorry for what has happened than what has happened is not worth the pity you don't feel and therefore why feel bad if nobody feels sorry for you. This would bring you to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with being molested, raped, suffering incest, being beaten, psychological and manipulative abuse. So if nobody feels bad about it and just says that there are worse lives, get over it you whining sissy. It must not be that bad of a life to have had even though I do believe it has been very trying on my me personally.



Now that we have established that there are lives worse off than mine, lets go find those individuals and help them to get through their tragic lives. What do think about that?



So I shall be even more brazen . If I am the daughter of a sociopath and was only raised by sociopathic people, wouldn't you want me to not turn to the learned behaviors of the parental figures in my life because I would become a menace to society just like they have been? Would you not then embrace somebody that is looking for the other side of the picture, needing to see love, kindness, peacefulness, joy, acceptance, prosperity and the like? You wouldn't want them to go and look for it everywhere never find it, would you? Because that is what has happened to me so far, to date in exactness. I am not bitter about it, so don't get your knickers in a bunch. I am sad about it. I must become who I am and sadly I am someone who does not know the other side of the spectrum.  I am tired of pretending in my life.  I am just fine and I don't need to know what it is like to have a life like you, you do.  I need to be free to look the way I do.  I look sad because I am sad, I look like I am in pain because I am in pain.  So don't tell me to go get happy and that there is hope for someone like me, then point to the nearest homeless shelter.  Because I am not buying it anymore.  I am lonely for anyone to give me a hug in person, sit and have a cup of joe, talk about going to a movie, not going to stand in bread line that is devastating to an already destroyed life.


There is no recovery for C-PTSD and supposedly it gets worse as you get older.  So I will be on your tax dollar for the rest of my life for what they did to me. You will be paying for a roof over my head and food in my belly, because when you run a non-profit that you started in the late sixties you learn how to dance around the tax laws.  Trust me on this one, they do not pay the same taxes as you and never have paid like you do. So, in the end my mother has the last laugh by never having to ever take care of anyone accept herself. Remember I suffered severe neglect from her since I was born. She has never taken care of me in my life. She farmed me out to anyone around at the time.  It was the church members that payed for everything I ever did with horses and they are not cheap.  My mother did not pay for anything, they paid for her too. So before you agree that all she should take care of is herself, know my story and know that she never felt differently than what I have posted here. I was an infant once in her care, think of it that way today and I bet you would be really upset that I was about to go and live in a homeless shelter.    As sick as that sounds it is true, so, don't be mad at me, I am just telling you what gets said and laughed about behind my families closed doors. There is no reason for me to be the next person that the tax payers have to pay for, for the rest of their lives, when my family is capable of stepping up to the plate and covering the costs of a victim of C-PTSD.  Especially since they are responsible for what is wrong with me.

This song is me, through and through when you listen to the lyrics I want you to know that it is exactly how it is in my life today, yesterday and what seems like what will be forever because I only know it one way, listen, it is how I know it to be. I hope you can find some way to relate to me. I would love to meet you and hear your story. I love to listen and I love to hear how people laugh, have family gatherings, fight with their siblings, tell funny stories of their parents when they met.  I live through the lives of others when I hear stories like this, I love it and it is the only way I know that life is not what has happened to me.  It used to give me hope for myself but the reality is simple, you cannot change what has happened, you can only choose to know that what has happened has made you who you are today.  I am a survivor of a life that has made me the person that I love, me. I am just like a Duracell, I keep going and going.

So, here is to my miracle man! I know you must be somewhere, I just cannot find you in this life time. I will continue to believe and have faith just like I know that you would make me promise to do if I knew you and you knew me.  Its getting worse and I think that I have to go soon. I will look for you in the stars at night, I will hold your hand in mine and I will hang on to the hope that we will meet someday randomly in the street.



To Be Free Of A Conscience

I seem to attract the same type of person as my mother.  It as if the people that have been part of my life have some undercurrent of understanding that lends them to taking advantage of me.  I know that we have a tendency to become close to people that are the same as the people who raised us.  As I become more aware of the common denominators between these people in my life, I realize that what I was so anxious to know is coming to light.  I was very concerned that I not make rash decisions when meeting new people.  I watched as my mother would railroad people for just existing.  I knew that without a conscience she was able to do the things she did each day because she was free of guilt or dismay. What I have grown to learn is "the lack of conscience" that my mother suffers from is wider spread than one would believe. 

A person that railroads another into feeling useless or worthless is a person lacking in the simple rules of humanity.  The oddity of this really lies in the fact that this type of person believes themselves to not be recognizable by anyone else. It is as if they believe they are getting off scot free with the way that they behave.  Simply because nobody seems to be able to discern their true desire or nature. They fancy about without fear of discovery.  Interestingly this is a learned behavior and as the person gets older they become more absorbed by the fact that they have been able to get away with such lack of morals or conscience for so many years. This is when the pattern changes and sloppiness becomes there marker.

Being more adept to knowing that this type of personality exists is helpful. I find myself fascinated by the tyranny they seem to think goes unnoticed.  As a person of no conscience begins to age, they become so arrogant in the lies they tell and they become lost inside of the truth. They become more capable of turning a blind eye to the people or individuals that they have now sighted in as part of their next con.  In doing so, they loose sight of the layman who may be in the vicinity. You may be just hanging out in life trying to figure out what is wrong with your life. As a witness to what they are proposing to do next, you sometimes forget to protect yourself. The con may be run on family, friends, survivors or children.  There is nobody that is above, beneath or out of reach to these people once they have decided you have worth to steal. The worth can be your intelligence, good nature or actual belongings or monies, trust funds or wills.
Interestingly their age is their vulnerability. As they get older you begin to see how negative they become towards life.  They live this strange guiltless life. It is the fact that they are always guilt-free that becomes the torch that lights up and burns so bright. The light from the flame nearly blinds you when your with them. It is as if they are blood thirsty for the impending disasters. To be familiar with the pompous acts of a human being living this type of existence is truly an experience. To watch what excites and demands the constant attention of this person that has no conscience is difficult to describe.  The time that they will spend on a potential candidate is indeed limitless.  They will go around and around, never ending the attack of another human being.  To be rid of such a man or woman is truly impossible. They will never give-up or change the approach on you. If they experienced the thrill of the success at least once you are in big trouble.  Nothing will stop their advances after this happens. 

The importance of knowing that this does take a highly intelligent being, is paramount in recognizing what your defenses may actually be.  Being honest and upfront with yourself about your own intelligence is essential too.  I have had to take it slow in my own life. My life has been a gradual step-ladder to understanding better the events of my childhood.  As I become more aware of the people around me, I realize that my journey has become a very steep climb. I seem to end up with exactly my mother again.  I know this sounds odd, but in reality would we not settle with who made us most comfortable in life.  I only know strife, disappointment, negativity, verbal abuse, physical abuse, rape, molestation and neglect.  Taking this into consideration would I not end up with whom by design had a striking resemblance in mind.

Amazingly this type of person believes themselves to be unidentifiable by anyone. Their mind is structured in such a manner that they will dole out in very specific measure pleasure, love, attention, kindness, compliments, sweetness and many other things along these same lines. They believe that nobody will be able to notice them in public, private, socially or at the work place. This type of person spends many hours fine-tuning the behaviours that copy others who show high moral character.  By sliding in behind people with good-hearted intentions, they go unnoticed and are often looked upon as victims. They are usually considered to be self-sacrificing in their life.

I often wonder, does anyone ever stop and think about the fact that there is always crisis in this persons life?   There is always a matter at hand that demands instant action or attention?  Usually it is somebody else causing them the turmoil. Do you think that anyone realizes that the con within a family is as easy or even easier to pull off.  Your family always embraces you or at least that is what I have been told.  My mother would always tell her friends that her children were the cause of all her pain.

When the crisis is used to take advantage of the next person, it is the delivery of the crisis that is paramount to the success of the con.  I always wonder about the people the con is run on, do they ever stop to ask themselves why a grown individual is blaming another for their lack of ability to thrive. This is usually the basis of their character.

People lacking a moral compass and exhibiting signs of no conscience are terrors on society.  I don't feel sorry for anyone in these situations and I have to really work on myself about feeling this way. I watched as each and every con was played out as a child. I never saw in pity or anybody feeling bad about anything. Once the entire con was over whomever it had happened to would just disappear.  We would never see them again.  I cannot tell you how many times people left this situation, never to return.  Nobody ever confronted my mother on anything. It must be very difficult to be a person that stands up to another human being and demands morality. I never saw it happen.  I often wonder about the people that were helping my parents beat me or keep me up for hours, telling me I was full of demons.  I am curious about what they are doing today and if they ever think about what they did to me when I was young.

I have suffered greatly due to bad decisions with people.  I am just a terrible judge of character.
Being the scapegoat daughter of a cult leader, I am tired and worn out.  I had hoped I would know love one day, but it seems so painful to even try on.  I have a wonderful psychiatrist that told me I have a really good heart and that I have just been really hurt. I know that most people would say don't give-up hope.  

I find a need to write and speak, to see if I cannot help others in troubled situations.  As I become better versed in my own life, I find that I may have a unique view of this type of person.  I was surrounded by so much and I have had so many experiences that I feel this may end up being a blessing instead of a curse.  Maybe by writing a book about my life I can help others not fall into the trap of a narcissist.
Just remember that for some people it is better to not expect kindness from humanity because of the crimes of their mother.  So those of us that suffer this plight are lucky when we begin to realize we can do something for others and use all these negative type of experiences for something positive.

*6550543_the-importance-of-not-distracting-service_t5f608c0f as per eh shinned too kick-you're Heel in the Smirk???

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Visual memory ~ `http://www.ancienttrenches.com/ancient-mines|

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Close up of the human eye, the main organ of visual sensation.

Visual memory describes the relationship between perceptual processing and the encoding, storage and retrieval of the resulting neural representations. Visual memory occurs over a broad time range spanning from eye movements to years in order to visually navigate to a previously visited location.^[1] Visual memory is a form of memory which preserves some characteristics of our senses pertaining to visual experience. We are able to place in memory visual information which resembles objects, places, animals or people in a mental image. The experience of visual memory is also referred to as the mind's eye through which we can retrieve from our memory a mental image of original objects, places, animals or people.^[1] Visual memory is one of several cognitive systems, which are all interconnected parts that combine to form the human memory.^[2] Types of palinopsia, the persistence or recurrence of a visual image after the stimulus has been removed, is a dysfunction of visual memory.^[3]

Contents

  [hide] 

• 1Neuroanatomy
  • 1.1Posterior parietal cortex
  • 1.2Visual cortex
    • 1.2.1Dorsal stream pathway
    • 1.2.2Ventral stream pathway
  • 1.3Occipital lobes
    • 1.3.1Occipital lobe injury complications
  • 1.4Short term visual memory
  • 1.5Long term visual memory
• 2Methods of study
  • 2.1Benton visual retention test
  • 2.2Neuroimaging tests
    • 2.2.1Control condition
    • 2.2.2Activation condition
• 3Current theories
  • 3.1Visuo-spatial sketch pad
  • 3.2Eidetic or 'photographic memory'
  • 3.3Iconic memory
  • 3.4Spatial memory
  • 3.5Object memory
• 4Accuracy
• 5Visual memory in education
• 6Factors affecting visual memory
  • 6.1Sleep
  • 6.2Brain Damage
  • 6.3Age
  • 6.4Alcohol
• 7Dysfunction of visual memory
• 8References
• 9External links

Neuroanatomy[edit]

In humans, areas specialized for visual object recognition in the ventral stream have a more inferior location in the temporal cortex, whereas areas specialized for the visual-spatial location of objects in the dorsal stream have a more superior location in the parietal cortex. However, these two streams hypothesis, although useful, are a simplification of the visual system because the two streams maintain intercommunication along their entire rostral course.

Posterior parietal cortex[edit]

Posterior parietal cortex(light green) is shown at the posterior area of the parietal lobe

The posterior parietal cortex is a portion of the parietal lobe, which manipulates mental images, and integrates sensory and motor portions of the brain.

A majority of experiments highlights a role of human posterior parietal cortex in visual working memory and attention. We therefore have to establish a clear separation of visual memory and attention from processes related to the planning of goal-directed motor behaviors.

We can only hold in mind a minute fraction of the visual scene. These mental representations are stored in visual short-term memory.^[4] Activity in the posterior parietal cortex is tightly correlated with the limited amount of scene information that can be stored in visual short-term memory.^[4]These results suggest that the posterior parietal cortex is a key neural locus of our impoverished mental representation of the visual world.^[4]

The posterior cortex might act as a capacity-limited store for the representation of the visual scene, the frontal/prefrontal cortex might be necessary for the consolidation and/or maintenance of this store, especially during extended retention intervals.

Visual cortex[edit]

The dorsal stream (green) and ventral stream (purple) are both actively involved in visual memory. Both pathways originate in the visual cortex

There is a visual cortex in each hemisphere of the brain, much of which is located in the Occipital lobe. The left hemisphere visual cortex receives signals mainly from the right visual field and the right visual cortex mainly from the left visual field, although each cortex receives a considerable amount of information from the ipsilateral visual field as well. The visual cortex also receives information from subcortical regions, such as thelateral geniculate body, located in the thalamus. However, ample evidence indicates that object identity and location are preferentially processed in ventral (occipito-temporal) and dorsal (occipito-parietal) cortical visual streams, respectively.^[4] Comparison of rCBF during performance of the two tasks again revealed differences between the ventral and dorsal pathways.^[4]

Dorsal stream pathway[edit]

Main article: Dorsal stream

The dorsal stream pathway is mainly involved in the visual-spatial location of objects in the external world, and it is also known colloquially as the 'where' pathway. The dorsal stream pathway is also involved in the guidance of movements (e.g., reaching for an object in space), and is therefore implicated in the analysis of the movement of objects in addition to their spatial locations.

The dorsal stream pathway begins with purely visual information in the occipital lobe, and then this information is transferred to the parietal lobe for spatial awareness functions. Specifically, the posterior parietal cortex is essential for "the perception and interpretation of spatial relationships, accurate body image, and the learning of tasks involving coordination of the body in space." ^[5]

Ventral stream pathway[edit]

Main article: Ventral stream

The ventral stream pathway is mainly involved in object recognition, and is known colloquially as the 'what' pathway. It has connections to the medial temporal lobe (which is involved in the storage of long-term memories), the limbic system (which regulates emotions), and the dorsal stream pathway (which is involved in the visual-spatial locations and motions of objects). Therefore, the ventral stream pathway not only deals with the recognition of objects in the external world, but also the emotional judgement and analysis of these objects.

The ventral stream pathway begins with purely visual information in the primary visual cortex (occipital lobe), and then this information is transferred to the temporal lobe.

Occipital lobes[edit]

Located at the back of the brain, the occipital lobes receive and process visual information. The occipital lobes also process colors and shapes. Whereas the right occipital lobe interprets images from the left visual space, the left occipital lobe interprets images from the right visual space. Damage to the occipital lobes can permanently damage visual perception^[6]

Occipital lobe injury complications[edit]

Damage to the occipital lobe is characterized by loss of visual capability and the inability to identify colors both important processes in visual memory.

Short term visual memory[edit]

Main article: Visual short-term memory

Visual short term memory is the capacity for holding a small amount of visual information in mind in an active, readily available state for a short period of time (usually no more than 30 seconds). Although visual short term memory is essential for the execution of a wide array of perceptual and cognitive functions, and is supported by an extensive network of brain regions, its storage capacity is severely limited.^[4]

Visual short-term memory storage is mediated by distinctive posterior brain mechanisms, such that capacity is determined both by a fixed number of objects and by object complexity.^[4]

Long term visual memory[edit]

Recall of the patterns from long term visual memory is associated with rCBF increases in different areas of the prefrontal cortex and the anterior cingulate cortex.^[4]

Methods of study[edit]

Benton visual retention test[edit]

An example of the Benton Visual Retention Test. The target stimulus is presented at the top, after a delay participants are asked to recall the correct target stimulus from the list of design cards.

The Benton Visual Retention Test is an assessment of visual perception, and visual memory abilities.^[7] More than 50 years of proven clinical use is the staple of the Benton Visual Retention Test.^[7] This test has proven its sensitivity to reading disabilities, nonverbal learning disabilities,traumatic brain injury, attention-deficit disorder, alzheimer's, and other forms of dementia.^[7] During testing participants are presented with 10 cards for 10 seconds with unique designs on each.^[8] After the time has passed participants are asked to immediately reproduce the designs from each card using their visual memory.^[8] In the second stage participants are asked to copy each of the 10 card designs while the cards are in view.^[8] The participants results from each task are then assessed and placed into six categories; omissions, distortions, preservations, rotations, misplacements, and sizing errors.^[8] The further the participant’s scores varies from the averages provided in the Benton Visual Retention Test manual the worse the participant is assessed to be on visual memory ability.^[8] The Benton Visual Retention Test has proved to be a generalizable test with the ability to be accurately administered to participants aged 8-adult,^[7] and no gender effect.^[8] Some studies have suggested a significant gender and education interaction indicating that an age-associated decline in visual memory performance may be more prominent for those individuals with a lower education level.^[8]

Neuroimaging tests[edit]

An example of a coloredgeometrical pattern a subject would encode, store, andrecall while performing a visual memory neuroimagingtest.

Neuroimaging studies focus on the neural networks involved in visual memory using methods designed to activate brain areas involved in encoding, storage, and recall. These studies involve the use of one or multiple types of brain imaging techniques designed to measure timing or activation within the brain. The data collected from neuroimaging studies gives researchers the ability to visualize which brain regions are activated in specific cognitive visual memory tasks. With the use of brain imaging devices researchers able to further investigate memory performance above and beyond standard tests based on exact response times, and activation.

Control condition[edit]

The subject's resting brain activation level is first determined in order to form a control or 'baseline' to measure from.^[9] Subjects are blindfolded and instructed to lay motionless while simultaneously eliminating any visual imagery present in their mind's eye.^[9] These instructions are intended to minimize the activation of brain regions involved in visual memory to form a true resting brain state.^[9] After the scan is complete a control has been formed which can be compared with activated regions of the brain while performing visual memory tasks.^[9]

Activation condition[edit]

During encoding participants are typically exposed to 1-10 visual patterns while connected to a brain imaging device.^[10] As the subject encodes the visual patterns researchers are able to directly view the activation of areas involved in visual memory encoding.^[9] During recall subjects again need to have all visual stimuli removed by means of a dark room or blindfolding to avoid interfering activation of other visual areas in the brain.^[9] Subjects are asked to recall each image clearly in their mind's eye. While recalling the images researchers are able view the areas activated by the visual memory task. Comparing the control ‘baseline’ state to the activated areas during the visual memory task allows researchers to view which areas are used during visual memory.

Current theories[edit]

Visuo-spatial sketch pad[edit]

The visuo-spatial sketchpad is part of Baddeley and Hitch’s model of working memory. It is responsible for temporarily storing visual and spatial information, which is currently being used or encoded. It is thought of as a three-dimensional cognitive map, which contains spatial features about where the person is and visual images of the area, or an object being concentrated on.^[11] It is used in tasks such as mental image manipulation where a person imagines how a real object would look if it were changed in some way (rotated, flipped, moved, change of colour, etc.). It is also responsible for representing how vivid an image is. A vivid image is one which you have a high potential for retrieving its sensory details. The visuo-spatial sketchpad is responsible for holding onto the visual and spatial qualities of a vivid image in your working memory, and the degree of vividness is directly affected by the limits of the sketchpad.^[12]

Eidetic or 'photographic memory'[edit]

Main article: Eidetic memory

Eidetic memory is an ability to recall images, sounds, or objects in memory with high precision for a few minutes without using mnemonics. It occurs in a small number of children and generally is not found in adults.

The popular culture concept of “photographic memory,” where (e.g.) someone can briefly look at a page of text and then recite it perfectly from memory, is not the same as seeing eidetic images, and photographic memory has never been demonstrated to exist.^{[citation needed]}

Iconic memory[edit]

Main article: Iconic memory

Iconic memory is the visual part of the sensory memory system. Iconic memory is responsible for visual priming, because it works very quickly and unconsciously. Iconic memorydecays very quickly, but contains a very vivid image of the surrounding stimuli.^[13]

Spatial memory[edit]

Spatial memory is a person’s knowledge of the space around them, and their whereabouts in it. It also encompasses all memories of areas and places, and how to get to and from them. Spatial memory is distinct from object memory and involves different parts of the brain. Spatial memory involves the dorsal parts of the brain and more specifically thehippocampus. However many times both types of memory are used together, such as when trying to remember where you put a lost object. A classic test of spatial memory is theCorsi block-tapping task, where an instructor taps a series of blocks in a random order and the participant attempts to imitate them. The amount of blocks they can tap before performance breaks down on average is called their Corsi span. Spatial memory is always being used whenever a person is moving any part of their body; therefore it is generally more vulnerable to decay than object memory is.^[12]

Object memory[edit]

Object memory involves processing features of an object or material such as texture, color, size, and orientation. It is processed mainly in the ventral regions of the brain. A few studies have shown that on average most people can recall up to four items each with a set of four different visual qualities. It is a separate system from spatial memory and is not affected by interference from spatial tasks.^[12]

Accuracy[edit]

Visual memory is not always accurate and can be misled by outside conditions. This can be seen in studies carried out by Elizabeth Loftus and Gary Wells. In one study by Wells, individuals were exposed to misleading information after witnessing an event; they were then tested on their ability to remember details from this event. Their findings included: when given misinformation that contradicts the witnessed event they were less able to recall those details; and whether misinformation was given before or after the witnessed event did not seem to matter.^[14] Furthermore, visual memory can be subjected to various memory errors which will affect accuracy.

Visual memory in education[edit]

Visual memory, in an academic environment, entails work with pictures, symbols, numbers, letters, and especially words. Students must be able to look at a word, form an image of that word in their minds and be able to recall the appearance of the word later. When teachers introduce a new vocabulary word, generally they write it on the chalkboard, have the children spell it, read it and then use it in a sentence. The word is then erased from the chalkboard. Students with good visual memory will recognize that same word later in their readers or other texts and will be able to recall the appearance of the word to spell it.^[15]

Children who have not developed their visual memory skills cannot readily reproduce a sequence of visual stimuli. They frequently experience difficulty in remembering the overall visual appearance of words or the letter sequence of words for reading and spelling.^[15]

Factors affecting visual memory[edit]

Sleep[edit]

Findings surrounding sleep and visual memory have been mixed. Studies have reported performance increases after a bout of sleep compared with the same period of waking. The implications of this are that there is a slow, offline process during sleep that strengthens and enhances the memory trace.^[16] Further studies have found that quiet rest has shown the same learning benefits as sleep. Replay has been found to occur during post-training quiet wakefulness as well as sleep. In a recent study where a visual search task was administered quiet rest or sleep is found to be necessary for increasing the amount of associations between configurations and target locations that can be learned within a day.^[16] Reactivation in sleep was only observed after extensive training of rodents on familiar tasks. It rapidly dissipates; it also makes up a small proportion of total recorded activity in sleep.^[16] It has also been found that there are gender differences between males and females in regards to visual memory and sleep. In a study done testing sleep and memory for pictures it was found that daytime sleep contributed to retention of source memory rather than item memory in females, females did not have recollection or familiarity influenced by daytime sleep, whereas males undergoing daytime sleep had a trend towards increased familiarity.^[17] The reasons for this may be linked to different memory traces resulting from different encoding strategies, as well as with different electrophysiological changes during daytime sleep.^[17]

Brain Damage[edit]

Brain damage is another factor that has been found to have an effect on visual memory. Memory impairment affects both novel and familiar experiences. Poor memory after damage to the brain is usually considered to result from information being lost or rendered inaccessible.^[18] With such impairment it is assumed that it must be due to the incorrect interpretation of previously encountered information as being novel.^[18] In experiments testing rats’ object recognition memory it was found that memory impairment can be the opposite, that there was a tendency to treat novel experiences as familiar. A possible solution for this impairment could be the use of a visual-restriction procedure that reduces interference.^[18]

Age[edit]

Studies have shown that with aging, in terms of short-term visual memory, viewing time and task complexity have an impact on performance. When there is a delay or when the task is complex recall declines.^[19] In a study conducted to measure whether visual memory in older adults with age-related visual decline was caused by memory performance or visual functioning, the following were examined: relationships among age, visual activity, and visual and verbal memory in 89 community dwelling volunteers aged 60–87 years. The findings were that the effect of vision was not specific to visual memory.^[20] Therefore vision was found to be correlated with general memory function in older adults and is not modality specific. As we age performance in regards to spatial configurations deteriorates. In a task to store and combine two different spatial configurations to form a novel one young people out-performed the elderly.^[21] Vision also has an effect on performance. Sighted participants outperformed the visually impaired regardless of testing modality. This suggests that vision tends to shape the general supramodal mechanisms of memory.^[21]

Alcohol[edit]

Studies have shown that there is an effect of alcohol on visual memory. In a recent study visual working memory and its neutral correlates was assessed in university students who partake in binge drinking, the intermittent consumption of large amounts of alcohol.^[22] The findings revealed that there may be binge-drinking related functional alteration in recognition working memory processes. This suggests that impaired prefrontal cortex function may occur at an early age in binge drinkers. Another study conducted in 2004^[23]examined the level of response to alcohol and brain response during visual working memory. This study looked at the neural correlated of the low level of response to alcohol using functional magnetic resonance imaging during a challenging visual memory task. The results were that young people who report having needed more alcohol to feel the effects showed higher levels of brain response during visual working memory, this suggests that the individual’s capacity to adjust to cognitive processing decreases, they are less able to adjust cognitive processing to contextual demands.^[23]

Dysfunction of visual memory[edit]

See also: Palinopsia and Hallucinatory palinopsia

Hallucinatory palinopsia, which is a dysfunction of visual memory, is caused by posterior visual pathway cortical lesions and seizures, most commonly in the non-dominant parietal lobe. Focal hyperactivity causes persistent activation of a visual cortex-hippocampal neuronal circuit which encodes an object or scene that is already in visual memory. "All of the hallucinatory palinopsia symptoms occur concomitantly in a patient with one lesion, which supports current evidence that objects, features, and scenes are all units of visual memory, perhaps at different levels of processing. This alludes to neuroanatomical integration in visual memory creation and storage."^[3] Studying the excitability alterations associated with palinopsia in migraineurs could provide insight on mechanisms of encoding visual memory.^[24]

One common group of people that have visual memory problems are children with reading disabilities. It was often thought that disabilities are caused by failure to perceive theletters of a written word in the right order. However, studies show it is more likely that it is caused by a failure to encode and process the correct order of letters within the word.^[25]This means that the child perceives the word just as anyone else would, however their brains do not appear to hold onto the visual characteristics of the word. Although initially it was found that children with reading disabilities had comparable visual memory to those without difficulty, a more specific part of the visual memory system has been found to cause reading disabilities.

These parts are the sustained and transient visual processing systems.^[25] The sustained system is responsible for fine detail such as word and letter recognition and is very important in encoding words in their correct order. The transient system is responsible for controlling eye movements, and processing the larger visual environment around us. When these two processes do not work in synchronization this can cause reading disabilities. This has been tested by having children with and without reading disabilities perform on tasks related to the transient systems, where the children with reading disabilities did very poorly. It has also been found in postmortem examinations of the brains of people with reading disabilities that they have fewer neurons and connections in the areas representing the transient visual systems.^[25] However there is debate over whether this is the only reason for reading disabilities, scotopic sensitivity syndrome, deficits in verbal memory and orthographic knowledge are other proposed factors.^[25]

Deficits in visual memory can also be caused by disease and/or trauma to the brain. These can lead to the patient losing their spatial memory, and/or their visual memory for specific things. For example a patient “L.E.” suffered brain damage and her ability to draw from memory was severely diminished, whilst her spatial memory remained normal. Other patients represent the opposite, where memory for colors and shapes is unaffected but spatial memory for previously known places is greatly impaired.^[26] These case studies show that these two types of visual memory are located in different parts of the brain and are somewhat unrelated in terms of functioning in daily life.

Lateral sulcus https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentence_processing

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

  (Redirected from Lateral fissure)

Lateral sulcus
Lateral sulcus
Details
Identifiers
Latin	fissura lateralis cerebri, sulcus lateralis cerebri
NeuroNames	hier-30
NeuroLex ID	Lateral sulcus
TA	A14.1.06.006
FMA	77801
Anatomical terms of neuroanatomy [edit on Wikidata]

The lateral sulcus (also called Sylvian fissure or lateral fissure) is one of the most prominent structures of the human brain.

Contents

  [hide] 

• 1Anatomy
• 2Discovery
• 3Additional images
• 4References
• 5External links

Anatomy[edit]

The lateral sulcus divides both the frontal lobe and parietal lobe above from the temporal lobe below. It is in both hemispheres of the brain but is longer in the left hemisphere in most people. The lateral sulcus is one of the earliest-developing sulci of the human brain. It first appears around the fourteenth gestational week.^[1]

The lateral sulcus has a number of side branches. Two of the most prominent and most regularly found are the ascending (also called vertical) ramus and the horizontal ramus of the lateral fissure, which subdivide the inferior frontal gyrus. The lateral sulcus also contains the transverse temporal gyri, which are part of the primary and below the surface auditory cortex.

Partly due to a phenomenon called Yakovlevian torque, the lateral sulcus is often longer and less curved on the left hemisphere than on the right.

It is also located near Sylvian Point.

The area lying around the Sylvian fissure is often referred to as the perisylvian cortex.^[2]

The human secondary somatosensory cortex (S2, SII) is a functionally-defined region of cortex in the parietal operculum on the ceiling of the lateral sulcus.

Discovery[edit]

The first depiction of the lateral sulcus (in its top right side) in 1600 in the Tabulae Pictae 112.10 by Girolamo Fabrici d'Acquapendente .

The cerebral cortex was not depicted in a realistic manner until the 17th century with the Sylvian fissure being first accurately painted byGirolamo Fabrici d'Acquapendente in 1600 to provide plates for his Tabulae Pictae.^[3][4][5]

The engraving by J. Voort Kamp published in 1641 that led to the lateral sulcus being named after Franciscus Sylvius

Its first description is traditionally taken to be in 1641 by Caspar Bartholin who attributed its discovery to Franciscus Sylvius (1614–1672), professor of medicine at Leiden University his bookCasp. Bartolini Institutiones Anatomicae where it is noted that "F.S. [F.S. probably refers to Franciscus Sylvius] If you examine the indentations which are represented in Figure 5 quite attentively, you will notice that they are very deep and that the brain is divided from one side to the other by the “anfractuosa fissura,” which starts in the front part near the ocular roots, and from there moves backwards above the base of the spinal cord, following the temporal bones, and it divides the upper part of the brain from the lower."^[3]

It has been suggested that since Caspar Bartholin died in 1629 and Franciscus Sylvius only started medicine in 1632 that these words are either by his son Thomas Bartholin or Franciscus Sylvius. In 1663 in his Disputationem Medicarum, Franciscus Sylvius described the lateral fissure: "Particularly noticeable is the deep fissure or hiatus which begins at the roots of the eyes (oculorum radices) . . . it runs posteriorly above the temples as far as the roots of the brain stem (medulla radices). . . . It divides the cerebrum into an upper, larger part and a lower, smaller part".^[3]

Additional images[edit]

Base of brain (lateral fissure visible at top left)  Coronal section through mid-brain  Posterior and inferior cornua of left lateral ventricle exposed from the side  Drawing to illustrate the relations of the brain to the skull  Relations of the brain and middle meningeal artery to the surface of the skull  Human brain frontal (coronal) section: #24 is lateral sulcus.  Lateral sulcus shown in red (animation)  Cerebrum. Lateral view. Deep dissection.  Cerebrum. Lateral view. Deep dissection.  Cerebrum. Lateral view. Deep dissection.  Cerebrum. Optic and olfactory nerves. Inferior view. Deep dissection.  Cerebrum.Inferior view. Deep dissection.  sea also "THATs A SERVICE DOG" as I look to explain and then with the snide off left cock of peoples mouths in puke "wHat sErVicE dOEs HEe dUE!!!>>>"https://www.google.com/search?q=left+temp.+Pour+role+lo%5EOwe%5Eba+Funk+Shin%3F%3F+or+roll%3F%3F&newwindow=1&biw=1366&bih=643&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjVza2GvpTMAhVG8WMKHdeaAcwQ_AUICCgD#imgrc=q60kZ9b_JW99WM%3A.'? flip the end of that punctuation, gargle and chew!."